Some people blur the lines of reality. Stalking is about fixation and obsession. People on social media fling the word stalker out there too easy. I’ve been called a stalker several times by men I don’t communicate with or contact. These men all share something in common. Either they couldn’t control my behavior and I refused to do something they asked or I rejected them romantically. MRI studies show that the brain’s response to rejection is the same as its response to physical pain. So, it’s not surprising that people react in the same way as they do when they’re punched in the face. Man gives attention to a woman. Woman expresses her lack of desire for said attention. Man immediately turns hostile.
I believe that men use the term “stalker” so that their victims reputation’s lose creditability. There are plenty of times I have been extremely polite with men and they have still interpreted my rejection as some kind of personal jab. Why is it so hard for men to accept NO? When a woman receives unsolicited attention that she decides she isn’t interested in, she’s forced to respond in a way she believes will create the least resistance. And don’t let that woman be African-American like me, suddenly all types of racial slurs are added to these attacks. A man who complimented me on my beauty and intellect, one who was once interested in me microseconds earlier has now erupted into a derogatory term volcano.
One of the biggest mistakes I made earlier this year was doing a YouTube Video collaboration with a man by the name of Minister Jap. When I first saw him I was absolutely smitten. I don’t really do the whole light-skinned man thing. It’s not really my style. Besides the last two light-skinned I dated gave me problems. How can I value a man’s worth by his pigmentation? Easy, darker skinned men have always proved they are wealthier in the personality AND penis department. I haven’t hit every ball in the league so I can’t say that all fair-skinned African-American men aren’t worth shit, however from my own personal experiences men who have lighter skin have some serious character flaws and entitlement issues. The cocky and arrogance of any man who find’s himself attractive is humdrum to me, however light-skinned men tend to sprinkle that “I think I’m all that” shit on top of their personality. At first glance I’m charmed and intrigued, then after careful consideration I’m suffocating smothered in cheap cologne and cheesy anecdotes. Looks can be deceiving.
As we speak I barely have time to write this blog. My uncle passed away 2 days ago. I’m still hurting about that and I’m just a tad bit overwhelmed with all of my financial responsibilities and obligations in relation to being a mother. Nonetheless, there is something that I have to get off my chest.
Every man I love I lose. Every man I’ve liked has some sort of displeasure in relation me. Every man I’ve involved myself with has single-handedly destroyed my perspective about all men. So my remedy to all of this is don’t become enchanted. I’ve detached myself from men entirely.
Most of the men in my past are still my friends to this day. Because we were friends before we were in a relationship. We have close friendships, great rapport, adoration and show an extreme amount of affection towards each other. We even say I love you. However, I have better friendships with men I have never been sexually connected to. Or so I thought…
Minister Jap and I did a collaboration earlier 2016. I wasn’t too fond of the topic because he wanted to make a mockery out of my two-year celibacy. He believed that women should have sex with men on the first night. I on the other hand encouraged women to wait until after they’ve gotten to know a man. Whether it’s 60 or 90 days it’s up to them. I just don’t think having sex within the first week of two people meeting each other is a good idea. He tried to convince me that women could still get respect from men if they had sex with men on the first night. Ofcourse I wasn’t falling for that bullshit. But I did fall for his charm and humor. I liked him a lot. I had every intention on getting to know him beyond YouTube and as far as I knew that was his desire as well. I wasn’t in as much of a rush as he was however after our first collaboration no matter how childish and immature he sounded I still believed he had potential to be great. I always see good in people. It’s something I do initially and even after they’ve proven me to be wrong I still find something positive to say or think about that person.
Before we did our video together, he told me that he mostly talked about single mothers in his videos. When he said it to me I thought that was very kind of him to give advice to single mothers. I assumed he was a Derrick Jaxn or Trent Shelton type. I had only saw a handful of videos of his and none of them addressed single mothers. It wasn’t until we became friends on FB that I realized what he truly meant when he said he talked about single mothers. Not only did he talk about single mothers but he disrespected us, made fun of us, chastised us, considered us the worse women in the world to be with. It was so sad to me. I was so hurt. How could someone I thought was that amazing turn out to be such an ugly person? There wasn’t an ounce of positivity in sight. All I saw was hatred, rudeness, aggression and belligerence. It was disturbing the amount of carelessness and compulsive posts that were covered on his page all directed towards single mothers and he actually swares it’s the truth. All of the generalizations in the world he says about single mothers don’t make me up as a woman. I know plenty of single mothers who are nothing like the women he speaks about. He had even indirectly made a post about me that specified our interaction togethet. I was burned. We were still in our beginning stages and those times are the best times and for all of it to crash down so quickly shattered my world. I was into him so hard. I’ve met and dated plenty of guys. It comes with the price of beauty. I turned down a lot of guys, I’ve even gave guys chances to prove they’d be good suitors for me.
History taught me to always pay attention to that first sign because that first sign tells you EVERYTHING. You just have to listen. So I pulled away from him. This is when the problems started. He’s created false profiles all over social media contacting me. Even when I’ve blocked him he’s created other profiles to contact me. I don’t understand the fascination he has with me. He told so many people how much he hates me. Usually when a person hates someone they usually block them out altogether. But this man has not done that. In these situations, you’re allowed to be disappointed, and even sad. What’s inappropriate is hounding the other person, and dominating her personal space (virtual or IRL) to the point where she is forced to acknowledge you.
New data about relationships and privacy from McAfee revealed some pretty interesting stats about social media stalking that actually really, really surprised me: apparently, men stalk online more than women do. IN YOUR FACE, BOYFRIEND!
This data says that 46 percent of men stalk their partner, their ex or their partner’s ex on Facebook or Twitter, while the percentage of women was only 37. Similarly, 57 percent of men admitted to logging into their partner’s social media or email account, while only 52 percent of women admitted to doing it also. Okay, so the percentages aren’t super different, but still – I honestly would have never thought that more men would admit to doing that stuff more than women. Read more: http://www.gurl.com/2013/02/05/facebook-stalking/#ixzz4NiurZ7ib
The small problem that the two of us had has grown into some huge issue for him causing him to make videos, posts and blogs about me. He even held a funeral service for me. I’m surprised that more people didn’t think that was demented. People fed right into it and watched. Completely entertained joining in on him and his bias misleading information. Cheering him on has he spoke about my death. This Jap person has the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others. The people who gained strength from watching this merrily joined the bandwagon. I bunch of strangers I don’t even know. But what some people don’t understand that for every 1 person that doesn’t like me there are several hundred that do and they have emailed me information that would expose Minister Jap. However if I revealed what I know I’d be no better than him. Several other women he has dated exclusively have contacted me saying he has done the same thing to them.
Although there are no single behavior that can be considered to be ‘stalking’, the three most common behaviors are 1) Phone calls, 2) Surveillance, 3) Unwanted contact. The possibilities for a partner or ex-partner to harass you are endless. The good news is that from a legal point of view, if the behavior seen in context would make a reasonable person feel fearful, it is good enough for the judge. Repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or any other behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear is enough for a person to be imprisoned.
To me all of this is sad it broke my heart that we even had to go through this. It’s gotten so bad that he has photoshopped pictures of my siblings saying that they sent him friend’s requests on FB. When it’s really him who sent a friend’s request to my sister Alana. In his mind he creates storylines to try to convince people that I am the one after him when in reality I have not contacted him and none of my family has either. He has contacted my family, friends and ex partners trying to pry them for information. He hopes that these people have had bad experiences with me so he can add validity to the lies he has created to imply that he and I have had some type of huge conflict. Then he’ll invite them to come on to his radio show or YouTube channel. He has asked me on several occasions to come on to his show and discuss my issues with other people who weren’t smart enough to pick up on him using them as a puppet in his fictional hateful”Soncerae” play. That type of manipulation takes too much energy to me. I just don’t think that hard about other people and how to make myself look better in the expense of those innocent people. This has been a draining process all year it’s been this back and forth battle between he and I and the innocent people he has pulled in our issues to make it seem like I’m a bad person. People I don’t even know nor have I ever had a problem with burst out of nowhere with this hatred towards me that he created maliciously. I spoke about it in this blog called BITCH NIGGAS UNITED: https://misssonceraevideos.wordpress.com/2016/10/01/btch-niggas-united-black-woman-bashers/
In their relentless, thoughtless, and undisciplined pursuit of their self-serving agendas, they’re quite willing to run over those whom they perceive as standing in their way. They’ll do whatever it takes to “win,” secure the dominant position, or get something they want. Still, for most of the aggressive personalities, causing pain and injury to others is not their primary objective. Triumph is their ultimate aim, even if someone has to get hurt in the process. Sadistic-aggressive personalities, however, are primarily interested in hurting, degrading, demeaning, and inflicting agony upon others. And making someone else grovel is not only the major way sadists secure the dominant position their relationships but also an activity they truly enjoy. See more: http://www.manipulative-people.com/demeaning-as-a-lifestyle-the-sadistic-aggressive/
In this case, he believes I’m also some kind of YouTube Competition. Black Men become extremely popular on YouTube for Bashing Black Women. So it definitely helps him that I’m black and female. It’s just a huge mess that I want to be officially over. Now it’s time to contact the authorities. Which is really not something I want to do but this has gone too far that he has left me no choice. Stalking does not always mean someone following you stealthily on the road.
Stalking tendencies include a multitude of options such as stalking your cyber presence through various social media websites or sending you spam emails or sending lewd messages. The moment you find out that you have a stalker, the first thing you need to do is find out how to get rid of a stalker, for the peace of your mind and the safety of your life.
- Have NO contact with the stalker. Try your best to maintain a safe distance
- Tell others
- Increase personal protection. Make all your pictures and information private on social media sites
- Collect evidence. Keep records of their activities, pictures, texts, and anything else they send you.
- Considering filing for a restraining order.
After trying to convince me that I should have sex with him on the first night this man has now called me a very thing that he said he’d never call a woman who had sex with him on the first night. He and I never had sex, never even officially met yet he has let my rejection compel him to call me a Hoe. He is clearly mentally unstable.