Category Archives: Relationship Advice

Stop Raising Baby Mamas and Daddies! 3 Ways to Break the Cycle Now

Written By: Kei Latrice

Okay, you might be asking yourself, is it really possible to raise a child to become a baby mama or daddy? Like, are parents actually out here training their kids to be solo-dolo moms and dads, for God sakes? Or, better yet, I know a few of you are rolling your eyes, thinking, “here comes another self-righteous asshole looking down their nose on non-married people with kids!”– I get it. Parenthood is hard enough, especially when the task is taken on alone, or even as part of a co-parent situation; the last thing any single parent needs, then, is another conservative, “Yaaay, I dodged a bullet”, know it all, telling them how to raise, or in this case, not raise their kids.

So, I’m not going to do that– pass judgment, that is. Instead, I’m going to use those three fingers that always point back at someone, when one points out of course, to tell my own story in three parts. So here goes: The first thing I should note, is that I am married, although most people already know that. Number two–My husband and I have five children, which many of my readers already know as well. Number three, however, is what might be more of a shocker– and that is how I was not married when I conceived my first child. Feel free to clutch your pearls and gasp!

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So babe, how you feeling our new apartment?

See, what had happened was this, Des, (who was just my boyfriend at the time), and I, thought it would be a great idea for me to ditch my graduate school dormitory, and for him to move out of his slum lord apartment, so that the two of us could shack up. It just made sense. We could save on bills, enjoy movie nights and pizza in bed whenever we wanted to, and most importantly, have easy access to early morning sex– a duh! I mean, what twenty-something year old wouldn’t want that? Everything was perfect– even without furniture and in spite of our overpriced rent, until the day I regailed that extra pink line on my doomsday, I mean pregnancy stick.

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Oh hell no– it’s really two lines on here!

Of course I was shocked; the trepidation of not knowing what my life would look like with a child, replaced what should have been a feeling of joy. Des and I had talked about getting married, eventually, but nothing was set in stone. I’ll never forget the day we told my mother: in a restaurant, over pasta and salad, we showed her our plastic truth stick (gross, I know, but hey, we were twenty-ish and dumb) and my mom simply cried. Later, she admitted that her worst fears had come true: I was unmarried and pregnant and might have to raise a child alone.

Be sure to check out Soncerae’s latest PODCAST Baby Mama VS Baby Daddy… Can’t We Just Be Family? Episode 41 – The God Queen Live Podcast

But now, let’s talk about how crazy both of our reactions were, (my mother’s and mine), especially since there had been no Whodini stunt, nor was I the victim of an immaculate conception. I got pregnant the good old fashioned way because we weren’t using protection. It really shouldn’t have been a shock. More importantly, though, the title of baby mama was the very status that I had been groomed for from childhood, and I would have become that, had it not been for our (shotgun) wedding. Let me explain how:

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The Married Couple I knew. We hung out with them every Thursday at 8.

I Had Little to No Examples! Virtually every woman I knew growing up, raised their children without fathers in the home. That was my norm. Fathers came around, sometimes, and gave financial support, occasionally. They rarely lived with the women they had children with and they certainly weren’t married. The married couples I saw growing up were either on television, or, if I encountered them in real life, they didn’t look like me.

My Bar Wasn’t Set That High. In grade school, my aunt promised me $100 if remained childless until after my high school graduation. In my family, having a baby before marriage wasn’t what brought you shame, it was more so being a teenaged mom. At around 19, this same aunt gave me the conception green light. I’d not only graduated from high school, but I was also working, and (in her eyes) somewhat self-sufficient. This meant I’d met my family childbirth standards and could now get pregnant without being shunned. As for my mother and her opinion on the subject, well, let’s just say I had her example, instead of her words.

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Me making it to graduation baby free!

I Had No Actionable Plan. So this one was a bit trickier; as far as having children and being married, I knew I wanted both, but I never really considered the order in which I’d get them. If I had actually taken the time to think about it, I might have been just a little more hesitant about that whole shack up and anytime sex situation with Des. I also would have likely been prepared for, and thus excited about my first pregnancy, instead of just surprised and confused.

My mother, my aunt, and all the women in my family did the best they could to steer me in a positive direction, still they couldn’t prepare me for what they didn’t know. Now, I have the benefit of using the blueprint of their lives and combining it with mine, to help my sons and daughters make better choices. Here’s how:

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I Always Speak of Their (future) Husbands and Wives. Little girls love to fantasize; I know from personal experience, and now having two daughter of my own, I see it with them even more. When they speak on boyfriends, or love, or dating, however, I make make it a point to tie those things to their future husband. For example, if my daughter, who is ten, mentions dating, I’ll say something to this effect, “never date someone who wouldn’t make a good husband.” Then we’ll go into all the things that make a man husband material. Or, when my youngest daughter talks about being a mommy, I always address the topic in a plural sense. So, for example, I’ll say, “when you and your husband have a baby,” or, “you need to be married first,”. I do the same thing with my sons. “Never have sex with a woman you couldn’t see being your wife,” is something I say to them often. When my sons balk at doing hard tasks, I’ll remind them of the wife and children who’ll one day depend on them. The takeaway is this: This type of dialogue lets our children know what our family expectations are and helps them to develop a marital mindset.

I Put My Own Marriage on a Pedestal. Ask any one of my children who my favorite person is and even my youngest, who is five, will answer “Dad”. In fact, my kids often tease me when I whine about missing Des and say, “Sheesh, Dad hasn’t even been gone that long.”, but I can’t help it. Yes, I absolutely adore my children; Each one occupies a piece of my heart that makes up one whole. Nevertheless, as much as I love them, their Father is the one person I most want to spend time with, cuddle with, hang out with, and talk to, because he was there before them and will (fingers crossed) be there after they’ve gotten families of their own. The Takeaway is this: We’re instilling in our children the critical importance of putting your marriage first and that successful families have a natural and meaningful order.

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When you and hubby are each other’s favorite person!

I Encourage Them To Be Intentional. When it came to areas such as education and career, I knew exactly what I wanted to achieve and how to accomplish it. Regarding love and starting a family, however, I was way more willy-nilly and unprepared. That’s why I’m teaching my children to be methodical about both. For instance, I pose questions that make them think about how a family will fit into their long term goals. I advise them about the pitfalls of reckless sex and ways of avoiding them, and I give them examples of how their choices will effect them for generations. The Takeaway is this: We are instilling into our children the concept that planning for a family is as crucial, if not more so, than planning for an education or career.

Now, for the critics– the ones who’ll point out that there aren’t any guarantees; the ones who’ll swear that kids are going to do what they want regardless, I’d tell them all that they’re right. See, our children have these peculiar things in them called, minds of their own. Despite all of our teachings and best efforts, they will ultimately make their own decisions in life. Still, the optimist in me can’t help but try anyway. Sure, I could miss the mark as a parent, in getting them to not be a baby mama or daddy, but, I will absolutely miss it if I just do nothing. I’d say, I have a good 50/50 chance. Plus, I already have proof this goal is acheivable. I came from a clan full a baby mama’s, and now just look at me– I’m a stressed-out happily married mother of five nerve-wracking beautiful kids. That’s a hell-of-enough evidence for me!

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Babe, we did it! We actually pulled this thing off!!!

Tell us what you think? Are parent’s really out here raising kids up to be baby mamas and daddies? If so, tell us how and if not, tell us why? We want to hear from you!

Stop Raising Baby Mamas and Daddies! 3 Ways to Break the Cycle Now original post https://thetalkship.com/2019/05/16/stop-raising-baby-mamas-and-daddies/

Written By: Kei Latrice

Be sure to check out my latest PODCAST Baby Mama VS Baby Daddy… Can’t We Just Be Family? Episode 41 – The God Queen Live Podcast

DIVORCE: Women Who Date SEPARATED MEN Are DESPERATE & THIRSTY?

If you’re married to one person but dating another, it is not necessarily considered adultery. You are free to date during separation without having to worry that your social life will be used as grounds for divorce. An adulterous relationship is one that begins before you have separated from your spouse.

Separation means that you are living apart from your spouse, but you’re still legally married until you get a judgment of divorce from a court (even if you already have a judgment of separation).

Thank you Google! I found the true definition of SEPARATED. It’s grown people out here trying to act like they have no idea what that means. Usually separated people are definitely headed towards divorce. If they end up staying married or renewing vows it’s an exception to the rule. The divorce rate in the United States is sky high. SEPARATION isn’t some magical break that’s going to help them get back together later. If they have decided to move in separate homes they are headed for a divorce. It will take a miracle from God to get them back together.

This leads me to once again talk about my son’s father. A man who is continuously brought up inside of my comment section on a regular by people who want to chastise me for dating him. I could have posted a video about rain clouds and inside of the comment section will be some moron calling me thirsty and desperate for dating a SEPARATED MAN. Let’s go over this for those who may be confused.

There are different types of marital status options. We all know this if we have ever filled out any kind of application. We are asked are we:

SINGLE

MARRIED

SEPARATED

DIVORCED

WIDOWED

Now that we have established that, let’s get specific about my son’s father, Priest. Before he and I begin to date he had already been in 3 or more casual relationships with other women with whom he shared intimacy with. Not only had he been with those women sexually, he also traveled to the Dominican Republic and paid a few prostitutes to entertain him while on vacation. This all while he was SEPARATED. When he and I met he led me to believe that he had been SEPARATED for 2 years and was living separately from his now EX WIFE SaDonya. When I met him I was not interested in dating a married or SEPARATED man nor was I interested in seriously dating someone SINGLE. Nor was I interested in casual sex. I did NOT want to be in a relationship of ANY KIND. I was on a dating site looking for people to come out to an event that I was promoting at a venue in Duluth, GA called THEORY LOUNGE. This was not uncommon for me. I always knew that I could never take a dating site serious. Especially not Plentyoffish.com. Most men were on there looking for hookups, lying about who they were. I invited my son’s father out to the event. I assumed once he got there he’d meet a woman he was interested in. Just like the other men I had invited to the venue. The men who flirted with me on the dating site I’d invite to Theory. Priest was unable to attend because of the venue’s long distance from his house. We continued to casually talk and it wasn’t before long that we decided to go on a date. All the while, I thought he was single. It wasn’t until our first date, weeks after we first started talking, that he told me that he was SEPARATED. He led me to believe that their marriage was OVER. He wasn’t the only one to encourage me to continue seeing him. After meeting his family, his mother and brother were very persuasive and reassured me that it was safe to proceed.

A few months later after battling years of infertility I became pregnant and I finally did speak to his then estranged wife SaDonya who also reassured me that they were SEPARATED. She claimed that they were only friends and that she was dating someone else. Priest and I discussed over and over and over and over our future together. We discussed marriage as well as our goal to start a family. Our son Justice came much sooner than we planned. I promised Priest that if after we were married and we tried for a year to conceive I’d simply divorce him if I did not end up pregnant. SaDonya and Priest DO NOT have children together. I believed he deserved to be a father. I did not want to be another woman in his life who did not give him a child. Priest was SaDonya’s second husband, she had 2 children from a previous marriage and another from a previous relationship.

SO again….SEPARATED MEANS A DIVORCE IS PENDING.

Here’s what I wasn’t going to do….

be with a man who was promising me divorce in private while he hid me from the public. HELL NO.

I’ve been a mistress in my lifetime and I played my position. Chris Law was miserable during his first marriage. I was simply his distraction. I did not ask to be promoted. I did not encourage him to get divorced. In no way would I ever have taken someone else’s husband serious and for damn sure wouldn’t have had a baby by him. F–king someone else’s husband is not my favorite past time. I do not have this long history of having sex with married men. I’ve done it for reasons I’ve shared on this blog plenty of times and I’ve admitted to it, apologetically. Hurt people HURT PEOPLE. Lesson learned. I’d do an abortion before I have an “illegitimate baby” and that’s saying a lot being as though I was unable to conceive for such a long time. My son is not an “illegitimate baby”. My son is a miracle and his father was initially excited about my pregnancy. Again, we spoke plenty of times about marriage and children and was preparing our lives for the transition.

There are plenty of people who start dating during the final stages of their divorce and ended up getting involved and even married to other people. But there are a few things you need to consider. I wish my son’s father would’ve thought long and hard before he started taking me serious or seemingly doing so.

Here are a few bits of advice I believe someone separated should take.

DATE WHEN YOU ARE READY AND NOT A SECOND BEFORE THEN. And by ready I mean that it isn’t so much a question of time but of where you are emotionally. Most people have emotionally left the marriage long before they file for divorce. Don’t consider dating until you have physically separated, even if you/your spouse agree that the marriage is over. Don’t date until you are ready. You could be divorced yet still not ready to date. He and I broke up 2 years ago to date and I have yet to fully move on to another guy. I’ve barely dated and I haven’t had sex at all. Men are definitely trying me. But STILL. I’m just NOT READY!

Don’t mislead who you are dating. Priest led me to believe the process of the official divorce had began. Do NOT lie and say you’ve filed for divorce when you haven’t. DON’T hide that you’re going through a divorce. If directly asked by a date, you should be honest but brief. They don’t need to know every little legal detail. “There are many different situations (i.e., financial concerns, custody issues) that delay the process of a divorce. Most people are understanding and if they’re not you don’t want to be with them anyway. Being honest and open about the status of your relationship is essential to developing trust. Most people lie about their separations or divorce because they know it will turn people away.

Avoid introducing your children to your new partner until your divorce is final. Your children are fragile and sensitive. Clean up the mess first.

Don’t get pregnant or impregnate someone before the divorce is final. This is actually one I wished I followed myself! I put too much faith and trust in Priest and SaDonya. I thought they would keep their word. They led me to believe that their divorce papers were signed sealed and delivered, June 30th 2017. When the truth was SaDonya did not file for divorce until early 2019 and their divorce was not final until our son was almost a year old in March of that same year. I believe that Priest wanted to lead the public to believe that he told me he did NOT want a baby. I believe that initially he wasn’t interested in taking anyone serious just like I wasn’t. After we invested time in each other our desires started to shift. We started to want more from each other. We were more compatible then we expected to be. We fell in love. Or so he led me and the rest of the world to believe. This leads me to the next form of advice.

DON’T get too caught up, too fast. It’s common to romanticize new relationships and quickly get caught up in the whirlwind of falling in love all over again after divorce. “Even if you know your divorce was for the best, it can take some time to truly move past your ex. Men have a more difficult time recovering from breakups than women, and if you start dating too soon it can sabotage your next relationship. Priest and I have a 16 month old son that he has never met. We don’t talk at all and child support is being garnished from his check. SaDonya and I have talked more since the birth of our son than Priest and I have. The damage is severe and the bridge is burnt. I ran 2,000 miles away from him and I hate to look back.

Stop it with the comparisons. Often we compare the new dates to our old relationship. I had a different personality, behavior, and different values but Priest was not mindful of that. He continued to compare me to SaDonya. He should have been focusing on trying to get to know me so we could form a healthy friendship, relationship and loving bond with one another.

A lot of people would not take the risk of dating someone separated. Deception and manipulation can take place in any kind of relationship so we can’t automatically assume that because a person is in the process of a divorce that that means that they aren’t dateable. After a divorce you don’t just fall in love with the first person you see. I made sure I was very communicative with Priest about SaDonya. I asked him on a number of occasions was he sure he no longer had feelings for her and he always reassured me that he didn’t.

Just because a woman is open minded does not mean that she is desperate and thirsty for a man. As I said in the beginning I was not interested in a relationship of any kind nor was I interested in sex when I met him. It was about business for me. I had been single for almost a decade. I took interest in him after time because I thought he was a remarkable man. I believed he had my best interest at heart. I thought that he was selfless. He made me happy and comfortable. I was trying to be understanding and patient. I took the risk because I genuinely loved the man whom I considered my spiritual husband. Someone I had a soultie with. Which was a stupid mistake to a lot of people. But if I regret meeting him then I regret the conception of my son. My son is a blessing. He is a gift from God and had I not been open minded enough to be with Priest during his separation my son would not be here.

Close to the end of my first trimester Priest told me that he still had feelings for SaDonya and that he wanted to date her. This is what led us to break up. I was not going to play tug a war with a woman who he had been married to for 15 years. So I let him go. After the reassuring me that she was never going to be an issue, after I asked him over and over was he sure that he only wanted me and he no longer wanted her, here he was telling me he in fact did have feelings for her a day late and a dollar short.

Priest was against abortion but asked me to consider putting my son up for adoption and I refused. I wasn’t going to allow both of us to be cowards. He may have deceived me, hurt me and betrayed me but I wasn’t going to allow his foolishness to ruin ANOTHER life like he tried to ruin mine. It’s better my son have one GOOD parent than be stuck in the foster care system fighting for his life because his BAD parent suggested it. I will do anything for my son and I love him.

Back to this “thirstiness”….not every woman who gets involved with a man in his position is pressed. Sometimes men meet women who are genuinely kind. Some of us are strong minded and have positive attitudes. I had faith in Priest. I was pulling for him. I am soft hearted and he knew it. I have empathy and compassion. I was loyal and encouraged him to be a better man. But instead of protecting both SaDonya and I from additional hurt he led us both down a dismal path of drama, deceit, heartache and frustration. I have taken accountability and responsibility for my own actions in this situation. My first instinct was to run when he told me he was separated. Some say I should’ve pulled off and left him at the restaurant our first date was at, I could’ve saved myself a lot of pain. My intentions were to never see him again when I slapped money down on the table to take care of the check. I stormed off pissed about his marital status. What an asshole, I thought to myself. But my heart told me not to leave him there. I drove us to the restaurant. Had I pulled off and left Priest there my son would have never had a chance at life. Thank God, I stayed. After that moment nothing would’ve made me leave Priest. NOTHING….but when he walked away leaving me pregnant, severely ill, broke and abandoned in a roach motel seemingly running back to SaDonya. What else was I supposed to do? I ran so far that now he’ll never be able to reach me or his son ever again.

Now I live a life of peace and serenity. I’m healed loved and supported. I have a level of clarity about love life and relationships that I never had before. The lessons that the men that I have dated taught me inadvertently helped me grow immensely as a woman. I know who I am. I know what I want. I value myself now more than ever. Some people may believe that I must have had low self-esteem before interacting with these men. The truth is I was arrogant cocky and conceited before I met them. They turned that into pure self worth and genuine confidence. I believe in myself and I have a healthier self image. I encourage women to never be pressed for any man. I don’t care who he is. What’s right for you will come to you and you will never have to chase a man or go through drama or another woman to keep him. Ladies, don’t kill yourself over a man he’ll bring another b**** he wants to f*** with to your funeral.

The Type of Man Who’s Willing To Marry The Notorious Single Mother

Some people have held my past choices against me. I’ve heard someone have the nerve to tell me my past was checkered. Not that that wasn’t an accurate statement but I was confused. They spoke of my past like they didn’t have one and I was convicted of murder in the first degree. A checkered past is one that involves periods of time that were good and periods of time that were bad. So why are people so judgmental like they have never made a mistake or had bad taste? People are always talking about what you used to do like they never shit their pampers. Somebody broke up with me during my pregnancy. It’s not unheardof. I was a lingerie model, wasn’t the first one. Definitely wasn’t the last. I was honest about havin sex with a married man almost 10 years ago. Mistresses and side chicks are more common than the average person wants to admit. I’ve been transparent about it all on purpose. Why? Because these are things people are afraid to be honest about because they’ll be ridiculed. Meanwhile those same people who ridicule the most have done worse.

I remember why I was a mistress. Before I made that choice I kept getting hurt and abused. I was cheated on over and over. I was trying to get over the woman I used to be. The faithful one. The one who was pressed for marriage. The woman with the engagement ring on, cooped up in the house, waiting for my fiance to come back in town. While he was out frolicking with his side chick in Miami, his other side chicks in Atlanta would call my phone and brag about how good his d**k was. Yeah I was that dumbo. I finally got sick of it and freed myself. I tried anything I could sexually to open up. I did a split on top of a married man quick. Let me stop. I’m exaggerating. I wasn’t that savage. He wasn’t married when I met him. We were just friends at first. I knew he would be getting married eventually. I was just fine with him not wanting to do that with me. One would believe that this encounter would be the main reason why people chastise me most. NOPE….it’s that I’m a single mom. Yep. A single mom. No he didn’t get me pregnant. BY THE GRACE OF GOD! But I avoided relationships for almost a decade after that.

I have had poor taste in men sometimes, so I’ve been the woman out here with a bullhorn begging other women to not choose what I have. I don’t want to steal life lessons from the ladies but I do want women to avoid the heartache I have experienced. All over my YouTube channel I’ve tried my hardest to share stories of my mistakes as honestly as possible. Being a mistress didn’t even cause me heartache. It introduced me to a new way of doing things. New kinds of relationships and my own sexuality. Of course I’d never do it again. Not because I didn’t gain anything from the experience. But because I am no longer in that place. Also I don’t want to hurt another woman. I don’t encourage a married women to expect a mistress to protect her marriage or relationship when her own husband or boyfriend doesn’t have respect for it. I can also reassure women that if it’s not one woman it will be another if in fact your husband or boyfriend is hell bent on cheating. As insecure as I was I can tell you that the last person I was thinking about was his wife. I was trying to make it past my own pain daily. I spent most of that experience under the influence of alcohol, running from my own problems. I was heavily sedated throughout it ON PURPOSE. My experience with him served it’s purpose. Not like I fell in love. I was so broken from the relationships prior to my experience with him that I didn’t have the wholeness required to love anyone but my self. He was on my low level at the time. The kind of heartache that was the worse kind happened later on when I did fall in love with the wrong man and subjected myself to catering to a man that was not on my level intellectually, spiritually, financially or emotionally. I ended up pregnant and he abandoned us both. It doesn’t bother me that he left the relationship. I was more hurt at how he treated an innocent child. Our son is almost 2 and I’m considering taking another man serious. Here are some things I’m sure any new man who comes into my life could possibly be concerned about or that I myself am concerned about.

  1. My new man will think: I’m still in love with my baby daddy and because we have a child together he’ll always be able to have access to me and my vagina.

Sorry to inform you but I’m sure he and I have a mutual hate for each other that is deep rooted enough to melt any type of love any person can imagine we have for one another. Unless people loved each other, kids won’t make them stick together. If it was meant for us to be with each other we probably wouldn’t have broken up to begin with. Especially being as though we have a child together. I wouldn’t let that serpent touch me. He has too many demons.

It’s hard to judge a book by its contents, when the cover tells a lying story. Lame males will front & play the role of a MAN when they first meet a woman, then once she gives him her heart & her loyalty before requiring his faithful commitment, he switches up & reveals himself for the mentally immature little boy he is. – Ebrahim Aseem

2. Some people think no one will want to help me raise my son. Men are terrified of the responsibility of taking care of someone else’s child.

Not every male is weak. There are real men out there who are Alpha and can handle the role of being a step father. It takes strength however it also takes maturity. Boys aren’t afraid of being stepfathers they are just too immature to handle that responsibility. When a grown man deeply loves a woman he loves all of her. Including her children because they are a part of her.

3. Some men are intimidated by me. I’ve achieved so much and I am extremely successful. Men will run from that.

In case you didn’t know, most single mothers are successful. They have money in the bank. We pay our own bills and do our own thing. A man is not necessary for our survival. HOWEVER, there are men out there who love that they are a luxury to us. They are happy to not be holding the burden of solely providing. They know that relationships are a partnership. And if I can hold my own without a man, as long as I am healthy, I can definitely hold up my end inside of a relationship.

4. Some men think I’m so desperate for marriage. And that because I’m a single mom when I date, I put all of my marriage hopes on that man. Even before marriage is mentioned, I show a man I am wife material.

A man is lucky if he can get a home cooked meal from me. Especially with me not being his wife yet. I honestly do not have the bandwidth to do anything spectacular for a man to take interest in me. He’s going to love me for exactly who I am because jumping through hoops will never be what I do. I have potty training to consider, fruit and veggies to mash up so my son can eat, I have a job, a business and side hustles to tend to. I do not have time to think about marriage. Even if I’m dating. I will be surprised if I’m proposed to. Marriage is another job. Most women who know better are not pressed to hop in one. People pressure us to be married because we didn’t get married to the father or fathers of our child or children. I have a standard that most men will never meet. My son’s father barely touched it while on his tippy toes. He definitely f***** up that opportunity by squandering his riches. It will take a man doing grand gestures of the romantic kind who has impeccable moral character for me to consider marrying him.

Stop with the assumptions fellas, start asking questions. Contrary what you’ve been told by beta males who are challenged in the penis department, dating a single mother is pretty cool. If you are going to date us this is what you need to understand.

  1. Be prepared by being flexible with your schedule. We will not be hounding you around. We have too much to do. I will understand if you have to cancel.
  2. Don’t assume the position of step dad. The idea that all single moms are dating with the exclusive goal of finding someone to marry us and alleviate some of the parenting burden and keep our kids from growing up in a Broken Home™ (*insert overly dramatic anguish face here*) is offensive, in addition to being laughably wrong in so many cases. Most women who do NOT have children are dating you for the exclusive goal of finding someone who wants to marry them.
  3. Our homes are not BROKEN they are just DIFFERENT. Broken is the man who decided to abandon us. If he wasn’t he’d be the Father he protested he would be before our son was conceived. There was something wrong with HIM. Not me and my son. There is nothing broken about my home.
  4. Stop thinking of me as a “SINGLE MOM” and just think of me as a woman that you are attracted to and want to go on a date with. I’m different from other women only because I have stricter boundaries than they do. I do not negotiate.
  5. I am independent and resourceful. I’m raising my son alone. Do not expect me to be clingy or rely on you for everything. If you want space or time to yourself I will most likely respond, “OK”. Just like most single mothers would. We are used to being on our own.
  6. The way single mothers love is different. We are unconditional. We learn to love harder because our kids are all we have. Our patience, love, and capability for nurturing has more depth because of our kids. If you’re good to us, you’ll have a more faithful, supportive and loving life partner than you’ve ever had.
  7. I know what I want. I have reevaluated myself over and over and over. Trust me! That’s kind of what happens after you break up with someone and are left behind to take care of a child alone.
  8. I am particular about who I date. I have a child to worry about I can’t just get down with any random man who makes empty promises.
  9. Yes good guys date us. I’m a single mom not Quasimodo. Just because I’ve had a child doesn’t mean good men are walking around avoiding me.
  10. I already have kids so I’m not going to pressure you to have them with me. My motherhood is not a separate island off the coastline of myself. It is part of me. Most women will want to date you just so they can marry you and procreate. I’ll be dating you for YOU.

I hope this helps. Please be sure to check out my latest The GodQueen Live Podcast episode. In it I talk about navigating the negative opinions associated with Single Motherhood and how men can handle them.

How To Get Revenge on Deadbeat Baby Daddies

Fathers come in all forms. There are some really good fathers out there. Then there are some out there who don’t even acknowledge that they have children. Handling “baby daddies” has become a severe issue in recent years. Being as though single parenting has become extremely popular. It’s typical for women to use children as a weapon to extract revenge against the ex during, and after, divorce proceedings or breakups.

Just because two people have sex and the woman has a child does not indicate that the man who contributed is a father in anything but the technical definition of the word. It just means that his penis works. – Rebel Circus

There is a misconception that the only time a man abandons a child is if he and the woman he conceived a child with were never married. When the truth is most of the single mothers I have come in close proximity with are divorced. A woman can marry a man and when he decides to leave she can still go through an emotional rollercoaster with him as if they never agreed to terms and conditions of matrimony. When some of these men decide to start a new family with another woman they leave their ex wives and children completely behind, as if they do not exist. Men have displayed this behavior for decades now. This isn’t a new age problem. Men have been digging wholes they weren’t prepared to jump in for years.

Bring up the fatherless epidemic in the United States, and the arguments are as diametric and unrelenting as bipartisan politics.

It is either:

  1. Men are irresponsible douchebags who abandon their children to mothers, who are left to raise the children with few resources, or

  2. Women are conniving, malicious, entitled nut-jobs who alienate fathers from their children while taking all said fathers’ money — all of which is supported by the family court system. – Emma Johnson

I talk about these issues inside of the community often on my podcast THE GODQUEEN LIVE . Take a listen when you get the chance.

Most single mothers would have chose better male role models for their children had they been able to predict the future. Most women want strong providers. A man not taking care of his children financially is only 1 sign that a man is a deadbeat. There are several other signs that a Father is a deadbeat. Please, let me explain.

  1. He breaks promises. He doesn’t know how to execute any plans or goals. It’s one thing to say you want to be a father. Or even be excited during a pregnancy but it’s another to actually wake up every morning day in and out investing time and energy into a tiny human being.
  2. He never holds himself accountable and blames why he doesn’t provide for his children on everyone else. Most of the people in his life enabled him so taking responsibility for any of his issues would be too complicated of a task.
  3. He acts carefree, like he doesn’t have children at all. This is a sign of immaturity. He hasn’t grown up. Progress is an important part of becoming an adult. If a man still has the same behavior he had 2 years ago and he hasn’t improved, then you can rest assured that this person is not someone you can depend on.
  4. He downplays your accomplishments as a mother. You may be out here handling things on your own. Your kids are well taken care of. Buying your dream car or home. Starting your own business or getting a college degree. Somehow he’ll make it seem like these things are so easy to do. Even though he hasn’t accomplished those things himself. You have managed to become successful without him and that’s a hard pill for a man to swallow.
  5. He didn’t make you a better person during the relationship. When you are in a good partnership the person you are tied to helps you grow. He challenges you to be the best version of yourself possible. Deadbeats make your life more complicated. You experience more drama and hardships.
  6. He never has a straight answer for anything nor can he make a solid decision. He is a master of psychological games and manipulation. He talks in circles so much it makes you want to give up on adult conversation altogether and just get silent.
  7. He surrounds himself with the wrong friends or crowd. Most of the people a deadbeat hangs around are enablers. There is no one around him to tell him he’s making poor decisions. If you have low life standards the people around you have low life standards as well.
  8. He doesn’t take care of his own issues. These kind of men lack any sense of personal responsibility. He overlooks his own problems and expects everyone else to solve them. Keeping a steady job, a car or paying a mortgage seems to much of a responsibility for him.
  9. He procrastinates. This is why he has not accomplished much. Putting things off until the last minute or giving up on things that may be challenging is a display of laziness. It’s a character trait that most men who are deadbeats have. They always believe that they have time to waste.
  10. He’s petty. Yes, extremely. He thinks it’s cute. He was coddled most of his life. Don’t let you be the one to put your foot down. He’ll try to convince the world that you are the devil incarnate. He has contributed nothing worth mentioning to society let alone his relationship with his children but he still wants the world to believe he is God’s gift to you.

Now that we have established what a deadbeat dad is we have to focus on how to deal with one. Learning how to deal with the curse of a deadbeat dad is seemingly as difficult as cracking the Davinci Code. I’m going to share with you the advice most people would give you as far as how to deal with these deadbeats. Then I’m going to tell you how I deal with my sperm donor.

They say: Stop putting up with his incompetence. If you have enough patience to deal with the unintelligent you can baby step him through it. I personally don’t have time for that shit. Especially when I am dealing with a grown ass man. He is not a toddler or a puppy. I have a child to raise. I can’t be my ex’s mom too. That was his mother’s job.

They say: Offer him visitation rights for the right price. To me that attempt will be unsuccessful. Most deadbeats don’t want to see their kids anyway. They aren’t going to want to willingly pay to see them. Some deadbeats pay child support so they won’t look like a complete disgrace.

To me it’s a cop out or some type of pay off. Some type of QUID PRO QUO unsaid arrangement where a deadbeat obviously isn’t going to be around his children mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically but he’ll cough up chump change because it’s the least he can do. It is not about what you can or can’t do for yourself and your baby or what you do and don’t need. A portion of his earnings are owed to your child. Child support is the business side of separate parenting and should be addressed in a business manner. It’s nothing personal.

I didn’t want to put my son’s father on child support. He asked for it. I would have preferred him just being there for his son. Being able to see him when he wanted. Loving him. Taking pictures when he wanted. Going on vacation with him. I can’t live without my son’s hugs. It’s unfortunate that his father can’t experience that. They’ve never even met. Filing for child support got me that DNA test I wanted. I wanted to prove to everyone that he was lying about not being our son’s father. He knows he is his Father. He knew when I was pregnant. The DNA test was unnecessary on one side of the coin but a requirement on the other. As much as I hate the concept of child support, I filed. Not wanting to be an active participant in your child’s life does not alleviate the financial responsibility of having children. For either parent. I don’t need his money nor do I want it. That money isn’t mine it’s my son’s. I’m not going to get in the way of that.

For more resources on how to become financially stable as a single mom go to https://richsinglemomma.com

Sometimes I think he makes our situation as complicated as possible because he wanted me to be the woman who still wanted a romantic relationship with him. But he turned me off during my pregnancy once he begin acting like he didn’t want to be a father to our child. It was unattractive. I don’t want someone that has blatantly said that they don’t want me for starters. I also think men who are non existent in their child’s life or are abusive to them do not deserve to breathe the same air I do. So imagine my surprise when the father of my child turned out to be that man. I had no problem letting him go. He wanted to leave. I wanted him to. My issue was never because of him wanting to leave me. My issue was that he waited until I was 5 months pregnant to decide he didn’t want to be a father. The issue is he abandoned US, leaving US to die in a roach motel while I was severely ill and in a high risk pregnancy. During tough times or challenges you don’t run like a bitch. You suit up and display the strength of a warrior.

They say: Ask him what he wants.

I did that…..good luck with getting a straight answer out of him.

A lot of men think that their “baby mommas” are women who wish they can still be with the fathers of their children. I was not interested. So the more I showed a lack of interest the more he tries to convince the world that I am not over him. When the truth is I never showed any sign that I still wanted to be in the relationship. Once he told me he wanted to get back with his ex, I was disgusted. I wasn’t about to play tug a war with another chick over d–k. I don’t have the patience for all of that. Now, It is very possible for him to love our child and not care a thing about me. I get it. Some women don’t. It may hurt to hear that for some but, it’s true. So far he hasn’t shown that that’s the case. He’s actually using our son as a pawn. He’s taking his frustrations out on our son by not being there for him because of his disdain for me. He doesn’t have to care about me but he will respect me. As the mother of his child and a human being. Or I simply won’t allow him to be around.

Some men can be manipulative—especially men who know it is in their best interest to keep custodial and child support payment arrangements outside of the courts by making a deal with you. So, what do they do? Say whatever they need to say to keep you satisfied—not happy but not angry enough to file papers either. If you want him to be your man, he’ll pose as a makeshift boyfriend. Don’t let your desperation to “fix” the situation or “make it right” turn you into a sucker for the okie-doke. – Nicole Williams

He tried to use my emotions against me. He actually called me trying to convince me to take him off child support claiming he wanted to be a good Father. Like suddenly the first week of January 2019 on some new year’s resolution tip he turned over a new leaf. He was just unemployed at the time and didn’t want to pay child support. Even to this day he is pissed off that his pay is being garnished.

I don’t talk bad to my son about his father. Kids grow up and see on their own who the problem is or was. I don’t dare make excuses for his ass either. My son will know that I do NOT play and I was not for the drama and lies when it came to co-parenting. I don’t want my son to resent me. So I won’t be the one to share with him that his father is a deadbeat. I’ll let my son decide with time how he feels and what he thinks about his father. I’m not even going to waste my energy painting a negative picture of him. I’ve shamed his father publicly. Mainly because he publicly humiliated me. So I had no choice but to clap back. I stand my ground with all 10 toes. It was part of me holding him accountable for his foolishness and I don’t regret it. Regardless to how much backlash I received from his enablers. They may not tell him where he did wrong but he gonna get in line messing around with me. He’s gonna be a grown man in my presence or he can keep his distance. I won’t settle for less.

So how do you deal with a deadbeat dad? Sorry honey but….ya don’t. Do without the drama. Let him be some other woman’s problem. I knew how he behaved once I was in my 6 month of pregnancy that he was going to be a deadbeat. He changed drastically. The man that was once excited I was pregnant had now become an ass. He knew it was all or nothing to me. I wasn’t going to allow a one foot in one foot out operation. He knew I wanted us to be a family. A complete one. We were on our way down the aisle. The plans were to be married then have children. God laughed at that plan and gave me a miracle baby that I thought was going to only be conceived once I found the right fertility clinic.

I’ve learned that you can’t change the way a person feels or what a person thinks about their children. When a person is severely damaged themselves they can’t even see the damage they cause in the lives of others. I’ve been fair. All I’ve asked for was his presence. Not for me to be placed on a pedestal. I do not feel a sense of entitlement. Apparently, I didn’t mean much to him before I gave birth or considering dumping me for his ex wouldn’t have been an option. (FYI he didn’t truly dump me for her. He was just using that as an excuse to end the relationship. They never did get back together. They claim to still be good friends though.) He chose her over his child. He has her respect as a man not mine. He’ll never get friendship out of me. I’ll only respect him if he chooses to be a better father to our son. How any woman can respect him abandoning a child is beyond me. I don’t want much from him at all. However, I do demand a level of respect for being the mother of his child. Since he doesn’t have an ounce of human decency to provide that, I rather not deal with him at all. It’s a boundary I set. I will not allow a man to disrespect me in front of my children. Period. I will not do that to him so I will not tolerate that from him.

Continue to be a supportive and loving mom to your child. One great parent is better than having two parents with one of the two being emotionally unattached to the child.

Minimize contact.

If it’s not about our son I really don’t have shit to say.

Establish boundaries. Do not entertain foolishness.

I deserve respect. He can’t give it then he will not be allowed to be around.

Do not feel sorry for your children.

Children deserve someone in their life who wants to be there. No sense in feeling sorry for your children because some deadbeat doesn’t want to be there. Does it make any sense to value a deadbeat? If he was father of the year then I could see you feeling sorry for your kids about his absence. I’m happy that my son has a healthy environment.

Be non emotional and logical.

As much as I can’t stand my son’s father I do NOT allow that to determine how I co-parent with him. I respect him as a Father. Since he has not played his position I have no respect for him at all. Husband and boyfriend is a different role than Father. Just because he was a terrible boyfriend to me doesn’t automatically make him a bad Father.

Teach emotional intelligence, healthy communication and positivity in your home.

That way toxicity and negativity will not be tolerated or introduced to your children by anyone in your household.

Do not argue with him.

I pretty much refuse to argue with my son’s father. He’ll get hung up on. I’ll excuse myself before I speak to him aggressively. I entertained 1 conversation with him since the birth of his son where we both lost control. Never again. I don’t have time for that. Arguments include emotions. Emotions that are not even worth addressing. Simply because they have nothing to do with our child. Since I’m logical I find it unnecessary to address emotional things or to fling insults. I’m not about to sacrifice years of happiness battling with an ex, trying to convince him to make contact with his own kid. That conflict can damage my child if he ever saw us do that in front of him.

On my YouTube Channel I promote that #SINGLEMOMLIFE It’s about empowering women to live positive healthy lives even though they are single. I am still a great mom even though my son’s father abandoned our son. My son will still grow up well rounded. I do not want to seek revenge on the father of my child. He doesn’t have that much power over me. I refuse to allow him to continue to rent space in my mind.

People who seek revenge instead of forgiving or letting go, tend to feel worse in the long run. Do you really want to waste your precious time on someone that doesn’t deserve it? Think of all the fun things you could be doing instead. Whether you believe in it or not, karma makes a much better friend than foe – make sure to keep on the right side of it. IF youseek revenge on the person who hurt you and they then take revenge on your revenge.. the cycle continues. Make sure you don’t get caught in a loop, it will only cause you further pain and hurt. It’s not worth it. MOVE ON. A better man will come and help you forget all about him. Stepfathers and good husbands are REAL. Don’t let the deadbeats fool you.

Here’s Why Your Ex Is As Dreadful As Mine & Keeps Spreading Lies About You

My son’s father, Priest is asinine. Granted I’ve known this for a while but it’s still taking the rest of the world to catch on. I don’t blame them though. He lies so well sometimes. Just recently he took his prevaricating ass on to YouTube and did an interview with Tommy Sotomayor. During the interview he was trying to depict himself as this devoted married man who was victimized by me the clever succubus mistress. The verbal abuse was real in our relationship. The same verbal abuse was displayed during his interview. That forked tongue of his is wicked. If his rudimentary tone didn’t make you catch on to the fact that he was obviously fabricating a story for entertainment purposes here are a few other obvious reasons that prove he is a deceiver. I don’t lie about him. Never have. STOP focusing so much on what Priest says and pay attention to his behavior. His disgusting actions will not mislead you. He is a problem.

#1 He admitted to the world that he lied to me about being married as well as a number of other things. Then in the same breath told everyone that he was this devoted committed husband who was deceived by me. So if he admitted that he lied to me then how would that make him the victim and ME the falsifier of information? He’s not so bright and anyone who believes the pack of lies he spreads isn’t either. He just told EVERYONE that HE fabricated. So you believe him after he just told you he lied? When evidently he’s lying to you again simply by using diversion attempting to shift his inability to be honest on me. He is a problem.

#2 SaDonya his EX wife, said they were separated and I was not his sidechick. Interestingly enough this was the first thing she said upon coming on YouTube. Those who paid enough attention to her comments under my videos saw her say it. They also saw the texts I posted in this blog I posted called CUT THE BULLSHIT of her telling me that she was dating someone else when he and I met. Here’s the link to it.

https://misssonceraevideos.wordpress.com/2017/12/26/facts-myths-about-priest-raes-relationship/

She did try to recant her story later on. Which caused more friction between her and I. Either way she did end up filing for divorce and they are officially divorced now. He was her problem.

#3 If he was such a devoted faithful committed husband how did he end up sleeping in a hotel or truck being homeless with me? Think this through. Justice would not be alive and 16 months old if Priest was the amazing husband he’s trying to depict himself to be. If SaDonya was such a good wife why was she the side chick to another man when Priest and I started dating? Yes she admitted it to me that she was dating another man when Priest and I met and that she was this man’s side chick. Proof of that is also in this blog entry linked below.

https://misssonceraevideos.wordpress.com/2017/12/26/facts-myths-about-priest-raes-relationship/

I saw someone post in my comment section the other day ALL THE WAY MISINFORMED “Why do you talk so bad about Priest’s family when they put a roof over your head.” There are so many things wrong with this statement but let’s start with the first one. Priest’s family did not put a roof over my head. If they did we wouldn’t have been in hotels or sleeping in his explorer. Priest was living with his grandmother until she moved out of state. Her and I were fine. I never had an issue with her. I never lived with him and his Grandmother. Priest’s mother was also homeless. She had just moved back there. She wanted Priest and I to come live with her and her new husband once they bought a new house. If Priest was a devoted faithful committed husband to SaDonya why was his family even allowing me to be around? Why was his family encouraging he and I to move with them?

Next, it wasn’t Priest’s entire family that was a problem. His sister was a bitch and had an attitude problem. This, his family confirmed to me and told me to ignore. Priest initially spoke bad to me about his family. He demonized them and SaDonya before I even met them. The only reason why he currently speaks positively about SaDonya is because it aids in vilifying me. He depicts me as opposite of who I truly am, purposely. Just how he did her. He convinced me that she was sneaky conniving and controlling, as well as promiscuous. He told me that she cheated on him. He spoke of her previously like she was the devil incarnate. His mom was cool to me and she was the one that helped convince me that Priest and SaDonya were no longer together. Initially, she didn’t like SaDonya. His family was confused as to why he even married her. Priest was her second husband. She had children from a previous marriage. She is damn near 10 years his senior. They DO NOT have children together. She was a single mom when he met her. So if Priest was a devoted committed married man why was his mother telling me that she could tell I loved her son and that I will never have to worry about SaDonya because their marriage was over? Why was she telling me that SaDonya was bad for him and that he didn’t want her anymore?

#4 Why did I even meet his family to begin with? How do I know any of them? No married man alive would introduce a side chick to his entire family KNOWING that they’d tell his wife. When I met his family most of them hadn’t seen Priest in YEARS. Priest led me to believe that SaDonya ostracized him from his family. I was encouraging him to spend more time with them. Big mistake. He is a problem.

#5 We have a son together. No married devoted committed husband would have even put himself in a position to get any woman pregnant. He wouldn’t have even been on the dating site we met on to begin with.

Critical thinking skills need to come into play with this situation. Use your head. Are you really this gullible? Priest led me to believe that he & SaDonya signed their divorce papers June 30th 2017, a month after we decided to fully commit to each other. By this time he had been separated for 2 years. They were already planning a divorce before he and I even met. Because, he is a problem.

Here’s why he is taking the time to lie to the world about our situation. Some ladies will be able to relate to this.

#1 He doesn’t want anyone to think he is a bad person. He’ll say anything to get social acceptance. The asshole is attempting to preserve his image.

#2 He wanted to break up with me and that’s fine in itself. He went the extra mile to orchestrate an exit, unnecessarily. Sometimes people don’t want to be in certain relationships anymore. That’s a part of life. But he continues to orchestrate drama demonizing me in the process so it can make him feel better about abandoning me during my pregnancy. I didn’t give this man a reason to want to leave. He just wanted to leave. He just wanted to be single and not have any responsibility. He feels bad about wanting that when he shouldn’t. There are plenty of other things he should feel bad about in regards to me but that’s not one of them. The more he can convince everyone that I am a bad person the more these people will begin to feel sympathy for him and justify why he made such a poor choice. He is using others to make himself feel better. He knows that his reasons for leaving the relationship were not legitimate.

#3 He wants to avoid responsibility. During his interview with Tommy Sotomayor the main issue he avoided discussing was his inability to parent our child. He has never met our son. Why wasn’t the topic of him fathering prominent in conversation. The only goal was to vilify me. He didn’t want to take accountability. It’s too hard to self evaluate and make change. It’s easier to blame someone else.

#4 He wanted to save face. I was too much for him. The concept of marriage and kids was something we spoke about often. Ultimately something he was not ready for. Instead of feeling remorse for misleading me. He wants to look like he’s winning inside of this situation. When the truth of the matter is the lesson needs to be learned that playing a woman for her money, lying to her about wanting to be married and have children can actually have you stuck with a wife and child you didn’t even want to begin with.

#5 He knows some morons won’t question is claims. Especially if he can manipulate and charm them. I’ve said before that his narcissistic ass is Lucifer. He may have the IQ of a nectarine but he can definitely use charm to get what he wants.

#6 He’s immature, unkind and malicious. It’s as simple as that. No further explanation needed.

If people believe any of the foolishness that comes out of this man’s mouth there is nothing I can do about that. I can’t control what people say or think. Even when I try to defend myself and tell the truth people will think I’m desperate to convince them or covert them into believing something untruthful.

When something like this happens..,you might be tempted to engage in some reputation management if you have mutual friends or if they’ve gone so far as to say things to your family or coworkers (beyond unacceptable) but you will potentially end up fighting to preserve your image of you with people who won’t matter to your world in a matter of months never mind years plus you will end up fighting to correct an image of a relationship that’s over. You will be trying to control the uncontrollable. The main image that you need to correct is of your ex. It doesn’t change that you enjoyed good times together but they have unfolded in a way that shows traits that don’t make them the loyal, loving, caring, respectful, trustworthy person that you deserve to be with. They’re showing you that it’s the right thing that you’ve broken up. -Natalie

His actions are confirmation that I never should have dated him to begin with. That’s all I know. I don’t care about semantics. The best rebuttal in this situation is to live my life well like I’ve been doing. Instead of devoting my life to defending and convincing this person or whoever he associates with that I’m a good person. I cannot force feed my ex or his ‘audience’ of dipshits the true version of events. Karma will catch up with Priest and manifest in his life one way or another and that’s what he needs to prepare himself for.

Priest should feel a sense of remorse and want to do whatever he can to gain my forgiveness. He could start by apologizing over and over and over and then aligning his behaviors to prove that he is genuinely sorry. He hasn’t done that. What he continues to do is maliciously associate himself with people who start drama, lie and are so vitriol and vocal about their hatred towards me. Why would he want to even be around people who would consider doing that? This is why I don’t like him. He’d have to want me to forgive him for me to want him to be around. He needs to think long and hard about what he did to get us here. He needs to also understand why he did this to me. Next would be to empathize with me. It’s ok to make a mistake. Mistakes don’t make you a bad person. But once you repeat negative behavior it becomes a habit and conscious choice not a mistake. If he simply explained himself without making excuses we could have a better co parenting relationship for our son. All he has to do is make things right by showing he’s changed and compensate for his mistakes by doing something good. Him talking bad about me doesn’t bother me. I want him to hate me. His hate for me is equivalent to how much I used loved him. All I care about is my son having a healthy loving family surrounding him. IF Priest is unwilling to do what he needs to do in order to become the man and father my son needs I preferred that he continues to interact with those group of people who encouraged him to be hateful towards me and my son. Ladies if you are ever in this situation with a man please do not waste your energy trying to convince this man or any other person how good of a woman you are. Just be a good woman and the right man will show his face at the right time. Exes are exes for a reason keep them in the past where they belong.

Single Mothers With Multiple Baby Daddies Shouldn’t Be Judged?!

(CLICK ABOVE TO SEE VIDEO)

My happiness is more important than social media. I see too many people attempting to take my happiness from me in my comment section. So I disabled my comments and user ratings. I’ve always given out my address encouraging people to email me if they have video topic suggestions. I received this email. It was about a video I did about women who have multiple deadbeat baby daddies. I also spoke about how women should stop requiring that the Father that IS supporting his child also be financially responsible for the children of those deadbeat dads just so those children can feel equal.

Soncerae,

I just finished watching your “More than 1 Baby Daddy?!? Single Mothers MUST stop doing this!!!” video and I must say that I was agreeing with most of what you had to say until you decided to judge women who have small children with more than one baby daddy. News flash: it doesn’t matter if your kids are 18 years or 18 months apart! You’re still gonna be looked at as a woman with multiple baby daddies. I’m not emailing you to attack you because that’s not what I do but your comments are turned off and it was disappointing to hear you appear to be talking down about and judging women who society looks at just like they look at you, even though your kids have a significant age gap: A Baby Mama with multiple baby daddies. Now, I do absolutely agree that a woman should use whatever child support money she gets towards the child/children that it’s intended for. That’s the correct thing to do. No one should be expectedto take care of kids that aren’t theirs, however if a man gets involved with a woman who they already know has (a) kid(s) by other men, common sense is going to tell him to walk away from that situation before he makes his own kid with her or realize that at some point some of whatever money that’s coming in is going to go towards all the kids at some point (not all the time) and if the man wants his kid to have specific items then buy those items outright instead of handing over money. If he’s making payments through the child support office I’m sure that if how the money is being used is in question, then he can request documentation/receipts/statements/proof on how the child support money is being spent. Worse come to worse, if he feels his child is not getting the financial support he provides or the care the child needs, then his next step should be trying to get primary custody. Once again, I’m not contacting you to attack you I’m just sharing my thoughts on your video. I watch your content fairly often because it’s good and will continue to do so.

Sincerely,

Nina

I want to publicly address this. I responded to her. I thanked her for her comment however I also made sure to express to her that I was tired of everyone taking everything I say so personal when it’s just an opinion. Everyone is so over emotional and sensitive. All over social media. I need to do a video about self control and discipline one day soon. I think the lack of discipline on YouTube is most likely what annoys me most. Everyone wants to give their opinion but they are so emotionally invested in it like it effects their life specifically. Like their entire world shatters if someone disagrees. When it’s just dialogue, perspectives and entertainment. If whatever is being said doesn’t apply to you commenting on it negatively is a waste of energy. You can still comment remove the toxic passion.

I want to make a few things clear for the sensitive single mothers who feel judged.

She said: I was agreeing with most of what you had to say until you decided to judge women who have small children with more than one baby daddy.

I don’t know why everyone wants everyone to agree with them like independently thinking is a death sentence. My immediate internal response to this was IDGAF….it’s so unimportant. It’s odd to me that when someone agrees they have nothing valuable to say to me but when they disagree they type a long ass dissertation explaining why. #2 I’ve never been the type of person to not judge. I try but it’s not natural. I’ve encouraged others to not judge. However most people who have been listening to me long enough know that when I say don’t judge what I mean is: Don’t misjudge. Don’t make poor judgment. We always judge. Everyone, including the person who sent me this email who was judging me because I judged someone else.

She said: News flash: it doesn’t matter if your kids are 18 years or 18 months apart! You’re still gonna be looked at as a woman with multiple baby daddies.

Who gives a fuck if people look at you or me as a woman with multiple baby daddies? I don’t. That’s not even my issue with women who have multiple baby daddies. Who cares what people think. You’d have to listen to the video to hear me talk about the age gap between my kids. My daughter is 19 and my son is 1. Inside of my video I said that it makes sense that I have two different baby daddies because of the huge gap in between relationships. Twenty years is a long time. That’s 2 damn decades. It’s like this person overlooked what my issue was with women with multiple baby daddies altogether.

She said: I’m not emailing you to attack you because that’s not what I do but your comments are turned off and it was disappointing to hear you appear to be talking down about and judging women.

Looks like an attack to me. If I wanted comments in reference to this video I would have left my comments on.

She said: No one should be expectedto take care of kids that aren’t theirs, however if a man gets involved with a woman who they already know has (a) kid(s) by other men, common sense is going to tell him to walk away from that situation before he makes his own kid with her…

Here’s where the deflection comes in and some single mothers expect everyone else to take responsibility for their actions but don’t require that they themselves display that same discipline. Pressure is put on men who aren’t careful about who they procreate with. Women should also have that same pressure put on them. Match that energy when you are speaking about this. Just like a man should have common sense, so should a woman. She should require that a birth control plan be in place. . If she already has multiple children with multiple fathers she should know better than to have another child by a different man. She should walk away from that situation before she makes another child with him.

She continued to say: …realize that at some point some of whatever money that’s coming in is going to go towards all the kids at some point (not all the time) and if the man wants his kid to have specific items then buy those items outright instead of handing over money.

NO NO NO…..Mothers please make your own money. Not all money coming into your household is for all of your children when you have multiple baby daddies. I’m sorry it just doesn’t work that way. Especially not to men. Single mothers have got to start considering where these men want their money to go to. If the fathers of your children put money in your hands for the children that you share please understand that he is trusting you to take care of his child financially. Key words: HIS CHILD. It’s not for your entire household. This is why men hate giving you money. You try to forcefully make him invest in things that he didn’t sign up for. Sometimes TIME doesn’t permit a man to go shopping and get his kids specific things. The meme I spoke about in the video was about a mother who wanted her children to experience life equally. No matter how hard we try as mothers we will never be able to equally be attentive to more than 2 children especially if they have different fathers.

Start thinking this through, ladies. If your child’s father Kevin goes shopping for his child Brandon and Brandon comes home with designer, name brand, EVERYTHING for school, your other children Marcus & Tony who are products of the deadbeat dads will feel even worse seeing Brandon have the finer things in life when they themselves don’t. So if you are truly trying to make all of your kids feel equal instead of spending all of the money on Brandon, spend half of it and save the rest for the future things that Brandon may need. You should already be making enough money to take care of Marcus & Tony so you shouldn’t need Kevin’s money to take care of them. Stop thinking emotionally and think logically. It is not Kevin’s responsibility to take care of Marcus & Tony. It is YOURS. You should already have money stashed away for them for school. If you are good with your finances you don’t need to take from Brandon to give to your other children. Don’t pretend like the day Kevin gave you money for Brandon that that was the very first day Marcus & Tony had deadbeat daddies. They were deadbeat daddies before the kids started school. You should be prepared for this. Even if Kevin didn’t give you money, you are their mother you should already be so used to taking care of them without the help of a man. This entire thing isn’t about a single mother taking care of kids equally. This is about a single mother being inconsiderate. This is one of the reasons why men are running away from marriage, fatherhood and all types of other things that we fuss at them about, thinking it’s justifiable.

Plot twist…..

Nina missed the entire reason why I was “judging” women in the video who have multiple baby daddies. It isn’t because they have multiple kids by multiple men. Yeah that’s ridiculous on so many levels but that’s not even my issue.

I responded to her email using ample amount of profanity. She probably thought I was mad. I think I was annoyed. LOLOL

I replied: It’s not about me judging a mother. I don’t give a fuck what men think about women with multiple kids. What I give a fuck about is a woman having multiple kids by niggas who don’t give a fuck about their kids. How the fuck does any woman have 2 deadbeat baby daddies or more? That says a lot about the mother. Why does she continue to chose men who would treat her or her kids that way?!? Period. It’s already bad that 1 is that way to 1 child but for all of your baby daddies to be deadbeats says something about your poor choices as a woman; not these men. Take your time with men. I have 1 deadbeat dad I’m not about to spread my legs wide for another one to come and abandon ANOTHER child. It took 20 years for God to bless me with my son after I had my daughter. It’s going to take another 20 for a man to convince me to even have unprotected sex with him. Bitches need to make these bums put on condoms instead of getting uncomfortable everytime someone calls them out on their bullshit. Choose and do better next time is my moto. Stop making the same poor choice over and over.

Vulgar right? I know. This is a serious issue and it frustrates me. I need to communicate better. Anyway! If you have any other comments pertaining to this matter let me know.

soncerae@gmail.com

When she said: If he’s making payments through the child support office I’m sure that if how the money is being used is in question, then he can request documentation/receipts/statements/proof on how the child support money is being spent. Worse come to worse, if he feels his child is not getting the financial support he provides or the care the child needs, then his next step should be trying to get primary custody. Once again, I’m not contacting you to attack you I’m just sharing my thoughts on your video. I watch your content fairly often because it’s good and will continue to do so.

I was like….so you want men to go the extra mile to do all of this but women can’t go the extra mile and be considerate so he won’t have to go through all of this?!?! Ladies, the drama has to stop somewhere. We are never going to get this coparenting thing under control if we don’t stop being selfish, inconsiderate, hard to communicate with and stubborn. Stop this please.

Be sure to check out richsinglemomma.com for more tips on how to set yourself financially straight so you won’t NEED the child support checks.

The Hunt: Single Mothers Try To Trap The Childless Man

(YouTuber & Singer, Queen Naija seen above. After her divorce from Chris Sails she sooner after started a relationship with her now boyfriend Clarence who she just conceived a child with. She rose to fame after releasing her song “Medicine” that was about her failed marriage with Chris Sails. Queen Naija and Chris Sails have a son together named CJ. Clarence does not have any other children.)

There are a lot of ridiculous things on the internet if you haven’t noticed. I see more ignorance on here than I do in the ghettoest Neighborhood Walmart. I always considered the web as a place where we all can look up ACCURATE information. Some sites of course mislead us. But with enough common sense you know how to decipher the difference between propaganda and actual FACTS. This place has become a cesspit of opinions, vitriol content and others desperate for likes, views, followers and subscribers. It’s all about social media and who can win the high school themed popularity contest. As if we have never socialized in real life and aren’t over the age of 25.

Social media has given the people who don’t travel the opportunity to interact with people they never thought they would. Like, “the celebrity” or popular person they admire from a distance. Not only can we interact with “the celebrity” we can accidentally slip on 100k followers on IG and become one. There is so much being done on the internet for shock and awe it’s becoming difficult to find information that is actually suitable enough for you to apply to your own life. This concerns me. The only reason why is because I’ve seen malicious people with the worse intentions steer people in the wrong direction. They have people out here saying and doing a lot of bafoonary. A lot of people don’t even realize how powerful their freedom of speech is. Then there are people that do realize it’s power and end up misusing the power to make people shift gears.

For almost a decade I’ve given relationship advice to men. I’ve interacted with so many men in regards to how they deal with women. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that a lot of the content posted by men was purposely created to attract and breed more hyper masculine toxic men. It’s bad enough that the public perception of men is so unsatisfactory. It gets even worse if you are a Black Man.

I saw somewhere that:

  • For various reasons, media of all types collectively offer a distorted representation of the lives and reality of black males.
  • In turn, media consumption negatively affects the public’s understandings and attitudes related to black males.
  • These distorted understandings and attitudes towards black males lead to negative real-world consequences for them.

Without understanding that their own music, movies and outlandish expectations of each other are what’s making them unfortunately harder to deal with they frivolously indulge in behaviors that seem entertaining but are detrimental to their own personal growth process. Then after they fall victim to the consequences of those choices they blame their own mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, friends, wives and girlfriends for their misfortune. Yes the Black Woman, she is blamed.

Historical legacies of slavery and Jim Crow, the material and economic disparities related to that and other forms of historical racism, the role of the criminal justice system in controlling black males, the flow of resources toward and away from black males, and so on, are all important issues for understanding the current situation for black males in America.

A few days ago, after doing some research on Single Motherhood, I found this blog written by a Black Male who calls himself “Money Cultural”. After reading through his thoughts I realized immediately where he received his misinformation about Black Women from. Another Black Man ON SOCIAL MEDIA. A Black Man will go through 1 experience with a BAD Black Woman that he gave the benefit of the doubt too and dated anyway overlooking the red flags and then classify ALL Black Women as such. This brings me into the Black Single Mother Drag. Don’t date a Black Single Mother, they say. A BSM wants this and that and more assumptions, disdain, preconceived notions and XYZ. When really the woman you chose was just a bad woman. Her being a single mother had nothing to do with it. A mom is one role. A girlfriend is another. Just because she’s a mom doesn’t mean she’ll be a bad girlfriend or wife.

I read this blog thrice. 🙂 Just so I can give my personal thoughts.

HERE IS THE LINK TO THE ORIGINAL POST: https://moneycultural.wordpress.com/2019/07/02/the-hunted-man/

I am not going to attack this man intellectually or any other man who disagrees with me. I’m just going to express my own concerns and experiences about what this man wrote.

  • He wrote: When it comes to dating especially online dating, which man who is on the black single mother’s radar? Well, it’s not the White man, the Asian man, the Latino man or the bi racial man. It is actually the childless black man. Yeah, the black men who has no children.

Most BSM will tell you that the kind of man we want in our lives is “THE GOOD MAN” regardless of color. We don’t mind a man having children as long as he’s a GOOD FATHER. There are also plenty of women on social media who are encouraging Black Women to date outside of their race. It’s more Black Women looking for NON-BLACK men than BLACK MEN realize.

  • He wrote: Look on the dating websites like Tinder, Match.com, Badoo and all of the other dating websites black single mothers looking for a black man with no children. And most of these childless black men are good black men who are living a good productive life.

If these men are living good productive lives they are most likely not going to be on a dating site at all. Finding a good woman is easier in real life for Good Men. The last place any man with some sense would do is go on a dating site. Dating sites are last resort. If they are such amazing men why would they be on a dating site to begin with? I ended up taking the last guy I met on a dating site serious by accident. When I first started talking to him I expected nothing from him but a couple of dates. I didn’t even expect us to have sex. Now we have a child together. We were supposed to get married. At 5 months pregnant he played me. I took the L. Most women know not to take dating sites seriously. It is rare that we meet anyone worth meeting on a dating site. Outside of my son’s father I have never got on a dating site and expected something good to come out of it. If you meet someone and fall in love that is an exception to a rule. The success rate for online dating is low.

  • He wrote: But the thing is that good black men are not dating these black single mothers because they do not want to deal with a woman which children, especially if she has one child. And these single black single mothers will put on a huge tantrum when they get rejected by good black men when they finds out that these black women are single mothers with a whole leap of children.

Good Black Men ARE dating BSM. Most of my female friends are married. At some point they were divorced or single. What we all seem to have in common is WE ARE MOMS and none of us have a problem finding a man who is interested in us and our kids. It is because we are GOOD WOMEN. Most Good Black Men realize that just because another man made a mistake by letting go of a good woman that doesn’t mean he also has to make that mistake. Spare me with the, if she was a good woman why did he let her go? Think about that question. If you are male and you are reading this you have met a woman that was good for you and you wasn’t ready for the relationship. It doesn’t mean you are a bad man or that she is a bad woman it just means that you weren’t prepared. I’m not saying all situations are like that however I am saying there are single mothers who are GOOD WOMEN. Each man defines what a GOOD WOMAN is to him. Not every Good Black Man has a hangup about becoming a stepfather. No man I’ve ever dated has ever given me slack about being a Single Mom. He understood. Most Good Men I’ve dated have children of their own. The ones that didn’t just wanted to know would I be open to having more.

He wrote: Let’s say that she has three kids. As you found out that she is a single mother, you stop talking to her and you walk off. No, better yet. You run like hell!

BSM are NOT pressed. We aren’t going to have a tantrum because we are rejected by a man. It’s rare we get rejected by a man. Too many of us are approached by dozens of men a day. There is no shortage of men. If you run from a woman because she has a child or children it says you are a coward NOT smart. What do people do when they are afraid? THEY RUN! Not every experience is identical. There are good moms out here who also know how to be good wives and girlfriends.

  • He wrote: When a good black man goes after a black woman for a date or for a relationship, he gets rejected. But when he says that he doesn’t want to date a single mother, everyone looks at him as a villain. How can anyone, mostly in the so called black community calling a black man a villain if he doesn’t want a woman with children?

When are men going to stop considering men and women equal when it’s convenient for them? We all get rejected at some point in our lives. However, men get rejected by women more often because they are more likely to pursue. THEY ARE MEN! Men are classified as a villain when they reject single moms because of their shallow reason for why they are rejecting us. If she treated you poorly it would make sense to reject her. A door to door salesmen gets rejected a lot more than a man who is a sales associate at a T-Mobile. Randomly knocking on a strangers door asking them do they want to buy something they didn’t initially take interest in is bound to get that salesperson rejected. However, if you are a sales associate at a place where people are walking in looking to buy you have a better success rate.  Same for men who randomly approach women.

Men have to understand that MOTHER is one role and GIRLFRIEND is another. They don’t have the same meaning. To instantly reject a woman romantically because she has children is equivalent to a woman rejecting you romantically because you can’t bench press 500 lbs, you can’t build a house, or you choose to pay someone to do your landscaping instead of mowing the lawn yourself. Choosing not to date a single mother is alright. Just admit that you are shallow. It’s ok.

  • He wrote: Why don’t everybody look at the single black mother as the villain because she is the one who is destroying the black community with this black matriarchy, raising these children without a father in the household and making these young black boys kill each other in the streets…

When are men going to stop with the depicting themselves to be a superhero regardless to how much damage they have done? He just blamed violence in these streets on BSM. He just blamed Black Men abandoning their children on BSM. Let me tell you a thing or two about Good Black Men, NONE OF THEM HAVE ABANDONED THEIR CHILDREN, for starters. Good Black Men fight for their children. They try to get custody and visitation. They don’t just disappear. They pay child support. Or they do what they are supposed to do so filing for child support isn’t even considered. Most single mothers are barely getting $200 a month from fathers they put on child support. Most of the fathers are only put on child support because they refused to handle their responsibilities. Most women have enough sense not to have a baby with a man she knows is irresponsible. Please understand that, Bad Men don’t walk around advertising that they have nefarious intentions. What villian is going to scream from them mountain tops that that’s what they are? They’d never get what they wanted if they put themselves on blast. Yes BSMs have made a poor choice in a man, if they abandon their child. But why is she being blamed for not knowing who he truly was from beginning? He knew he had bad intentions and still participated. He is to blame for the demise of the Black Family. Most women don’t want to raise a child without their father unless he is extremely toxic. We want the help. When we have to beg men to help, most times we give up and handle it on our own. We don’t have time to beg a man to be in the life of his own child. If someone has to beg a man to be a father to his own blood something is wrong with HIM not her.

He wrote: Why they are so many black single mothers chasing after these good black men? The reason for that is because she is using him as insurance. Right, let me explain. When it comes to looking for a black man, she wants him to have his own home, his own car, make sure he makes a six figure salary, make sure he has a good job and so on. But when she sees a good black man, now she is calling him corny, lame, he’s a nice guy; he’s masculine and he’s not my type. So she puts him on the shelf and dates Pookie, Ray Ray, John John, Block House Jim, Big Dick Rodney, Mac 10 and his brother Mac 12. By the time she get dick down by these thugs, criminals and the unproductive men and has children with them, then she goes back to the good black man when he becomes successful or have something going on in his life so she looks at him as an insurance policy when she sees him having his own car, his own house, his own money, making six figures a year. But then she gets rejected by the good black man because he will refuse to date a single mother.

These little boys and their fantasies, I tell ya. It’s humorous. I’ve chuckled a couple of times rereading his blog. The arrogance and conceit displayed in his words are disappointing. Let me reassure most men that, (especially if you consider yourself a Good Black Man) most BSM don’t have time to date. We aren’t chasing anything because we are literally too busy to. It takes a lot of energy to raise kids when they do have their Father around. Imagine the energy required to take care of a child alone. Most of us have our own education, car, job and salaries. We are working BSM. Most of my friends are nurses, paralegals, my mom was an accountant raising me. In order to NOT live in poverty or be on government assistance we have to WORK. The traditional woman who is making sure a man has a good job is doing that because these women were taught that men are providers. The new age woman who is making sure a man has a good job is doing that because we want to make sure he matches us economically. We already have enough of a load to carry raising kids alone. We don’t want to have to financially factor in our MAN as another child. History has shown most women that when we do entertain a man who has potential, he either doesn’t live up to his own expectations or when he does finally get to a good place financially and career wise he leaves for a woman he classifies as better than us. Instead of him displaying a level of loyalty, he leaves. Forget sticking to the woman that helped you make it, move on to whoever you now consider on your level.

Contrary to popular belief just because you are a nice guy doesn’t mean you are a match to every woman on the planet. Being nice is not the only character trait a good women wants in a man. There are other things we are attracted to. Not every good man or nice man is corny or lame. If a woman is calling you corny or lame…. it is coincidental that you are also nice. Being nice doesn’t mean you aren’t corny or lame.  There are also buttholes who are corny and lame.  “He’s not my type because he’s masculine.” SAID NO GOOD WOMAN EVER! This man is confused. IDK what YouTube video he watched or low energy Black Male he listened to, but that man has this man CONFUSED. A BSM is not interested in Pookie, Ray Ray, John John, Block House Jim, Big Dick Rodney, Mac 10 and his brother Mac 12, because these men are bad for our children. If she has seen what a good man is and has experienced one she would not choose those types. Any woman with half of a brain would NOT date those types of men or have those types of men around her children. The only reason a woman would even consider dating those types of men would be because she herself is a product of the environment she grew up in where those men were her leaders. She doesn’t know any better. You have to have a level of compassion for any person who is doing only what they know. If you know better you do better.

Please keep in mind:

Black Men are faced with achieving masculinity [in media representations] through their corporal selves as physical threats (i.e., as athlete, rapper, drug dealer or gang member) as opposed to their intellectual contributions. To be viewed as assertive and aggressive is valued in our culture. So some women who have been watching too much tv think these type of men are appealing. Also a lot of Black men prefer to sexually objectify women and support toxic masculinity as a means to bond with each other. The aggressive male are presented as part of the dominant ideology in the Black community. Men don’t want to be GOOD MEN. They want to be Pookie, Ray Ray, John John, Block House Jim, Big Dick Rodney, Mac 10 and his brother Mac 12.

At the time I’m writing this blog, my daughter is 19. Her father is classified all across the board as a GOOD MAN at 43. He is in Telecommunications/Information Technology. He is a good provider, a good father. He wore glasses, button ups and slacks to work. He is educated. He went to college. He grew up with both of his parents. He barely uses profanity and I’ve only gotten into 2 arguments with him out of the 25 years I’ve known him. Women have called him corny and lame plenty of times. But what they don’t know is at 22, he was a drug dealer and going to college. He did it before I met him and while we were together. For 5 years after we met he was a corporate thug, going to work in the day time and at night dealing drugs. He’d put on his leather jacket, jeans and Timberland boots, hopped in his luxury car and did what he has to do. When our daughter was born he stopped dealing drugs altogether. He stopped dealing drugs and replaced that side hustle with delivering food and packages. He always had a nice things, his own place, he always dressed nice. He is a good looking man. He is responsible, easy to talk to and has goals and ambition. He is picky about women. He is very selective and always has been. He is not walking around here rejecting single moms. He’s rejecting women who play games, are dishonest, have no goals, have no ambition, promiscuous women, women who treat him poorly. He has never been married. We broke up after our daughter was born but he never left either of us alone to fend for ourselves. We had plenty of conversations about marriage. We both knew we wanted to be good parents. We always had a good friendship. Our relationship was good. He didn’t want our relationship anymore because of a personal issue he had that had nothing to do with me but he did NOT abandonment us. He was always there for our daughter and still is.

At the time I’m writing this blog, My son is 1 years old. His father is a coward, a liar, and a narcissist. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and over looked the red flags. He wasn’t always bad to me. He wasn’t perfect but I loved him anyway. I thought so highly of him. I was extremely kind, catering, loving, submissive and open minded with him. He seemed intelligent, he enjoyed having fun and being social. HE HAD POTENTIAL TO BE GREAT. At least that’s what I saw in him. He was never a drug dealer, never a thug. He always held down a job. A low paying one, but he loved to work. He had goals he wanted to accomplish but never applied himself. He seemed like the perfect person for me until I realized he was never going to apply himself. He wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer but he had PHYSICAL strength. A sense of masculinity that was attractive. He was my healer. ..My protector. I thought he was my friend. He had no real education. He grew up with a mother, a father and a step father. He didn’t graduate from high school. He was separated when I met him, now divorced. He has no other children. He has NEVER met our son. Fear set in when I was 5 months pregnant and he selfishly left. That says a lot about his character. We had plenty of conversations about marriage and children. We made plans. We knew we wanted to be good parents. We were also concerned about money. After he denied our son I filed for child support. He asked to be on child support. Saying I needed to prove our son was his. After the DNA test came back positive he was ordered to pay $269 a month. Being as though I make more money than he does his payments are low. I am responsible for 67% of my son’s expenses by law. I have custody of our son.

I explained this because what I want men to understand is that what makes a person a bad person is their character, not because they made a mistake or poor choice in a partner. Not because they have children. Male or female. SO when you choose women, choose them based upon how well they treat you. Not every woman you meet is trying to use you for what you have. But NO woman wants to be handling everything ALONE. Men don’t want that either. I can tell you as a single mother, handling everything alone is hard. It’s not impossible but it’s hard.

Even though both of my relationships ended only 1 of those men chose to still be a father. He understood that boyfriend and father are two different roles. I moved my son out of a predominantly Black area so we could grow up in a multicultural environment. There he can learn different cultures, ways of living and perspectives of life. That way he’d have a better CHARACTER. I moved 2,000 miles away from Atlanta to California for my SON. My daughter didn’t grow up in a predominantly Black area either. I want my kids to see the world, not just the four corners of the hood. So I work my ass off for my kids, ALONE when I have to. Any man worth my attention should admire that. Any man that loves me will love my kids because they are a part of me. They will never look at my kids as if they are some burden. If my better choices for my kids make it to where I have to eliminate a toxic FATHER, then so be it.

He wrote: When black single mothers get rejected by good black men, they are now stuck with the man that she doesn’t want to be with and that is the simp. The simp or the captain save a hoe will date a woman with children in an instant. The simp will say something stupid like the black woman needs protecting. Oh boy! Why would you protect a hoodrat while she is living off by government assistance? She looks like she’s protected to me. Nothing is wrong loving black women or being with one but there are some black women you can’t be with, all because a ratchet black woman can cause a huge amount of problems for any black man.

Black women need protecting because they are important not because they are weak. Nor do they suddenly don’t need protecting because they are living off of government assistance. If anything, you as a GOOD BLACK MAN, should lead a woman struggling into a better state of living. GOOD BLACK MEN are leaders they know how to see a woman having a difficult time economically and teaching her how to improve. Not every BSM is a hoodrat. Not ever BSM is ratchet. Even if she is on government assistance, trust me the assistance she is getting is chump change that’s why she’s still in the hood. If the government was giving her all of this amazing support her and her children would not be struggling somewhere in the projects. Of course ratchet women can cause a problem in a man’s life, vice versa for women. If we make a poor choice in man he can cause all hell to break loose. I had a lot of rebuilding to do after my son’s father’s havoc.

Let’s reflect…

Single Mothers are looking for GOOD MEN, regardless of color. Of course this man isn’t speaking of a SBM like me. I’m out here doing my thing. A good thing. I’ve learned so much and yes I’ve made plenty of mistakes. Just like the next person. Yes there are women out their that cause problems. I’m just not one of them. Some have even tried to make it seem like I am, not even knowing me. There are bad women out there. But it isn’t because they are single mothers. It’s because their character is in question. Just because I am a BSM doesn’t mean I have a bad character. It just means I chose the wrong partner. Most of us would not choose a matriarch…we had no choice.