Category Archives: Feminism

Black Women Need To Quit Being Weak | The Derivative of a Pick Me

Sometimes I am not surprised at how bad Black Men treat Black Women. Especially when I see how most Black Women aren’t supportive of each other. I’m seeing too many women say too many ridiculous things online. Especially the PICK MEs. A PICKME’s only motivation for shaming other women is getting acceptance from men. If that requires them to throw other women under the bus, they don’t seem to have a problem doing that. And in this time when women need to stick together more than ever, ain’t nobody got time for that. These type of women don’t even bother holding men accountable for anything. This brings me to one goofy broad who ignored me deleting her unnecessary comments the first time and decided to comment two more times after expecting to be seen and ultimately got disappointed. I can always tell when I’m dealing with one of those chicks that posts anything on social media to get social acceptance. It’s nothing worse than a PICKME who didn’t catch the drift the first time.

My deadbeat baby daddy, Priest, wearing a mask of sanity, decided he wanted to join the flood of socially awkward men on YouTube. This non-inclusive group of weirdos who use that platform to bitch and complain about Black Women they were too unsuccessful and mentally challenged to keep up with. When I was dating Priest he depicted himself as PRO-BLACK. It wasn’t until later on that I realized he was a HOTEP promoting psuedo-consciousness. Walking around with a head full of dreads and an ANKH but shallow as a puddle underneath. For him to use the platform of Tommy Sotomayor who has stated plenty of times how much he hates NIGGAS/Black People especially Black Women shouldn’t have been a surprise to me. Priest will camouflage into a tree lizard looking for a branch to sit on if it stops him from having to take responsibility for his actions and depicts someone else as the problem for his misfortune. He blended in quite well with that bullshit sector of underachieving men. I posted a picture of my son and I together who are doing perfectly fine without him.

After victimizing himself on Tommy Sotomayor’s platform pinning me as the villian WITHOUT even mentioning the fact that he’s an absentee father by choice and abandoned a pregnant severely ill woman in a roach motel (AVOIDING THE big ass elephant in the room) I wanted everyone to be sure that I was unbothered by his attempts to gain favor with a bunch of strangers who troll the internet. Those actions weren’t getting him any closer to being the man he needs to be for our son. It only proved he has ill intentions for both me and my son.

In the caption on my community tab I posted:

#SingleMomLife Let me reassure everyone …my son and I are happy, healthy and live a life filled with privilege and camaraderie. When I was pregnant I was on YouTube asking for donations to help me move to California. I spent my first year here struggling. But I wanted a better life for my son that being in Atlanta couldn’t provide. If you sent me a donation rest assured that I did everything I said I was going to do with it. I live the life I said I would. I wanted a new better paying career. I have that. I wanted us both to be surrounded by different cultures and successful men and women. We are. My son is fortunate to have positive male role models. He also has a life that his biological father would have never been able to provide and still can’t. He doesn’t have the mental capacity to do so. One thing that I know brings Priest great sorrow is that our son and I are happiest without him. He thought I’d struggle forever or continue to beg him to be in our lives. Doing this on my own required me to have to make extreme changes and let a lot of things and people go. Both internally and externally I evolved. I’m glad I did. Ladies sometimes you are going to have to let go of the men you love deeply because their chapter in your life is over. Sometimes even if they ended the chapter themselves they will kick and scream dying on the inside because they never believed you’d let them go. If I had to do it over and choose between staying with Priest and watch him juggle me and other women or experiencing the trauma of his abandonment while being Justice’s mom, I’d chose Justice over Priest and go through that heartbreak all over again. 💙 My son is worth every tear I shed. Priest will continue to fall short of what it means to be a good father, good friend, good husband or partner. He has yet to understand what it means to truly be a man. There was no man in his life to teach him and the men that were there weren’t the best role models. I will not subject my son to that. I know that the universe will continue to bring men in my son’s life that will help him be a better man than his father will ever be. Priest is behind on child support. Child support he asked to be on. I was only rewarded $264 a month. His pay is now garnished. No I am not on welfare, Section 8 or public assistance. I work hard for every cent. If you want to donate to us. You can. All of it goes directly to my son. $LittleJustice is his CashApp. I appreciate everyone who has supported us and everyone who still invests their time and energy into us. We live a good life because of your positivity. His father’s negative words and actions do not effect us at all. We are happy and grateful. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. May the universe continue to bless you all. I wish nothing but the best for everyone. 💙

Then in came the goofy broad with this fuckery:

Broads like these be the first ones on DATE #1 ready to hop on the dick of a man who puts it together nice and picks up the check. You a special melanin star but quick to put down the most disrespected unprotected human being on the planet, YOURSELF. Another African American woman who has the same tone and gender as you. These problacks online are so befuddled. I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer but what I picked up on was that this dragon lady was on to something.

So instead of trying to explain to someone with a weak constitution where I was coming from I just deleted the content and moved on. I’m not interested in confrontation of any kind. It wasn’t until she made several more comments that didn’t make any sense that brought to my attention that this woman was either a man hiding behind a fake profile or this bitch really thought she had a penis. Have you noticed how men team together no matter how much dirt they do? Women don’t do that. Women defend men and make excuses for them. Black Women are primary enablers of Black Men. Women like this will disguise themselves and pretend like they are type that’s not tripping off of a man when really everything she says and does is to get the adoration of a man. Especially if she doesn’t have sense publicly show a level of loyalty to Black Sisterhood.

Now I’m not foreign to the concept of Black Sisterhood. I have plenty of healthy friendships with women of color. When I was pregnant with my son plenty of women came out of the woodwork supporting me as a single mother. I received plenty of emails and comments from women understanding exactly what I was experiencing. It is so many of us experiencing the same things with men that it is easy to find women alike.

How this woman’s take away from this comment turned into something about PENIS is beyond me. Nothing in my post said anything about me being addicted to PENIS of any kind. I’ve been known to be a cock tease. Even though a shitload of men I’ve never had sex with talk about me like I’m the whore of Babylon. Men who have dealt with me first hand know how much of a prune I am. Especially when I haven’t consumed an ounce of alcohol. I need to be pissy drunk to engage in sex. I’m sure this woman has been following my story for a long time because this wasn’t the first time I saw her goofy ass comment in my comment section. So she is pretty much aware that Priest and I did not have a relationship based on sex. Sex was a big issue in our relationship. It wasn’t good. It was a problem and that’s the main reason why he no longer wanted to be in a relationship. I wasn’t open to sex enough. Nor was I turned on. He had erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. It was difficult for us to have sex. We were better at all other things in a relationship that are important. NOT SEX, sweetheart. He has admitted himself that our sex was NOT the best. We barely had it. I’m surprised we have a child together.

Then she spoke about the mental maturity of a man and how women just have babies with these type of men. Newsflash bimbo, no woman is walking around looking for the nearest village idiot to have a baby by. I can’t stand when women try to act like narcissists are walking around with huge neon signs on their forehead that say “I want to fuck you over, be dumb, lie, make all of these promises, be the man you want me to be for however long and then turn into a complete asshole once I impregnate you. I’m no good for you.”

After I was left sick in a hotel broke by a man who just drained me financially, emotionally and spiritually, a man who later explained that he never genuinely had feelings for me and was just using me, she leaves this comment. And We’ve already established that he wasn’t using me for sex so it’s obvious it for money. Somehow, this twat waffle suggested that women need to stop looking for handouts. Most people don’t think shit through before they comment online so IDK why I allowed this comment and the several others that followed to annoy me so much.

Now let me explain why I think this scally wag was on to something.

I definitely agree that women should stop being so starry eyed when they experience good penis. Posting that comment would have made sense on an entirely different post or video. It’s funny how people put IJS behind dumb shit like it made the comment before it look more logical. No bitch the comment was still stupid and hateful. It wasn’t until I read the subsequent comments after that I realized she was a PICK ME. I was like ohhhhhh she’s posting this so she can look good for the men online who dog me out for being a single mom. Ohhhhh this comment is for THEM not ME! I get it! She was insulting the absolute fuck out of me. And all of her comments were demeaning and aimed to poke fun at my strength and independence as a woman. Why are their so many people trolling like that online? What is wrong with you weirdos? I’ve known women who have criticized other black women to the point of completely humiliating them. How sad that a race of people that have progressed so far still have so far to go in terms of relationships with one another.

For years on my YouTube channel I spoke about how derogatory and disrespectful African American people are to each other. I’ve spoke about how entertainment and media set the tone for how a lot of people deal with each other in real life. I’ve specifically said for my audience to not drink the poison of negativity. Everything that you consume daily will manifest into your life, whether it’s music, books or a show on Netflix. You have to be careful. Media is powerful. Imagine how many vicious rumors that were spread about me that were obviously lies, all because people found it entertaining. You don’t even realize how these rumors have brought people into my real life who have looked at me believing I’ve done things I’ve never done. Most people can’t even decipher the difference between YouTube and reality.

Think of all of the shows that promote and in essence, condone bad attitudes and bad behavior among African American women. Imagine what kind of thoughts young black boys and young black girls have. The danger is the boys thinking African American women are something to be feared or either completely avoided at all costs.

Think about all of the negative videos about African American women online that are all propaganda? That material has destroyed real relationships. I’ve seen it happen. My own son’s father has allowed these men on YouTube to encourage him to make poor choices in life. It has created more damage. If you are a man and are surrounded by men who disrespect women, you will begin to disrespect women, Perception is reality. One person’s perception of an individual can rub off on those who are looking for social acceptance.

I just want to tell this goofy broad listen honey:

Love yourself so that you will never compare your life to another’s life. Once you fully accept yourself you will be able to accept others and not be so judgmental when interacting with them.

Love your sisters so that when someone reads your comments they will learn from you and want to emulate that positivity. A younger generation is watching you whether you believe it or not. You don’t want some young girl picking on some other young girl for callous reasons. These are the reasons situations start to escalate at Middle Schools and High Schools. Places where our children are supposed to be safe little girls are getting jumped by other girls over boys. It’s because they get these behaviors from adults. These young girls are killing each other just to get adoration from boys. It just happened to Janise Harris. Girls posted video on social media of them jumping her over a boy. This is causing a bigger problem then most Black Women are acknowledging. They can see us on social media destroying each other with these virtual attacks.

Stop judging each other. Respect each other’s journey. The way we as women treat each other is vitally important to all those who are watching us including our children, other women who look up to us, those we lead in our workplaces, those in organizations we belong to and strangers we meet on the street. If we smile it will promote a spirit of love and acceptance. If we frown and look each other up and down, we are sending the message that says, “I already don’t like you,” which definitely causes the receiver of these looks to instantly jump on the defensive end.

Be better friends! Display loyalty! Stop talking behind each other’s backs and being ugly towards each other. Take better care of each other. Listen, love, be compassionate. Don’t ignore each other’s feelings. Don’t tell each other’s secrets. Be yourself. Be giving. Be understanding, flexible and available. Be fun positive and accepting. Be dependable, respectful and appreciative of the friendship. Be considerate and supportive. HAVE PATIENCE WITH EACH OTHER! We already have enough of society coming down on us. No need to be that way towards each other.

Encourage men to take better care of us. Stop putting up with bullshit. Stop sharing men and understand that a lot of times these men are trying to pin you against other women. When you see another woman who may have went through something bad with a Black Man stop automatically assuming it was her that was the problem. When you don’t hold these men accountable they think it’s ok to treat us poorly. Instead of telling women what they should’ve could’ve would’ve did what they should be doing. Instead spead with men. Tell them not to behave in manners that are disrespectful towards women. Tell men…. always treat your women with respect. Encourage your wife, sisters, female friends, and other African American women to treat each other with respect. Don’t allow them to treat each other bad with you as an audience or a supporter of such behavior.

Thank you SPECIAL MELANIN STAR for giving me inspiration to write a blog that encourages women to start treating each other better. I apologize for all of the names I called you girl! I dedicate this blog to you! 🙂 Girl you may not be a traditional pick me however you are a derivative of one. Do better mama!

I Can’t Believe She Made Fun of Me for Being Molested as a Child

(See if you can make it through this blog. I haven’t edited it yet. 😂)

There are definitely some twisted people in this world. I wasn’t sure that was a virtual certainty until I was on YouTube and was severely harassed and stalked. What’s extremely unfortunate is that I was severely harassed by some women. Not a lot of women would indulge in such foolishness. Usually it’s men that harass me severely on YouTube but for some reason I have continuously been harassed by the same woman for 3 years. One would think someone her age would act a little more mature but instead LaVonya Edwards shows a level of ignorance and a lack of compassion for not just me but children in general. She posts vile cartoons of me onto YouTube.  Like who has time to sit around making cartoons about someone they claim they don’t like. A miserable person with too much time on their hands. Not being productive. Someone almost 50 years old participates in elementary school behaviors. She has maliciously addressed my children in my comment sections as well as using her platform to spread vicious rumors about me and my children. I have spoken about this woman’s vitriol behavior plenty of times on my blog. She has attempted to depict herself as some kind of victim of mine continuously speaking publicly of me.  However the truth of the matter is she is the catalyst for all issues she claims she has with me. I have tried on numerous occasions to clear up any type of issue this woman and I may have had in the past. I do not personally know this woman. We have never met. We have never spoke directly to each other offline. She has used my name in a defamatory way to gain attention from the public. I have kept track of all of her negative behaviors and posted those behaviors to this blog.

 

I have spoke a number of times about my experience as a child. I have been extremely transparent about the molestation that I experienced. Sharing my story with others has proven to assist others during their healing process. Molestation happens inside of the black community more frequently than we discuss. These type of indiscretions thrive in privacy. I would have never thought that speaking about it with so much strength and honesty would cause anyone to have a negative response as egregious as the responses that I have received from some people inside of the black community.In addition to speaking about being molested as a child I was also very honest about how it affected my romantic relationships as I got older. Being molested as a child made me look at sexuality in an unhealthy manner. Not in a manner that included me participating in promiscuity but in a manner that made me fear copulation with either sex. The only time I could participate in intercourse would be while I was under the influence of alcohol or drugs. My last relationship was an interesting one. We have a child together. It’s a surprise that we do because our relationship was not based around sex. When he decided that he no longer wanted to be a part of the relationship he viciously posted our text messages onto his own YouTube channel out of frustration. Misleading to the world as if he was this committed married man and I was his mistress he didn’t care about.

He was upset that I had honestly spoke about our breakup. He didn’t want his precious reputation ruined. He wanted everyone to believe that he was the perfect King that I had depicted him to be on my channel for so long. He wanted me to continue to praise this Phantom that he had created and introduced me to. A character that he had created to entertain me. Unbeknownst to me and my family he portrayed himself as the family man, my future husband and loyal friend. When truthfully he was none of the above.As he was playing victim, posting our text messages, exploiting something that was so sacred to me, he shared a text message of him telling me to make sure I bathed. Of course showering is never a problem for me nor was it for him. I was severely ill in a high-risk pregnancy and could barely sit up however I still managed to bathe. My pregnancy was a terrible experience. He never had any sympathy for me. He didn’t care. He didn’t check up on me. I still can’t believe that someone I cared for so deeply would behave in the manner he did. I was extremely catering and kind. I was understanding and patient. I shared my time and my money with this man. I washed his clothes and cooked his food. I drove him to work and brought him lunch. I met his coworkers and his family. This was someone I put all of my trust into. Yet instead of coming on to my channel like I had invited him to so that he could have addressed anything he wanted in regards to what I had said about our break up, he decided to maliciously create his own channel. Only to mislead everyone into believing I was the worst person in the world. I spent most of my time with this man laughing having fun cuddling and holding hands yet he made it seem like I was nothing to him. I told him about how I was molested when I was young. I talked to him about my fears. I talked to him about my desires and my goals and at the end of the day he still betrayed me by interacting with someone he shouldn’t have. Once the public saw the text message we shared about bathing suddenly a rumor started about how I smell. He started to help others perpetuate this rumor that I had vaginal smell. Including LaVonya Edwards. So instead of me taking it to heart negatively I decided to promote a product call Boric Life from a company called Nutri-Blast that helps women with their feminine hygiene. Even though I don’t have the problem myself. I know there are plenty of other women who have experienced the issue. If it wasn’t a problem for most women there wouldn’t be so many feminine health care products.Me promoting this product only happened after two years of being made fun of for vaginal odor that I don’t even have. I spoke in detail during my pregnancy about how different I smelled in general. I also spoke about how one of the symptoms of pregnancy was that anything I smelled made me nauseous. My son’s father’s smell made me nauseous my entire pregnancy. Even when he wasn’t around and I recalled how he smelled it made me nauseous. It wasn’t a usual problem he had unless of course he didn’t eat properly. He had digestive issues. He was on a strict diet and if he wasn’t disciplined enough to stay on this diet he begin to smell. He also had poor oral hygiene. Which was something that he admitted to me after a few months of us being together. He had a nasty excessive habit of spitting. However he did whatever he could to make sure that he did not have a foul odor. These weren’t things I made fun of him about. They were just things that I learned to accept about him, maturely. Unfortunately, he did not return that same maturity.After the release of these text messages I was severely harassed by someone in particular. She used YouTube to create videos about me speaking about my vaginal smell. Speaking of it like she had smelt me herself. For three years now she has made content consistently making defamatory statements about my vagina. She has maliciously lied publicly telling people I have vaginitis and STDs. During a conversation I had about the rumor that was so viciously being spread I said that when I was molested for 6 years during my childhood the men that were molesting me would say that I had vaginal odor. I spoke about how I was aware that when men wanted to make their exs upset or angry  they would call her crazy or say that she has vaginal odor. The equivalent of a woman out of frustration saying that her ex has a small penis.

I was molested as far back as I can remember. I was a child when I was being told that I have vaginal smell. this was being told to me by someone who was cruel and demented. this wasn’t something that was actually true. However, after I made the statement LaVonya Edwards the person who was creating all of the videos about my feminine hygiene twisted that statement and told everyone that I said a whole bunch of men I’ve slept with told me I had vaginal smell. When that was something I never said. Let’s be clear. I said that

when I was a child my stepfather was molesting me and in order to make me feel bad about myself he was telling me ( a six-year-old) that I had vaginal odor.

I know that males say cruel things like that to females to hurt them. Even if I did have vaginal odor, for a woman (almost 50 year old) to continuously make content online for three years in a row about my vagina said something about this woman’s need for a mental health professional. It’s unfortunate to me that any woman what make fun of another as far as something as sensitive as this topic. As women we take pride in our femininity, our motherhood, are marriages, our careers, and our sisterhoods. For any Black woman to lack compassion for another or to place criticism on another for something as severe as the effects of molestation speaks volume about the ignorance inside of the black community. It shows how we have a lack of compassion and understanding for each other’s trials and tribulations. We no longer care about each other’s heart breaks And misfortunes. My Hope for women today as well as women in the future is to have better friendships and better communication during times of controversy or disagreement. I hope that women begin to carry themselves in a more respectable manner so that when they look into the life of another woman instead of placing judgment or being malicious, cruel, jealous or egregious, we extend our hand graciously. Equipped with love and support, with genuine concern and kindness.Being molested was a terrible experience and publicly speaking about it took strength. even my mother took to social media and spoke about it. these are the real conversations that need to take place amongst black women. in a non-judgmental Zone. No woman No Woman should condone any man speaking maliciously or disrespectfully about another woman. In the presence of a real valuable woman all women shall be respected. No man will be able to verbally or physically abuse any woman in my presence. That treatment will not be allowed or tolerated. I will never be a vehicle of belligerent expression that carries the disrespect of feminity. As you grow older always have respect for other women when you are one. Instead of being as disgraceful powerless and castrated (female genital mutilation) as LaVonya Edwards, respect other woman’s motherhood respect other woman’s femininity and most importantly respect the vaginas of other women. Especially when they respect their own.

I’m not hurt by the statements. They just aren’t true. Anyone who is making such a terrible statement like these are angry that I am no longer associating with them. My son’s father included.

Lies Men Tell About Black Single Mothers

There are several topics that are sensitive to single mothers of all colors and ages. Whether we have never been married, we are divorced or we are widowed, holidays can be very hard. Sometimes, because our children are with their Fathers. Court proceedings such as custody battles and/or child support that are stressful also can be overwhelming for single mothers. Some of us care about labels so when people classify our home as a broken one it can be annoying. As if patriarchy has an 100% success rate. If our child or children have extracurricular activities it can be overwhelming to have to handle it alone. Outside of that, society’s perception of single mothers is off the mark. The stigmas put on us are ridiculous. Most of us want to tell you all that we are being blamed for a much larger problem then most are being honest about. We aren’t even the catalyst for people’s shallow agendas. People only believe in statistics when it’s suitable for them or it fits some sort of weird point they are trying to prove. Here are some lies that I’ve heard about us that are so outlandish I can’t begin to describe my disgust with them.

Lie #1 Single Mothers create criminals. – I’ve seen it plenty of times on true crime docuseries. But guess what else I’ve seen. People commit crime who grew up with both of their parents in the household. Crime is usually about the lack of education, low income, drug, physical or sexual abuse, POVERTY. It is not about household structure. There are plenty of single mothers who have structure inside of their homes.

Lie #2 Single Mothers are on welfare. – Damn near everyone on social media had to beg me to file for WIC, Foodstamps and Child Support during my entire pregnancy. I was refusing to get it. I was sick and wasn’t working and still found a way to generate income. I ended up using WIC for about 3 months. I’m not on SECTION 8 or no kind of government assistance. My child support payments are low because of how much money I make. My son’s father gets away with paying chump change a month for a child he has never seen before. He asked to be on child support and DNA testing. So…here we are. I’m living in a half a million dollar home in California. I’m happy and living well. I run a well oiled Matriarch in an affluent neighborhood. We do NOT live in the inner city. I have a college degree. I have a job in IT and several business. It took me a year to get off the streets pregnant and homeless after my son’s father abandoned me. People keep thinking Single Mothers are weak or dumb when in actuality we are neither.

Lie #3 Black women can’t properly raise children by themselves. – What children need is an authority figure regardless to gender. It’s not about whether a woman is single or married. It’s about whether or not she can discipline a child. I took child development classes in High School and College. Even to this day I still make sure I read up on parenting just to make sure I’m doing the right thing for my children. As long as a child respects their parental influence they will turn out just fine. They need food, shelter, clothing, guidance, love and attention. As a well rounded adult, shaping a mind will most likely be easy for you regardless of your gender. I didn’t suddenly become incapable of being a parent simply because some man walked out my life. I’m glad he removed his toxicity from the situation. Lastly, you know who else are single mothers? Caucasian, Hispanic, Asian and Indian women. No one says these women can’t properly raise their children.

Lie #4 Single mothers are loose women. – I haven’t had sex since my first trimester of pregnancy. He’s 15 months old now. The last person I had sex with was his father. It takes 1 time to have sex to end up pregnant. You don’t have to have sex with a football team 20 times in one day in order to procreate. The short period of time I was exploring my sexuality in my early 30s I didn’t get pregnant. Partially because I’m one of those women that is all about birth control and STD prevention.

“Part of the lie is also that… we ended up pregnant because we weren’t thinking ahead, didn’t care about consequences, and just wanted to get laid, or worse, trap a man. Regardless of the reason for wanting to have intercourse, until further notice, the act requires two willing parties of the opposite sex to create a baby.”

-Ashly Simpo

What I’d like for people to realize is that there are plenty of reasons why Fathers are absentee. It isn’t always because some gold digger trapped him for a child support check, or that the now single mother was a side chick or mistress. It could be that the father is deceased, incarcerated, on active military duty, or the father may have a hefty work schedule. There are a so many reasons why women end up taking care of children alone even if they are MARRIED. The main reason why women are single mothers is not because of promiscuity. Whether we had sex with 1 man or 100 we are single mothers because the fathers are MIA. Stop letting these men off the hook by considering them collateral damage. They are not victims of some single mother’s plot to destroy.

Lie #5 Single Mothers are a societal mishap. Some of us made a choice not to have an abortion or put our babies up for adoption. Some of us adopted our kids or had IVF. We ALL had plenty of options outside of raising kids alone. But we CHOSE to push forward. That takes strength and isn’t something that needs to continuously be frowned upon. It takes bravery to do this. Some of us planned our families and life still hit us with a curveball. Just because we are raising kids alone doesn’t mean that we are bad at parenting or that society should continue to throw stones.

Lie #6 Fatherlessness leads to Youth Delinquency.

People need to have the same energy when they speak about divorce rate statistics when they talk about single mother statistics.

Claiming the absence of fathers causes lawlessness in Black youth is misleading when the available evidence is only a superficial connection. There are numerous events or statistics that happen to coincide with each other, but that doesn’t mean there’s a cause and effect relationship.

For example, swimming pool drownings and ice cream sales both increase in the summer, they share a relationship – that doesn’t mean eating ice cream leads to drowning! It just means two, independent events have a superficial connection based on other factors. In the case of drownings and ice cream, it’s the change in weather, a factor that greatly influences the cause and effect. – Sincere Kirabo

This narrative also reinforces negative frames of mind towards Black Women. Again if a child is taught discipline and respect they will turn out fine.

Lie #7 Black Women are the reason for social & economic failure within our community. So let’s just forget about racism and things associated with it that have stopped a lot of these men from succeeding? Why not factor in why Black Men are unemployed? Why they choose NOT to get formal education? Why do some Black Men prefer to invest in street pharmaceuticals instead of starting lucrative businesses? Parents can provide for their children to the best of their ability and children will still grow up and make decisions that parents did not raise them to make. Because the next generation grows up different from the last there are certain things parents will never be able to guide their children through. When my parents were growing up there was no such entity as the internet. Social media has damn near tore all kinds of friendships and relationships apart. I don’t believe anyone was prepared for that. Their are some grand parents out there who can’t even fathom the concept of UBER.

Lie #8 Single Mothers are desperate to find a man. Especially one with money. I believe because men are so superficial when they are choosing women that they can’t seem to grasp the concept of a woman being completely fine without them. Don’t be arrogant enough to believe that every single mother is on the prowl looking for you to come and assist her with her children. Most of us don’t even have time to date. Most of us take pride in raising our kids alone. A lot of us believe you’ll be more of a hindrance than anything.

Lie #9 We did it for the child support check. Haaaaaa! Unless the fathers of our children are celebrities or damn near millionaires our child support checks are chump change. My child support is $260 a month. I spend that in California in a day just by going to the grocery store, filling up my gas tank and paying my landscaper. The expenses of a child are so high I can’t begin to come up with an guestimate. The check is minuscule and not worth it. When some mothers found out I received $260 a month they told me I was lucky. It’s single mothers out there getting $50. All because they generate more income than the fathers of their children. Some mothers don’t even receive the full payment. I know in the state of California if a single mother has filed for child support and is on government assistance the state takes a large percentage of that child support to pay itself back for whatever monetary assistance it provided for the mother.

Lie #10 Single Mothers are miserable and hurt they were left to take care of their kids alone. I am so happy. I am so excited about not having to deal with men, especially the father of my child. I am glad he chose to be an absentee. He has absolutely NO SAY WHATSOEVER in how my son is raised. That in itself has me ecstatic. I get to raise my son my way and bring proper men into his life who are more respectful towards women, have better moral character, have much more to offer and can teach him how to be a good man. I AM SO HAPPY! Had my son’s father continued to show good moral character I most likely wouldn’t be a single mother. He made a poor choice by entering into a relationship he was not prepared to be in. He made plans with me in regards to marriage and building a legacy. He shouldn’t have put me in a position to believe he was ready to move forward. I wanted a baby for such a long time so my son finally being here is the best thing that’s happened to me. I am completely fine with his father excusing himself. He wasn’t the nicest man in the world during my pregnancy and his toxicity showed it’s face. I’d prefer he keeps his unhappiness far away from me and my son. Thanks for the sperm. Moving on.

Lie #11 Men are not the problem. Sorry to inform you but men who abandon their children are fucked up in the head. Broken men have an issue with fathering children.

Lie #12 Single Mothers still have feelings for their ABSENT DEADBEAT BABY DADDIES. It took me all of almost 2 years to get over being humiliated, betrayed, misused, misled and abandoned. One thing I didn’t do after he said he didn’t want our baby was beg him to come back. He chose other women over his son. It took me until my son’s first birthday to stop begging him to be a father. I never begged him to be back with me. I definitely begged him to be a father. What I currently feel about my son’s father is more of disgust and all things negative that I can only describe as hatred. Only for lack of a better term. One thing I can reassure everyone is that I do NOT love him. I do NOT miss him and I do NOT want him. I told him I never wanted to see him again the day he decided to leave and I haven’t seen him since. I thought about doing what was best for my son by asking his father to see him. I invited him to California for his birth. I offered to fly back to GA for our son’s first birthday so they could meet. His father showed his ass and declined. I guess he confused that concern for my son with me being interested in him romantically. I would never let that scum of the earth have a second chance with me. So why would I even allow him to be around my son? When I finally asked myself that question I begin to celebrate his absence. I moved 2,000 miles away from GA to CA during my pregnancy apparently I had no problem moving on.

I never thought I’d actually be a Single Mother but now that I am one it feels great. I thought it would be different. I realized that I am doing the same thing I would have been doing had my son’s father stayed around. I’d still be avoiding drama and living a positive life. The only difference is my son’s father isn’t around creating problems when he should be providing solutions. I’m glad he moved out the way so that a better man can come along.

Not all single mothers are ratchet and ghetto, broke and uneducated. Nor are they pining over their exs. A lot of us are living just fine. We have new men. We are in healthy relationships. We are married or remarried. Most of us grind harder than men. We are new age, we can provide for ourselves now. Don’t believe the negative hype surrounding you about single mothers. Most of it is created by people who can’t do self evaluation. Times have changed. The traditional beliefs in regards to single mothers are old and tired. Move along.

richsinglemomma.com

Celebrities and successful people who were raised by single mothers:

Usher

Justin Beiber

Mariah Carey

Michael Phelps

Alicia Keys

Jon Stewart

Christina Aguilera

Jay Z

Barack Obama

Angelina Jolie

Halle Berry

Jodie Foster

Demi Lovato

Ariana Grande

Selena Gomez

Leonardo DiCaprio

Adele

Kanye West

Eva Mendes

Eddie Murphy

Demi Moore

Keanu Reeves

Pierce Bronsan

Misogyny & Sexism on YouTube

Recently, I saw that Tommy Sotomayor and Minister Jap met up in Chicago. This happened days after Minister Jap took to YouTube claiming he was going to quit posting content. He was frustrated because his videos were being reported. Instead of quitting YouTube it would simply just make more sense to stop breaking YouTube’s community guidelines giving them reason to remove content. Or start a podcast elsewhere.

Youtube’s community guidelines are clear:

Don’t post videos that encourage others to do things that might cause them to get badly hurt. One of these men or both do that EVERYDAY. The men in their audience are taking this advice and screwing up their own lives. Abusing their women ending up in all kinds of domestic violent situations or worse IN JAIL.

YouTube is not for pornography or sexually explicit content. If this describes your video, even if it’s a video of yourself, don’t post it on YouTube. Jap’s always talking about hoes and fucking. Tommy is now supposedly streaming porn from his site….who knows if that’s true. Not my business. Tommy has talked about his sex life explicitly but so have I. Moving on.

YouTube doesn’t support content that promotes or condones violence against individuals or groups based on race or ethnic origin, religion, disability, gender, age, nationality, veteran status, or sexual orientation/gender identity, or whose primary purpose is inciting hatred on the basis of these core characteristics. Promoting and condoning violence on a specific gender and race of person is the basis of Tommy & Jap’s content.

It’s not ok to post abusive videos and comments on YouTube. If harassment crosses the line into a malicious attack it can be reported and may be removed. They both do this all day everyday.

Things like predatory behavior, stalking, threats, harassment, intimidation, invading privacy, revealing other people’s personal information, and inciting others to commit violent acts or to violate the Terms of Use. They have both done this, consistently. Sometimes to defend themselves but most times to be malicious.

Seeing them two meet ultimately made me react in a neutral kind of way. I believe it’s because I tend to mind my business. One thing I can say is that it didn’t surprise me. What they both represent is a disdain for women. Especially Black Women who do not conform to the traditional gender roles expected of them. So let’s say…..Soncerae. They have disdain for Soncerae. They have showed that for many years. Nothing wrong with opinions or objectification but to sprinkle disrespect, harassment and stalking on it gives a rhetoric an entirely different flavor. It’s funny how men on YouTube actually promote it as #UNITY. Like them 2 unifying is some type of remarkable historic event that should be wrote down as the equivalent to the civil rights movement. Listen, get these men to unify with WOMEN. Especially Black ones. Then I’ll be impressed. Men teaming up with other men is what usually happens. Getting injured Black Men to heal and garner healthy relationships with Black Women is the problem. To see both of these men settle down in a healthy marriage with a Black Woman would make me clutch my pearls.

During my first conversation with Minister Jap about collaborating almost 4 years ago he told me about how much of a Tommy Sotomayor fanatic he was. He loved Tommy Sotomayor. His dream was to meet Tommy. I said to him then,

“If you are trying to get Tommy’s attention all you have to do is beef with me. Tommy hates me for some reason.”

THOSE WERE MY EXACT WORDS. From then on Jap has had some imaginary problem with me. Before I interacted with either of them they used social media as a place to disrespect women and to rant about their issues pertaining to us. Instead of just praising the kind of women they enjoy and love. Both of these men had people believing that it was ME that did something to them to make them behave in such a way when really they were attacking women online long before either of them knew who I was.

Male dominance on YouTube produces a lot of hostile commentary targeted towards women. If a woman is honest about her sexually, thinks independently, supports feminism or womanism she is brutally chastised by Black Men. The double standards among women and men on #BlackYouTube are prominent. The mob mentality is supported. Gossip, rumors, debates, disrespect are all used as bonding tools for our audiences. A demented brotherhood designed to dismantle women is celebrated. I believe that most women who support feminism or female empowerment are only interested in positively encouraging women to evolve not to belittle men. However, the message among these men isn’t to empower each other but it is more about the degradation & abuse aimed at women of color. This “brotherhood” is ran by men like Tommy Sotomayor & Minister Jap. Men who have tumultuous relationships with their negligent mothers. Men who also have a history of disrespecting women they are romantically connected to. Whether it be a sister, aunt, cousin or friend at some point these men were treated poorly by a dominant female. Any woman who may share an insufficient similarity to (their poor choices in) women they begin attacking that woman’s entire existence.

Armed with immaturity, poor communication, sadism/sadomasicism, underdeveloped thought processes, lack of critical thinking skill, and PTSD they spread a narrative that women are the catalyst for all problems associated with the dysfunction of the Black Community. Instead of dealing with the trauma associated with the negative experiences brought on by women they may have trusted in their lives, they rather project hatred to any or all women. Instead of considering that how they have responded to women in their past may be cause for the negative outcome, both of these men have spent years on in projecting their hatred for women on women, ME specifically. I became a target for them both for various reasons. Instead of becoming better men themselves they try to bully or “tough love” a woman into changing. What a destructive way to take lead. Instead of building up women they try to break us down. Let Black women form an alliance similar to theirs they’d be ready to protest, stop female unity and create hashtags promoting justice for men. Let a woman behave in any way they do…they wouldn’t stop bitching and moaning.

Instead of being able to form healthy bonds with women they take pride in having solid bonds with other men. Which to me is a tinge of homosexual. However, still an acceptable preference. These men do not understand that just because you love one thing doesn’t mean that you have to hate another. I love ketchup on my french fries. That doesn’t mean I’ve relentlessly put together a smear campaign to destroy mustard and I will execute that plan until mustard is no longer being used on anyone’s sandwich. These men however have reached out to the fatherless, leaderless, lost and injured and recruited them to perpetuate this war on Black Women.

While displaying the following traits

  1. He will zero in on specific woman and choose her as his target.
  2. As time goes on, he begins to reveal a Jekyll & Hyde personality. He may change quickly from irresistible to rude, and from rude back to irresistible.
  3. He will make promises to women and often fail to keep them. With men, on the other hand, he will almost always keep his word.
  4. His behavior toward women in general is grandiose, cocky, controlling, and self-centered.
  5. He is extremely competitive, especially with women. If a woman does better than him socially or professionally, he feels terrible. If a man does better, he may have mixed feelings about it but he is able to look at the situation objectively.
  6. He will unknowingly treat women differently from men in workplace and social settings, allowing men various liberties for which he will criticize female colleagues or friends.
  7. He will be prepared (unconsciously) to use anything within his power to make women feel miserable. He may demand sex or withhold sex in his relationships, make jokes about women or put them down in public, “borrow” their ideas in professional contexts without giving them credit, or borrow money from them without paying them back. Chastise women for their sexuality whether they’ve slept with 1 man or 10 men. It doesn’t matter.
  8. Sexually, he likes to control women and gives little or no attention to their sexual pleasure. Foreplay, if it occurs at all, is only a necessary means to an end. He likes oral sex but only as a recipient. His favorite positions enable him to avoid looking the woman in her eyes.
  9. He will cheat on women he is dating or in a relationship with. Monogamy is the last thing he feels he owes a woman.

These types of men love to put women down only to make them feel good about themselves. To see these two men unify but can’t seem to smooth out any drama that they are the catalyst for with ANY woman says a lot about where they stand mentally. Men who all act tough, with false bravado, are always the ones that get knocked the fuck out with ease.

There are a lot of men who are looking for leaders, father figures, big brothers, uncles, and mentors. Men turn to men like these to teach them how to become alpha. The toxic masculinity displayed by both of these men is perceived as positive and indicative to the evolution of Manhood. Which is ultimately unfortunate.

I have never done anything to either of these men for them to have spoken so disrespectfully about me hundreds of times in public forums while encouraging men to also be as disrespectful towards me. They even lied and told people I was stalking them and wouldn’t leave them alone. After initiating conflict EVERYTIME. They told vicious lies about me & put a magnifying glass on my videos and what I’m saying as if it was about THEM. I made more content geared towards other topics that they conveniently overlooked. Tommy was heated when I interviewed his ex on my channel like he hadn’t interviewed Chris Law. I made her promise not to say anything disrespectful or hurtful. And she agreed and kept her word. But did Tommy do that for me? No. He had Chris Law all over his channel claiming he was my ex and talking about our sex life. Chris was so dumb disrespecting me and his marriage.

I no longer expect abusive men to hold punches, feel compassion or sympathy for women. They have verbally attacked me so much that it doesn’t even bother me anymore. Minister Jap & Tommy Sotomayor have caused thousands of strange men to maliciously speak about me online. This has caused men to stalk and harass me in real life. These men have barked on me like I am a man. Men I have never met. They want to square up on a woman. Ofcourse I have expressed my opinion about these men. But why in response were they so defensive.

When we are defensive it is a sign of weakness; it shows we are not secure enough in ourselves to accept criticism or differences of opinions.

Encouraging men to be vitriol online is causing them to disconnect from women offline as well as abuse us. Egregiously sexist behavior is fostered by the “online disinhibition effect.” This effect includes the phenomenon where Internet users, operating under the protection of anonymity, may perform behaviors they ordinarily would not in either face-to-face scenarios or in virtual spaces where they are identifiable. Studies have shown links between anonymity and higher levels of online aggression and incivility. This creates an unconscious behavior that ultimately effects romantic relationships negatively in real life settings with women. Creating more of a problem that ultimately a man was attempting to solve by going to social media looking for resolutions.

There are plenty of men out there who are easily influenced. I didn’t realize I was dating one until Minister Jap got a mental hold on my son’s father.

When his words during our arguments started to sound like they were coming out of Jap’s mouth verbatim I knew Jap was talking to him. My son’s father was speaking to me in ways he had never spoke to me before. Calling me names he had never called me before. Yelling at me how Jap had online in the past. A month or so before his behavior changed drastically, Jap called me begging me to break up with my son’s father. I refused. What’s funny is Jap had this whole women empowerment speech. Like I had the vagina of wonder woman. He kept calling my son’s father “Dirty Dick Rodney.” He couldn’t persuade me so he went to my son’s father and the rest is history. Now Minister Jap can push the whole “single mom drag”. That’s all he seems to be good at. The rhetoric coming from Tommy & Japs mouth was she’s a side chick pregnant by a married man. My son’s father wasn’t married then and definitely isn’t now.

My son’s father is impressionable. He follows anyone and anybody. He doesn’t have a GED or College Education. I used to have to read to him and he doesn’t know basic math. Ofcourse he was an easy target. Most of the men in Minister Jap & Tommy’s audience are. Most men who are college educated and had a good male role model in their lives disagree with the narratives of these men. It’s ok to be impressionable if your attention is on a good influence. My son’s father was always looking for approval. He’d lie to get it because he wanted people to love him. He is an example of a man who does not know how to decipher the difference between a good influence and a bad one. His only goal was social acceptance.

These type of men on YouTube don’t want to coexist on YouTube or any other place with women. Like YouTube personally belongs to them. They have literally tried to run off every single woman with a voice on the site. They tried their hardest to run me off. It didn’t work. I’m still here. Still vocal. No matter how many names they call me. No matter how many times they attack me or try to put me down. No matter how many lies they tell or rumors they spread I’ll still express my opinions and stand up for whatever it is I believe in on whatever social media site I want to.

I have no personal vendettas against either of these men. I have moved on with my life. I am happy and very much living the life I wanted to live. I could have 1 subscriber on youtube or several hundred, it won’t matter at the end of the day. What these men choose does not make or break me. I do not digest what they eat. It’s not my business. If men are ok with allowing these type of men to lead them… fine. Just like it’s women out there who believe “Hot Girl Summer” is a women’s empowerment anthem. Whether I agree or disagree, I’m not going to spend the rest of the days of my life debating with abusive men. I just accept that they are abusive and stay away from them. Hope fully women will hear my stories and the stories of plenty others and stay away from men like this. And maybe injured men who are in need of guidance will find a better place to receive love and adoration. Instead of relying on the poisonous sources on social media. I wish both of these men the best. Finally, Jap’s dream came true. To meet Tommy Sotomayor.

Is The Black Woman God?

I watched a debate tonight with Brother Polight and Minister Jap about whether or not The Black Woman is God. When I speak of God or even the term Queen I’ve said plenty of times that I believe not all women who are Black should be classified as Queen. This also applies to the term God. I’ve said before that I believe that in some form or fashion everyone is an extension of God or a higher power.

I am Buddhist. My religion teaches me to not believe in a deity. So when I use the term “universe” to describe God that is why. It’s just showing that I have respect for a power higher than my own. I use the term God so that others can relate. Do I believe Black Women are God, no. However I do believe that females should be respected simply because we have the power to give life. Men should also be respected for assisting with that life no matter how minuscule their effort.

All
of our perspectives are different. I am QUEEN. There are plenty of people who also agree that I AM QUEEN. There are also people who believe I am not. Their perspective of me is NOT a reflection of me. It is a reflection of their overall understanding in regards to life in general. My observation is that males who have unhealthy relationships with females especially their mothers who are not Queens will always find a way to negate any positive expression in regards to women. These men are not of royalty. Males who have had healthy relationships with females including their mother who are Queens will always think highly of women. These men are royalty. No man should subscribe to any religion or belief system that encourages him to minimize the power of women or to demean us. Both men and women hold power to create and manifest especially in regards to opulence. There is divine design for each person. You are only as God-like as you believe yourself to be or that you believe others to be. Certain things belong to you and some things belong to others by divine right.

God or the universe is not petty. It does not know gender, color or religion. It does not acknowledge the difference. It allows man to determine it’s purpose in man’s own life. Ergo, FREE WILL. So who is right? Brother Polight the believer of Black Woman Are God or Minister Jap who is uncertain of who God is to him? They both are. As powerful human beings they both get to decide which belief they want to have to guide their lives. Once they make a choice exactly what belief they deem suitable for them the universe will manifest experiences that prove their belief to be suitable and it will also produce other people who believe in those same principles.

Women in the Qur’an are portrayed in a positive light, while others are condemned for their actions. Just like the Bible. The Bible however speaks specifically of women by name. The disregard for women in Suras is no different than misogynistic doctrines in Buddhism. We are always classified as inferior all across the board. Why is that? When women seem to be more spiritually in tune and intuitive? Women are the stronger sex, spiritually speaking. It reminds me of the man with mental strength being disregarded because he lack physical strength.

My belief is…a man rejecting the idea of a woman being God comes from his own insecurities and shortcomings. Just the same as if a woman was rejecting the idea of a man being God. All who believe in a God or Gods believe their God is the right God. A man needing to minimalize a woman’s qualities to shine light on his own should be psychologically evaluated because a deeper issue is present. If women are NOT God and we are in fact inferior we should be protected by men not disrespected and devalued. Then no man should say “She’s just a woman” in a derogatory way, where she deserved to be treated as a second class citizen. Even if she makes a mistake, an inferior woman who does not know better should not be condemned for actions.

If a woman is NOT inferior and is God she is aware of her choices. You don’t have to teach a woman she is God. She knows who she is. Would you verbally or physically abuse a defenseless animal or a baby less able? Hopefully not. So as a man when you say “She’s just a woman” it should be in the tone of compassion and love for something fragile and delicate. Men who do not know self love are usually the same men who lack self respect as well as empathy for women who are surviving atrocity, false narratives and discrimination. The only way these men uplift themselves is by putting down whom they believe is unfairly more powerful than them. The problem is a lot of males can’t decipher the difference between a woman who is QUEEN and a woman who is not. My belief is that Minister Jap does not recognize the difference. Royalty recognizes royalty. The inferior do not know better.