What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity

As I watched Jordyn Woods speak openly with Jada Pinkett about accusations in regards to her sleeping around with Tristan Thompson I was overwhelmed with compassion, empathy and understanding. She’s a lot more innocent than social media has perceived her as of lately. For a little over a week now the storyline behind Jordyn Woods was that she broke up a happy home that belonged to Khloe Kardashian who is the sister of Jordyn’s bestfriend Kylie Jenner.

Initially Khloe Kardashian’s response to her daughter’s father Tristan Thompson cheating on her with Jordyn (which is ultimately false) was the reason behind her finally deciding to break off her relationship with him. The media (that includes social media) sure does know how to spin shit in their favor. Whatever narrative they want to push they will no matter how false and inaccurate it is. I’ve saw so many false versions of this story it is ridiculous. Even after Tristan cheated on Khloe on a few other occasions one of which was during her pregnancy, Khloe helped the media try to destroy Jordyn’s reputation over a handful of mistakes. They crucified this woman. She did not deserve this. Khloe should have broke up with Tristan long before this story. She shouldn’t have been with him to begin with. Being as though when she met Tristan he was dating JordyC who was then pregnant with his first child. His child with Khloe is his second.

What impressed me during Jordyn’s interview with Jada Pinkett on her show Red Table Talk, that aired on FacebookTV, was how Jordyn took accountability for making poor choices. One by attending Tristan’s after party to begin with. It led me to look at my own situation that I’ve spoken about a few times on my YouTube Channel. Taking accountability for a poor choice is the secondary reason for why I share 20% of my life on YouTube. The main reason I do so is because I want to help others make better choices. Jordyn speaking the absolute truth during this interview is the beginning process to her own personal healing as well as Khloe’s. Khloé Kardashian has had a change of heart after previously slamming Jordyn Woods and claiming the model was responsible for breaking up her family with Tristan Thompson.

Society has the proclivity to blame women when men behave in ways that are cruel and insensitive. As if men somehow become half witted when sexuality comes in to play. The truth is that men know exactly what they are doing. They are not confused at all. But as women we need to take accountability in regards to our own choices. If we behave as men or even close to how they do we are demonized. I was sure to send that to Khloe Kardashian myself on Instagram. I needed her to understand that Tristan Thompson had been cheating the entire time and that she was taking her frustrations out on Jordyn instead of him. When the truth is the entire situation is the fault of Khloe’s herself for continuing to make poor choices in men. Tristan showed Khloe Kardashian who he was the moment he chose to date her while he was in a relationship with another woman while she was pregnant. Then he confirmed it when he was caught cheating two other times with video footage to prove it.

It was easy to say this to Khloe Kardashian because I myself had made poor choices in men. We have all made mistakes. Even Khloe herself has been the woman who stole someone else’s man. Even I have been a mistress in my youth. Let me just say that I do NOT believe that mistresses are homewreckers. I believe that insecure husbands wreck their own homes. Not to praise the side chick, but side chicks are usually SINGLE. They have NO ONE to answer to. Being honest about participating in affairs was easy. The initial response I received from others was of non judgment. Most people realize that mistakes can be made. We are human. Taking the holier than thou route is unusual for some. We remain in a place of acceptance and love. Then there are folk who refuse to look in the mirror at their own flaws and shortcomings and project an elevated level of judgement upon someone else. By expressing their disapproval of someone else’s behavior in a way that is so insensitive vile and disturbing. As if that prognosis is fitting to someone as hypocritical as they are.

I look at the stories of others who have talked about their own lives publicly and a lot of women refuse to be honest about their situations with men. My email inbox lit up with stories from women who were in extramarital affairs, when people found out my son’s father, Priest, was separated. Which was something he revealed to the public after telling me to not discuss it publicly. Most of the women who emailed me were genuinely confused. Some were so nice and understanding and really had hopes that their lover would leave his wife. I’ve never been that type of women, full of hope. Nowadays husband’s are leaving their wives for other women without hesitation. So it’s no longer outlandish to believe a man will never leave his wife. Especially if his behavior is as inappropriate as participating in an affair. Even when I was playing side chick to a man named Chris, he knew where I stood and I was happy in my position. I was heartbroken over my ex, Lloyd. I wanted nothing from Chris outside of what we were doing and I never pressured him for more. I was in no position to be in a committed relationship and all I needed was a transitional man to help me move past my broken engagement to Lloyd.

In 2010, I realized while seeing Chris during his engagement, that he was with me during that time because he wanted to. He wanted to lie to his wife. It had nothing to do with me. She was always out of town and according to him he had every reason not to trust her. It wasn’t even my business. I tried to stay out of it. Their issues were plaguing their relationship long before he met me and were even worse after they were married. In some ways I think Chris was using me as an escape from a marriage he never wanted to be in. Our temporary arrangement served it’s purpose and he and I both were in stages in our lives where we both needed what we were giving each other. We were both heartbroken.

In 2017, when I met my son’s father Priest I wasn’t even expecting him to be who he is to me now. I knew he’d be in my life forever. I usually continue to stay friends with men I’ve dated previously. Now in 2019 my son’s father and I do NOT talk and I will never be his friend. It wasn’t because of his broken promise of promoting me from mistress to wife. I was never his mistress. I was always his wife. I’m still his wife. Marriage to me is a promise I make to myself, my husband and God. It’s hard to break that promise and it took a long time for that soultie to break. I still struggle with it everyday. Even though we’ve been broken up since I was 5 months pregnant. My son is 9 months as I write this entry. Priest has never met our son and he most likely never will. I’m dating but I am still loyal to him. It will take time for me to fully feel comfortable with another man. What’s painful to me is that Priest perpetuated a stereotype for self gratification. Just so people wouldn’t hold him accountable for abandoning me during my pregnancy. He made it seem to the public that I was his bitter mistress. A woman who was trying to break up the home of a happy devoted husband. A husband with an amazing wife that he treated like a Queen. When the truth is he was a broken man who had been separated from his wife for years. Their marriage was terrible and riddled with dishonesty, betrayal, physical altercations and infidelity. Her and I interacted with each other and she confirmed their separation and approved of our spiritual bond. Priest & I were building a family, business and a happy life together. In no way at any time did I have to try to convince him to do so. Their marriage was over. She was in love with another man and he was with me. He and I went to his family functions together. We prayed, we meditated, we planned, we shared, we started a business, we lived together, we laughed together, we worked out together, we cried together. Our relationship was REAL. But only REAL to ME….it was a game to him. Without him realizing the consequences.

When I think back at all of the things I put up with it angers me that he treated someone as bad as he treated me. He was judgemental as if he had room to do so. I was someone who accepted him for him. When he told me he didn’t have his GED, I didn’t judge him. When he told me that he lied about Sadonya and their failed marriage I tried to understand him wanting to keep their friendship. When he told me he went to the Dominican Republic the year before and had experienced problems with his penis after he had indulged in prostitution, I had patience. When I found out he barely made a decent living, didn’t own his car or home, had weird phobias and grooming rituals I didn’t pass judgment. Most women would have left him behind his erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation alone. I foolishly stayed. Through his personal issues in regards to oral hygiene and Gurd I held on all the way in love. Accepting all of him. He loved Tarot Readings and conspiracy theories, I smiled at his awkwardness. He also had a weird sexual fascination with midgets. I admit that knowing he had been with prostitutes it scared me. I was worried about my own health. I encouraged us to use condoms and get testing. Later on I had to tell him that the cold sores he’d get on his mouth was because of Herpes, he had no idea. I got REALLY scared. Instead I still held on and tried to clean up his act.

I think what was big of me was me accepting Sadonya. They had been together for 14 long years. She is 10 years his senior and he was her second husband. She had children from her previous marriage. I initially didn’t want her around at all. With time I simply respected that they had built a friendship and that she’d be around. I didn’t think she would cause problems, she seemed kind. But her true colors showed themselves with time just like his. They begin to vilify me as if I was the problem behind why their marriage was such a disgrace. He was so upset that I told the public the truth about our break up, claiming I told too much of my business. Yet, he had been telling Sadonya our personal business our entire relationship. He led me to believe they stopped communicating briefly during our relationship when the truth is they never did. It was her who ended up revealing that to me after my son was born.

As if I came to them and convinced them to both step outside of their marriage and fall in love with other people. They both played with my life like I didn’t matter at all. Had Sadonya kept her distance from our situation then it would have been easy for me not to blame her for the demise of my relationship and friendship with Priest. Had she not lied for him and acted as if he didn’t abandon me in a hotel pregnant. When in reality I was calling her looking for him after he blocked my number and everytime she’d find him. Had she stayed away from what we were trying to build he wouldn’t have been so confused when it came time for him to be a father to our son. He was initially leading me to believe that he was happy he was becoming a father. Them two never had any children together. I believe as a man it was Priest’s job to protect both her and I. As our friend. If he still had feelings for her he should have stayed away from me. If he had feelings for me he should’ve stayed away from her. Instead he hurt us both. I was livid with her. Even to this day I can’t stand her. Not because he claimed to still love her and it was our reason for breaking up. But because she encouraged him and then lied publicly about our experience. She defended him publicly but secretly came to me singing another tune. Now they are still NOT together but led the public to believe they were. They didn’t just lie to me they had been lying to their own families for years about the nature of their relationship. Their entire marriage was a sham. They led people to believe it was perfect. Instead of simply leaving the marriage and bettering themselves for a better partner. They simply put up with each other just so they could both live the facade of a perfect marriage for their family and friends.

These two tried to tarnish my image. I am honest with everyone even when I speak of my flaws. I do not hide who I am and I don’t care what people think. They are in no position to judge me. I can understand a couple wanting to work out their relationship or marriage. That makes sense but don’t lead people on as if you love and care for them when you don’t. Everyone is doing the best that they can with what they know so I am trying to understand that and forgive. But for 2 people to hurt me the way they did without any remorse but point the finger at me like I’m the homewrecker is hard to forgive. Now people go around spreading the lies they told. My reputation is now dripping with disdain with talks of stealing someone’s husband and getting pregnant. I never lied about my situation with this couple. I never wanted to. Being ridiculed over this hurt initially. Especially during my pregnancy. Then I realized that most of the broken people going out of their way to try to hurt me have done worse things with their lives. I’m not the first woman to plan a future with someone headed for divorce and I won’t be the last.

Married men aren’t using women for sex when they cheat. Married men are using women to help them get through emotional pain connected to their broken marriage. Some marriages can be healed some can’t. Chris and Priest’s marriages didn’t make it. The problems of their marriages were so severe it couldn’t be fixed. Either way they both misused me and will not admit it. Even Chris participated in trying to ruin my reputation. Some married men even want their wives to find out about their affairs so they can have a reason to leave a broken marriage. Some married men are confused about what they want. Some don’t know themselves well enough to make a conscious decision.

Here’s what I’ve learned from Chris and Priest. If you are a mistress wondering where your situation with a married man is going to go don’t wonder any further. When you fulfill the extreme sexual fantasies of any man during a time in his life where he is at his lowest and using sex to fix it he will call you a hoe for doing so. Whether he leaves his wife or not do you really want a man who would consider hurting a woman in any way? He’ll find a way to hurt you. He’ll lie and cheat on you too. That’s why I never fully gave my heart to Chris. When a man is genuinely separated from a woman and you know he’ll be getting a divorce don’t be with him until he is completely out of his marriage. Even then it could. Be a risk. It takes time to completely heal from a marriage. Priest admitted that he was with me while he still had feelings for Sadonya he just wasn’t man enough to tell me he still wanted to be with her until after it was too late. Priest and Sadonya never got back together. He didn’t leave me for her or her for me. He just used their marriage as a tool to run from the responsibilities associated with being a good man and father. I required more from him than Sadonya. My standards and expectations are higher. I wouldn’t even bother with divorced men. Even if he doesn’t want that marriage he’ll still try to use it as a crutch when or if he wants to no longer be in a relationship with you or as an excuse to why he behaves in a way that is inappropriate.

Men are not held responsible for their mistakes and poor choices. The world can be weak and blame me for Chris and Priest’s mistreatment of me and the other women who loved them but I will now and forever hold them accountable. The women they loved hurt them so they in turn hurt me. I am the one person who did not judge or hurt either of them. The vicious cycle of hurt people hurting people will continue as long as people are not held accountable. We all need to find healthy ways to heal from heartbreak.

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