The way that Black Men continue to justify them abandoning their children paralyzes our community entirely. The “Single Mother” is always the one that is blamed when these men walk away from their children only out of convenience for them. When my son’s father contacted me (from work) , during my 5th month of pregnancy, to tell me he wanted to get back with his ex and that he didn’t want our baby the public pressured me to still give this man endless opportunities to be inside of our son’s life. Forget the fact that this man publicly humiliated me and left me to die in a cheap nasty stinky roach infested hotel BROKE and SICK during a high risk pregnancy. Forget that us going to an extended stay hotel was his idea. It was his fault we hadn’t moved into an apartment yet. Those #facts amongst plenty more are evidence that this man’s character is questionable in general. But fuck that, Let’s just convince Soncerae that she needs to make sure this toxic man continues to have access to her and her son. As if abuse and negligence can’t be passed down to another generation. I’m sure he picked it up from somewhere.
Earlier today I was doing a livestream for single mothers. Attempting to explain to them why the fathers of their children were avoiding them. (CLICK PICTURE ABOVE) During this livestream a few people came into my LIVECHAT reminding me of the false narrative regarding my son’s father. It was a comment I saw on another video that also made me realize that the story behind why my son and his father haven’t met is the typical story men assign to EVERY situation. Just soo they can justify a man not physically being there for his child. I’m assuming it’s a part of the boy code to justify a man abandoning his own child. It’s just automatically the mother’s fault. The one that didn’t get an abortion. The one that didn’t put her child up for adoption. Yep, she’s the reason that man left and shouldn’t be held accountable. Here are the typical excuses people give men who are absentee fathers. These are the reasons people give me for why my son’s father decided to not be in our son’s life.
Excuse #1 – YOU PUT HIM ON CHILD SUPPORT
I’ve always hated the concept of child support. I thought it was cop out for men. It is not a substitution for being a father. IDK why men think tossing chump change to the mother of their child monthly is like some remarkable act of kindness and that we should be jumping for pure joy every time we see it. The average hard working everyday man is barely making any real man money to begin with. IDK why these men think Single Mothers are so pressed for $2. Most single mothers don’t even bother filing for child support to begin with.
My son’s father asked to be on child support. It was his idea for me to file. He brought it up during my pregnancy and insisted that he’d pay it. I only wanted DNA testing. That’s what made me file. He publicly humiliated me by telling people that I was trying to pin a baby on him that wasn’t his. I proved myself.
We spoke about getting DNA testing outside of court but we could not agree on the way to handle it. Filing for child support eliminated a lot of unnecessary drama. He didn’t want to deal with me. I didn’t want to deal with him. After he was on it he tried to get me to take him off it implying that if I didn’t do so he was going to make things more complicated for us. When actually it organized things. I didn’t take the threat of him purposely ruining my life, any further, serious. His pay is now garnished. His child support goes into my son’s trust fund “Happyness Seeds”.
Child support is not a substitution for FATHERHOOD. So to say me filing child support STOPPED him from being a father is nonsense. Men don’t want to be on it because it forces them to be responsible. They use a woman filing as way to justify why they behave immaturely. As if her behavior is the catalyst for why he’s choosing to distance himself from his own children. And none of you see how much sense that doesn’t make?
Excuse #2 – YOU TRAPPED HIM WITH PREGNANCY
So you mean to tell me that these grown ass men just trip over an extension cord and fall into this well designed coochie trap or twisted web of lies and deceit that somehow magically gets their sperm suctioned from their bodies while they frantically fight for their lives? Stop it ya’ll, seriously. No one with functioning brain activity is buying that brand of bullshit. Like women are walking around here trying to trap BROKE ass men. Most men are working class. Women consider having babies with you because they care for you. Not to trap you for the money you DO NOT have. This is still not reason enough to abandon a child. YOUR child.
I have a 19 year old daughter. I spent years after she was born trying to have another. I’ve had all kinds of miscarriages and unwanted medical abortions. The fact that I even ended up pregnant by this guy to begin with is an act of God. A damn unsolved mystery. Our son is the 9th wonder of the world. I’ve tried to purposely have a baby by better men with education and wealth and it didn’t happen for me. Men that actually wanted me to get pregnant. Why would I trap this guy?!? The man with no GED or decent income?!??!
Excuse #3 – HE’S MARRIED
He wasn’t married when he was banging his mistress now was he? Why be married now!??! For the record there wasn’t a damn thing about my son’s father that was married. His own faux wife wasn’t even married. When I met Priest, SaDonya was somewhere being some other man’s side chick. The Bitch was having a HOT GIRL SUMMER. She also had the balls to bring this involved man to her own apartment to meet Priest. Even encouraged Priest to have us all sit down together for dinner. What’s kind of sick and twisted “marriage” is that?! Neither one of those boneheads fooled me. They definitely threw ya’ll for a loop though. Yes, the gruesome twosome are officially and legally divorced NOW. When I was pregnant both of them, SEPARATED, tried to convince me that their arrangement based on convenient cohabitation was nothing more than a graveyard for a failed marriage. OH noooo we just friends they said….It was only during YouTube interviews that they pretended like they were this solid union and I was on this steadfast demolition project trying to take vengeance on their delicate soul tie. Priest was SaDonya’s 2nd failed marriage. When he made it seem like he left me to circle back to her ya’ll fell for that foolishness like their marriage wasn’t a landfill before I refreshed his life. What does this have to do with our son? I’ll tell you! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Father and Husband are 2 different roles regardless to who the kids or wife are or belong to! He should take responsibility for any and all children! Justice is his first born. He and SaDonya DO NOT have kids together. They were together 15 years NO KIDS! He was with me 6 months, we have a whole son! His bitch ass wasn’t married then and his bitch ass ain’t married now.
I was never Priest’s mistress. I never will be.
He was with plenty of women during their marriage. He was with other women YEARS before I came into the picture according to him. I didn’t find out until after we were in a relationship that he slept with plenty of women WITHOUT protection. Even prostitutes. So spare me with the THIS MAN IS MARRIED SO HE CAN’T TAKE CARE OF HIS KIDS BULLSHIT! There is more to marriage than a legal document obligating you to stick to someone. Your behavior must run parallel to your commitment. If you stand in a garage that doesn’t suddenly make you a Cadillac. Them two lied to me about them divorced papers being signed. Out of jealousy it was her trying to convince him our baby wasn’t his. It was her in my ear pretending she wanted to help he and I. Both of them about that drama.
Excuse #4 – IT WAS A ONE NIGHT STAND/FLING
Any woman who has had a one night stand or fling and ended up pregnant knows that the father is probably only interested in the next fling. A player rarely turns into a parent. Move on and make way for a better relationship and someone who can truly love you and your child. However, there are still men out there who are PLAYERS yet are STILL FATHERS. I know a couple of men like that in Atlanta. They have countless baby mommas but they take care of their kids though. So that is not a good excuse. Shawty Lo had a whole show about his baby mommas. Some of the mothers were bustdowns and some were relationships. He still took care of his kids.
My son’s father and I were not a one night stand. Our sex was terrible. We’ve made love maybe twice. All of the other times we had sex he either couldn’t get it up or was having an orgasm too fast. Our relationship was based on EVERYTHING healthy OUTSIDE of that. We spent more time out and about than indoors having sex. We held hands and talked more than we actually had sex. We did not have a fling. We were in a full blown relationship. We knew each other’s families and everything. This will never be a valid reason for him not to see our son.
Excuse #5 – YOU ARE KEEPING HIM AWAY FROM HIS SON
That man wants to be away. I’ve tried for two years to get this man to focus on his child instead of whatever disdain he had for me. He attempted one time to try to do the right thing. I’m done with trying to force some type of relationship on a man who doesn’t want to be there. Doing that will only teach my son to love someone that doesn’t love him. If I was deliberately keeping my son from his father it would be better that way. All his father will do is harm him. He didn’t care about our son in the womb. He didn’t show up for his birth. He didn’t even want to show up for our son’s first birthday party. I’m done trying.
Men fight for custody of their children and visitation all of the time. There would be NO WAY I could legally keep a man from a child he wants. My son’s father is not around our son because he doesn’t want to be. Not because I’m keeping him from him. But you damn straight I don’t want him around. It’s not about my feelings though. It’s about my son. His father has already proven that he doesn’t want to be in our child’s life and I have already made peace with that. I want my son to have a good father. I rather him have no father than a toxic one.
Excuse #6 – YOU ARE TOO ANGRY/YOUR FEELINGS ARE HURT
He’s lucky me telling my story publicly was all I did. He should be happy I didn’t set his ass on fire when I got my strength back. I outta send him to hell where his Luciferian ass belongs. But I have more sense than that. How is what he did to me ok in the eyes of anyone? After abandoning me in that terrible condition with child, to add insult to injury he publicly lied about me as if I was the complete opposite of who I truly was to him. Just so he could ruin my career, tarnish my image and stop my bag. What was I supposed to do? Send his ass a fruit basket? You have no idea the pain and turmoil that narcissist created. I’m tired of men doing things like this while getting a pat on the back from everyone else who has a penis. Meanwhile people are looking at me on some “shame on you” nonsense as if I was as cruel to him. All I did was SPEAK UP! Honestly. That’s nothing new! I had been speaking about him honestly on my channel when I was calling him my King who I was madly in love with. Why lie now that I’m finding out who he truly is? It’s ok to praise him publicly when he was pretending to be my knight in shining armor? But it’s not ok for me to be just as honest when the cat jumped out the bag and revealed that he was just a clown in tin foil??
Angry is an understatement. I was a number of emotions. After being vulnerable, submissive, docile and fragile with a man who only kicked me while I was down you damn right when my strength was gathered I wanted to come charging at him. I was red. My high risk pregnancy was terrible. I had no choice but to be on bedrest. I was SO SICK! It was so bad. My pregnancy was UGLY! I was so weak. I could barely eat or drink. I was nauseous, vomiting and bloated. And I was hungry at the same time. I had weird cravings. I hated how everything smelled. Everything tasted metallic. I was thirsty. I was cramping. I have a 35+ year old body. I was emotionally all over the place. My legs and waist ached terribly. My back and neck hurt. I had terrible heartburn. I kept burping. I kept having to pee. My feet and breast were swollen and sore. My breast tingled. I had migraines. I was forgetful. I was dizzy. I felt faint all of the time. I was HOT. I was sweating. I was drooling. But then sometimes my mouth would be wayyyyy to dry. My nose would bleed. I had shortness of breath. My nose was stopped up. I was exhausted. I had vivid nightmares. My boobs and stomach itched. My skin nails and hair were beautiful though. I had severely painful muscle spasms daily. Meanwhile his goofy ass was somewhere lying to the world claiming I cheated on him and our son wasn’t his. I was faithful. I gave my all to him. All he gave me was his ass to kiss. Of course I’m angry. How he treats my son makes me even more angry. But I’m working on that.
Most men run from drama and anger, especially if it is their fault. Rather than own up to it they will disappear, even if it means abandoning their child. In their mind they don’t see it as abandonment but as self-preservation. As long as I remain angry and or bitter he will avoid me and his responsibility. Just because he needs an excuse.
What does my anger have to do with him taking advantage of fathering a child that belongs to him? NOTHING.
It’s easy to avoid a woman you are not interested in dealing with. The magic about co parenting via the court is that you get to see your kids and not have to deal with the other parent. I was making it easy for him by begging him to be around. He squandered his wealtth. Now I don’t care if my son and his father never meet. I hope he hates me. …With a passion. …As much as I loved him…
Excuse #7 – HE’S EMBARRASSED
He should be. He did it to himself. He couldn’t care any less about my hurt or anger. What did he think was going to happen after he humiliated me? Lied to my family and the public pretending like he was in love and wanting to be married. He lied to my favorite people. All of my friends, my fans, my supporters! If me speaking the truth about him embarrasses him then good. He’s ashamed he has a baby he was unprepared for by a woman he played? He has a baby ON PURPOSE by a woman he didn’t even care about. That’s just stupid. But what does it have to do with taking care of your responsibility and being a father? NOTHING.
You embarrassed. Deal with it. Women have things to be embarrassed about too when the fathers of our children leave us for trivial reasons, they cheat or lie. You think we wanted to be a baby momma and not a wife? That’s embarrassing to a lot of women. We deal with it and move on. We are still moms regardless.
Excuse #8 – HE’S AFRAID
So was I! Terrified! I wasn’t ready. I had no money. No place to live. No family! I was scared but I hopped on a plane and moved 2,000 from GA to CA like a G. I started my life over. He couldn’t care any less about my hurt or anger or FEAR. Why should I be concerned about his? He is not in PAMPERS. I will save the compassion for our son. I put my big girl pants on and got to work! That’s how life works. Not everything goes how it’s planned but you fix it! You move forward! You don’t run from it. You face your fears. Us both being afraid and unprepared was the perfect opportunity to work as a team to get us both out of that situation. But was he focused on that? NO. He was worried about the scattered ass of Atlanta. He was more concerned about who could clap their ass on his lap. That is NOT an excuse to run. Period. Stare that fear in the face and tackle to the ground. I have more of a backbone than him apparently. I’m not going to be ashamed of that. He was bold enough to play with my body, my life…..even bold enough to waste his own time. I’m supposed to believe that this “fear of being a father” crap is real??
Men who are afraid of parenting, or anything need to learn one thing: HOW TO HAVE COURAGE. Courage isn’t about not being afraid. It’s about stepping out there in spite of that fear. I will never understand how a man can NOT be afraid to put his phallus in the mouth or vagina of a strange woman without protection and not be concerned about whether he gets AIDs or HIV. But turns into a complete wuss the second he believes his freedom is going to be taken away from him because he’s having a child Men have done much more dangerous things in this world daily than be a father. I’m tired of the excuses. Men father children everyday. Some even father children that aren’t their own. If you are walking around talking about you are afraid and instead of having courage YOU RAN….you are a coward. Period.
Excuse #9 – He didn’t want a baby. He asked you for an abortion.
Asking a woman to murder a child is a tall order. Expecting her to actually do it FOR YOU is even taller. You are asking a woman to put a innocent child BEFORE YOU. I’m glad my son’s father didn’t ask me to have an abortion. That was never going to happen anyway. If men don’t want children why don’t they use protection? Why do they sell women these dreams of white picket fences, dogs and nuclear families only to act brand new when the pregnancy test comes back positive? If these men don’t want babies they need to put their money where their mouth his. They need to stop thrusting their pelvises at the first “bad bitch” they see.
Other women may pacify men. Other women may enable men and justify their bullshit as a means to help them sleep better at night, but I am not the one. None of these reasons for not parenting a child you know is yours are valid.
BEING A GOOD FATHER IS A GOOD CHOICE! BEING A DEADBEAT IS A BITCH MOVE, HANDS DOWN!