Cyntoia Brown Barred From Being Around Stepson Due To Criminal Conviction
Cyntoia Brown must stay away from her 11-year-old stepson after a judge recently granted a restraining order filed by the boy’s mother. Stacy Kirkland shares a son with Jamie Long, the former Pretty Ricky member and Christian rapper whom Brown married while she was in prison.
According to documents obtained by Bossip, Kirkland is “extremely” concerned about the safety of her son with Long, and does not believe he “will take proper measures to protect” the child from “danger.” Kirkland lives in Texas with their son, while Long moved to Tennessee where he lives with Brown.
The judge approved Kirkland’s request after Long failed to respond. Long is not allowed to take the boy outside of the state or discuss the case in front of him.
Would you allow your children to be around their new stepmom who was once convicted of murder and then granted clemency? #singlemomlife
Undaground ATL Magazine July 2006 Issue
(KING Magazine’s Beauty of the Week)
Undagroundz Magazine Fall 2006 Issue
Philly UnCut Magazine October 2006 Issue
Carolina Honey 2006
MySpace VIP Halloween Costume Party Flyer 2007
No Question Entertainment Fantasy Fridays Flyer 2007
J Zemar Clothing Line Flyer 2007
Final Finish Body Shop 2007
Urban Curves – April 2007 Issue
Urban Connect – April 2007 Issue www.MingleBerry.com Carolina Cutie – March 2007 www.CharlotteVibe.com Single of the Month April 2007
Pure Friday’s Soncerae’s B-Day Party Promo FlyerJune 2007
Urban Diva – June 2007 Issue
North Carolina Official MySpace Party Flyer Sept 2007 www.Ecstacymodelsonline.com/soncerae
Eye Honey Models 2008
JR Models 2008
Team Omni 2008
Official Block Dyme 2008
Charmstar Ultra Model 2008
20 So Serious Women www.seriousmag.com 2008
First Lady Prezidential First Lady of Georgia 2008
Omigawd Magazine Anniversary Winter Issue 2008
Omigawd Magazine Subion Flyer March/2008
Jay Z & Mary J Blidge Oh So Sexy Promotional Flyer April/2008 www.Hiphopdx.com BEAUTY & BRAINS Model April/2008
Silk Doll/ 2008
4 Fantastic Models 2008
Break Ankles Sportswear Spokesmodel 2008 www.southernrapnews.com SWEET TREATS MAY/2008 www.gonegurl.com MAY/2008
Prezidential 26th Birthday Bash Promotional Flyer MAY/2008
SEA “Model of The Year” Nominee MAY/2008
SEA Magazine Taste of the South July Print Issue www.cherricolodamagazine.com “Cherries” http://www.facedandlaced.bravehost.com/ “Model’s Corner”
Industry Tuesdays Sabor Lounge Flyer 6.03.08
The All White Party @ Music City Flyer 6.14.08
DWE Poetry Slam Flyer
Straight Stuntin (LL COOL J Issue)
Book Cover GET LOW By Darren Coleman
Hotblock Magazine November Issue
Urban Diva December Cover
XSquad DJs October Poster
HOSTING & APPEARANCES
Carolina Promoter Anniversary Party @ Club Crush 12/06
Bailey’s John Legend Tour @ Amos South End 12/06
Carolina Honeys Calendar Launch Party@ Club Crush 12/06
Tony Sinclairs Tanqueray Party@ Grand Central 10/06
Live Performance by: THE ROOTS Dub Car Show 6/07
The Breakfast Club 4/07
Black Ice Birthday Party at Gillian’s 2007
PURE FRIDAYS @ CLUB MERAGE 6/2007
T.I.’s 27th B-Day “UNTOUCHABLE” Party @ Club Crucial ATL 8/07
MySpace VIP Party Greensboro NC 10/07
Carolina Promoter’s 2nd Anniversary Party @ Club Crush CLT 11/07
Club Esso ATLANTA HAWKS PARTY ATL 3/07
Club Motion ATL 3/8/08
Glen Twins Lingerie Party ATL 3/12/08
Studio 72 ATL 3/17/08
Mr Plush B-DAY Party Uptown Lounge 4/21/08
Club Eclipse Fashion Expo CLT 5/4/08
Tringalis All White Affair ATL 5/25/08
Soncerae’s Celebrity Gemini Birthday Bash
Hosted By:Pastor Troy 6/02/08
Omigawd Magazine Launch Party 06/02/08
Industry Tuesdays Hosted By Soncerae 06/03/08
Club Motion ATL (Omigawd Girl) 06/07/08
Trey Songz Video Shoot @ Sabor Lounge 06/10/08
Omigawd Magazine Model Call @ Sabor Lounge 06/10/08
Grand Hustle Family Blowout @ DreamzATL 06/12/08
Uptown Lounge ATL 06/16/08
Allen Iverson Birthday Party Uptown Lounge 06/30/08
Omigawd it’s Sweets Magazine Casting Mixer 7.9.08
Soncerae’s MySpace Celebrity Party host: Jagged Edge 08/02/08
The Omigawd Girls & Frank Ski Club Esso 7.26.08
The Omigawd Girls, Baby & Lil Wayne Pure Atlanta 8.1.08
The Omigawd Girls, Neyo & Fabulous Uptown Lounge 8.04.08
Miss Shyneka Birthday Bash @ Pure Atlanta 8.08.08
Miss Metro Girl 2008 Luckie Lounge 9.23.08
Luda & T-Pain Party Club Esso 9.29.08
The Omigawd Girl City Tour Ten Pin Alley 8.4.08
VH1 Ray J Reality Show Casting Pure Atlanta
The Omigawd Girls Summer Walker, Khao & Vernon Forest
Ten Pin Alley 8.25.08
BET Celebrity Style Suite with Chingy, Yung Joc, Frank Ski, The Housewives of Atlanta 10.10.08
Konvict Musik BET Party @ The W Hotel 10.10.08
Bangledesh BET Listening Party @ Trump Towers 10.10.08
Big Just Birthday Party 10.28.08 @ VIA
I’d like to thank all of my supporters for nominating me for the Southern Entertainment Awards. Check me out in the next issue of SEA Magazine, Sweets Magazine, Straight Stuntin Magazine, and the cover of URBAN DIVA (DECEMBER ISSUE).
Thanks to the photographers that made me “THE ULTRA MODEL”:
Stacy Vann (NC)
Scott Jones (NC)
Rob Meggett (NC)
John V (NC)
Silvio Suarez (NC)
DOP Images (GA)
DJ 4 Play (GA)
Tony Smart (GA)
Aswah Saadiq (GA)
Rodney Smith (GA)
James Rich (GA)
Jaarcal Studio (GA)
UCME Visuals (GA)
Photos By Kehinde (NC)
Designs By JK (NC)
20/20 Photography (GA)
CWC-Complex Photo (GA)
Amadi Phillips (GA)
Daren Gray (GA)
Craig Sims (GA)
Andre Michael (NC)
Ebony Eye (GA)
DA Photos (NC)
Horace Ottley (GA)
Lennie Reid (GA)
Johnny Flash (GA)
Michael White (GA)
Will Cenac (MD)
Eric Mason (GA)
(Keep in mind that if you click any of the images inside of this blog they link to another blog entry or website. Also any underlined words are all linked to another blog entry.)What I don’t think I’ll ever understand is why some men think that it’s completely fine to harass women. Consistently speaking negatively about women. Manipulating women. Cheating on women. Gossiping about women. Abusing women. Disrespecting women. With so much ease they do this but can’t take what they dish out. If you notice my opinions as far as men go stay an isolated rant about my son’s father. He deserves every bit of negative commentary I speak about him. Yes I’ll keep speaking about it until I’m tired of doing so and not a second beforehand. It’s been 2 years since we broke up however we have a 17 month old son together that is a constant reminder of his Father and the betrayal associated with him. It’s some internet weirdos out there who actually think that because I talk about my son’s father and my real life experience with him that means it’s ok for them to harass me online. At first it took me a long time to not talk about it every day or break down crying everyday but with time I pretty much got over it. Now when I speak on my YouTube Channel, this blog or My Podcast “The God Queen Live” about my son’s father, Priest, it’s to warn women to never ever get comfortable with a separated man who is definitely headed for divorce. But most importantly don’t be so quick to trust men no matter how kind, honest, consistent, loving and attentive they are. You could be being love bombed by a narcissist. Give it time for his true colors to shine.I trusted a man. One who at the time had a seemingly estranged wife, SaDonya, who was always up in our business, playing little Facebook games. Hounding my social media profiles. What’s even more weird about her was she was oddly trying to convince me that it’s ok to move forward with her estranged husband. She was all for Priest and I being together. She gave me the go ahead and celebrated us starting a relationship while they were still going through divorce proceedings. She was head over heels for someone else she proclaimed. I spoke in specifics about her while including screenshots of her statements in this blog entry called “Cut The Bullshit” . I don’t know what possessed me to think I was safe just because Priest’s mom, brother and SaDonya told me I’d be ok. Why did I trust those people? Why didn’t it occur to me that these people could be lying to me? Of course Priest & SaDonya are officially divorced now but it happened much later than they told me it was.
I remember when Priest and I were breaking up, he believed a ton of lies people on the internet told him. He then started to accuse me of lying to him. See how comfortable he felt with listening to complete strangers about our relationship? I had never lied to him before they reached out to him so why now suddenly did he believe I’d lie to him? They didn’t even show him any type of proof my statements were lies but he just went along with it. Why was that ok to him? To simply listen to other people who were outside of our relationship? People who had never ever met us. I trusted him even though I had caught him in a few BIG lies and a shit load of small ones. I gave him a chance to prove to me that he could be an honest man and keep his promises. I was always honest with him and here he was accusing me of lying. Even if I did lie why would it be such a big issue to him after he lied so much? I deserved to be chastised because of some rumors he heard but I was supposed to simply forgive him for his indiscretion? Not only was he deceptive but he was loquacious. He told SaDonya all of our business. He’d go behind my back and talk to her about us. This woman was too involved in our relationship. She was involved with too many haters online who were known to spread hateful, false information about me.Let’s talk about my online haters in detail. I have plenty of course. It simply comes with the territory. We’ll just talk about the main ones who have caused problems in the lives of others while trying to hurt me. They kept missing the mark.Tommy Sotomayor, Minister Jap & Chris Law
I have several blog entries up on here about these stooges. I never seen men bitch so bad about women before in my life. These grown ass men behave like 3 gossip girls on a schoolyard. These men are all 3 men I rejected at some point and they still harbor some kind of pain about that. They depict to the world that I have somehow did something terrible to them. When really it isn’t about anything I’ve done to them. It’s the enjoyment they get out of degrading me. It gives them power that they don’t have in real life.Chris Law is the only one I actually had some type of interaction with. I was his side chick 10 years ago. Before he got married he and I would mess around with each other casually. We were friends who showed each other love. Yes, we’d grab dinner and play pool. We frequented bars and went to events together. He introduced me to the swinger’s lifestyle and took me to my first swingers party. It didn’t stop once he got married. It just slowed down. After his divorce from her he remarried and had another child. He showed up at my doorstep trying to restart our friendship even though he was remarried. He spoke about how he had been to counseling. He came to apologize for what he had done to me. I told him to leave the past in the past. However, he spent the next few years walking around Atlanta, Georgia with a bullhorn telling every MAN he could find that I was a hoe. It wasn’t until 2016 I got on my YouTube channel and warned women about the dangers of sleeping with married men. He caught wind and got upset. This is when he ran into Minister Jap. Both of them begin playing on my phone and doing all types of childish antics. Chris & Jap were texting me for 2 months pretending to be a woman who wanted to ask me questions about my experience with Chris. It wasn’t until Chris got frustrated because I wouldn’t speak specifics about my Order of the Eastern Star chapter. During one of those texts he admitted it was him and Jap pretending to be a woman.
Minister Jap was creating content on YouTube that was barely getting watched when I reached out and asked him to collab with me. We ended up doing one collaboration together. It can still be found on Facebook.
It was the first video we did that went viral. I was going to invest in this man’s career. I soon found out that it would not be wise to continue to interact with this man. He displayed a level of disdain for Black Single Mothers. It was unfortunate to me. Before this, he had expressed some type of romantic interest in me. It was mutual I was interested in him as well. But this disdain he had gave me pause. He made single mothers the butt of his jokes and it simply was not funny. It was insensitive and abusive. His statements were highly inappropriate and cruel. I reached out to him to tell him that I was uncomfortable with some of his material that he was posting on Facebook that was disrespectful towards women. He got belligerent and rude. He called me out my name. Once I ended the conversation I refused to answer any more of his phone calls. That’s when the stalking and harassing begin. He begin calling me 100 times a day. He’d leave disrespectful voicemails. He began threatening my life. He posted pictures of me nude he found from somewhere. He started calling me a tranny. He made fun of my sexuality and my gender. As well as my skin, hair and weight. He started reaching out to my ex partners, family members, co workers, business associates and anyone he could find that would say something negative about me. He even interviewed my ex Lloyd. Jap begin lying to people telling them I doxxed him and stalk him. He begin spreading vicious rumors about me online. Him and Chris linked up in my comment section of the very video I posted telling people to avoid being a mistress.
I found out Jap had admiration for Tommy Sotomayor from day one. Many years ago Tommy was reaching out to me on Facebook and his advances were being ignored. I was in a relationship so I couldn’t talk to other men. Tommy tried for a year to get my attention. It wasn’t until he asked me to do an interview on his YouTube channel that I responded to his messages. Once we set up a time and date I’m assuming he made an announcement on his channel. One of my fans reached out to me and told me that he was speaking negatively about me in his promotional video. So instead of jumping to conclusions I reached out to him about my concerns. He then proceeded to tell me that the negative things he said about me were the truth and that he could say what he wanted about me. I cancelled the interview with him and wished him the best. I tried to move on. He then created several more videos about me. After about the 4th or 5th video I responded. For years we begin to go back and forth on YouTube. He’d accused me of stalking him and he’d make up vicious lies and rumors. In 2013 his fanbase swarmed my comment section. He gave out my phone number on one of his videos. His fans harassed me over the phone for a week. I received thousands of hateful phone calls 24/7 by men who were harassing me about my gender and race. I received death threats and people encouraged me to commit suicide.
Once Tommy caught wind that Jap had some sort of issue with me he interviewed him for his channel. Then Chris followed also doing an interview with Tommy.After my pregnancy became public Jap reached out to me trying to convince me to break up with Priest. He called him “Dirty Dick Rodney”. When I refused, Jap reached out to Priest. Encouraging Priest to break up with me. After 2 or 3 years of bickering online about dumb shit, Priest ended up doing an interview with Tommy with SaDonya‘s dumb ass in tow. I’m sure it was Jap encouraging Priest to do it.What’s interesting about the people who chastise me the most they never take a look at themselves. Tommy Sotomayor is a deadbeat dad. He has several baby mommas. Yet he uses his platform to trash Black Women and single mothers. Like he doesn’t foster the negative relationships he has with the mothers of his children. My daughter’s father is not online complaining about our co-parenting experience at all. We have a very good comfortable loving friendship. He’d never participate in that foolishness. Priest has never met our son Justice so speaking to him about how he and I interact with each other probably wouldn’t be a good call. My son’s Godfather and I also have a very positive caring friendship and he is a really good Father to my son. But Tommy wasn’t trying to get the truth about my life he was trying to start drama. It’s a lot of men who are supportive of me and my son. Issues with men online do NOT effect my personal life. It was more men who gave me donations to help me move from Georgia to California.
Priest didn’t even graduate from high school. He doesn’t have a GED either. He is a blue collar worker who never attended college. He has low income if any at all. He doesn’t drive. Doesn’t have a car. Doesn’t have a home of his own. After 15 years of marriage to SaDonya he had nothing. No kids. No legacy. NOTHING. I tried to help him be a better man. We started Yahaura together. Which was the beginning of many other businesses we could’ve started together if he knew anything about loyalty and team work. Minister Jap is a drunk as well as a drug addict with a criminal record. He lives in the gutter of Chicago and only front’s like he has a life that other men should admire. However he’s just a loser with a failed rap career who harasses women to make himself feel better about his misfortune. I wanted to invest in his career that’s what made me reach out to him to begin with. I had enough money to spare and I wanted to spend it on elevating him. I wanted to help him be a better man. Out of frustration, jealousy and hatred he purposely ruined my relationship with Priest. Jap tries to make everyone believe he doesn’t continue to harass me because he doesn’t speak out about me publicly like he used to. But Jap continues to harass me behind the scenes.
Chris Law is a drunk as well. He’d drink so much he’d throw up. I don’t think I ever spent time with Chris when he wasn’t drinking. I know I’d have at least 1 drink while I was with him. Chris is on his 2nd or 3rd marriage so he was in no position to chastise me on the internet about my relationship with Priest. Chris was not man enough to openly say he made a mistake cheating on his wife. He just got online and pinned me as poisonous manipulative Jezebel with a porn star’s sex drive who made his life hell. When Chris was happy with me. All we did was laugh and have sex. No complications. I was genuinely Chris’ friend 10 YEARS AGO. I do NOT know him now but then I did not judge him and I never would have hurt him. Not ever. I listened to him tell me stories about how miserable he was in his marriage and how much he didn’t trust her. She was never around and I honestly believe that he was if anything a good friend to me. I respected the fact that he never lied to me about his relationship and he didn’t lie to me about his marriage. I was going through so much hurt and pain in my own life that being with him helped me through. Yes he turned on me. He betrayed me later on. He even he posted intimate pictures of us at a swingers party and lied telling people we made a sex tape. Even to this day I still hold no hatred in my heart for him even though he helped ruin my relationship and my family with Priest.
Tommy is a deadbeat dad with a criminal record who has admitted to being as such as well as admitted to being sexually attracted to underage girl. He has also has participated in molestation. He talks about how much he hates the Black Race especially Black Women but this is what the community calls a reliable source about all things Soncerae?
LaVonya “Bomb Cherry” Edwards & Sean “STL4U” TuckerBomb Cherry is one jealous broad. She is a complete stranger yet she is so invested in my life like we had some type of solid life experience with each other. We have never met and I have never done anything to this woman. However, Jap fueled her. If you haven’t noticed a pattern let me reassure you that Jap is the catalyst for a lot of drama I have experienced on YouTube. Any type of issue I’ve had all fingers point back at Jap. The only reason why Jap even interacts with Bomb Cherry is because she is willing to speak as negatively about me online as he does. If she didn’t he’d be calling her a hoe just like he continues to calls me that.Bomb Cherry used to come inside of my comment section and we’d talk. After a few months she became overbearing and ended up getting into an argument with someone inside of my comment section. This was the second time she had caused a problem. At first she got into it with ME on my own channel. That was the first red flag. After she got into it with someone else I simply blocked her and proceeded to move on with my life. Instead of her moving on she took to her YouTube channel and has been stalking and harassing me online ever since. It’s been 3 years.
Everyone can tell how much Bomb Cherry wishes she was me. I get emails from people telling me not to worry about her because she’s jealous. I’ve never seen a person talk so much and so bad about someone they hate like she does me. She is obsessed. She has lied and said I sent someone to her house to sexually assault her. She has made almost 100 videos about my vagina. She has interviewed SaDonya on her channel more than once. I don’t even know how SaDonya could even allow herself to be around this slut. Bomb Cherry is a webcam porn hoe who also makes money doing phone sex. She claims she is a married woman. The truth is her marriage is open and loveless. This crazy geriatric troll has not only reached out to Priest and SaDonya she has called my mom, swatted my mom’s house, tried to reach out to my oldest daughter. From fake email addresses and phone numbers she reached out to my cousin Shunna and my Aunt Julia who are only related to me through Priest.(Read this blog) I’m sure Priest or SaDonya handed over their information because I had never spoke in detail about either of them for anyone to know their last names or what they look like.
In Bomb Cherry’s many years of harassing me online she birthed another troll named STL4U who also harasses me as well. Only because Bomb Cherry told him to. Not because I did anything to him personally. He’s going around claiming I posted his private information. Like I initiated some type of issue with him. He forgot to mention how he continue to harass me and this compelled me to post his information on my blog so the authorities can keep up with him. He repeats anything Bomb Cherry says. She has him out in these “YouTube Streets” looking super stupid doing her bidding.I received an email the other day it said:Hello Soncerae my name is mike from canada. Not sure if you are aware that one of your youtube trolls stlfu has a criminal record one of the felonies he has is for child abuse. check out the attachments. I find it odd that he is discussing children, when he has a felony for child abuse.
So let’s reflect….Bomb Cherry is a webcam porn hoe who does phone sex operations and has also committed welfare fraud. She has a criminal record. SaDonya also has one. Now here is Sean Tucker who has both felonies and misdemeanors but somehow these people are trying to convince the world that SONCERAE is a huge problem?Now everyone for the most part knows my moderators names are Mr Live & Mark. Sometimes people harass them just because we get along. Mr Live contacted me the other day and to my surprise he asked me who LaVonya Edwards was. At first it caught me off guard. I was surprised he didn’t know who she was. But he was so used to me calling her Bomb Cherry he had no idea that LaVonya Edwards was her real name.
He goes into this long story about how Bomb Cherry some how found him on Facebook and begin trying to get them to connect romantically. This is supposedly a married woman. Yet she was out here sending nudes to my moderator. She was trying to encourage him to hang out with her. She even knew that he worked at Bank of America previously and claimed that she saw him there. This is stalking. She not only stalked me so hard that she found out the personal information of my moderators. She then begin to stalk my moderator. This chick is demented on so many levels.So Sean STL4U Tucker makes these crazy 3-8 hour livestreams about me that proves he is unemployed. No one with a work schedule has time to do all of that. Maybe listen to a livestream, yes! But do one NO! He did one recently called “WHO SWATTED SONCERAE” If you don’t know what swatting means. It means that some internet weirdo with no life or morals sends police to raid an innocent person’s house simply because they don’t like that person. I did a podcast recently talking about someone sent police, pest control, plumming, chinese food delivery guys and pizza delivery guys to my mom’s house thinking I lived there. I’m not as open as I used to be about my living situation but I have clearly said on more than one occasion that my mom and I DO NOT LIVE TOGETHER and that I changed my LEGAL NAME. So finding me is difficult. Sean tried to act like he didn’t know who was swatting my house. Bomb Cherry already called my mom’s phone and left a belligerent voicemail saying it was her who did it. I know Sean knows that. He’s her lap dog. Of course he knows it was her. It is also her who contacted Aunt Julia and Shunna as well as my daughter’s father trying to cause drama. It didn’t work. We still cool over here. My family loves me and they have my back. Just because you got Priest & SaDonya, the gruesome twosome, dumb and dumber to turn on me doesn’t mean you’ll be able to pull that bullshit on anyone else. Who else would participate in such adolescent behaviors?
I would never interview anyone’s family members for my YouTube channel. (I interviewed Tommy’s Ex Avi AFTER he interviewed Chris Law and Jap for his channel.)
I will never post anyone’s private information simply because I do not like them. If I’ve ever posted anyone’s private information it is on this blog and because they have been harassing me.
I do not reach out to anyone’s family members offline.
I would not try to pin people’s family members and friends against them by telling them lies and gossip.
I have never sent anyone any threatening or blackmail emails. If anything I’ll openly say what my intentions for you are on my blog, youtube channel or podcast. Or I will simply contact you directly.
I have never swatted or sent anyone to someone’s house simply because I don’t like them.
I have never played on anyone’s phone pretending to be someone else.
I have never trolled anyone’s social media profiles from a fake profile.
YET THESE ARE ALL THINGS THESE PEOPLE HAVE DONE TO ME. BUT SOMEHOW THEY DEPICT THEMSELVES AS MY VICTIM!?!?
Rudemp has literally stomped Sean. He has verbally stripped Sean’s manhood away. The truth is Sean is powerless in real life that’s why he allows a porn hoe to run him. She tells him what to do. Just like Jap tells Chris and Priest what to do. Bomb Cherry tells Sean & SaDonya what to do. These people are puppets. Rude is another YouTube Streets content creator who can hand someone their ass if need me. Rude treated Sean like the roadkill he is but Sean has not obsessively harassed him how he has done me. It proves that when a man addresses him he can’t handle it but he can definitely abuse and belittle a woman. Men who aren’t accepted on the playing field with other men end up being mentally manipulated by older women and abuse other women. I don’t even bother responding to Sean. He just makes videos and I ignore them. He is trivial. It’s not worth the little bit of attention I’m giving it right now.I’m bringing this to everyone’s attention so people can understand something. In no way have I harmed ANY of these people in real life. I never depict myself as a perfect person. I’ve simply fought back against them for humiliating me or harassing me. One thing these people don’t do is self evaluate. They don’t see what they did. Or they do see but they can’t handle that it’s genuinely their fault why things have gone the way they have with me. They truly do not see their part in contributing to or primarily causing their own problems in life. This is an unconscious barrier, so you shouldn’t try to “make them see” their part in the problem. That just increases their defensiveness and makes things worse. Keep in mind that emotions are contagious, and high-conflict emotions are highly contagious. So when you see people online acting overly emotional and sensitive when they are talking about me, I’m only being used as a tool. It’s not really me that’s the problem. They don’t know me personally. Everyone has flaws and things they need to get over. Nobody goes through life without making mistakes or doing something they’re ashamed of. That’s why people who criticize others have no basis for their arguments. When the criticism becomes constant and vicious, that person is probably not making a healthy assessment of your mistakes. It’s probably more like the defense mechanism known as “projection.” They see you as a mirror; they criticize the things in you that they don’t like about themselves. As far as men who harass women online like how Tommy, Jap, Chris and Sean have done to me I just view it as they have no power in real life when dealing with women. Women dominate them or women reject them. They can’t have their way with women. Cybersexism and Cybermisogny is a real thing. As men often rely on aggression to maintain their dominant social status the increase in hostility towards a woman by lower-status males is an attempt to disregard a female’s performance and suppress her disturbance on the hierarchy. These men are sad that I am doing better than they are. I am a woman of power. I control my life and my situations. I create my success. I own my flaws and I accept my past. I am true to who I am. Some people find that hard to do. I am just not that person. None of these people are perfect. They all have a checkered past. However, they make it seem like my past is worse than theirs. We all have things we did that we aren’t proud of.
Usually when someone doesn’t like a person they just leave them alone. Not harass them. I’m surprised I had to defend myself against strangers and at one point I was extremely kind to them. My heart goes out to these people and I have a level of patience with them that I never used to have. Even without me responding these people will continue to harass me. They actually believe they have a right to when they do not. I try to have compassion. As annoying as they have been and no matter how much I want them to leave me and my family alone, they think harassing me is funny and entertaining. I simply send them positive vibes and move on. They try to hide their grief, their pain and misfortune. If getting online brings them some type of relief I try to understand that. I’ve even tried to apply some of the advice they have tried to give me to my life. That may not be smart considering the sources. But remember we can learn lessons from all types of people who are in all walks of life. Respect each others journey. Take care of one another.
Okay, you might be asking yourself, is it really possible to raise a child to become a baby mama or daddy? Like, are parents actually out here training their kids to be solo-dolo moms and dads, for God sakes? Or, better yet, I know a few of you are rolling your eyes, thinking, “here comes another self-righteous asshole looking down their nose on non-married people with kids!”– I get it. Parenthood is hard enough, especially when the task is taken on alone, or even as part of a co-parent situation; the last thing any single parent needs, then, is another conservative, “Yaaay, I dodged a bullet”, know it all, telling them how to raise, or in this case, not raise their kids.
So, I’m not going to do that– pass judgment, that is. Instead, I’m going to use those three fingers that always point back at someone, when one points out of course, to tell my own story in three parts. So here goes: The first thing I should note, is that I am married, although most people already know that. Number two–My husband and I have five children, which many of my readers already know as well. Number three, however, is what might be more of a shocker– and that is how I was not married when I conceived my first child. Feel free to clutch your pearls and gasp!
See, what had happened was this, Des, (who was just my boyfriend at the time), and I, thought it would be a great idea for me to ditch my graduate school dormitory, and for him to move out of his slum lord apartment, so that the two of us could shack up. It just made sense. We could save on bills, enjoy movie nights and pizza in bed whenever we wanted to, and most importantly, have easy access to early morning sex– a duh! I mean, what twenty-something year old wouldn’t want that? Everything was perfect– even without furniture and in spite of our overpriced rent, until the day I regailed that extra pink line on my doomsday, I mean pregnancy stick.
Of course I was shocked; the trepidation of not knowing what my life would look like with a child, replaced what should have been a feeling of joy. Des and I had talked about getting married, eventually, but nothing was set in stone. I’ll never forget the day we told my mother: in a restaurant, over pasta and salad, we showed her our plastic truth stick (gross, I know, but hey, we were twenty-ish and dumb) and my mom simply cried. Later, she admitted that her worst fears had come true: I was unmarried and pregnant and might have to raise a child alone.
But now, let’s talk about how crazy both of our reactions were, (my mother’s and mine), especially since there had been no Whodini stunt, nor was I the victim of an immaculate conception. I got pregnant the good old fashioned way because we weren’t using protection. It really shouldn’t have been a shock. More importantly, though, the title of baby mama was the very status that I had been groomed for from childhood, and I would have become that, had it not been for our (shotgun) wedding. Let me explain how:
I Had Little to No Examples! Virtually every woman I knew growing up, raised their children without fathers in the home. That was my norm. Fathers came around, sometimes, and gave financial support, occasionally. They rarely lived with the women they had children with and they certainly weren’t married. The married couples I saw growing up were either on television, or, if I encountered them in real life, they didn’t look like me.
My Bar Wasn’t Set That High. In grade school, my aunt promised me $100 if remained childless until after my high school graduation. In my family, having a baby before marriage wasn’t what brought you shame, it was more so being a teenaged mom. At around 19, this same aunt gave me the conception green light. I’d not only graduated from high school, but I was also working, and (in her eyes) somewhat self-sufficient. This meant I’d met my family childbirth standards and could now get pregnant without being shunned. As for my mother and her opinion on the subject, well, let’s just say I had her example, instead of her words.
I Had No Actionable Plan. So this one was a bit trickier; as far as having children and being married, I knew I wanted both, but I never really considered the order in which I’d get them. If I had actually taken the time to think about it, I might have been just a little more hesitant about that whole shack up and anytime sex situation with Des. I also would have likely been prepared for, and thus excited about my first pregnancy, instead of just surprised and confused.
My mother, my aunt, and all the women in my family did the best they could to steer me in a positive direction, still they couldn’t prepare me for what they didn’t know. Now, I have the benefit of using the blueprint of their lives and combining it with mine, to help my sons and daughters make better choices. Here’s how:
I Always Speak of Their (future) Husbands and Wives. Little girls love to fantasize; I know from personal experience, and now having two daughter of my own, I see it with them even more. When they speak on boyfriends, or love, or dating, however, I make make it a point to tie those things to their future husband. For example, if my daughter, who is ten, mentions dating, I’ll say something to this effect, “never date someone who wouldn’t make a good husband.” Then we’ll go into all the things that make a man husband material. Or, when my youngest daughter talks about being a mommy, I always address the topic in a plural sense. So, for example, I’ll say, “when you and your husband have a baby,” or, “you need to be married first,”. I do the same thing with my sons. “Never have sex with a woman you couldn’t see being your wife,” is something I say to them often. When my sons balk at doing hard tasks, I’ll remind them of the wife and children who’ll one day depend on them. The takeaway is this: This type of dialogue lets our children know what our family expectations are and helps them to develop a marital mindset.
I Put My Own Marriage on a Pedestal. Ask any one of my children who my favorite person is and even my youngest, who is five, will answer “Dad”. In fact, my kids often tease me when I whine about missing Des and say, “Sheesh, Dad hasn’t even been gone that long.”, but I can’t help it. Yes, I absolutely adore my children; Each one occupies a piece of my heart that makes up one whole. Nevertheless, as much as I love them, their Father is the one person I most want to spend time with, cuddle with, hang out with, and talk to, because he was there before them and will (fingers crossed) be there after they’ve gotten families of their own. The Takeaway is this: We’re instilling in our children the critical importance of putting your marriage first and that successful families have a natural and meaningful order.
I Encourage Them To Be Intentional.When it came to areas such as education and career, I knew exactly what I wanted to achieve and how to accomplish it. Regarding love and starting a family, however, I was way more willy-nilly and unprepared. That’s why I’m teaching my children to be methodical about both. For instance, I pose questions that make them think about how a family will fit into their long term goals. I advise them about the pitfalls of reckless sex and ways of avoiding them, and I give them examples of how their choices will effect them for generations. The Takeaway is this:We are instilling into our children the concept that planning for a family is as crucial, if not more so, than planning for an education or career.
Now, for the critics– the ones who’ll point out that there aren’t any guarantees; the ones who’ll swear that kids are going to do what they want regardless, I’d tell them all that they’re right. See, our children have these peculiar things in them called, minds of their own. Despite all of our teachings and best efforts, they will ultimately make their own decisions in life. Still, the optimist in me can’t help but try anyway. Sure, I could miss the mark as a parent, in getting them to not be a baby mama or daddy, but, I will absolutely miss it if I just do nothing. I’d say, I have a good 50/50 chance. Plus, I already have proof this goal is acheivable. I came from a clan full a baby mama’s, and now just look at me– I’m a stressed-out happily married mother of five nerve-wracking beautiful kids. That’s a hell-of-enough evidence for me!
Tell us what you think? Are parent’s really out here raising kids up to be baby mamas and daddies? If so, tell us how and if not, tell us why? We want to hear from you!
In my last blog entitled “Why I Opened A Trust Fund For My Son” I wrote about how I opened a trust fund for my 16 month old, Justice. I wanted to elaborate on it and talk about how I managed to do so. Trust funds allow people to distribute their property and assets to beneficiaries without having to involve the courts in the probate process and without having to pay some estate taxes. You can set up a trust fund with the assistance of a trust and estates attorney, or you can draw up the documents yourself. This type of financial planning is for the middle class and wealthy. So the first step in opening a trust fund is simple.
Be generating at least $40,500 and $122,000 a year. This not the average salary for an average American. Create different sources of income to be able to accumulate such.
Understand what a trust fund is. There are numerous types of trust funds, but the most common are revocable and irrevocable trusts. These trusts are estate planning tools used to hold, gather or distribute money to people or organizations. An estate is all of the money and property owned by a particular person, especially at death. Inside of this fund you can put assets, money, stock, real estate, business etc.
There are 3 parties associated with a trust fund. A grantor – who sets up the trust. A trustee – who manages the trust and a beneficiary – the person who receives whatever is inside of the trust. Decide who do you want placed in these three positions.
Next you need to decide whether to hire an estate planning attorney or you want to draw up the documents yourself. Doing it yourself requires that you understand the laws of your state. Laws have a heavy influence on how the trust sculpted.
Once the trust is started you have to register it with the IRS. The trust fund entity will need to request its own taxpayer identification number (TIN). Just as a business needs an Employer Identification Number (EIN) and a person needs a Social Security Number (SSN). Remember that a trust fund stands alone. Just like a business or a human being.
Transfer assets. Whether it’s stock shares, businesses, real estate or even cash you must change the ownership titles. For example: For example, my son’s trust is called Happyness Seeds. Imagine I had 10,000 shares of Uber worth $700,000 that I wanted to put in trust for my son. I would set up the family trust and call it “Happyness Seeds Transportation Trust.” Then decide to name my son’s God Father Archangel Michael to be a trustee. I would have to re-register my stock certificates with the transfer agent, changing the ownership title listed in Uber’s corporate registration records from my name to: “Archangel Michael as Trustee for Happyness Seeds Transportation Trust” , September 30th, 2019.
Keep DETAILED records. An important part of having a trust is administering it in accordance with the trust’s guidelines. You must also keep accounting records. In case of a lawsuit the paperwork will be in place to clear up any discrepancies.
A trust gives you greater protection than a will against legal action from anyone who is unhappy with the distribution of assets and decides to challenge it. They also offer flexibility in how assets are distributed. You can pay for education or donate to charities with a trust. A trust can provide a way to avoid or reduce estate taxes because assets and property placed into a trust are not subject to these taxes. Trusts can help you manage your affairs if you become unable to do so. Many people set up trusts to prepare for the possibility that they may become disabled or ill before their death, and thus unable to manage their assets properly. Trusts offer greater privacy than wills because trusts don’t go through probate, so there usually aren’t any public records of them. This means your assets and whom you leave them to are kept private.
One of the first things I did after I gave birth was open up a trust fund for my son. After, being homeless and pregnant, abandoned by his father and moving 2,000 miles away from Georgia to California. So I could have a better life, I promised myself I’d never live another day in poverty and neither will my children. My oldest Daughter Dominique, 19, has lived a life of privilege because both her dad and I were able to provide a good life for her. She also experienced life without the financial assistance of her dad and I. On the road to financial freedom I wanted to make sure that both of my children understand generational wealth and the lack thereof. As a single mother, society often pins the poverty ball and chain to our ankles. As if the absence of a man, father or husband deems us incompetent. Granted 100 years ago there were things women weren’t allowed to do. Like, vote, stand up against sexual harassment, get a credit card, serve on a jury, run a marathon, attend an Ivy League college, stay on the job during pregnancy, be taken serious in the military or on the police force, or get an abortion. Thanks to the feminists now we get to tie our own shoes and everything.
There are some disadvantages of being a single mother and one is a decreased income after divorce or break ups. What slips everyone’s mind is that the man leaving the marriage also takes a financial hit. If after a divorce a husband becomes a single father would people suddenly disrespect him how they do single mothers? No! They’d praise him for standing up and taking care of his children without their mother. Of course family income is great. There is a partnership in place there. If you are married the joint income is highly beneficial. If you’ve never been married and receive child support benefits or not you can still have financial stability. People forget to mention how empowering it is to do things on your own regardless of your gender.
YOU get to decide how to spend your money.
YOU make the financial plans.
YOU will also be able to help your children understand finances and teach them to manage money better.
Being a single parent will mean that you help your child be a team player and work together as a team, instead of making your child rely on you for every little thing. Your child will learn the importance of planning and handling his or her actions. When you want to do something for the house, such as get a new piece of furniture or even go grocery shopping, chances are you will always ask your child for their opinion. Not only will it make your child feel important, but it will also instill a sense of responsibility that will come from participating in team work and everyday decision-making process. – Debolina Raja
Of course we as single mothers need a support system. But the outdated stigma placed on us has begin to remove itself. People are starting to understand that a single parent home is just a different home not a broken one.
Children in single parent families spend more one-on-one time with their parent. This allows the two to establish a closer bond with one another.
Children from single parent homes are taught how to be responsible early on.
Independence develops early on, making the child come out ahead of others his or her age in that regard.
Two parents aren’t necessary for success. Friends and relatives of either gender can teach children. There are children who still end up being great human beings because they at least had 1 great parent. All it takes is a good loving disciplined environment for a child to turn out well rounded whether they are raised by a male or female, parent or guardian. It takes a village, I say. I need all of the positive collaborators I can stand. A child doesn’t need just his father or just his mother. A household doesn’t come crumbling to the ground simply because a man isn’t present in it. Children do step outside of their homes and run into all types of influences that can be detrimental or helpful to the process of their growth.
Fortunately, for me I am not on government assistance. I was encouraged to do so and some people even refuse to believe to this day that I’m not on it. Even though SECTION 8 is closed in San Francisco people automatically assumed I was on it once I moved into one of my new homes earlier this year. Instead of celebrating that I went from homelessness to now living in a beautiful home, they begin to discredit my efforts and improvements. Some assumed I’d stay homeless forever. Not realizing that I am a college educated, very determined, intelligent woman who also happens to be resourceful. I made a poor choice in trusting a man to lead me. Trusting him with my survival turned out to be detrimental to me and the son we conceived together.
Contrary to what’s being force fed to the masses these stereotypes hold no validity to me and the single mothers I associated with:
Single moms are the least likely women to get married or remarried.
Children in single-parent families always have deficits, do poorly in school and suffer emotionally and behaviorally.”
Children raised by single moms actually resent and hate their mothers”
Single mothers are unable to give their sons the upbringing that they need and once they have to face the world, they prove to be failures since they lacked a man living at home.
Youth raised by a single mom are at higher risk for substance abuse.
Children are at greater risk of physical abuse in single mother households than in single father households.
High Youth Crime Rates are a direct result of not having a father at home.
Single moms are lonely and have a hard time finding a new man.
A child is better off with wealth than with her own mother.
Children growing up without a father in the home are more than twice as likely to end up in jail.
Not only am I proof that all of those statements are untrue. I am not the only adult who was raised in a single parent home that turned out decent. Of course I’ve made mistakes just like the average person but this wasn’t because I was sporadically raised by a single mother. It’s because I was not taught certain things that most parents both mother and father teach their children. I learned from valuable lessons from the people in my family as well as some poor habits. My mom was somewhat negligent. Mainly because of her work schedule and tending to my step father and his shenanigans. Don’t get me started on that. After meeting my biological Father I’m glad she kept him away from me. He was a mess. He was dishonorably discharged from the military…..let that sit with you.
My mother was an accountant. She didn’t teach me much about accounting. She just handed me a check book with my name on it. I was confused. I’ve always had an interest in finance, economics, business, technology, psychology, sociology, spirituality and metaphysics. I knew one day that these interests would generate me multiple sources of income. I started my first job at 15 and my first business at 18. I am currently a business owner. I love what I do. There is still room for improvement.
Be sure to check out richsinglemomma.com to get tips on how to improve your finances.
This ride has been a wild one though. I’ve been evicted twice and homeless twice. Let me just say homeless and pregnant is much more severe that my college days of sleeping on my friend’s couch and eating top ramen, oriental flavor. This was a whole different level. Ending up in a domestic violence shelter and not knowing where my next meal would come from is terrifying. So now more than ever I think about what I’d do in the future in case something drastic happens. It’s all about simply making better choices. Like choosing a credit union instead of a traditional bank account, avoiding debt and not relying on a man to provide for me and my children. It makes no sense for women to be out here screaming “MISS INDEPENDENT” then the second they have a child they want to rely on a man for financial stability. Feminists have been out here fighting for us to do our own thing. Stop relying on these men for your survival. Co parenting and even marriage are a partnership. If you choose the wrong man you will still be living in poverty whether you are married to him or not.
Like I told YouTuber Paris Milan after her community post:
Oooh chile, y’all triggered on the last post. According to y’all, majority of single mothers became that way after a divorce, widowed, or if they had em out oow then they are NOT struggling financially. My question is, does a man’s income whom you have your child with, NOT make a difference? Is that a figment of my imagination?
I said: Majority of the single moms I know in Northern California are divorced and arent black. It isnt a man’s income that’s important. It’s his ability to be committed to the partnership. We can make money together. If his income matters SO DOES MINE. We are a team.
A friend of mine and I were discussing my interest in opening a Laundromat and buying into a Franchise. He told me that he and his wife opened a laundromat then bought a Chick-Fil-A. She has since passed away and he just closed on an apartment building. They were both making 6 figures a year and they have 2 children. He is a single father now. Had the shoe been on the other foot she would’ve done the same thing he did for their children. He said it was her that believed in him and saw in him what he didn’t see in himself. She helped him become successful before she passed away. Yes a blessed union between two people is admirable but at the same time if something happens to one parent the other needs to kick into gear.
My son’s father was not in the best place financially when my son was born. I knew he wasn’t financially stable when I met him. So my goal was to encourage him to improve. When I met him I was financially getting back on my feet from a hard hit. Then my pregnancy threw me for a loop and I was struggling myself, AGAIN. My son’s father was no help. While severely ill instead of him working harder to keep us afloat until I could get back in place he ran and left me to fend for myself. He encouraged me to move back in with my ex. Like that made sense. I was supposed to ask my ex to let me move in with him while I’m pregnant by another man? What type of Maury Povich, Love & Hip Hop bullshit was he on? It wasn’t until months later I realized that he asked me to move in with my ex because his ex was his crutch and he could go move in with her with ease. She played his momma on more than one occasion. I ended up in a roach motel doing crowd funding and asking for donations from people I knew on social media. It was embarrassing but I had to do it. Other people helped me moved to California. If it wasn’t for their kindness I wouldn’t be here. My son was financially taken care of the first year of his life. We had raised a lot of money. He had all of the clothes and toys he needed. I owe my friends, family, associates, business partners and supporters my life. Had they not been pulling for me and wanting me to get out of the mess I was in I don’t think I would’ve made it.
My 19 year old daughter, Dominique and I talk about generational wealth all of the time. We think about multiple ways to generate income that will last in our family for centuries. We want to give our kids and our kids, kids something to build off of. I’ve taught her the important of building and investing her money. She uses an app called Acorns to help her with her investments and uses CashApp for her bitcoins. I was so proud of her this morning when I dropped her off at the San Francisco International Airport. She was dressed in her business casual attire, ready to hop on a first class United Airlines flight. She was headed to Washington, DC to see her Father and his side of the family. The fact that my daughter has been on an airplane under the age of 21 3x the amount of times I took flight under that age is impressive. She is simply a better version of me. It’s extraordinary. Not only is she investing in herself I myself have invested in a life insurance policy and an irrevocable trust fund for my son. I can place cash, stock, real estate or other valuable assets in his trust. My goal is to put whatever property I purchase after buying into a franchise into my son’s trust. He will only be able to receive monthly payments from his trust AFTER he has completed 4 years of college. The stipulation is that he has to complete 4 years of college and receive a Bachelor’s Degree before he is 25 years of age. Or he can use the money if he has expenses due to an injury or disability. The child support payments that are currently being garnished from his Father’s pay are going into his trust fund account. The goal is to make this a lasting legacy for my grandchildren as well.
Living in San Francisco, California, I am in a completely different tax bracket than I was when I resided in Atlanta, Georgia. We are all millionaires here. It’s another standard of living. I wanted to challenge myself. I have and I’ve grown. Something as simple as learning what a net income is, or what EBITDA stands for is a good place to start for anyone on the path to financial freedom. Everything is a learning process. I’ve taken my experiences and used them as a way to motivate myself to not only generate more money but to manage it better. My legacy has always been important to me. Becoming an exceptional mother is a the top of that list. Part of what makes me a good mom is being able to provide for my children and teach them how to be self sufficient. My son is 16 months old now by the time he turns 18 he will be a multi-millionaire. I’ll make sure of it.
If you’re married to one person but dating another, it is not necessarily considered adultery. You are free to date during separation without having to worry that your social life will be used as grounds for divorce. An adulterous relationship is one that begins before you have separated from your spouse.
Separation means that you are living apart from your spouse, but you’re still legally married until you get a judgment of divorce from a court (even if you already have a judgment of separation).
Thank you Google! I found the true definition of SEPARATED. It’s grown people out here trying to act like they have no idea what that means. Usually separated people are definitely headed towards divorce. If they end up staying married or renewing vows it’s an exception to the rule. The divorce rate in the United States is sky high. SEPARATION isn’t some magical break that’s going to help them get back together later. If they have decided to move in separate homes they are headed for a divorce. It will take a miracle from God to get them back together.
This leads me to once again talk about my son’s father. A man who is continuously brought up inside of my comment section on a regular by people who want to chastise me for dating him. I could have posted a video about rain clouds and inside of the comment section will be some moron calling me thirsty and desperate for dating a SEPARATED MAN. Let’s go over this for those who may be confused.
There are different types of marital status options. We all know this if we have ever filled out any kind of application. We are asked are we:
Now that we have established that, let’s get specific about my son’s father, Priest. Before he and I begin to date he had already been in 3 or more casual relationships with other women with whom he shared intimacy with. Not only had he been with those women sexually, he also traveled to the Dominican Republic and paid a few prostitutes to entertain him while on vacation. This all while he was SEPARATED. When he and I met he led me to believe that he had been SEPARATEDfor 2 years and was living separately from his now EX WIFE SaDonya. When I met him I was not interested in dating a married or SEPARATED man nor was I interested in seriously dating someone SINGLE. Nor was I interested in casual sex. I did NOT want to be in a relationship of ANY KIND. I was on a dating site looking for people to come out to an event that I was promoting at a venue in Duluth, GA called THEORY LOUNGE. This was not uncommon for me. I always knew that I could never take a dating site serious. Especially not Plentyoffish.com. Most men were on there looking for hookups, lying about who they were. I invited my son’s father out to the event. I assumed once he got there he’d meet a woman he was interested in. Just like the other men I had invited to the venue. The men who flirted with me on the dating site I’d invite to Theory. Priest was unable to attend because of the venue’s long distance from his house. We continued to casually talk and it wasn’t before long that we decided to go on a date. All the while, I thought he was single. It wasn’t until our first date, weeks after we first started talking, that he told me that he was SEPARATED. He led me to believe that their marriage was OVER. He wasn’t the only one to encourage me to continue seeing him. After meeting his family, his mother and brother were very persuasive and reassured me that it was safe to proceed.
A few months later after battling years of infertility I became pregnant and I finally did speak to his then estranged wife SaDonya who also reassured me that they were SEPARATED. She claimed that they were only friends and that she was dating someone else. Priest and I discussed over and over and over and over our future together. We discussed marriage as well as our goal to start a family. Our son Justice came much sooner than we planned. I promised Priest that if after we were married and we tried for a year to conceive I’d simply divorce him if I did not end up pregnant. SaDonya and Priest DO NOT have children together. I believed he deserved to be a father. I did not want to be another woman in his life who did not give him a child. Priest was SaDonya’s second husband, she had 2 children from a previous marriage and another from a previous relationship.
SO again….SEPARATED MEANS A DIVORCE IS PENDING.
Here’s what I wasn’t going to do….
be with a man who was promising me divorce in private while he hid me from the public. HELL NO.
I’ve been a mistress in my lifetime and I played my position. Chris Law was miserable during his first marriage. I was simply his distraction. I did not ask to be promoted. I did not encourage him to get divorced. In no way would I ever have taken someone else’s husband serious and for damn sure wouldn’t have had a baby by him. F–king someone else’s husband is not my favorite past time. I do not have this long history of having sex with married men. I’ve done it for reasons I’ve shared on this blog plenty of times and I’ve admitted to it, apologetically. Hurt people HURT PEOPLE. Lesson learned. I’d do an abortion before I have an “illegitimate baby” and that’s saying a lot being as though I was unable to conceive for such a long time. My son is not an “illegitimate baby”. My son is a miracle and his father was initially excited about my pregnancy. Again, we spoke plenty of times about marriage and children and was preparing our lives for the transition.
There are plenty of people who start dating during the final stages of their divorce and ended up getting involved and even married to other people. But there are a few things you need to consider. I wish my son’s father would’ve thought long and hard before he started taking me serious or seemingly doing so.
Here are a few bits of advice I believe someone separated should take.
DATE WHEN YOU ARE READY AND NOT A SECOND BEFORE THEN. And by ready I mean that it isn’t so much a question of time but of where you are emotionally. Most people have emotionally left the marriage long before they file for divorce. Don’t consider dating until you have physically separated, even if you/your spouse agree that the marriage is over. Don’t date until you are ready. You could be divorced yet still not ready to date. He and I broke up 2 years ago to date and I have yet to fully move on to another guy. I’ve barely dated and I haven’t had sex at all. Men are definitely trying me. But STILL. I’m just NOT READY!
Don’t mislead who you are dating. Priest led me to believe the process of the official divorce had began. Do NOT lie and say you’ve filed for divorce when you haven’t. DON’T hide that you’re going through a divorce. If directly asked by a date, you should be honest but brief. They don’t need to know every little legal detail. “There are many different situations (i.e., financial concerns, custody issues) that delay the process of a divorce. Most people are understanding and if they’re not you don’t want to be with them anyway. Being honest and open about the status of your relationship is essential to developing trust. Most people lie about their separations or divorce because they know it will turn people away.
Avoid introducing your children to your new partner until your divorce is final. Your children are fragile and sensitive. Clean up the mess first.
Don’t get pregnant or impregnate someone before the divorce is final. This is actually one I wished I followed myself! I put too much faith and trust in Priest and SaDonya. I thought they would keep their word. They led me to believe that their divorce papers were signed sealed and delivered, June 30th 2017. When the truth was SaDonya did not file for divorce until early 2019 and their divorce was not final until our son was almost a year old in March of that same year. I believe that Priest wanted to lead the public to believe that he told me he did NOT want a baby. I believe that initially he wasn’t interested in taking anyone serious just like I wasn’t. After we invested time in each other our desires started to shift. We started to want more from each other. We were more compatible then we expected to be. We fell in love. Or so he led me and the rest of the world to believe. This leads me to the next form of advice.
DON’T get too caught up, too fast. It’s common to romanticize new relationships and quickly get caught up in the whirlwind of falling in love all over again after divorce. “Even if you know your divorce was for the best, it can take some time to truly move past your ex. Men have a more difficult time recovering from breakups than women, and if you start dating too soon it can sabotage your next relationship. Priest and I have a 16 month old son that he has never met. We don’t talk at all and child support is being garnished from his check. SaDonya and I have talked more since the birth of our son than Priest and I have. The damage is severe and the bridge is burnt. I ran 2,000 miles away from him and I hate to look back.
Stop it with the comparisons. Often we compare the new dates to our old relationship. I had a different personality, behavior, and different values but Priest was not mindful of that. He continued to compare me to SaDonya. He should have been focusing on trying to get to know me so we could form a healthy friendship, relationship and loving bond with one another.
A lot of people would not take the risk of dating someone separated. Deception and manipulation can take place in any kind of relationship so we can’t automatically assume that because a person is in the process of a divorce that that means that they aren’t dateable. After a divorce you don’t just fall in love with the first person you see. I made sure I was very communicative with Priest about SaDonya. I asked him on a number of occasions was he sure he no longer had feelings for her and he always reassured me that he didn’t.
Just because a woman is open minded does not mean that she is desperate and thirsty for a man. As I said in the beginning I was not interested in a relationship of any kind nor was I interested in sex when I met him. It was about business for me. I had been single for almost a decade. I took interest in him after time because I thought he was a remarkable man. I believed he had my best interest at heart. I thought that he was selfless. He made me happy and comfortable. I was trying to be understanding and patient. I took the risk because I genuinely loved the man whom I considered my spiritual husband. Someone I had a soultie with. Which was a stupid mistake to a lot of people. But if I regret meeting him then I regret the conception of my son. My son is a blessing. He is a gift from God and had I not been open minded enough to be with Priest during his separation my son would not be here.
Close to the end of my first trimester Priest told me that he still had feelings for SaDonya and that he wanted to date her. This is what led us to break up. I was not going to play tug a war with a woman who he had been married to for 15 years. So I let him go. After the reassuring me that she was never going to be an issue, after I asked him over and over was he sure that he only wanted me and he no longer wanted her, here he was telling me he in fact did have feelings for her a day late and a dollar short.
Priest was against abortion but asked me to consider putting my son up for adoption and I refused. I wasn’t going to allow both of us to be cowards. He may have deceived me, hurt me and betrayed me but I wasn’t going to allow his foolishness to ruin ANOTHER life like he tried to ruin mine. It’s better my son have one GOOD parent than be stuck in the foster care system fighting for his life because his BAD parent suggested it. I will do anything for my son and I love him.
Back to this “thirstiness”….not every woman who gets involved with a man in his position is pressed. Sometimes men meet women who are genuinely kind. Some of us are strong minded and have positive attitudes. I had faith in Priest. I was pulling for him. I am soft hearted and he knew it. I have empathy and compassion. I was loyal and encouraged him to be a better man. But instead of protecting both SaDonya and I from additional hurt he led us both down a dismal path of drama, deceit, heartache and frustration. I have taken accountability and responsibility for my own actions in this situation. My first instinct was to run when he told me he was separated. Some say I should’ve pulled off and left him at the restaurant our first date was at, I could’ve saved myself a lot of pain. My intentions were to never see him again when I slapped money down on the table to take care of the check. I stormed off pissed about his marital status. What an asshole, I thought to myself. But my heart told me not to leave him there. I drove us to the restaurant. Had I pulled off and left Priest there my son would have never had a chance at life. Thank God, I stayed. After that moment nothing would’ve made me leave Priest. NOTHING….but when he walked away leaving me pregnant, severely ill, broke and abandoned in a roach motel seemingly running back to SaDonya. What else was I supposed to do? I ran so far that now he’ll never be able to reach me or his sonever again.
Now I live a life of peace and serenity. I’m healed loved and supported. I have a level of clarity about love life and relationships that I never had before. The lessons that the men that I have dated taught me inadvertently helped me grow immensely as a woman. I know who I am. I know what I want. I value myself now more than ever. Some people may believe that I must have had low self-esteem before interacting with these men. The truth is I was arrogant cocky and conceited before I met them. They turned that into pure self worth and genuine confidence. I believe in myself and I have a healthier self image. I encourage women to never be pressed for any man. I don’t care who he is. What’s right for you will come to you and you will never have to chase a man or go through drama or another woman to keep him. Ladies, don’t kill yourself over a man he’ll bring another b**** he wants to f*** with to your funeral.