Ever since the announcement of my pregnancy the man I planned on marrying has got on my last nerve. He has not only become difficult to fuck, listen to, communicate with, or enjoy dining with, we can’t even share air without him annoying the absolute fuck out of me. It doesn’t have anything to do with my pregnancy hormones either. It has more to do with the fact that this man has proven to be a complete imbecile. I’m hoping that it’s just a phase and he hasn’t decided to make “village idiot” his career of choice. Where do I begin…..oh ok….
I was unable to get pregnant for many years. The last pregnancy I had was almost 10 years ago when I miscarried. I’ve experienced 3 medical abortions and 2 miscarriages so the pregnancy I am experiencing right now is an absolute miracle. I would have NEVER thought I’d get pregnant. Even when he was snooping through my YouTube videos and found one of me saying that I could not get pregnant he was saddened by the news and confronted me. It was then that I had to explain to him my history and that if after we were married, if I couldn’t get pregnant within a year, I’d leave him so he could start a family with another woman.
Fast forward a month ahead he and I are playing around with an Ovia Fertility app that I
downloaded on my phone to keep up with my menstrual cycle. Just my period. I wasn’t even thinking about Pregnancy. More about tracking my period to make sure I was regular. We spent all of August trying to fill the calendar up with hearts. This is my actual log. Ovia Fertility gets to know your cycle. It tracks your data, from periods to moods to symptoms, analyzes it and tells you when you’re most fertile. The week in green is my fertile days. The drops are the days I logged in my cycle. The hearts represent the times we shared intercourse. As I logged our activity he saw me and participated. We were having fun with it. Not even considering that there was a possibility that I’d actually get pregnant so fast. It was something fun to do. We had planned to get married and have children in the future but we did NOT think it was would happen anytime soon.
3. PLANNED PREGNANCY?
I started feeling some type of way. A way that I can’t explain I JUST FELT DIFFERENT. After a few days of missing my cycle I mentioned it to him. We’d even joke around about having baby cubs. Then we’d laugh and keep it moving like the conversation never took place. Then a few more days went by, then more days and suddenly I realized my cycle wasn’t going on. I took a pregnancy test. No surprise now that the shit came back positive. He heard the news and was happy. I’ll never forget the words that came out of his mouth two days after he realized he was going to be a father. “I guess I can’t have fun anymore.” I looked over at him like….excuse me? He looked miserable like he was watching his life spiraling down the toilet bowl like a turd. Which is funny because the way he handled things after that proved that he was a piece of shit. The baby is coming much faster than we thought and from that day forward he begin to panic.
4. FIRST TRIMESTER NASTIES
I’m almost about to throw up thinking about how often I wanted to throw up during my first trimester. I am so happy that shit is over. I have never belched, farted or felt as exhausted, dizzy and out of energy as I did in my damn life during that time. I thought I was going to die. Did he help no….he begin coming home late from work, working weekends. Nowhere around… Then when he did come home on time he’d be talking about the women he admired at work. EVERYDAY. I started sensing that something was wrong. He came home from work one night with a confession. He was beginning to talk to his ex again and was dating women he met at work. I wanted to rip his dick right off and just put that shit on layaway until further notice. Why he thought I wanted to hear about that shit while I was sick and could barely stomach the smell of him was CRAZY. All I wanted was for him to SHUT UP, LET ME GO TO SLEEP, let me eat what my stomach would handle, stop bitching about cleaning up and KEEP THE AIR CONDITIONING ON 55 degrees because I was HOT. But no….noooooooo he wanted TO NAG about EVERYTHING EVERYDAY….displaying not even an ounce of compassion for me during this time. Part of the time we are sleeping in extended stay hotels the other part of the time we are sleeping in the back of his Ford Explorer in a Walmart Parking lot. All because he can’t make up his mind where he wants us to settle down. He became cruel and ugly. He began insulting me like I was nothing. It was horrible. He said below the belt things. Things that would make me want to punch him in his mouth. Rude disrespectful things. He’s starting to confess about lies he told. I’m trying to compromise…. shits not working. We’d argue so bad and he’d hurt me so bad with what he was saying that I’d start crying my eyes out and each time I’d start bleeding. I was so scared to go to the hospital. I was not ready for them to tell me I was having a miscarriage. I couldn’t even bring myself to even accept that reality. The last time we argued and I bled I showed him my blood filled panties so he could understand the harm he was causing. He tried to leave me during the hardest time of my life 3 times. Each time I asked him to come back.
5. DON’T TURN BACK
Finally, I’m starting to feel better. I think it’s because I actually decided to take over and find a stable place for us to stay without considering what he wants. BEST THING I EVER DONE. I even get out of the bed, did my hair and put some clothes on. I can actually eat without nausea. I made it to the second trimester. But guess who’s still getting on my last nerve? Yeah you guessed it. The man who acted a fool at the ultrasound and during counseling. The man that didn’t tell his family I was pregnant. The man who would go into the bathroom for two hours and get on the phone talking and texting other women. The man who had women calling his phone all hours of the night. The man who would get upset if I burned food or didn’t log into my Hulu account on his laptop fast enough for him to watch POWER. Or if I didn’t wash the dishes or put the toilet paper on spinner the right way. I started having sex with him more often. More than I could during my first trimester and he still wasn’t happy. I had got my sex drive back and my libido was on HIGH… but now I have a baby bump. We are still arguing I’m still crying but it’s not hurting as bad. I’m starting to give up. Every couple of days he’s coming home talking about all of the other women he wants to sleep with and how wonderful they are and their accomplishments. Other days he’d be inconsiderate by simply not coming to our studio apt after work without even placing a call to say he’s late. Meanwhile he was out with another woman. Finally, one Monday afternoon after 3 smooth days, argument free…..we had fun. We went on a date that weekend. He ruined it by calling me with something he had to tell me. Hey says: “I want to date my ex. I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore it doesn’t feel right. I feel different about you. I don’t want our baby. I don’t want any of this.” So I repeat his words back to him and ask him if he’s sure he says YES. I calmly tell him to pack his things and go and never come back.
6. CALM AFTER THE STORM
He’s gone, great….but not at first. First two weeks I was hurting. My family and friends literally had to talk me out of getting out of the bed and talking a walk. I had to tell not just my family and friends but my YouTube subscribers and followers the truth. Once everyone found out about it they were outraged and I received a large amount of public support. This compelled him to begin to defend himself by lying to people saying he never told me he didn’t want the baby and that I was trying to TRAP him from the beginning. Now we all know that’s a bunch of bullshit after the fertility app screenshot I showed you earlier. That’s our real intercourse pattern. ALL OF THOSE HEARTS are us fucking on purpose. No pulling out, no rubbers, no nothing. Him fully volunteering and participating in it FULL FORCE.
It’s November but I remember us talking about having a baby some time in early May and I specifically said I wanted to wait until we were married to do so. I also spoke about how I didn’t believe that getting pregnant was going to be easy. We both did this. We can’t even call this a mistake or accident. Now that we are no longer in a relationship I’ve decided to cut all ties. I don’t want child support or anything. I don’t want friendship. I don’t want to talk. NOTHING. Not because I didn’t love him. Not because I wanted to be a single mother. All I wanted was to have a family with this man. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. I wanted us to be a solid family. I wanted us to have the family he promised me. The marriage the kids….the whole nine. He broke his promise. He broke my heart. My baby and I are a package deal. I’m pregnant. You turn your back on me that means you’ve turned your back on both of us. He was so cruel to me when I needed him most. I’d never trust him with our baby.
Now he’s trying to convince the world that I trapped him into having a baby. Like I used a turkey baster to collect his sperm or like I punched holes in the condoms we never used or tricked
him into thinking I couldn’t get pregnant but could anyway. If I trapped him I’d want that child support check now wouldn’t I? Why would I trap a man who makes $400 a week? He was working on himself. He is broke as hell. I wanted him for reasons that have nothing to do with money or sex. He sucked in both departments. Damn….pick a struggle. You can’t be this fucked up. You even lack moral character. It’s hurtful that the man I loved who spoke to me about planning a future with me over and over and over would LIE and try to make it seem l would actually be that deceitful. All I’ve done is be kind to this man. I’ve given him no reason to think I’d trap him into anything. I’ve always gave him a choice. Even now….he is choosing to walk away. I didn’t force him out the door. I didn’t beg him to stay either. I’m a beautiful woman there are plenty of men who would have loved to impregnate me. I didn’t need him for that. I could’ve hopped on several other dicks without protection on the days I was ovulating and got them to cum inside of me. But for some reason he thinks I just chose him to go through this HELL with. I had no idea this miracle would happen to me. I am so surprised that I am blessed. We are blessed and it’s unfortunate that only one of us will get to experience this. This is something I wanted to share with him but I can’t. I refuse to share this with someone that spent three months trying to ruin this for me. I feel like he did whatever he could to get me to miscarriage or to have an abortion. He didn’t want our baby. No matter how much he tries to lie to people and say he never felt that way because they tell him that it’s wrong that he felt that way. He wasn’t even acknowledging the baby. He never cared. He showed me that with his behavior. He only had to say to me 1 time that he didn’t want the baby. I knew….I already knew. His actions showed me. I hope no woman has to experience this. And you bitches who are trying to trap niggas so you can get a child support check are the sorriest set of hoes on this planet. It’s tricks like you that clicked on this blog thinking I’d give you tips on how to trick a nigga that makes this man even think I’d do something so disgusting.