Category Archives: Sexuality

Stop Raising Baby Mamas and Daddies! 3 Ways to Break the Cycle Now

Written By: Kei Latrice

Okay, you might be asking yourself, is it really possible to raise a child to become a baby mama or daddy? Like, are parents actually out here training their kids to be solo-dolo moms and dads, for God sakes? Or, better yet, I know a few of you are rolling your eyes, thinking, “here comes another self-righteous asshole looking down their nose on non-married people with kids!”– I get it. Parenthood is hard enough, especially when the task is taken on alone, or even as part of a co-parent situation; the last thing any single parent needs, then, is another conservative, “Yaaay, I dodged a bullet”, know it all, telling them how to raise, or in this case, not raise their kids.

So, I’m not going to do that– pass judgment, that is. Instead, I’m going to use those three fingers that always point back at someone, when one points out of course, to tell my own story in three parts. So here goes: The first thing I should note, is that I am married, although most people already know that. Number two–My husband and I have five children, which many of my readers already know as well. Number three, however, is what might be more of a shocker– and that is how I was not married when I conceived my first child. Feel free to clutch your pearls and gasp!

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So babe, how you feeling our new apartment?

See, what had happened was this, Des, (who was just my boyfriend at the time), and I, thought it would be a great idea for me to ditch my graduate school dormitory, and for him to move out of his slum lord apartment, so that the two of us could shack up. It just made sense. We could save on bills, enjoy movie nights and pizza in bed whenever we wanted to, and most importantly, have easy access to early morning sex– a duh! I mean, what twenty-something year old wouldn’t want that? Everything was perfect– even without furniture and in spite of our overpriced rent, until the day I regailed that extra pink line on my doomsday, I mean pregnancy stick.

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Oh hell no– it’s really two lines on here!

Of course I was shocked; the trepidation of not knowing what my life would look like with a child, replaced what should have been a feeling of joy. Des and I had talked about getting married, eventually, but nothing was set in stone. I’ll never forget the day we told my mother: in a restaurant, over pasta and salad, we showed her our plastic truth stick (gross, I know, but hey, we were twenty-ish and dumb) and my mom simply cried. Later, she admitted that her worst fears had come true: I was unmarried and pregnant and might have to raise a child alone.

Be sure to check out Soncerae’s latest PODCAST Baby Mama VS Baby Daddy… Can’t We Just Be Family? Episode 41 – The God Queen Live Podcast

But now, let’s talk about how crazy both of our reactions were, (my mother’s and mine), especially since there had been no Whodini stunt, nor was I the victim of an immaculate conception. I got pregnant the good old fashioned way because we weren’t using protection. It really shouldn’t have been a shock. More importantly, though, the title of baby mama was the very status that I had been groomed for from childhood, and I would have become that, had it not been for our (shotgun) wedding. Let me explain how:

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The Married Couple I knew. We hung out with them every Thursday at 8.

I Had Little to No Examples! Virtually every woman I knew growing up, raised their children without fathers in the home. That was my norm. Fathers came around, sometimes, and gave financial support, occasionally. They rarely lived with the women they had children with and they certainly weren’t married. The married couples I saw growing up were either on television, or, if I encountered them in real life, they didn’t look like me.

My Bar Wasn’t Set That High. In grade school, my aunt promised me $100 if remained childless until after my high school graduation. In my family, having a baby before marriage wasn’t what brought you shame, it was more so being a teenaged mom. At around 19, this same aunt gave me the conception green light. I’d not only graduated from high school, but I was also working, and (in her eyes) somewhat self-sufficient. This meant I’d met my family childbirth standards and could now get pregnant without being shunned. As for my mother and her opinion on the subject, well, let’s just say I had her example, instead of her words.

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Me making it to graduation baby free!

I Had No Actionable Plan. So this one was a bit trickier; as far as having children and being married, I knew I wanted both, but I never really considered the order in which I’d get them. If I had actually taken the time to think about it, I might have been just a little more hesitant about that whole shack up and anytime sex situation with Des. I also would have likely been prepared for, and thus excited about my first pregnancy, instead of just surprised and confused.

My mother, my aunt, and all the women in my family did the best they could to steer me in a positive direction, still they couldn’t prepare me for what they didn’t know. Now, I have the benefit of using the blueprint of their lives and combining it with mine, to help my sons and daughters make better choices. Here’s how:

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I Always Speak of Their (future) Husbands and Wives. Little girls love to fantasize; I know from personal experience, and now having two daughter of my own, I see it with them even more. When they speak on boyfriends, or love, or dating, however, I make make it a point to tie those things to their future husband. For example, if my daughter, who is ten, mentions dating, I’ll say something to this effect, “never date someone who wouldn’t make a good husband.” Then we’ll go into all the things that make a man husband material. Or, when my youngest daughter talks about being a mommy, I always address the topic in a plural sense. So, for example, I’ll say, “when you and your husband have a baby,” or, “you need to be married first,”. I do the same thing with my sons. “Never have sex with a woman you couldn’t see being your wife,” is something I say to them often. When my sons balk at doing hard tasks, I’ll remind them of the wife and children who’ll one day depend on them. The takeaway is this: This type of dialogue lets our children know what our family expectations are and helps them to develop a marital mindset.

I Put My Own Marriage on a Pedestal. Ask any one of my children who my favorite person is and even my youngest, who is five, will answer “Dad”. In fact, my kids often tease me when I whine about missing Des and say, “Sheesh, Dad hasn’t even been gone that long.”, but I can’t help it. Yes, I absolutely adore my children; Each one occupies a piece of my heart that makes up one whole. Nevertheless, as much as I love them, their Father is the one person I most want to spend time with, cuddle with, hang out with, and talk to, because he was there before them and will (fingers crossed) be there after they’ve gotten families of their own. The Takeaway is this: We’re instilling in our children the critical importance of putting your marriage first and that successful families have a natural and meaningful order.

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When you and hubby are each other’s favorite person!

I Encourage Them To Be Intentional. When it came to areas such as education and career, I knew exactly what I wanted to achieve and how to accomplish it. Regarding love and starting a family, however, I was way more willy-nilly and unprepared. That’s why I’m teaching my children to be methodical about both. For instance, I pose questions that make them think about how a family will fit into their long term goals. I advise them about the pitfalls of reckless sex and ways of avoiding them, and I give them examples of how their choices will effect them for generations. The Takeaway is this: We are instilling into our children the concept that planning for a family is as crucial, if not more so, than planning for an education or career.

Now, for the critics– the ones who’ll point out that there aren’t any guarantees; the ones who’ll swear that kids are going to do what they want regardless, I’d tell them all that they’re right. See, our children have these peculiar things in them called, minds of their own. Despite all of our teachings and best efforts, they will ultimately make their own decisions in life. Still, the optimist in me can’t help but try anyway. Sure, I could miss the mark as a parent, in getting them to not be a baby mama or daddy, but, I will absolutely miss it if I just do nothing. I’d say, I have a good 50/50 chance. Plus, I already have proof this goal is acheivable. I came from a clan full a baby mama’s, and now just look at me– I’m a stressed-out happily married mother of five nerve-wracking beautiful kids. That’s a hell-of-enough evidence for me!

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Babe, we did it! We actually pulled this thing off!!!

Tell us what you think? Are parent’s really out here raising kids up to be baby mamas and daddies? If so, tell us how and if not, tell us why? We want to hear from you!

Stop Raising Baby Mamas and Daddies! 3 Ways to Break the Cycle Now original post https://thetalkship.com/2019/05/16/stop-raising-baby-mamas-and-daddies/

Written By: Kei Latrice

Be sure to check out my latest PODCAST Baby Mama VS Baby Daddy… Can’t We Just Be Family? Episode 41 – The God Queen Live Podcast

DIVORCE: Women Who Date SEPARATED MEN Are DESPERATE & THIRSTY?

If you’re married to one person but dating another, it is not necessarily considered adultery. You are free to date during separation without having to worry that your social life will be used as grounds for divorce. An adulterous relationship is one that begins before you have separated from your spouse.

Separation means that you are living apart from your spouse, but you’re still legally married until you get a judgment of divorce from a court (even if you already have a judgment of separation).

Thank you Google! I found the true definition of SEPARATED. It’s grown people out here trying to act like they have no idea what that means. Usually separated people are definitely headed towards divorce. If they end up staying married or renewing vows it’s an exception to the rule. The divorce rate in the United States is sky high. SEPARATION isn’t some magical break that’s going to help them get back together later. If they have decided to move in separate homes they are headed for a divorce. It will take a miracle from God to get them back together.

This leads me to once again talk about my son’s father. A man who is continuously brought up inside of my comment section on a regular by people who want to chastise me for dating him. I could have posted a video about rain clouds and inside of the comment section will be some moron calling me thirsty and desperate for dating a SEPARATED MAN. Let’s go over this for those who may be confused.

There are different types of marital status options. We all know this if we have ever filled out any kind of application. We are asked are we:

SINGLE

MARRIED

SEPARATED

DIVORCED

WIDOWED

Now that we have established that, let’s get specific about my son’s father, Priest. Before he and I begin to date he had already been in 3 or more casual relationships with other women with whom he shared intimacy with. Not only had he been with those women sexually, he also traveled to the Dominican Republic and paid a few prostitutes to entertain him while on vacation. This all while he was SEPARATED. When he and I met he led me to believe that he had been SEPARATED for 2 years and was living separately from his now EX WIFE SaDonya. When I met him I was not interested in dating a married or SEPARATED man nor was I interested in seriously dating someone SINGLE. Nor was I interested in casual sex. I did NOT want to be in a relationship of ANY KIND. I was on a dating site looking for people to come out to an event that I was promoting at a venue in Duluth, GA called THEORY LOUNGE. This was not uncommon for me. I always knew that I could never take a dating site serious. Especially not Plentyoffish.com. Most men were on there looking for hookups, lying about who they were. I invited my son’s father out to the event. I assumed once he got there he’d meet a woman he was interested in. Just like the other men I had invited to the venue. The men who flirted with me on the dating site I’d invite to Theory. Priest was unable to attend because of the venue’s long distance from his house. We continued to casually talk and it wasn’t before long that we decided to go on a date. All the while, I thought he was single. It wasn’t until our first date, weeks after we first started talking, that he told me that he was SEPARATED. He led me to believe that their marriage was OVER. He wasn’t the only one to encourage me to continue seeing him. After meeting his family, his mother and brother were very persuasive and reassured me that it was safe to proceed.

A few months later after battling years of infertility I became pregnant and I finally did speak to his then estranged wife SaDonya who also reassured me that they were SEPARATED. She claimed that they were only friends and that she was dating someone else. Priest and I discussed over and over and over and over our future together. We discussed marriage as well as our goal to start a family. Our son Justice came much sooner than we planned. I promised Priest that if after we were married and we tried for a year to conceive I’d simply divorce him if I did not end up pregnant. SaDonya and Priest DO NOT have children together. I believed he deserved to be a father. I did not want to be another woman in his life who did not give him a child. Priest was SaDonya’s second husband, she had 2 children from a previous marriage and another from a previous relationship.

SO again….SEPARATED MEANS A DIVORCE IS PENDING.

Here’s what I wasn’t going to do….

be with a man who was promising me divorce in private while he hid me from the public. HELL NO.

I’ve been a mistress in my lifetime and I played my position. Chris Law was miserable during his first marriage. I was simply his distraction. I did not ask to be promoted. I did not encourage him to get divorced. In no way would I ever have taken someone else’s husband serious and for damn sure wouldn’t have had a baby by him. F–king someone else’s husband is not my favorite past time. I do not have this long history of having sex with married men. I’ve done it for reasons I’ve shared on this blog plenty of times and I’ve admitted to it, apologetically. Hurt people HURT PEOPLE. Lesson learned. I’d do an abortion before I have an “illegitimate baby” and that’s saying a lot being as though I was unable to conceive for such a long time. My son is not an “illegitimate baby”. My son is a miracle and his father was initially excited about my pregnancy. Again, we spoke plenty of times about marriage and children and was preparing our lives for the transition.

There are plenty of people who start dating during the final stages of their divorce and ended up getting involved and even married to other people. But there are a few things you need to consider. I wish my son’s father would’ve thought long and hard before he started taking me serious or seemingly doing so.

Here are a few bits of advice I believe someone separated should take.

DATE WHEN YOU ARE READY AND NOT A SECOND BEFORE THEN. And by ready I mean that it isn’t so much a question of time but of where you are emotionally. Most people have emotionally left the marriage long before they file for divorce. Don’t consider dating until you have physically separated, even if you/your spouse agree that the marriage is over. Don’t date until you are ready. You could be divorced yet still not ready to date. He and I broke up 2 years ago to date and I have yet to fully move on to another guy. I’ve barely dated and I haven’t had sex at all. Men are definitely trying me. But STILL. I’m just NOT READY!

Don’t mislead who you are dating. Priest led me to believe the process of the official divorce had began. Do NOT lie and say you’ve filed for divorce when you haven’t. DON’T hide that you’re going through a divorce. If directly asked by a date, you should be honest but brief. They don’t need to know every little legal detail. “There are many different situations (i.e., financial concerns, custody issues) that delay the process of a divorce. Most people are understanding and if they’re not you don’t want to be with them anyway. Being honest and open about the status of your relationship is essential to developing trust. Most people lie about their separations or divorce because they know it will turn people away.

Avoid introducing your children to your new partner until your divorce is final. Your children are fragile and sensitive. Clean up the mess first.

Don’t get pregnant or impregnate someone before the divorce is final. This is actually one I wished I followed myself! I put too much faith and trust in Priest and SaDonya. I thought they would keep their word. They led me to believe that their divorce papers were signed sealed and delivered, June 30th 2017. When the truth was SaDonya did not file for divorce until early 2019 and their divorce was not final until our son was almost a year old in March of that same year. I believe that Priest wanted to lead the public to believe that he told me he did NOT want a baby. I believe that initially he wasn’t interested in taking anyone serious just like I wasn’t. After we invested time in each other our desires started to shift. We started to want more from each other. We were more compatible then we expected to be. We fell in love. Or so he led me and the rest of the world to believe. This leads me to the next form of advice.

DON’T get too caught up, too fast. It’s common to romanticize new relationships and quickly get caught up in the whirlwind of falling in love all over again after divorce. “Even if you know your divorce was for the best, it can take some time to truly move past your ex. Men have a more difficult time recovering from breakups than women, and if you start dating too soon it can sabotage your next relationship. Priest and I have a 16 month old son that he has never met. We don’t talk at all and child support is being garnished from his check. SaDonya and I have talked more since the birth of our son than Priest and I have. The damage is severe and the bridge is burnt. I ran 2,000 miles away from him and I hate to look back.

Stop it with the comparisons. Often we compare the new dates to our old relationship. I had a different personality, behavior, and different values but Priest was not mindful of that. He continued to compare me to SaDonya. He should have been focusing on trying to get to know me so we could form a healthy friendship, relationship and loving bond with one another.

A lot of people would not take the risk of dating someone separated. Deception and manipulation can take place in any kind of relationship so we can’t automatically assume that because a person is in the process of a divorce that that means that they aren’t dateable. After a divorce you don’t just fall in love with the first person you see. I made sure I was very communicative with Priest about SaDonya. I asked him on a number of occasions was he sure he no longer had feelings for her and he always reassured me that he didn’t.

Just because a woman is open minded does not mean that she is desperate and thirsty for a man. As I said in the beginning I was not interested in a relationship of any kind nor was I interested in sex when I met him. It was about business for me. I had been single for almost a decade. I took interest in him after time because I thought he was a remarkable man. I believed he had my best interest at heart. I thought that he was selfless. He made me happy and comfortable. I was trying to be understanding and patient. I took the risk because I genuinely loved the man whom I considered my spiritual husband. Someone I had a soultie with. Which was a stupid mistake to a lot of people. But if I regret meeting him then I regret the conception of my son. My son is a blessing. He is a gift from God and had I not been open minded enough to be with Priest during his separation my son would not be here.

Close to the end of my first trimester Priest told me that he still had feelings for SaDonya and that he wanted to date her. This is what led us to break up. I was not going to play tug a war with a woman who he had been married to for 15 years. So I let him go. After the reassuring me that she was never going to be an issue, after I asked him over and over was he sure that he only wanted me and he no longer wanted her, here he was telling me he in fact did have feelings for her a day late and a dollar short.

Priest was against abortion but asked me to consider putting my son up for adoption and I refused. I wasn’t going to allow both of us to be cowards. He may have deceived me, hurt me and betrayed me but I wasn’t going to allow his foolishness to ruin ANOTHER life like he tried to ruin mine. It’s better my son have one GOOD parent than be stuck in the foster care system fighting for his life because his BAD parent suggested it. I will do anything for my son and I love him.

Back to this “thirstiness”….not every woman who gets involved with a man in his position is pressed. Sometimes men meet women who are genuinely kind. Some of us are strong minded and have positive attitudes. I had faith in Priest. I was pulling for him. I am soft hearted and he knew it. I have empathy and compassion. I was loyal and encouraged him to be a better man. But instead of protecting both SaDonya and I from additional hurt he led us both down a dismal path of drama, deceit, heartache and frustration. I have taken accountability and responsibility for my own actions in this situation. My first instinct was to run when he told me he was separated. Some say I should’ve pulled off and left him at the restaurant our first date was at, I could’ve saved myself a lot of pain. My intentions were to never see him again when I slapped money down on the table to take care of the check. I stormed off pissed about his marital status. What an asshole, I thought to myself. But my heart told me not to leave him there. I drove us to the restaurant. Had I pulled off and left Priest there my son would have never had a chance at life. Thank God, I stayed. After that moment nothing would’ve made me leave Priest. NOTHING….but when he walked away leaving me pregnant, severely ill, broke and abandoned in a roach motel seemingly running back to SaDonya. What else was I supposed to do? I ran so far that now he’ll never be able to reach me or his son ever again.

Now I live a life of peace and serenity. I’m healed loved and supported. I have a level of clarity about love life and relationships that I never had before. The lessons that the men that I have dated taught me inadvertently helped me grow immensely as a woman. I know who I am. I know what I want. I value myself now more than ever. Some people may believe that I must have had low self-esteem before interacting with these men. The truth is I was arrogant cocky and conceited before I met them. They turned that into pure self worth and genuine confidence. I believe in myself and I have a healthier self image. I encourage women to never be pressed for any man. I don’t care who he is. What’s right for you will come to you and you will never have to chase a man or go through drama or another woman to keep him. Ladies, don’t kill yourself over a man he’ll bring another b**** he wants to f*** with to your funeral.

The Type of Man Who’s Willing To Marry The Notorious Single Mother

Some people have held my past choices against me. I’ve heard someone have the nerve to tell me my past was checkered. Not that that wasn’t an accurate statement but I was confused. They spoke of my past like they didn’t have one and I was convicted of murder in the first degree. A checkered past is one that involves periods of time that were good and periods of time that were bad. So why are people so judgmental like they have never made a mistake or had bad taste? People are always talking about what you used to do like they never shit their pampers. Somebody broke up with me during my pregnancy. It’s not unheardof. I was a lingerie model, wasn’t the first one. Definitely wasn’t the last. I was honest about havin sex with a married man almost 10 years ago. Mistresses and side chicks are more common than the average person wants to admit. I’ve been transparent about it all on purpose. Why? Because these are things people are afraid to be honest about because they’ll be ridiculed. Meanwhile those same people who ridicule the most have done worse.

I remember why I was a mistress. Before I made that choice I kept getting hurt and abused. I was cheated on over and over. I was trying to get over the woman I used to be. The faithful one. The one who was pressed for marriage. The woman with the engagement ring on, cooped up in the house, waiting for my fiance to come back in town. While he was out frolicking with his side chick in Miami, his other side chicks in Atlanta would call my phone and brag about how good his d**k was. Yeah I was that dumbo. I finally got sick of it and freed myself. I tried anything I could sexually to open up. I did a split on top of a married man quick. Let me stop. I’m exaggerating. I wasn’t that savage. He wasn’t married when I met him. We were just friends at first. I knew he would be getting married eventually. I was just fine with him not wanting to do that with me. One would believe that this encounter would be the main reason why people chastise me most. NOPE….it’s that I’m a single mom. Yep. A single mom. No he didn’t get me pregnant. BY THE GRACE OF GOD! But I avoided relationships for almost a decade after that.

I have had poor taste in men sometimes, so I’ve been the woman out here with a bullhorn begging other women to not choose what I have. I don’t want to steal life lessons from the ladies but I do want women to avoid the heartache I have experienced. All over my YouTube channel I’ve tried my hardest to share stories of my mistakes as honestly as possible. Being a mistress didn’t even cause me heartache. It introduced me to a new way of doing things. New kinds of relationships and my own sexuality. Of course I’d never do it again. Not because I didn’t gain anything from the experience. But because I am no longer in that place. Also I don’t want to hurt another woman. I don’t encourage a married women to expect a mistress to protect her marriage or relationship when her own husband or boyfriend doesn’t have respect for it. I can also reassure women that if it’s not one woman it will be another if in fact your husband or boyfriend is hell bent on cheating. As insecure as I was I can tell you that the last person I was thinking about was his wife. I was trying to make it past my own pain daily. I spent most of that experience under the influence of alcohol, running from my own problems. I was heavily sedated throughout it ON PURPOSE. My experience with him served it’s purpose. Not like I fell in love. I was so broken from the relationships prior to my experience with him that I didn’t have the wholeness required to love anyone but my self. He was on my low level at the time. The kind of heartache that was the worse kind happened later on when I did fall in love with the wrong man and subjected myself to catering to a man that was not on my level intellectually, spiritually, financially or emotionally. I ended up pregnant and he abandoned us both. It doesn’t bother me that he left the relationship. I was more hurt at how he treated an innocent child. Our son is almost 2 and I’m considering taking another man serious. Here are some things I’m sure any new man who comes into my life could possibly be concerned about or that I myself am concerned about.

  1. My new man will think: I’m still in love with my baby daddy and because we have a child together he’ll always be able to have access to me and my vagina.

Sorry to inform you but I’m sure he and I have a mutual hate for each other that is deep rooted enough to melt any type of love any person can imagine we have for one another. Unless people loved each other, kids won’t make them stick together. If it was meant for us to be with each other we probably wouldn’t have broken up to begin with. Especially being as though we have a child together. I wouldn’t let that serpent touch me. He has too many demons.

It’s hard to judge a book by its contents, when the cover tells a lying story. Lame males will front & play the role of a MAN when they first meet a woman, then once she gives him her heart & her loyalty before requiring his faithful commitment, he switches up & reveals himself for the mentally immature little boy he is. – Ebrahim Aseem

2. Some people think no one will want to help me raise my son. Men are terrified of the responsibility of taking care of someone else’s child.

Not every male is weak. There are real men out there who are Alpha and can handle the role of being a step father. It takes strength however it also takes maturity. Boys aren’t afraid of being stepfathers they are just too immature to handle that responsibility. When a grown man deeply loves a woman he loves all of her. Including her children because they are a part of her.

3. Some men are intimidated by me. I’ve achieved so much and I am extremely successful. Men will run from that.

In case you didn’t know, most single mothers are successful. They have money in the bank. We pay our own bills and do our own thing. A man is not necessary for our survival. HOWEVER, there are men out there who love that they are a luxury to us. They are happy to not be holding the burden of solely providing. They know that relationships are a partnership. And if I can hold my own without a man, as long as I am healthy, I can definitely hold up my end inside of a relationship.

4. Some men think I’m so desperate for marriage. And that because I’m a single mom when I date, I put all of my marriage hopes on that man. Even before marriage is mentioned, I show a man I am wife material.

A man is lucky if he can get a home cooked meal from me. Especially with me not being his wife yet. I honestly do not have the bandwidth to do anything spectacular for a man to take interest in me. He’s going to love me for exactly who I am because jumping through hoops will never be what I do. I have potty training to consider, fruit and veggies to mash up so my son can eat, I have a job, a business and side hustles to tend to. I do not have time to think about marriage. Even if I’m dating. I will be surprised if I’m proposed to. Marriage is another job. Most women who know better are not pressed to hop in one. People pressure us to be married because we didn’t get married to the father or fathers of our child or children. I have a standard that most men will never meet. My son’s father barely touched it while on his tippy toes. He definitely f***** up that opportunity by squandering his riches. It will take a man doing grand gestures of the romantic kind who has impeccable moral character for me to consider marrying him.

Stop with the assumptions fellas, start asking questions. Contrary what you’ve been told by beta males who are challenged in the penis department, dating a single mother is pretty cool. If you are going to date us this is what you need to understand.

  1. Be prepared by being flexible with your schedule. We will not be hounding you around. We have too much to do. I will understand if you have to cancel.
  2. Don’t assume the position of step dad. The idea that all single moms are dating with the exclusive goal of finding someone to marry us and alleviate some of the parenting burden and keep our kids from growing up in a Broken Home™ (*insert overly dramatic anguish face here*) is offensive, in addition to being laughably wrong in so many cases. Most women who do NOT have children are dating you for the exclusive goal of finding someone who wants to marry them.
  3. Our homes are not BROKEN they are just DIFFERENT. Broken is the man who decided to abandon us. If he wasn’t he’d be the Father he protested he would be before our son was conceived. There was something wrong with HIM. Not me and my son. There is nothing broken about my home.
  4. Stop thinking of me as a “SINGLE MOM” and just think of me as a woman that you are attracted to and want to go on a date with. I’m different from other women only because I have stricter boundaries than they do. I do not negotiate.
  5. I am independent and resourceful. I’m raising my son alone. Do not expect me to be clingy or rely on you for everything. If you want space or time to yourself I will most likely respond, “OK”. Just like most single mothers would. We are used to being on our own.
  6. The way single mothers love is different. We are unconditional. We learn to love harder because our kids are all we have. Our patience, love, and capability for nurturing has more depth because of our kids. If you’re good to us, you’ll have a more faithful, supportive and loving life partner than you’ve ever had.
  7. I know what I want. I have reevaluated myself over and over and over. Trust me! That’s kind of what happens after you break up with someone and are left behind to take care of a child alone.
  8. I am particular about who I date. I have a child to worry about I can’t just get down with any random man who makes empty promises.
  9. Yes good guys date us. I’m a single mom not Quasimodo. Just because I’ve had a child doesn’t mean good men are walking around avoiding me.
  10. I already have kids so I’m not going to pressure you to have them with me. My motherhood is not a separate island off the coastline of myself. It is part of me. Most women will want to date you just so they can marry you and procreate. I’ll be dating you for YOU.

I hope this helps. Please be sure to check out my latest The GodQueen Live Podcast episode. In it I talk about navigating the negative opinions associated with Single Motherhood and how men can handle them.

I Can’t Believe She Made Fun of Me for Being Molested as a Child

(See if you can make it through this blog. I haven’t edited it yet. 😂)

There are definitely some twisted people in this world. I wasn’t sure that was a virtual certainty until I was on YouTube and was severely harassed and stalked. What’s extremely unfortunate is that I was severely harassed by some women. Not a lot of women would indulge in such foolishness. Usually it’s men that harass me severely on YouTube but for some reason I have continuously been harassed by the same woman for 3 years. One would think someone her age would act a little more mature but instead LaVonya Edwards shows a level of ignorance and a lack of compassion for not just me but children in general. She posts vile cartoons of me onto YouTube.  Like who has time to sit around making cartoons about someone they claim they don’t like. A miserable person with too much time on their hands. Not being productive. Someone almost 50 years old participates in elementary school behaviors. She has maliciously addressed my children in my comment sections as well as using her platform to spread vicious rumors about me and my children. I have spoken about this woman’s vitriol behavior plenty of times on my blog. She has attempted to depict herself as some kind of victim of mine continuously speaking publicly of me.  However the truth of the matter is she is the catalyst for all issues she claims she has with me. I have tried on numerous occasions to clear up any type of issue this woman and I may have had in the past. I do not personally know this woman. We have never met. We have never spoke directly to each other offline. She has used my name in a defamatory way to gain attention from the public. I have kept track of all of her negative behaviors and posted those behaviors to this blog.

 

I have spoke a number of times about my experience as a child. I have been extremely transparent about the molestation that I experienced. Sharing my story with others has proven to assist others during their healing process. Molestation happens inside of the black community more frequently than we discuss. These type of indiscretions thrive in privacy. I would have never thought that speaking about it with so much strength and honesty would cause anyone to have a negative response as egregious as the responses that I have received from some people inside of the black community.In addition to speaking about being molested as a child I was also very honest about how it affected my romantic relationships as I got older. Being molested as a child made me look at sexuality in an unhealthy manner. Not in a manner that included me participating in promiscuity but in a manner that made me fear copulation with either sex. The only time I could participate in intercourse would be while I was under the influence of alcohol or drugs. My last relationship was an interesting one. We have a child together. It’s a surprise that we do because our relationship was not based around sex. When he decided that he no longer wanted to be a part of the relationship he viciously posted our text messages onto his own YouTube channel out of frustration. Misleading to the world as if he was this committed married man and I was his mistress he didn’t care about.

He was upset that I had honestly spoke about our breakup. He didn’t want his precious reputation ruined. He wanted everyone to believe that he was the perfect King that I had depicted him to be on my channel for so long. He wanted me to continue to praise this Phantom that he had created and introduced me to. A character that he had created to entertain me. Unbeknownst to me and my family he portrayed himself as the family man, my future husband and loyal friend. When truthfully he was none of the above.As he was playing victim, posting our text messages, exploiting something that was so sacred to me, he shared a text message of him telling me to make sure I bathed. Of course showering is never a problem for me nor was it for him. I was severely ill in a high-risk pregnancy and could barely sit up however I still managed to bathe. My pregnancy was a terrible experience. He never had any sympathy for me. He didn’t care. He didn’t check up on me. I still can’t believe that someone I cared for so deeply would behave in the manner he did. I was extremely catering and kind. I was understanding and patient. I shared my time and my money with this man. I washed his clothes and cooked his food. I drove him to work and brought him lunch. I met his coworkers and his family. This was someone I put all of my trust into. Yet instead of coming on to my channel like I had invited him to so that he could have addressed anything he wanted in regards to what I had said about our break up, he decided to maliciously create his own channel. Only to mislead everyone into believing I was the worst person in the world. I spent most of my time with this man laughing having fun cuddling and holding hands yet he made it seem like I was nothing to him. I told him about how I was molested when I was young. I talked to him about my fears. I talked to him about my desires and my goals and at the end of the day he still betrayed me by interacting with someone he shouldn’t have. Once the public saw the text message we shared about bathing suddenly a rumor started about how I smell. He started to help others perpetuate this rumor that I had vaginal smell. Including LaVonya Edwards. So instead of me taking it to heart negatively I decided to promote a product call Boric Life from a company called Nutri-Blast that helps women with their feminine hygiene. Even though I don’t have the problem myself. I know there are plenty of other women who have experienced the issue. If it wasn’t a problem for most women there wouldn’t be so many feminine health care products.Me promoting this product only happened after two years of being made fun of for vaginal odor that I don’t even have. I spoke in detail during my pregnancy about how different I smelled in general. I also spoke about how one of the symptoms of pregnancy was that anything I smelled made me nauseous. My son’s father’s smell made me nauseous my entire pregnancy. Even when he wasn’t around and I recalled how he smelled it made me nauseous. It wasn’t a usual problem he had unless of course he didn’t eat properly. He had digestive issues. He was on a strict diet and if he wasn’t disciplined enough to stay on this diet he begin to smell. He also had poor oral hygiene. Which was something that he admitted to me after a few months of us being together. He had a nasty excessive habit of spitting. However he did whatever he could to make sure that he did not have a foul odor. These weren’t things I made fun of him about. They were just things that I learned to accept about him, maturely. Unfortunately, he did not return that same maturity.After the release of these text messages I was severely harassed by someone in particular. She used YouTube to create videos about me speaking about my vaginal smell. Speaking of it like she had smelt me herself. For three years now she has made content consistently making defamatory statements about my vagina. She has maliciously lied publicly telling people I have vaginitis and STDs. During a conversation I had about the rumor that was so viciously being spread I said that when I was molested for 6 years during my childhood the men that were molesting me would say that I had vaginal odor. I spoke about how I was aware that when men wanted to make their exs upset or angry  they would call her crazy or say that she has vaginal odor. The equivalent of a woman out of frustration saying that her ex has a small penis.

I was molested as far back as I can remember. I was a child when I was being told that I have vaginal smell. this was being told to me by someone who was cruel and demented. this wasn’t something that was actually true. However, after I made the statement LaVonya Edwards the person who was creating all of the videos about my feminine hygiene twisted that statement and told everyone that I said a whole bunch of men I’ve slept with told me I had vaginal smell. When that was something I never said. Let’s be clear. I said that

when I was a child my stepfather was molesting me and in order to make me feel bad about myself he was telling me ( a six-year-old) that I had vaginal odor.

I know that males say cruel things like that to females to hurt them. Even if I did have vaginal odor, for a woman (almost 50 year old) to continuously make content online for three years in a row about my vagina said something about this woman’s need for a mental health professional. It’s unfortunate to me that any woman what make fun of another as far as something as sensitive as this topic. As women we take pride in our femininity, our motherhood, are marriages, our careers, and our sisterhoods. For any Black woman to lack compassion for another or to place criticism on another for something as severe as the effects of molestation speaks volume about the ignorance inside of the black community. It shows how we have a lack of compassion and understanding for each other’s trials and tribulations. We no longer care about each other’s heart breaks And misfortunes. My Hope for women today as well as women in the future is to have better friendships and better communication during times of controversy or disagreement. I hope that women begin to carry themselves in a more respectable manner so that when they look into the life of another woman instead of placing judgment or being malicious, cruel, jealous or egregious, we extend our hand graciously. Equipped with love and support, with genuine concern and kindness.Being molested was a terrible experience and publicly speaking about it took strength. even my mother took to social media and spoke about it. these are the real conversations that need to take place amongst black women. in a non-judgmental Zone. No woman No Woman should condone any man speaking maliciously or disrespectfully about another woman. In the presence of a real valuable woman all women shall be respected. No man will be able to verbally or physically abuse any woman in my presence. That treatment will not be allowed or tolerated. I will never be a vehicle of belligerent expression that carries the disrespect of feminity. As you grow older always have respect for other women when you are one. Instead of being as disgraceful powerless and castrated (female genital mutilation) as LaVonya Edwards, respect other woman’s motherhood respect other woman’s femininity and most importantly respect the vaginas of other women. Especially when they respect their own.

I’m not hurt by the statements. They just aren’t true. Anyone who is making such a terrible statement like these are angry that I am no longer associating with them. My son’s father included.

Single Mothers With Multiple Baby Daddies Shouldn’t Be Judged?!

(CLICK ABOVE TO SEE VIDEO)

My happiness is more important than social media. I see too many people attempting to take my happiness from me in my comment section. So I disabled my comments and user ratings. I’ve always given out my address encouraging people to email me if they have video topic suggestions. I received this email. It was about a video I did about women who have multiple deadbeat baby daddies. I also spoke about how women should stop requiring that the Father that IS supporting his child also be financially responsible for the children of those deadbeat dads just so those children can feel equal.

Soncerae,

I just finished watching your “More than 1 Baby Daddy?!? Single Mothers MUST stop doing this!!!” video and I must say that I was agreeing with most of what you had to say until you decided to judge women who have small children with more than one baby daddy. News flash: it doesn’t matter if your kids are 18 years or 18 months apart! You’re still gonna be looked at as a woman with multiple baby daddies. I’m not emailing you to attack you because that’s not what I do but your comments are turned off and it was disappointing to hear you appear to be talking down about and judging women who society looks at just like they look at you, even though your kids have a significant age gap: A Baby Mama with multiple baby daddies. Now, I do absolutely agree that a woman should use whatever child support money she gets towards the child/children that it’s intended for. That’s the correct thing to do. No one should be expectedto take care of kids that aren’t theirs, however if a man gets involved with a woman who they already know has (a) kid(s) by other men, common sense is going to tell him to walk away from that situation before he makes his own kid with her or realize that at some point some of whatever money that’s coming in is going to go towards all the kids at some point (not all the time) and if the man wants his kid to have specific items then buy those items outright instead of handing over money. If he’s making payments through the child support office I’m sure that if how the money is being used is in question, then he can request documentation/receipts/statements/proof on how the child support money is being spent. Worse come to worse, if he feels his child is not getting the financial support he provides or the care the child needs, then his next step should be trying to get primary custody. Once again, I’m not contacting you to attack you I’m just sharing my thoughts on your video. I watch your content fairly often because it’s good and will continue to do so.

Sincerely,

Nina

I want to publicly address this. I responded to her. I thanked her for her comment however I also made sure to express to her that I was tired of everyone taking everything I say so personal when it’s just an opinion. Everyone is so over emotional and sensitive. All over social media. I need to do a video about self control and discipline one day soon. I think the lack of discipline on YouTube is most likely what annoys me most. Everyone wants to give their opinion but they are so emotionally invested in it like it effects their life specifically. Like their entire world shatters if someone disagrees. When it’s just dialogue, perspectives and entertainment. If whatever is being said doesn’t apply to you commenting on it negatively is a waste of energy. You can still comment remove the toxic passion.

I want to make a few things clear for the sensitive single mothers who feel judged.

She said: I was agreeing with most of what you had to say until you decided to judge women who have small children with more than one baby daddy.

I don’t know why everyone wants everyone to agree with them like independently thinking is a death sentence. My immediate internal response to this was IDGAF….it’s so unimportant. It’s odd to me that when someone agrees they have nothing valuable to say to me but when they disagree they type a long ass dissertation explaining why. #2 I’ve never been the type of person to not judge. I try but it’s not natural. I’ve encouraged others to not judge. However most people who have been listening to me long enough know that when I say don’t judge what I mean is: Don’t misjudge. Don’t make poor judgment. We always judge. Everyone, including the person who sent me this email who was judging me because I judged someone else.

She said: News flash: it doesn’t matter if your kids are 18 years or 18 months apart! You’re still gonna be looked at as a woman with multiple baby daddies.

Who gives a fuck if people look at you or me as a woman with multiple baby daddies? I don’t. That’s not even my issue with women who have multiple baby daddies. Who cares what people think. You’d have to listen to the video to hear me talk about the age gap between my kids. My daughter is 19 and my son is 1. Inside of my video I said that it makes sense that I have two different baby daddies because of the huge gap in between relationships. Twenty years is a long time. That’s 2 damn decades. It’s like this person overlooked what my issue was with women with multiple baby daddies altogether.

She said: I’m not emailing you to attack you because that’s not what I do but your comments are turned off and it was disappointing to hear you appear to be talking down about and judging women.

Looks like an attack to me. If I wanted comments in reference to this video I would have left my comments on.

She said: No one should be expectedto take care of kids that aren’t theirs, however if a man gets involved with a woman who they already know has (a) kid(s) by other men, common sense is going to tell him to walk away from that situation before he makes his own kid with her…

Here’s where the deflection comes in and some single mothers expect everyone else to take responsibility for their actions but don’t require that they themselves display that same discipline. Pressure is put on men who aren’t careful about who they procreate with. Women should also have that same pressure put on them. Match that energy when you are speaking about this. Just like a man should have common sense, so should a woman. She should require that a birth control plan be in place. . If she already has multiple children with multiple fathers she should know better than to have another child by a different man. She should walk away from that situation before she makes another child with him.

She continued to say: …realize that at some point some of whatever money that’s coming in is going to go towards all the kids at some point (not all the time) and if the man wants his kid to have specific items then buy those items outright instead of handing over money.

NO NO NO…..Mothers please make your own money. Not all money coming into your household is for all of your children when you have multiple baby daddies. I’m sorry it just doesn’t work that way. Especially not to men. Single mothers have got to start considering where these men want their money to go to. If the fathers of your children put money in your hands for the children that you share please understand that he is trusting you to take care of his child financially. Key words: HIS CHILD. It’s not for your entire household. This is why men hate giving you money. You try to forcefully make him invest in things that he didn’t sign up for. Sometimes TIME doesn’t permit a man to go shopping and get his kids specific things. The meme I spoke about in the video was about a mother who wanted her children to experience life equally. No matter how hard we try as mothers we will never be able to equally be attentive to more than 2 children especially if they have different fathers.

Start thinking this through, ladies. If your child’s father Kevin goes shopping for his child Brandon and Brandon comes home with designer, name brand, EVERYTHING for school, your other children Marcus & Tony who are products of the deadbeat dads will feel even worse seeing Brandon have the finer things in life when they themselves don’t. So if you are truly trying to make all of your kids feel equal instead of spending all of the money on Brandon, spend half of it and save the rest for the future things that Brandon may need. You should already be making enough money to take care of Marcus & Tony so you shouldn’t need Kevin’s money to take care of them. Stop thinking emotionally and think logically. It is not Kevin’s responsibility to take care of Marcus & Tony. It is YOURS. You should already have money stashed away for them for school. If you are good with your finances you don’t need to take from Brandon to give to your other children. Don’t pretend like the day Kevin gave you money for Brandon that that was the very first day Marcus & Tony had deadbeat daddies. They were deadbeat daddies before the kids started school. You should be prepared for this. Even if Kevin didn’t give you money, you are their mother you should already be so used to taking care of them without the help of a man. This entire thing isn’t about a single mother taking care of kids equally. This is about a single mother being inconsiderate. This is one of the reasons why men are running away from marriage, fatherhood and all types of other things that we fuss at them about, thinking it’s justifiable.

Plot twist…..

Nina missed the entire reason why I was “judging” women in the video who have multiple baby daddies. It isn’t because they have multiple kids by multiple men. Yeah that’s ridiculous on so many levels but that’s not even my issue.

I responded to her email using ample amount of profanity. She probably thought I was mad. I think I was annoyed. LOLOL

I replied: It’s not about me judging a mother. I don’t give a fuck what men think about women with multiple kids. What I give a fuck about is a woman having multiple kids by niggas who don’t give a fuck about their kids. How the fuck does any woman have 2 deadbeat baby daddies or more? That says a lot about the mother. Why does she continue to chose men who would treat her or her kids that way?!? Period. It’s already bad that 1 is that way to 1 child but for all of your baby daddies to be deadbeats says something about your poor choices as a woman; not these men. Take your time with men. I have 1 deadbeat dad I’m not about to spread my legs wide for another one to come and abandon ANOTHER child. It took 20 years for God to bless me with my son after I had my daughter. It’s going to take another 20 for a man to convince me to even have unprotected sex with him. Bitches need to make these bums put on condoms instead of getting uncomfortable everytime someone calls them out on their bullshit. Choose and do better next time is my moto. Stop making the same poor choice over and over.

Vulgar right? I know. This is a serious issue and it frustrates me. I need to communicate better. Anyway! If you have any other comments pertaining to this matter let me know.

soncerae@gmail.com

When she said: If he’s making payments through the child support office I’m sure that if how the money is being used is in question, then he can request documentation/receipts/statements/proof on how the child support money is being spent. Worse come to worse, if he feels his child is not getting the financial support he provides or the care the child needs, then his next step should be trying to get primary custody. Once again, I’m not contacting you to attack you I’m just sharing my thoughts on your video. I watch your content fairly often because it’s good and will continue to do so.

I was like….so you want men to go the extra mile to do all of this but women can’t go the extra mile and be considerate so he won’t have to go through all of this?!?! Ladies, the drama has to stop somewhere. We are never going to get this coparenting thing under control if we don’t stop being selfish, inconsiderate, hard to communicate with and stubborn. Stop this please.

Be sure to check out richsinglemomma.com for more tips on how to set yourself financially straight so you won’t NEED the child support checks.

Misogyny & Sexism on YouTube

Recently, I saw that Tommy Sotomayor and Minister Jap met up in Chicago. This happened days after Minister Jap took to YouTube claiming he was going to quit posting content. He was frustrated because his videos were being reported. Instead of quitting YouTube it would simply just make more sense to stop breaking YouTube’s community guidelines giving them reason to remove content. Or start a podcast elsewhere.

Youtube’s community guidelines are clear:

Don’t post videos that encourage others to do things that might cause them to get badly hurt. One of these men or both do that EVERYDAY. The men in their audience are taking this advice and screwing up their own lives. Abusing their women ending up in all kinds of domestic violent situations or worse IN JAIL.

YouTube is not for pornography or sexually explicit content. If this describes your video, even if it’s a video of yourself, don’t post it on YouTube. Jap’s always talking about hoes and fucking. Tommy is now supposedly streaming porn from his site….who knows if that’s true. Not my business. Tommy has talked about his sex life explicitly but so have I. Moving on.

YouTube doesn’t support content that promotes or condones violence against individuals or groups based on race or ethnic origin, religion, disability, gender, age, nationality, veteran status, or sexual orientation/gender identity, or whose primary purpose is inciting hatred on the basis of these core characteristics. Promoting and condoning violence on a specific gender and race of person is the basis of Tommy & Jap’s content.

It’s not ok to post abusive videos and comments on YouTube. If harassment crosses the line into a malicious attack it can be reported and may be removed. They both do this all day everyday.

Things like predatory behavior, stalking, threats, harassment, intimidation, invading privacy, revealing other people’s personal information, and inciting others to commit violent acts or to violate the Terms of Use. They have both done this, consistently. Sometimes to defend themselves but most times to be malicious.

Seeing them two meet ultimately made me react in a neutral kind of way. I believe it’s because I tend to mind my business. One thing I can say is that it didn’t surprise me. What they both represent is a disdain for women. Especially Black Women who do not conform to the traditional gender roles expected of them. So let’s say…..Soncerae. They have disdain for Soncerae. They have showed that for many years. Nothing wrong with opinions or objectification but to sprinkle disrespect, harassment and stalking on it gives a rhetoric an entirely different flavor. It’s funny how men on YouTube actually promote it as #UNITY. Like them 2 unifying is some type of remarkable historic event that should be wrote down as the equivalent to the civil rights movement. Listen, get these men to unify with WOMEN. Especially Black ones. Then I’ll be impressed. Men teaming up with other men is what usually happens. Getting injured Black Men to heal and garner healthy relationships with Black Women is the problem. To see both of these men settle down in a healthy marriage with a Black Woman would make me clutch my pearls.

During my first conversation with Minister Jap about collaborating almost 4 years ago he told me about how much of a Tommy Sotomayor fanatic he was. He loved Tommy Sotomayor. His dream was to meet Tommy. I said to him then,

“If you are trying to get Tommy’s attention all you have to do is beef with me. Tommy hates me for some reason.”

THOSE WERE MY EXACT WORDS. From then on Jap has had some imaginary problem with me. Before I interacted with either of them they used social media as a place to disrespect women and to rant about their issues pertaining to us. Instead of just praising the kind of women they enjoy and love. Both of these men had people believing that it was ME that did something to them to make them behave in such a way when really they were attacking women online long before either of them knew who I was.

Male dominance on YouTube produces a lot of hostile commentary targeted towards women. If a woman is honest about her sexually, thinks independently, supports feminism or womanism she is brutally chastised by Black Men. The double standards among women and men on #BlackYouTube are prominent. The mob mentality is supported. Gossip, rumors, debates, disrespect are all used as bonding tools for our audiences. A demented brotherhood designed to dismantle women is celebrated. I believe that most women who support feminism or female empowerment are only interested in positively encouraging women to evolve not to belittle men. However, the message among these men isn’t to empower each other but it is more about the degradation & abuse aimed at women of color. This “brotherhood” is ran by men like Tommy Sotomayor & Minister Jap. Men who have tumultuous relationships with their negligent mothers. Men who also have a history of disrespecting women they are romantically connected to. Whether it be a sister, aunt, cousin or friend at some point these men were treated poorly by a dominant female. Any woman who may share an insufficient similarity to (their poor choices in) women they begin attacking that woman’s entire existence.

Armed with immaturity, poor communication, sadism/sadomasicism, underdeveloped thought processes, lack of critical thinking skill, and PTSD they spread a narrative that women are the catalyst for all problems associated with the dysfunction of the Black Community. Instead of dealing with the trauma associated with the negative experiences brought on by women they may have trusted in their lives, they rather project hatred to any or all women. Instead of considering that how they have responded to women in their past may be cause for the negative outcome, both of these men have spent years on in projecting their hatred for women on women, ME specifically. I became a target for them both for various reasons. Instead of becoming better men themselves they try to bully or “tough love” a woman into changing. What a destructive way to take lead. Instead of building up women they try to break us down. Let Black women form an alliance similar to theirs they’d be ready to protest, stop female unity and create hashtags promoting justice for men. Let a woman behave in any way they do…they wouldn’t stop bitching and moaning.

Instead of being able to form healthy bonds with women they take pride in having solid bonds with other men. Which to me is a tinge of homosexual. However, still an acceptable preference. These men do not understand that just because you love one thing doesn’t mean that you have to hate another. I love ketchup on my french fries. That doesn’t mean I’ve relentlessly put together a smear campaign to destroy mustard and I will execute that plan until mustard is no longer being used on anyone’s sandwich. These men however have reached out to the fatherless, leaderless, lost and injured and recruited them to perpetuate this war on Black Women.

While displaying the following traits

  1. He will zero in on specific woman and choose her as his target.
  2. As time goes on, he begins to reveal a Jekyll & Hyde personality. He may change quickly from irresistible to rude, and from rude back to irresistible.
  3. He will make promises to women and often fail to keep them. With men, on the other hand, he will almost always keep his word.
  4. His behavior toward women in general is grandiose, cocky, controlling, and self-centered.
  5. He is extremely competitive, especially with women. If a woman does better than him socially or professionally, he feels terrible. If a man does better, he may have mixed feelings about it but he is able to look at the situation objectively.
  6. He will unknowingly treat women differently from men in workplace and social settings, allowing men various liberties for which he will criticize female colleagues or friends.
  7. He will be prepared (unconsciously) to use anything within his power to make women feel miserable. He may demand sex or withhold sex in his relationships, make jokes about women or put them down in public, “borrow” their ideas in professional contexts without giving them credit, or borrow money from them without paying them back. Chastise women for their sexuality whether they’ve slept with 1 man or 10 men. It doesn’t matter.
  8. Sexually, he likes to control women and gives little or no attention to their sexual pleasure. Foreplay, if it occurs at all, is only a necessary means to an end. He likes oral sex but only as a recipient. His favorite positions enable him to avoid looking the woman in her eyes.
  9. He will cheat on women he is dating or in a relationship with. Monogamy is the last thing he feels he owes a woman.

These types of men love to put women down only to make them feel good about themselves. To see these two men unify but can’t seem to smooth out any drama that they are the catalyst for with ANY woman says a lot about where they stand mentally. Men who all act tough, with false bravado, are always the ones that get knocked the fuck out with ease.

There are a lot of men who are looking for leaders, father figures, big brothers, uncles, and mentors. Men turn to men like these to teach them how to become alpha. The toxic masculinity displayed by both of these men is perceived as positive and indicative to the evolution of Manhood. Which is ultimately unfortunate.

I have never done anything to either of these men for them to have spoken so disrespectfully about me hundreds of times in public forums while encouraging men to also be as disrespectful towards me. They even lied and told people I was stalking them and wouldn’t leave them alone. After initiating conflict EVERYTIME. They told vicious lies about me & put a magnifying glass on my videos and what I’m saying as if it was about THEM. I made more content geared towards other topics that they conveniently overlooked. Tommy was heated when I interviewed his ex on my channel like he hadn’t interviewed Chris Law. I made her promise not to say anything disrespectful or hurtful. And she agreed and kept her word. But did Tommy do that for me? No. He had Chris Law all over his channel claiming he was my ex and talking about our sex life. Chris was so dumb disrespecting me and his marriage.

I no longer expect abusive men to hold punches, feel compassion or sympathy for women. They have verbally attacked me so much that it doesn’t even bother me anymore. Minister Jap & Tommy Sotomayor have caused thousands of strange men to maliciously speak about me online. This has caused men to stalk and harass me in real life. These men have barked on me like I am a man. Men I have never met. They want to square up on a woman. Ofcourse I have expressed my opinion about these men. But why in response were they so defensive.

When we are defensive it is a sign of weakness; it shows we are not secure enough in ourselves to accept criticism or differences of opinions.

Encouraging men to be vitriol online is causing them to disconnect from women offline as well as abuse us. Egregiously sexist behavior is fostered by the “online disinhibition effect.” This effect includes the phenomenon where Internet users, operating under the protection of anonymity, may perform behaviors they ordinarily would not in either face-to-face scenarios or in virtual spaces where they are identifiable. Studies have shown links between anonymity and higher levels of online aggression and incivility. This creates an unconscious behavior that ultimately effects romantic relationships negatively in real life settings with women. Creating more of a problem that ultimately a man was attempting to solve by going to social media looking for resolutions.

There are plenty of men out there who are easily influenced. I didn’t realize I was dating one until Minister Jap got a mental hold on my son’s father.

When his words during our arguments started to sound like they were coming out of Jap’s mouth verbatim I knew Jap was talking to him. My son’s father was speaking to me in ways he had never spoke to me before. Calling me names he had never called me before. Yelling at me how Jap had online in the past. A month or so before his behavior changed drastically, Jap called me begging me to break up with my son’s father. I refused. What’s funny is Jap had this whole women empowerment speech. Like I had the vagina of wonder woman. He kept calling my son’s father “Dirty Dick Rodney.” He couldn’t persuade me so he went to my son’s father and the rest is history. Now Minister Jap can push the whole “single mom drag”. That’s all he seems to be good at. The rhetoric coming from Tommy & Japs mouth was she’s a side chick pregnant by a married man. My son’s father wasn’t married then and definitely isn’t now.

My son’s father is impressionable. He follows anyone and anybody. He doesn’t have a GED or College Education. I used to have to read to him and he doesn’t know basic math. Ofcourse he was an easy target. Most of the men in Minister Jap & Tommy’s audience are. Most men who are college educated and had a good male role model in their lives disagree with the narratives of these men. It’s ok to be impressionable if your attention is on a good influence. My son’s father was always looking for approval. He’d lie to get it because he wanted people to love him. He is an example of a man who does not know how to decipher the difference between a good influence and a bad one. His only goal was social acceptance.

These type of men on YouTube don’t want to coexist on YouTube or any other place with women. Like YouTube personally belongs to them. They have literally tried to run off every single woman with a voice on the site. They tried their hardest to run me off. It didn’t work. I’m still here. Still vocal. No matter how many names they call me. No matter how many times they attack me or try to put me down. No matter how many lies they tell or rumors they spread I’ll still express my opinions and stand up for whatever it is I believe in on whatever social media site I want to.

I have no personal vendettas against either of these men. I have moved on with my life. I am happy and very much living the life I wanted to live. I could have 1 subscriber on youtube or several hundred, it won’t matter at the end of the day. What these men choose does not make or break me. I do not digest what they eat. It’s not my business. If men are ok with allowing these type of men to lead them… fine. Just like it’s women out there who believe “Hot Girl Summer” is a women’s empowerment anthem. Whether I agree or disagree, I’m not going to spend the rest of the days of my life debating with abusive men. I just accept that they are abusive and stay away from them. Hope fully women will hear my stories and the stories of plenty others and stay away from men like this. And maybe injured men who are in need of guidance will find a better place to receive love and adoration. Instead of relying on the poisonous sources on social media. I wish both of these men the best. Finally, Jap’s dream came true. To meet Tommy Sotomayor.

Soncerae Is Being Severely Stalked By Real Estate Investment Scammer Sean Tucker

For months Sean Tucker aka STL4U created countless 8 hr livestreams using Google Hangouts On Air to post malicous commentary about me. Initially he would contact me in my comment sections. Then a month or so ago his disturbing behavior escalated into something more demented. In these livestreams included pictures he stole from my Instagram and Facebook account. These images include my family. He also has used copywritten footage from my YouTube channel. Using his channel he

  • Encouraged others to send me unsolicited and/or threatening e-mail or to overwhelm me with e-mail messages.
  • Encouraging others who have shown hatred towards me to contact him. He then provides them with social acceptance. Meanwhile chastising or ostrecizing others who defended me or held him accountabile for his malicious behavior.
  • Encouraging people to do dislike mobs on my channel. Misusing the user ratings. As well as encourage people to no longer support me and instead hate me. Meanwhile using my name and this malicious behavior to get views and subscribers.
  • Hosting roast sessions about me where users gather together on group and live chats only to make derogatory deceptive statements about me.
  • Spreading rumors about my personal finances, places of residency, personal hygiene, parenting skills.
  • Making defamatory comments calling me names
  • Sending negative messages directly to me
  • Impersonating me online by sending a inflammatory, controversial or enticing messages and comments which causes others to respond negatively to me.
  • Harassing me during a live chats.
  • Leaving abusive messages online, including social media sites.
  • Manipulating images of me turning them into graphic material that is knowingly offensive.
  • Creating online content that depicts me in negative ways.
  • Attempting to sabotage my online personality.
  • Speaking as if he knows me personally.
  • Taking clips from videos I’ve created and twisting the intented perspective to make it fit his false narrative about me. Stretching!

This cyber harassment and stalking has lasted for 3 years. Sean Tucker has joined in with my former intimate partner Chris Law, YouTuber Minister Jap aka Timothy Johnson, Webcam/Pornography Model/Actress LaVonya Edwards aka Bomb Cherry, and ex con Warren Dalferes as they all obsessively cyber stalk and harass me daily on several social media platforms.

People have tried to warn him about his obsession. In these livestreams without tangible proof Sean Tucker has made countless accusations attempting to assassinate my character by accusing me of scamming, pedophilia, stalking as well as other utterly ridiculous claims that could only come from the mouth of someone mentally unstable. In one livestream he screenshared him searching a real estate website called Zillow, claiming that a property in Sacramento California was my place of residency after he compared it to a photo collage I posted on my Instagram of the inside of my home. I live in San Francisco California and it’s creepy to know that some strange man I’ve never met is searching California using all kinds of location apps and websites just to find out where I live. This proves that he in fact cyber stalks me.

He also altered an image of me during my labor and delivery into a sick joke about my feminine hygiene. As well as misused product promo materials from the website Nutrablast.com manipulating images of me. He has made disrespectful comments about my children, my mother and my sister.

He falsely claims he has pornography of me and nudes photos that were provided to him by Chris Law. He has spoken about my personal finances as if I’ve lied about them. Falsely claiming I post people’s private information on this very blog. When everything I post about others is PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE or proof of me being cyber stalked and harassed. He has spoken disrespectfully about my sexuality & celibacy. He has mocked my spiritually as well as spoken immaturely about my content directed towards assisting Single Parents.

I do not talk about this man. I do not post content about any of these people. I have not spoken to or about their families with disrespect of ANY kind. I do not stalk or harass these people at all. All I do is post on my blog every time they harass me and I provide proof of their actions. These people terrorize and torment me meanwhile lying to others claiming I do things to them. I do nothing to these people at all. They know this type of behavior is wrong, especially for people over 30 years old. Yet they continue to participate in it.

This vitriol content has been reported to YouTube and some of the content has been removed. Youtube is intending on removing more of the content after review. If you have any information I can report to the local authorities about this man please email me soncerae@gmail.com

medicine

This past 3 years have been odd to say the least. I have another man fetishing my feet. Following me on all social media platforms begging me to let him pay me to take pictures of my feet. I have another female obsessed with my vaginal smell….just weird stuff.

A lot of people get online trying to use anonymity as a shield, trolling. Intentionally posting rude things just to hurt people, their family and friends. Then when their nefarious intentions are revealed they play victim as if people defending themselves from them posted their private information out of spite. After these people pieced my family apart causing pain and drama… Even contacting them as well as my friends former partners and coworkers have the nerve to depict ME AS THE VILLIAN. As kind as I’ve tried to be soooo many times to these people. If I was to participate in that same behavior they display or even do something like revealing a trolls true identity they get offended and suddenly claim to be my victim. I just want people to leave me alone. If you don’t like my YouTube videos then don’t watch them. But to torment me everyday making and posting wicked defamatory content out of ignorance just to try to hurt me everyday is unnecessary. Move on.

The things this man posted about me hurt my mother deeply. As well as my teenage daughter and my closest friends. Even my business partners were saddened to see so many lies posted about me and others being cruel. From now on even in silence I will defend myself from these people by any means necessary. I’m tired of this. Leave me alone.