Category Archives: Social Media

Here’s Why Your Ex Is As Dreadful As Mine & Keeps Spreading Lies About You

My son’s father, Priest is asinine. Granted I’ve known this for a while but it’s still taking the rest of the world to catch on. I don’t blame them though. He lies so well sometimes. Just recently he took his prevaricating ass on to YouTube and did an interview with Tommy Sotomayor. During the interview he was trying to depict himself as this devoted married man who was victimized by me the clever succubus mistress. The verbal abuse was real in our relationship. The same verbal abuse was displayed during his interview. That forked tongue of his is wicked. If his rudimentary tone didn’t make you catch on to the fact that he was obviously fabricating a story for entertainment purposes here are a few other obvious reasons that prove he is a deceiver. I don’t lie about him. Never have. STOP focusing so much on what Priest says and pay attention to his behavior. His disgusting actions will not mislead you. He is a problem.

#1 He admitted to the world that he lied to me about being married as well as a number of other things. Then in the same breath told everyone that he was this devoted committed husband who was deceived by me. So if he admitted that he lied to me then how would that make him the victim and ME the falsifier of information? He’s not so bright and anyone who believes the pack of lies he spreads isn’t either. He just told EVERYONE that HE fabricated. So you believe him after he just told you he lied? When evidently he’s lying to you again simply by using diversion attempting to shift his inability to be honest on me. He is a problem.

#2 SaDonya his EX wife, said they were separated and I was not his sidechick. Interestingly enough this was the first thing she said upon coming on YouTube. Those who paid enough attention to her comments under my videos saw her say it. They also saw the texts I posted in this blog I posted called CUT THE BULLSHIT of her telling me that she was dating someone else when he and I met. Here’s the link to it.

https://misssonceraevideos.wordpress.com/2017/12/26/facts-myths-about-priest-raes-relationship/

She did try to recant her story later on. Which caused more friction between her and I. Either way she did end up filing for divorce and they are officially divorced now. He was her problem.

#3 If he was such a devoted faithful committed husband how did he end up sleeping in a hotel or truck being homeless with me? Think this through. Justice would not be alive and 16 months old if Priest was the amazing husband he’s trying to depict himself to be. If SaDonya was such a good wife why was she the side chick to another man when Priest and I started dating? Yes she admitted it to me that she was dating another man when Priest and I met and that she was this man’s side chick. Proof of that is also in this blog entry linked below.

https://misssonceraevideos.wordpress.com/2017/12/26/facts-myths-about-priest-raes-relationship/

I saw someone post in my comment section the other day ALL THE WAY MISINFORMED “Why do you talk so bad about Priest’s family when they put a roof over your head.” There are so many things wrong with this statement but let’s start with the first one. Priest’s family did not put a roof over my head. If they did we wouldn’t have been in hotels or sleeping in his explorer. Priest was living with his grandmother until she moved out of state. Her and I were fine. I never had an issue with her. I never lived with him and his Grandmother. Priest’s mother was also homeless. She had just moved back there. She wanted Priest and I to come live with her and her new husband once they bought a new house. If Priest was a devoted faithful committed husband to SaDonya why was his family even allowing me to be around? Why was his family encouraging he and I to move with them?

Next, it wasn’t Priest’s entire family that was a problem. His sister was a bitch and had an attitude problem. This, his family confirmed to me and told me to ignore. Priest initially spoke bad to me about his family. He demonized them and SaDonya before I even met them. The only reason why he currently speaks positively about SaDonya is because it aids in vilifying me. He depicts me as opposite of who I truly am, purposely. Just how he did her. He convinced me that she was sneaky conniving and controlling, as well as promiscuous. He told me that she cheated on him. He spoke of her previously like she was the devil incarnate. His mom was cool to me and she was the one that helped convince me that Priest and SaDonya were no longer together. Initially, she didn’t like SaDonya. His family was confused as to why he even married her. Priest was her second husband. She had children from a previous marriage. She is damn near 10 years his senior. They DO NOT have children together. She was a single mom when he met her. So if Priest was a devoted committed married man why was his mother telling me that she could tell I loved her son and that I will never have to worry about SaDonya because their marriage was over? Why was she telling me that SaDonya was bad for him and that he didn’t want her anymore?

#4 Why did I even meet his family to begin with? How do I know any of them? No married man alive would introduce a side chick to his entire family KNOWING that they’d tell his wife. When I met his family most of them hadn’t seen Priest in YEARS. Priest led me to believe that SaDonya ostracized him from his family. I was encouraging him to spend more time with them. Big mistake. He is a problem.

#5 We have a son together. No married devoted committed husband would have even put himself in a position to get any woman pregnant. He wouldn’t have even been on the dating site we met on to begin with.

Critical thinking skills need to come into play with this situation. Use your head. Are you really this gullible? Priest led me to believe that he & SaDonya signed their divorce papers June 30th 2017, a month after we decided to fully commit to each other. By this time he had been separated for 2 years. They were already planning a divorce before he and I even met. Because, he is a problem.

Here’s why he is taking the time to lie to the world about our situation. Some ladies will be able to relate to this.

#1 He doesn’t want anyone to think he is a bad person. He’ll say anything to get social acceptance. The asshole is attempting to preserve his image.

#2 He wanted to break up with me and that’s fine in itself. He went the extra mile to orchestrate an exit, unnecessarily. Sometimes people don’t want to be in certain relationships anymore. That’s a part of life. But he continues to orchestrate drama demonizing me in the process so it can make him feel better about abandoning me during my pregnancy. I didn’t give this man a reason to want to leave. He just wanted to leave. He just wanted to be single and not have any responsibility. He feels bad about wanting that when he shouldn’t. There are plenty of other things he should feel bad about in regards to me but that’s not one of them. The more he can convince everyone that I am a bad person the more these people will begin to feel sympathy for him and justify why he made such a poor choice. He is using others to make himself feel better. He knows that his reasons for leaving the relationship were not legitimate.

#3 He wants to avoid responsibility. During his interview with Tommy Sotomayor the main issue he avoided discussing was his inability to parent our child. He has never met our son. Why wasn’t the topic of him fathering prominent in conversation. The only goal was to vilify me. He didn’t want to take accountability. It’s too hard to self evaluate and make change. It’s easier to blame someone else.

#4 He wanted to save face. I was too much for him. The concept of marriage and kids was something we spoke about often. Ultimately something he was not ready for. Instead of feeling remorse for misleading me. He wants to look like he’s winning inside of this situation. When the truth of the matter is the lesson needs to be learned that playing a woman for her money, lying to her about wanting to be married and have children can actually have you stuck with a wife and child you didn’t even want to begin with.

#5 He knows some morons won’t question is claims. Especially if he can manipulate and charm them. I’ve said before that his narcissistic ass is Lucifer. He may have the IQ of a nectarine but he can definitely use charm to get what he wants.

#6 He’s immature, unkind and malicious. It’s as simple as that. No further explanation needed.

If people believe any of the foolishness that comes out of this man’s mouth there is nothing I can do about that. I can’t control what people say or think. Even when I try to defend myself and tell the truth people will think I’m desperate to convince them or covert them into believing something untruthful.

When something like this happens..,you might be tempted to engage in some reputation management if you have mutual friends or if they’ve gone so far as to say things to your family or coworkers (beyond unacceptable) but you will potentially end up fighting to preserve your image of you with people who won’t matter to your world in a matter of months never mind years plus you will end up fighting to correct an image of a relationship that’s over. You will be trying to control the uncontrollable. The main image that you need to correct is of your ex. It doesn’t change that you enjoyed good times together but they have unfolded in a way that shows traits that don’t make them the loyal, loving, caring, respectful, trustworthy person that you deserve to be with. They’re showing you that it’s the right thing that you’ve broken up. -Natalie

His actions are confirmation that I never should have dated him to begin with. That’s all I know. I don’t care about semantics. The best rebuttal in this situation is to live my life well like I’ve been doing. Instead of devoting my life to defending and convincing this person or whoever he associates with that I’m a good person. I cannot force feed my ex or his ‘audience’ of dipshits the true version of events. Karma will catch up with Priest and manifest in his life one way or another and that’s what he needs to prepare himself for.

Priest should feel a sense of remorse and want to do whatever he can to gain my forgiveness. He could start by apologizing over and over and over and then aligning his behaviors to prove that he is genuinely sorry. He hasn’t done that. What he continues to do is maliciously associate himself with people who start drama, lie and are so vitriol and vocal about their hatred towards me. Why would he want to even be around people who would consider doing that? This is why I don’t like him. He’d have to want me to forgive him for me to want him to be around. He needs to think long and hard about what he did to get us here. He needs to also understand why he did this to me. Next would be to empathize with me. It’s ok to make a mistake. Mistakes don’t make you a bad person. But once you repeat negative behavior it becomes a habit and conscious choice not a mistake. If he simply explained himself without making excuses we could have a better co parenting relationship for our son. All he has to do is make things right by showing he’s changed and compensate for his mistakes by doing something good. Him talking bad about me doesn’t bother me. I want him to hate me. His hate for me is equivalent to how much I used loved him. All I care about is my son having a healthy loving family surrounding him. IF Priest is unwilling to do what he needs to do in order to become the man and father my son needs I preferred that he continues to interact with those group of people who encouraged him to be hateful towards me and my son. Ladies if you are ever in this situation with a man please do not waste your energy trying to convince this man or any other person how good of a woman you are. Just be a good woman and the right man will show his face at the right time. Exes are exes for a reason keep them in the past where they belong.

$264 A Month in Child Support Still Makes You A Deadbeat Dad

I’ve always believed that putting a man on child support was a waste of time. I’ve made videos on my YouTube channel plenty of times discussing child support. I’ve talked about how I didn’t want to put my son’s father on child support. I’ve talked about how my son’s father asked to be on child support and then when he lost his job he called me and asked me to take him off it. Earlier this year he went a couple of months without paying it. Then I was told by the child support services office that his pay was garnished and that I’d be receiving payments soon.

Check out my latest podcast about this. https://www.spreaker.com/episode/18994958

Now I’m assuming there must be a level of confusion amongst people online who for some reason have been commenting in my comment section about Priest and his child support payments. I never wanted child support and I still don’t. I do understand that child support is for my son not me. So I put my child support payments in a trust fund for my son.

I was awarded $264 a month in child support. Which is chump change in the state of California. The reason that that child support payment is as low as it is is because I make a substantial amount of money higher than my son’s father makes. I am responsible for 67% of the expenses in regards to my son. I am his custodial parent. The only benefit I received from filing child support is the DNA testing. AFTER lying to me about his ex-wife SaDonya and him sleeping with other women, to add insult to injury, he accused me of cheating. Then, humiliated me by lying to people saying that I was a mistress he didnt give a fuck about and that I was trying to pin a baby on him that wasn’t his. Because he is in Georgia and I am in California it was difficult for us to agree on what DNA testing company to use. So to make things easier I simply filed for child support knowing that a DNA test would be required by law. Below is a screenshot of our current child support status.

Like I’ve said before Justice’s father is behind on child support payments. I’m not the type of woman that’s going to sit around and wait for some man to help me out with my life. When I was sick during my pregnancy I needed for my son’s father to be there just like any man should be there for a woman he claims he cares for. He chose not to be there. He was asked plenty of times how he wanted to proceed. He was always unable to make a decision. The only solid thing I had heard him say while he was sitting directly in front of me was that he was willing to pay child support. I asked him to physically be there for our son. He refused to be a part of his life. I don’t know what kind of lies he tells when he speaks to other people about me and our son. Whatever he has to say is irrelevant to me. I have no control over that. He has never met our son and he most likely never will. That’s just fine to me. Justice and I will be just fine. We made it this far without him.

At first I was hurt because I felt like I deserved better from my son’s father. But with time I got over it. Because my son’s father made the choice to not physically be there for our son even since before he was born he will always be classified as a deadbeat dad in my eyes. Men need to understand that a child support payment doesn’t suddenly make you a good father. Had Priest shown genuine interest in our son then I would have believed that there was a possibility that he wanted to be a good father. He doesn’t want to be a good father. He’d have to try much harder than he has to prove he is worthy of being in our son’s life . He hasn’t taken any real initiative. It will take more than getting online convincing strangers to believe you’re a good man. You actually have to show me! Not sit around doing a whole bunch of talking. Priest just wants the world to believe that he is doing his best. I’m sorry but my standards are much higher than he is able to reach. He is definitely too lazy to try. As afraid as I was and unprepared to be a mother to a second child I managed to pull it together for my son. I displayed a level of bravery when I could have had an abortion or gave my son up for adoption. Priest did not want me to have an abortion but he did want me to put Justice up for adoption. I knew the only person in the world that could love my son the way he needed to be loved was me. Is me! Also my family wouldn’t allow me to make such a poor decision in regards to my son simply because Priest walked away from us and I wanted my son to have a two-parent home. That wasn’t a good enough reason to give him up for adoption. The foster care system would have been bad for him.

Priest is a coward. He ran from taking care of our son. And he will say anything negative about me that he can find to help justify why he walked away from his own flesh and blood. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again… there are people out there who will refuse to hold him accountable. Those are the people he talks to about me. The people he talks to the most about this are irrelevant. My haters have no say in my life. Idk why he bothers with them at all. The only person that he needs to be talking to about this trying to redeem himself is me. The person he avoids the most is the person that he needs to explain himself to. He has me to answer to. But he’s too busy on the internet trying to depict himself as a victim so that he can receive a adoration from a whole bunch of strangers neither of us know. Continuously taking proverbial steps backwards.

I don’t want this man around me or my son and I hope I never see him again. All he needs to do is sit down shut up and pay his child support… Get a better circle of friends, his GED, a stable well paying job, his own house and car and try to get on my level. I’ve never lied about this man and my experience with him and I never will. I’m not going to waste my energy trying to convince everyone else in the world about my situation with him. Both he and I and God know the truth. The good thing about this is what goes around comes around and I very much believe in karmic energy. So while he does the dog and pony show, tap dancing for whoever he needs to to get the adoration he so desperately desires, I’ll be mothering our son. He’ll be missing out on some of the most amazing experiences imaginable for a man. He won’t see the life of his first born son. If he knew better he wouldn’t even waste his time with interviews, gossip and negativity. He’d be over here trying to figure out what he needs to do as a man to get closer to his son. That’s where he needs to put his energy instead of in the poisonous place he’s putting it.

We are not in each other’s lives so I do not understand why he chose to do an interview online about me recently. We don’t talk. I don’t reach out to him. He doesn’t reach out to me. We are not interested in each other. His attempts at trying to hurt me or embarrass me or whatever malicious intent they were ineffective. I want absolutely nothing to do with him and I am completely fine with the arrangement. I believed that he moved on with his life. But apparently as he was conducting an interview with Youtube content creator Tommy Sotomayor he proved otherwise. It makes sense that he would choose such a terrible platform to express himself. Because the men inside of Tommy Sotomayor’s audience all have disdain for African American women. Tommy himself is a deadbeat to at least 2 of his children he has fathered with multiple mothers. Most of the things that my son’s father has to say wouldn’t be acceptable to a more intelligent and affluent audience of men. So of course he would need to speak to people who can be easily misled. Those who stand for nothing fall for anything. Ignorant people are always addicted to negativity lies and conspiracy theories. It’s easy to entertain a group of socially awkward underachieving men who are having difficult times with their finances marriages and careers.

My son’s father will only be able to relate to men with criminal records, no education and a history of abusive violent behavior. That’s the type of low-energy man he is. No man of high IQ can stomach the idiocracies associated with the men who are entertained by Tommy Sotomayor. The only type of men who could relate to my son’s father would be men who are as unsuccessful in life as he is. Priest would only bring chaos and dysfunction into the life of our son and he has proven that by interacting with Tommy. This isn’t the first time that my son’s father has surrounded himself by people of negative influence who assist him in spreading slander & libel about me. Priest continuing to spread lies and gossip about me just to make himself look better than what he is only proves that what I have said about him and his poor character are all accurate statements. Tommy Sotomayor is known for having the proclivity to disrespect women. As a father getting onto Tommy’s platform speaking disrespectfully about his son’s mother is a step backwards from creating a healthy co-parenting environment for his son. Priest doesn’t bother trying and some wonder why I can’t stand him. This is why. The deflection and lack of determination. No goals or aspirations. Homie…be a father. All of that other shit is irrelevant. Priest can tell the world that I have hammertime on my toes, body odor, three breasts, snakes on my head like Medusa or carpal tunnel it would not matter nor would it change the past or disprove that he is a bad father. So all of the insults he wasted his time throwing at me on Tommy’s Channel or spewing in anyone’s ear who’s willing to listen do not affect me at all.

I don’t hold on to the past. However I will be more vocal about my experiences with him so that other women can be more selective about the men that they choose to bring into their lives.

My son and I live well without his father. I appreciate Priest keeping his toxicity and drama away from us. Moving on with my life was easier than I thought it would be. I love my son. My son loves me. We are all we need.

I Can’t Believe She Made Fun of Me for Being Molested as a Child

(See if you can make it through this blog. I haven’t edited it yet. 😂)

There are definitely some twisted people in this world. I wasn’t sure that was a virtual certainty until I was on YouTube and was severely harassed and stalked. What’s extremely unfortunate is that I was severely harassed by some women. Not a lot of women would indulge in such foolishness. Usually it’s men that harass me severely on YouTube but for some reason I have continuously been harassed by the same woman for 3 years. One would think someone her age would act a little more mature but instead LaVonya Edwards shows a level of ignorance and a lack of compassion for not just me but children in general. She posts vile cartoons of me onto YouTube.  Like who has time to sit around making cartoons about someone they claim they don’t like. A miserable person with too much time on their hands. Not being productive. Someone almost 50 years old participates in elementary school behaviors. She has maliciously addressed my children in my comment sections as well as using her platform to spread vicious rumors about me and my children. I have spoken about this woman’s vitriol behavior plenty of times on my blog. She has attempted to depict herself as some kind of victim of mine continuously speaking publicly of me.  However the truth of the matter is she is the catalyst for all issues she claims she has with me. I have tried on numerous occasions to clear up any type of issue this woman and I may have had in the past. I do not personally know this woman. We have never met. We have never spoke directly to each other offline. She has used my name in a defamatory way to gain attention from the public. I have kept track of all of her negative behaviors and posted those behaviors to this blog.

 

I have spoke a number of times about my experience as a child. I have been extremely transparent about the molestation that I experienced. Sharing my story with others has proven to assist others during their healing process. Molestation happens inside of the black community more frequently than we discuss. These type of indiscretions thrive in privacy. I would have never thought that speaking about it with so much strength and honesty would cause anyone to have a negative response as egregious as the responses that I have received from some people inside of the black community.In addition to speaking about being molested as a child I was also very honest about how it affected my romantic relationships as I got older. Being molested as a child made me look at sexuality in an unhealthy manner. Not in a manner that included me participating in promiscuity but in a manner that made me fear copulation with either sex. The only time I could participate in intercourse would be while I was under the influence of alcohol or drugs. My last relationship was an interesting one. We have a child together. It’s a surprise that we do because our relationship was not based around sex. When he decided that he no longer wanted to be a part of the relationship he viciously posted our text messages onto his own YouTube channel out of frustration. Misleading to the world as if he was this committed married man and I was his mistress he didn’t care about.

He was upset that I had honestly spoke about our breakup. He didn’t want his precious reputation ruined. He wanted everyone to believe that he was the perfect King that I had depicted him to be on my channel for so long. He wanted me to continue to praise this Phantom that he had created and introduced me to. A character that he had created to entertain me. Unbeknownst to me and my family he portrayed himself as the family man, my future husband and loyal friend. When truthfully he was none of the above.As he was playing victim, posting our text messages, exploiting something that was so sacred to me, he shared a text message of him telling me to make sure I bathed. Of course showering is never a problem for me nor was it for him. I was severely ill in a high-risk pregnancy and could barely sit up however I still managed to bathe. My pregnancy was a terrible experience. He never had any sympathy for me. He didn’t care. He didn’t check up on me. I still can’t believe that someone I cared for so deeply would behave in the manner he did. I was extremely catering and kind. I was understanding and patient. I shared my time and my money with this man. I washed his clothes and cooked his food. I drove him to work and brought him lunch. I met his coworkers and his family. This was someone I put all of my trust into. Yet instead of coming on to my channel like I had invited him to so that he could have addressed anything he wanted in regards to what I had said about our break up, he decided to maliciously create his own channel. Only to mislead everyone into believing I was the worst person in the world. I spent most of my time with this man laughing having fun cuddling and holding hands yet he made it seem like I was nothing to him. I told him about how I was molested when I was young. I talked to him about my fears. I talked to him about my desires and my goals and at the end of the day he still betrayed me by interacting with someone he shouldn’t have. Once the public saw the text message we shared about bathing suddenly a rumor started about how I smell. He started to help others perpetuate this rumor that I had vaginal smell. Including LaVonya Edwards. So instead of me taking it to heart negatively I decided to promote a product call Boric Life from a company called Nutri-Blast that helps women with their feminine hygiene. Even though I don’t have the problem myself. I know there are plenty of other women who have experienced the issue. If it wasn’t a problem for most women there wouldn’t be so many feminine health care products.Me promoting this product only happened after two years of being made fun of for vaginal odor that I don’t even have. I spoke in detail during my pregnancy about how different I smelled in general. I also spoke about how one of the symptoms of pregnancy was that anything I smelled made me nauseous. My son’s father’s smell made me nauseous my entire pregnancy. Even when he wasn’t around and I recalled how he smelled it made me nauseous. It wasn’t a usual problem he had unless of course he didn’t eat properly. He had digestive issues. He was on a strict diet and if he wasn’t disciplined enough to stay on this diet he begin to smell. He also had poor oral hygiene. Which was something that he admitted to me after a few months of us being together. He had a nasty excessive habit of spitting. However he did whatever he could to make sure that he did not have a foul odor. These weren’t things I made fun of him about. They were just things that I learned to accept about him, maturely. Unfortunately, he did not return that same maturity.After the release of these text messages I was severely harassed by someone in particular. She used YouTube to create videos about me speaking about my vaginal smell. Speaking of it like she had smelt me herself. For three years now she has made content consistently making defamatory statements about my vagina. She has maliciously lied publicly telling people I have vaginitis and STDs. During a conversation I had about the rumor that was so viciously being spread I said that when I was molested for 6 years during my childhood the men that were molesting me would say that I had vaginal odor. I spoke about how I was aware that when men wanted to make their exs upset or angry  they would call her crazy or say that she has vaginal odor. The equivalent of a woman out of frustration saying that her ex has a small penis.

I was molested as far back as I can remember. I was a child when I was being told that I have vaginal smell. this was being told to me by someone who was cruel and demented. this wasn’t something that was actually true. However, after I made the statement LaVonya Edwards the person who was creating all of the videos about my feminine hygiene twisted that statement and told everyone that I said a whole bunch of men I’ve slept with told me I had vaginal smell. When that was something I never said. Let’s be clear. I said that

when I was a child my stepfather was molesting me and in order to make me feel bad about myself he was telling me ( a six-year-old) that I had vaginal odor.

I know that males say cruel things like that to females to hurt them. Even if I did have vaginal odor, for a woman (almost 50 year old) to continuously make content online for three years in a row about my vagina said something about this woman’s need for a mental health professional. It’s unfortunate to me that any woman what make fun of another as far as something as sensitive as this topic. As women we take pride in our femininity, our motherhood, are marriages, our careers, and our sisterhoods. For any Black woman to lack compassion for another or to place criticism on another for something as severe as the effects of molestation speaks volume about the ignorance inside of the black community. It shows how we have a lack of compassion and understanding for each other’s trials and tribulations. We no longer care about each other’s heart breaks And misfortunes. My Hope for women today as well as women in the future is to have better friendships and better communication during times of controversy or disagreement. I hope that women begin to carry themselves in a more respectable manner so that when they look into the life of another woman instead of placing judgment or being malicious, cruel, jealous or egregious, we extend our hand graciously. Equipped with love and support, with genuine concern and kindness.Being molested was a terrible experience and publicly speaking about it took strength. even my mother took to social media and spoke about it. these are the real conversations that need to take place amongst black women. in a non-judgmental Zone. No woman No Woman should condone any man speaking maliciously or disrespectfully about another woman. In the presence of a real valuable woman all women shall be respected. No man will be able to verbally or physically abuse any woman in my presence. That treatment will not be allowed or tolerated. I will never be a vehicle of belligerent expression that carries the disrespect of feminity. As you grow older always have respect for other women when you are one. Instead of being as disgraceful powerless and castrated (female genital mutilation) as LaVonya Edwards, respect other woman’s motherhood respect other woman’s femininity and most importantly respect the vaginas of other women. Especially when they respect their own.

I’m not hurt by the statements. They just aren’t true. Anyone who is making such a terrible statement like these are angry that I am no longer associating with them. My son’s father included.

Single Mothers With Multiple Baby Daddies Shouldn’t Be Judged?!

(CLICK ABOVE TO SEE VIDEO)

My happiness is more important than social media. I see too many people attempting to take my happiness from me in my comment section. So I disabled my comments and user ratings. I’ve always given out my address encouraging people to email me if they have video topic suggestions. I received this email. It was about a video I did about women who have multiple deadbeat baby daddies. I also spoke about how women should stop requiring that the Father that IS supporting his child also be financially responsible for the children of those deadbeat dads just so those children can feel equal.

Soncerae,

I just finished watching your “More than 1 Baby Daddy?!? Single Mothers MUST stop doing this!!!” video and I must say that I was agreeing with most of what you had to say until you decided to judge women who have small children with more than one baby daddy. News flash: it doesn’t matter if your kids are 18 years or 18 months apart! You’re still gonna be looked at as a woman with multiple baby daddies. I’m not emailing you to attack you because that’s not what I do but your comments are turned off and it was disappointing to hear you appear to be talking down about and judging women who society looks at just like they look at you, even though your kids have a significant age gap: A Baby Mama with multiple baby daddies. Now, I do absolutely agree that a woman should use whatever child support money she gets towards the child/children that it’s intended for. That’s the correct thing to do. No one should be expectedto take care of kids that aren’t theirs, however if a man gets involved with a woman who they already know has (a) kid(s) by other men, common sense is going to tell him to walk away from that situation before he makes his own kid with her or realize that at some point some of whatever money that’s coming in is going to go towards all the kids at some point (not all the time) and if the man wants his kid to have specific items then buy those items outright instead of handing over money. If he’s making payments through the child support office I’m sure that if how the money is being used is in question, then he can request documentation/receipts/statements/proof on how the child support money is being spent. Worse come to worse, if he feels his child is not getting the financial support he provides or the care the child needs, then his next step should be trying to get primary custody. Once again, I’m not contacting you to attack you I’m just sharing my thoughts on your video. I watch your content fairly often because it’s good and will continue to do so.

Sincerely,

Nina

I want to publicly address this. I responded to her. I thanked her for her comment however I also made sure to express to her that I was tired of everyone taking everything I say so personal when it’s just an opinion. Everyone is so over emotional and sensitive. All over social media. I need to do a video about self control and discipline one day soon. I think the lack of discipline on YouTube is most likely what annoys me most. Everyone wants to give their opinion but they are so emotionally invested in it like it effects their life specifically. Like their entire world shatters if someone disagrees. When it’s just dialogue, perspectives and entertainment. If whatever is being said doesn’t apply to you commenting on it negatively is a waste of energy. You can still comment remove the toxic passion.

I want to make a few things clear for the sensitive single mothers who feel judged.

She said: I was agreeing with most of what you had to say until you decided to judge women who have small children with more than one baby daddy.

I don’t know why everyone wants everyone to agree with them like independently thinking is a death sentence. My immediate internal response to this was IDGAF….it’s so unimportant. It’s odd to me that when someone agrees they have nothing valuable to say to me but when they disagree they type a long ass dissertation explaining why. #2 I’ve never been the type of person to not judge. I try but it’s not natural. I’ve encouraged others to not judge. However most people who have been listening to me long enough know that when I say don’t judge what I mean is: Don’t misjudge. Don’t make poor judgment. We always judge. Everyone, including the person who sent me this email who was judging me because I judged someone else.

She said: News flash: it doesn’t matter if your kids are 18 years or 18 months apart! You’re still gonna be looked at as a woman with multiple baby daddies.

Who gives a fuck if people look at you or me as a woman with multiple baby daddies? I don’t. That’s not even my issue with women who have multiple baby daddies. Who cares what people think. You’d have to listen to the video to hear me talk about the age gap between my kids. My daughter is 19 and my son is 1. Inside of my video I said that it makes sense that I have two different baby daddies because of the huge gap in between relationships. Twenty years is a long time. That’s 2 damn decades. It’s like this person overlooked what my issue was with women with multiple baby daddies altogether.

She said: I’m not emailing you to attack you because that’s not what I do but your comments are turned off and it was disappointing to hear you appear to be talking down about and judging women.

Looks like an attack to me. If I wanted comments in reference to this video I would have left my comments on.

She said: No one should be expectedto take care of kids that aren’t theirs, however if a man gets involved with a woman who they already know has (a) kid(s) by other men, common sense is going to tell him to walk away from that situation before he makes his own kid with her…

Here’s where the deflection comes in and some single mothers expect everyone else to take responsibility for their actions but don’t require that they themselves display that same discipline. Pressure is put on men who aren’t careful about who they procreate with. Women should also have that same pressure put on them. Match that energy when you are speaking about this. Just like a man should have common sense, so should a woman. She should require that a birth control plan be in place. . If she already has multiple children with multiple fathers she should know better than to have another child by a different man. She should walk away from that situation before she makes another child with him.

She continued to say: …realize that at some point some of whatever money that’s coming in is going to go towards all the kids at some point (not all the time) and if the man wants his kid to have specific items then buy those items outright instead of handing over money.

NO NO NO…..Mothers please make your own money. Not all money coming into your household is for all of your children when you have multiple baby daddies. I’m sorry it just doesn’t work that way. Especially not to men. Single mothers have got to start considering where these men want their money to go to. If the fathers of your children put money in your hands for the children that you share please understand that he is trusting you to take care of his child financially. Key words: HIS CHILD. It’s not for your entire household. This is why men hate giving you money. You try to forcefully make him invest in things that he didn’t sign up for. Sometimes TIME doesn’t permit a man to go shopping and get his kids specific things. The meme I spoke about in the video was about a mother who wanted her children to experience life equally. No matter how hard we try as mothers we will never be able to equally be attentive to more than 2 children especially if they have different fathers.

Start thinking this through, ladies. If your child’s father Kevin goes shopping for his child Brandon and Brandon comes home with designer, name brand, EVERYTHING for school, your other children Marcus & Tony who are products of the deadbeat dads will feel even worse seeing Brandon have the finer things in life when they themselves don’t. So if you are truly trying to make all of your kids feel equal instead of spending all of the money on Brandon, spend half of it and save the rest for the future things that Brandon may need. You should already be making enough money to take care of Marcus & Tony so you shouldn’t need Kevin’s money to take care of them. Stop thinking emotionally and think logically. It is not Kevin’s responsibility to take care of Marcus & Tony. It is YOURS. You should already have money stashed away for them for school. If you are good with your finances you don’t need to take from Brandon to give to your other children. Don’t pretend like the day Kevin gave you money for Brandon that that was the very first day Marcus & Tony had deadbeat daddies. They were deadbeat daddies before the kids started school. You should be prepared for this. Even if Kevin didn’t give you money, you are their mother you should already be so used to taking care of them without the help of a man. This entire thing isn’t about a single mother taking care of kids equally. This is about a single mother being inconsiderate. This is one of the reasons why men are running away from marriage, fatherhood and all types of other things that we fuss at them about, thinking it’s justifiable.

Plot twist…..

Nina missed the entire reason why I was “judging” women in the video who have multiple baby daddies. It isn’t because they have multiple kids by multiple men. Yeah that’s ridiculous on so many levels but that’s not even my issue.

I responded to her email using ample amount of profanity. She probably thought I was mad. I think I was annoyed. LOLOL

I replied: It’s not about me judging a mother. I don’t give a fuck what men think about women with multiple kids. What I give a fuck about is a woman having multiple kids by niggas who don’t give a fuck about their kids. How the fuck does any woman have 2 deadbeat baby daddies or more? That says a lot about the mother. Why does she continue to chose men who would treat her or her kids that way?!? Period. It’s already bad that 1 is that way to 1 child but for all of your baby daddies to be deadbeats says something about your poor choices as a woman; not these men. Take your time with men. I have 1 deadbeat dad I’m not about to spread my legs wide for another one to come and abandon ANOTHER child. It took 20 years for God to bless me with my son after I had my daughter. It’s going to take another 20 for a man to convince me to even have unprotected sex with him. Bitches need to make these bums put on condoms instead of getting uncomfortable everytime someone calls them out on their bullshit. Choose and do better next time is my moto. Stop making the same poor choice over and over.

Vulgar right? I know. This is a serious issue and it frustrates me. I need to communicate better. Anyway! If you have any other comments pertaining to this matter let me know.

soncerae@gmail.com

When she said: If he’s making payments through the child support office I’m sure that if how the money is being used is in question, then he can request documentation/receipts/statements/proof on how the child support money is being spent. Worse come to worse, if he feels his child is not getting the financial support he provides or the care the child needs, then his next step should be trying to get primary custody. Once again, I’m not contacting you to attack you I’m just sharing my thoughts on your video. I watch your content fairly often because it’s good and will continue to do so.

I was like….so you want men to go the extra mile to do all of this but women can’t go the extra mile and be considerate so he won’t have to go through all of this?!?! Ladies, the drama has to stop somewhere. We are never going to get this coparenting thing under control if we don’t stop being selfish, inconsiderate, hard to communicate with and stubborn. Stop this please.

Be sure to check out richsinglemomma.com for more tips on how to set yourself financially straight so you won’t NEED the child support checks.

Misogyny & Sexism on YouTube

Recently, I saw that Tommy Sotomayor and Minister Jap met up in Chicago. This happened days after Minister Jap took to YouTube claiming he was going to quit posting content. He was frustrated because his videos were being reported. Instead of quitting YouTube it would simply just make more sense to stop breaking YouTube’s community guidelines giving them reason to remove content. Or start a podcast elsewhere.

Youtube’s community guidelines are clear:

Don’t post videos that encourage others to do things that might cause them to get badly hurt. One of these men or both do that EVERYDAY. The men in their audience are taking this advice and screwing up their own lives. Abusing their women ending up in all kinds of domestic violent situations or worse IN JAIL.

YouTube is not for pornography or sexually explicit content. If this describes your video, even if it’s a video of yourself, don’t post it on YouTube. Jap’s always talking about hoes and fucking. Tommy is now supposedly streaming porn from his site….who knows if that’s true. Not my business. Tommy has talked about his sex life explicitly but so have I. Moving on.

YouTube doesn’t support content that promotes or condones violence against individuals or groups based on race or ethnic origin, religion, disability, gender, age, nationality, veteran status, or sexual orientation/gender identity, or whose primary purpose is inciting hatred on the basis of these core characteristics. Promoting and condoning violence on a specific gender and race of person is the basis of Tommy & Jap’s content.

It’s not ok to post abusive videos and comments on YouTube. If harassment crosses the line into a malicious attack it can be reported and may be removed. They both do this all day everyday.

Things like predatory behavior, stalking, threats, harassment, intimidation, invading privacy, revealing other people’s personal information, and inciting others to commit violent acts or to violate the Terms of Use. They have both done this, consistently. Sometimes to defend themselves but most times to be malicious.

Seeing them two meet ultimately made me react in a neutral kind of way. I believe it’s because I tend to mind my business. One thing I can say is that it didn’t surprise me. What they both represent is a disdain for women. Especially Black Women who do not conform to the traditional gender roles expected of them. So let’s say…..Soncerae. They have disdain for Soncerae. They have showed that for many years. Nothing wrong with opinions or objectification but to sprinkle disrespect, harassment and stalking on it gives a rhetoric an entirely different flavor. It’s funny how men on YouTube actually promote it as #UNITY. Like them 2 unifying is some type of remarkable historic event that should be wrote down as the equivalent to the civil rights movement. Listen, get these men to unify with WOMEN. Especially Black ones. Then I’ll be impressed. Men teaming up with other men is what usually happens. Getting injured Black Men to heal and garner healthy relationships with Black Women is the problem. To see both of these men settle down in a healthy marriage with a Black Woman would make me clutch my pearls.

During my first conversation with Minister Jap about collaborating almost 4 years ago he told me about how much of a Tommy Sotomayor fanatic he was. He loved Tommy Sotomayor. His dream was to meet Tommy. I said to him then,

“If you are trying to get Tommy’s attention all you have to do is beef with me. Tommy hates me for some reason.”

THOSE WERE MY EXACT WORDS. From then on Jap has had some imaginary problem with me. Before I interacted with either of them they used social media as a place to disrespect women and to rant about their issues pertaining to us. Instead of just praising the kind of women they enjoy and love. Both of these men had people believing that it was ME that did something to them to make them behave in such a way when really they were attacking women online long before either of them knew who I was.

Male dominance on YouTube produces a lot of hostile commentary targeted towards women. If a woman is honest about her sexually, thinks independently, supports feminism or womanism she is brutally chastised by Black Men. The double standards among women and men on #BlackYouTube are prominent. The mob mentality is supported. Gossip, rumors, debates, disrespect are all used as bonding tools for our audiences. A demented brotherhood designed to dismantle women is celebrated. I believe that most women who support feminism or female empowerment are only interested in positively encouraging women to evolve not to belittle men. However, the message among these men isn’t to empower each other but it is more about the degradation & abuse aimed at women of color. This “brotherhood” is ran by men like Tommy Sotomayor & Minister Jap. Men who have tumultuous relationships with their negligent mothers. Men who also have a history of disrespecting women they are romantically connected to. Whether it be a sister, aunt, cousin or friend at some point these men were treated poorly by a dominant female. Any woman who may share an insufficient similarity to (their poor choices in) women they begin attacking that woman’s entire existence.

Armed with immaturity, poor communication, sadism/sadomasicism, underdeveloped thought processes, lack of critical thinking skill, and PTSD they spread a narrative that women are the catalyst for all problems associated with the dysfunction of the Black Community. Instead of dealing with the trauma associated with the negative experiences brought on by women they may have trusted in their lives, they rather project hatred to any or all women. Instead of considering that how they have responded to women in their past may be cause for the negative outcome, both of these men have spent years on in projecting their hatred for women on women, ME specifically. I became a target for them both for various reasons. Instead of becoming better men themselves they try to bully or “tough love” a woman into changing. What a destructive way to take lead. Instead of building up women they try to break us down. Let Black women form an alliance similar to theirs they’d be ready to protest, stop female unity and create hashtags promoting justice for men. Let a woman behave in any way they do…they wouldn’t stop bitching and moaning.

Instead of being able to form healthy bonds with women they take pride in having solid bonds with other men. Which to me is a tinge of homosexual. However, still an acceptable preference. These men do not understand that just because you love one thing doesn’t mean that you have to hate another. I love ketchup on my french fries. That doesn’t mean I’ve relentlessly put together a smear campaign to destroy mustard and I will execute that plan until mustard is no longer being used on anyone’s sandwich. These men however have reached out to the fatherless, leaderless, lost and injured and recruited them to perpetuate this war on Black Women.

While displaying the following traits

  1. He will zero in on specific woman and choose her as his target.
  2. As time goes on, he begins to reveal a Jekyll & Hyde personality. He may change quickly from irresistible to rude, and from rude back to irresistible.
  3. He will make promises to women and often fail to keep them. With men, on the other hand, he will almost always keep his word.
  4. His behavior toward women in general is grandiose, cocky, controlling, and self-centered.
  5. He is extremely competitive, especially with women. If a woman does better than him socially or professionally, he feels terrible. If a man does better, he may have mixed feelings about it but he is able to look at the situation objectively.
  6. He will unknowingly treat women differently from men in workplace and social settings, allowing men various liberties for which he will criticize female colleagues or friends.
  7. He will be prepared (unconsciously) to use anything within his power to make women feel miserable. He may demand sex or withhold sex in his relationships, make jokes about women or put them down in public, “borrow” their ideas in professional contexts without giving them credit, or borrow money from them without paying them back. Chastise women for their sexuality whether they’ve slept with 1 man or 10 men. It doesn’t matter.
  8. Sexually, he likes to control women and gives little or no attention to their sexual pleasure. Foreplay, if it occurs at all, is only a necessary means to an end. He likes oral sex but only as a recipient. His favorite positions enable him to avoid looking the woman in her eyes.
  9. He will cheat on women he is dating or in a relationship with. Monogamy is the last thing he feels he owes a woman.

These types of men love to put women down only to make them feel good about themselves. To see these two men unify but can’t seem to smooth out any drama that they are the catalyst for with ANY woman says a lot about where they stand mentally. Men who all act tough, with false bravado, are always the ones that get knocked the fuck out with ease.

There are a lot of men who are looking for leaders, father figures, big brothers, uncles, and mentors. Men turn to men like these to teach them how to become alpha. The toxic masculinity displayed by both of these men is perceived as positive and indicative to the evolution of Manhood. Which is ultimately unfortunate.

I have never done anything to either of these men for them to have spoken so disrespectfully about me hundreds of times in public forums while encouraging men to also be as disrespectful towards me. They even lied and told people I was stalking them and wouldn’t leave them alone. After initiating conflict EVERYTIME. They told vicious lies about me & put a magnifying glass on my videos and what I’m saying as if it was about THEM. I made more content geared towards other topics that they conveniently overlooked. Tommy was heated when I interviewed his ex on my channel like he hadn’t interviewed Chris Law. I made her promise not to say anything disrespectful or hurtful. And she agreed and kept her word. But did Tommy do that for me? No. He had Chris Law all over his channel claiming he was my ex and talking about our sex life. Chris was so dumb disrespecting me and his marriage.

I no longer expect abusive men to hold punches, feel compassion or sympathy for women. They have verbally attacked me so much that it doesn’t even bother me anymore. Minister Jap & Tommy Sotomayor have caused thousands of strange men to maliciously speak about me online. This has caused men to stalk and harass me in real life. These men have barked on me like I am a man. Men I have never met. They want to square up on a woman. Ofcourse I have expressed my opinion about these men. But why in response were they so defensive.

When we are defensive it is a sign of weakness; it shows we are not secure enough in ourselves to accept criticism or differences of opinions.

Encouraging men to be vitriol online is causing them to disconnect from women offline as well as abuse us. Egregiously sexist behavior is fostered by the “online disinhibition effect.” This effect includes the phenomenon where Internet users, operating under the protection of anonymity, may perform behaviors they ordinarily would not in either face-to-face scenarios or in virtual spaces where they are identifiable. Studies have shown links between anonymity and higher levels of online aggression and incivility. This creates an unconscious behavior that ultimately effects romantic relationships negatively in real life settings with women. Creating more of a problem that ultimately a man was attempting to solve by going to social media looking for resolutions.

There are plenty of men out there who are easily influenced. I didn’t realize I was dating one until Minister Jap got a mental hold on my son’s father.

When his words during our arguments started to sound like they were coming out of Jap’s mouth verbatim I knew Jap was talking to him. My son’s father was speaking to me in ways he had never spoke to me before. Calling me names he had never called me before. Yelling at me how Jap had online in the past. A month or so before his behavior changed drastically, Jap called me begging me to break up with my son’s father. I refused. What’s funny is Jap had this whole women empowerment speech. Like I had the vagina of wonder woman. He kept calling my son’s father “Dirty Dick Rodney.” He couldn’t persuade me so he went to my son’s father and the rest is history. Now Minister Jap can push the whole “single mom drag”. That’s all he seems to be good at. The rhetoric coming from Tommy & Japs mouth was she’s a side chick pregnant by a married man. My son’s father wasn’t married then and definitely isn’t now.

My son’s father is impressionable. He follows anyone and anybody. He doesn’t have a GED or College Education. I used to have to read to him and he doesn’t know basic math. Ofcourse he was an easy target. Most of the men in Minister Jap & Tommy’s audience are. Most men who are college educated and had a good male role model in their lives disagree with the narratives of these men. It’s ok to be impressionable if your attention is on a good influence. My son’s father was always looking for approval. He’d lie to get it because he wanted people to love him. He is an example of a man who does not know how to decipher the difference between a good influence and a bad one. His only goal was social acceptance.

These type of men on YouTube don’t want to coexist on YouTube or any other place with women. Like YouTube personally belongs to them. They have literally tried to run off every single woman with a voice on the site. They tried their hardest to run me off. It didn’t work. I’m still here. Still vocal. No matter how many names they call me. No matter how many times they attack me or try to put me down. No matter how many lies they tell or rumors they spread I’ll still express my opinions and stand up for whatever it is I believe in on whatever social media site I want to.

I have no personal vendettas against either of these men. I have moved on with my life. I am happy and very much living the life I wanted to live. I could have 1 subscriber on youtube or several hundred, it won’t matter at the end of the day. What these men choose does not make or break me. I do not digest what they eat. It’s not my business. If men are ok with allowing these type of men to lead them… fine. Just like it’s women out there who believe “Hot Girl Summer” is a women’s empowerment anthem. Whether I agree or disagree, I’m not going to spend the rest of the days of my life debating with abusive men. I just accept that they are abusive and stay away from them. Hope fully women will hear my stories and the stories of plenty others and stay away from men like this. And maybe injured men who are in need of guidance will find a better place to receive love and adoration. Instead of relying on the poisonous sources on social media. I wish both of these men the best. Finally, Jap’s dream came true. To meet Tommy Sotomayor.

10 Male Friends Who Have Given Me Hope As A Single Mother

I make so much content in regards to my son’s father that a lot of people assume I must hate men or that I do not have any male friends. Or they assume I don’t have friends in general. Foolish people make those types of horrible assumptions all of the time. I just try not to take it personal. I have to also factor in that I haven’t been very vocal about my private friendships with men because they are so sacred to me. I share 20% of my life online and the other 80% I tend to keep to myself.

Since I’ve become a single mother I’ve had some stand up guys be very supportive. They give me hope that things will work out with me and that my son and I will be fine. Some have even chipped in financially, morally and spiritually assisting me in taking care of my son. Oddly enough I did a podcast about it.

If you haven’t checked out The GodQueenLive Podcast please do by clicking here.

https://www.spreaker.com/episode/18846493

In this episode I talk in detail about the men who helped me with my son when they realized that my son’s father wasn’t standing up. Whether it was personally, professionally or financially. They all helped me not lose faith in Black Men or Black Fathers.

#1 Cam – Long time friend

I don’t care what I need or when I need it Cam is always there for me! He has been my friend over almost 15 years. I’ve never met a man kinder or more attentive. He’d make a great father and husband. He is honest. A good provider as well as a good listener. He remembers things I told him years ago that most men would have forgotten.

#2 Michael – My son’s GodFather

From the day we met each other he has provided for me and my son as if we had been friends for years. He is old fashioned, a gentleman, smart and very kind to both me and my son. He showed genuine concern for me and my son and proven to me that there is light at the end of every tunnel.

#3 Ray – My son’s Godfather and longtime family friend

Ray watched me give birth to my son. He was there for me during my pregnancy when I first moved to California. He has been a friend of my family for two decades and continues to be someone important in the life of my son.

#4 Gerald – Business Partner & longtime friend

Gerald has determination I have never seen outside of myself. He has offered me tons of opportunities to help me keep up with generational wealth. He had no problem loaning me money during my time of need and inspires me everyday to be a good business woman.

#5 Mark – YouTube Moderator/ Longtime friend, father & husband

#6 Mr Live – YouTube Moderator/ Friend, father & husband

#7 Gore – Longtime friend, Business Partner, single father

Gore has become the man he finally wanted to be after years of struggling with finding himself. However throughout the decade I’ve known him he has always shown me genuine love and care. He is my bestfriend.

#8 Shawn – Long time Friend, single father

I learned a lot from Shawn. Overcoming language barriers showed me that their are different kinds of friendships. No matter how much distance is between you people friendship is still strong. He has supported me on so many different levels without any equivocations and I respect his loyalty.

#9 Troy – Childhood friend, single father

This trouble man has been the angel and devil on my shoulder. Sometimes what he says sounds so right then other times I’m like I can’t believe he found good or humor in something so bad. Our friendship defines true friendship and is filled with love without condition.

#10 Carlton – Business Partner

Carlton, unbeknownst to him, helped me out during my year and five months of homelessness. He came to me wanting graphic design and kept his promise of referring clients. I believe he and I briefly spoke about me needing money. He put me to work. Sometimes I’d be wondering what I was going to eat for the night and he’d suddenly hit me up wanting a design. I’d be starving. I couldn’t wait for him to CashApp me. He helped me get formula and diapers for my baby so many times. He helped me with hotel stays and everything. Just my requesting designs and referring clients. He is direct. He is straightforward and honest. He was my crutch. To this day he is still one of my main clients and hopefully a solid friendship will form out of our business relationship.

Honorable Mention: My daughter’s father & my friend Pastor Robert Carpenter

They Won’t Ever Love Me, Everybody Hates & They Always Have

Why do people invest so much energy into hate? Why does something so negative bring such delight in some? Also, why does it take anonymity for people to express their hatred? To spend hours on end being irresponsible and refusing to take accountability for what you say online is so entertaining to some folks it shocks me. Especially in my own community of color. It’s always a battle of the wits but in a disturbing way. Who can throw the best insult wins, seemingly. What’s the prize? To be able to say you hurt someone, or that you made someone feel bad about themselves? Or when the lies you tell when spreading rumors break up friendships, relationships and even family, is that the prize? Why does that feel so good?

I don’t think there has ever been a day in my life where I wasn’t being spoken about behind my back. I learned early on that even people I loved would hurt me with opinionated words.

The first time I heard someone talk badly about me behind my back was during an argument my mother and stepfather were having. They were broken up and he hadnt seen me in a while. We went to visit him. I went to my old room to gather some things and I heard them downstairs arguing. He was telling her how different I was. He didnt like that my mother wasn’t as hard on me as he used to be. He was abusive both sexually and physically and obsessive compulsive. He was the disciplinarian. He no longer had control over me and I believed that that bothered him more than anything.

I started to cry. It hurt. Just to hear someone speak so badly about me to my own mother. I ended up catching three more people in my family do that. My grandmother, my aunt and my cousin whom people considered my sister. It wasn’t until later that it occured to me that people just weren’t going to like me.

In High School there were always rumors spread about me. I was an independent thinker. I did what I wanted to do. I wasn’t trying to fit in or be admired. I just wanted to escape all of the bad experiences that were consistenly happening to me at home and at school. I didn’t drink. I didn’t do drugs. I didn’t steal. But I skipped school. I avoided conflict. I stayed to myself mostly. I wasn’t a girly girl. I was a tomboy, so my closest friend was always a boy. I took comfort in that closeness. Those platonic friendships were real and pure. The people that spreaded rumors about me the most were my cousin and two female friends I had my entire time in high school.

I started getting played by boys early. My first kiss was in middle school with a boy who bet his friends that I was crushin on him so hard that I’d let him kiss me. And I did. During my late teens I really didn’t care about boys. I wasn’t thinking about who my prom date would be or whether or not I’d get married. All I cared about was church and singing. If I ran into a boy I liked I’d encourage him to stick with me but if he didn’t I’d let it go.

It wasn’t until I met my daughter’s father that I wanted marriage. We had our daughter when I was 19. We were a lot more prepared for the unexpected new arrival because of a mutual respect and understanding for each other. He didn’t want to be in a relationship or married but we were still amazing co parents and are still friends.

Then my son’s father came after 3 broken arrangements and all kinds of abuse and poor relationship decisions. After being cheated on so much and a short period of me being a side chick in 2010 I decided I no longer wanted to do committed relationships. I was just going to try polyamory. Then 2018 came and I figured I’d try it one more time. I fell in love hard and fast. I put a lot of trust and understanding in a man that didn’t deserve it.

Our relationship was fun and loving when we weren’t arguing over his ex wife. Them two refused to discontinue being friends and I tried to cope with it. Besides after 14 years of marriage I wanted to respect whatever they salvaged after so much wasted time in an unhappy marriage. Then my son was conceived and the love of my life decided to change faces. He took his mask off. What a hideous sight to see….

I was 4 months pregnant we live together in an extended stay hotel. I slept in the back of his truck with him in the Walmart parking lot. We are looking for places to live. He left me alone twice for about a day or so. Came back….then wanted to leave again. He’s asking for space? I relax….give it to him this time. He leaves for a week. Doesn’t call the entire time. Then comes back on his own. Ends up leaving another time needing space. I let him leave again. He came back on his own. Suddenly he started talking about other women he wanted to sleep with and his ex. I was too busy thinking about building a stable home for our new arrival. I guess he assumed that I’d do the revolving door thing that his last life partner would allow but he was sadly mistaken. He left one morning called from work and told me that he didnt want our relationship or baby and he wanted to date his ex. This was on some “I just want to tell you how I feel” anecdote of his. So I took him literally and told him he could go. He didnt fight for his position in my life like I fought for our family. He wanted to leave.

He got mad when I told everyone he left. He found any enemy of mine he could find that would listen and tried to convince them I was the worse person in the world. After all of the kindness, love, pampering and catering I did. After the understanding and patience I displayed in our relationship he was telling people I was a side chick hoe that he didnt care about and our baby wasn’t his.

That made me feel an array of emotions that I sometimes wish I didn’t even bother entertaining. A lot of gossip and rumors started. A group of people formed an alliance. Their mission all day everyday was to tear me down. It was traitorous what he did but some people didn’t see it that way. Especially not those group of people. Not because what he did wasn’t bad but because they had disdain for me. I never understand the statement “If you hate me, you must hate yourself” until this time period of my life. People who had nothing but time to drap me down brought something valuable to my attention. The fact was….they had nothing. No talent. No soul. Not even a healthy heart. All they know is negativity. The only time they even felt relevant is when they spoke derogatory about me. I learned a great deal about hate. They don’t love me because they don’t love themselves. There is no bond stronger than two people that hate the same person. Often unable to build healthy friendships toxic people use gossip and hatred as a bonding tool.

You ever disliked some one? I have. I was absolutely certain I hated my son’s father. Then I realized there was no way I could possibly hate him because I have so much love for myself. I only used the term hate to describe how I feel because what I feel is negative but not something I can give an appropriate title to. I loved him so much so what I feel now after the betrayal is something I can only describe as a form of hate. But I can only describe it that way out of lack of better terminology. To go out of your way and waste your own time talking about someone you hate is insane. However we see people do it so often on social media that is has become the norm.

Why do we hate? And why, in particular, do we hate difference? Hate of a whole race of people; hate of a whole set of people of certain sexual orientations or gender identities; that kind of hate is projection. I’m insecure in myself, in my identification with my culture, in my sexual orientation, in my gender—so I project hatred onto you because I’m not real sure that if I don’t, I won’t hate myself.

So, here’s the thing about hate of difference: It says everything about the hater, and nothing about the hated.

Projection means that I’ve got some work to do on myself to become a whole person. Projection means that I’ve split myself off into compartments of consciousness and unconsciousness, so that I don’t know things that I don’t want to know about myself—and I project those things onto others for them to carry for me. Projection means that I need to become conscious of those things I’m repressing so that I can own them, and begin to cherish them as unique and meaningful aspects of a whole me.

Accountability….in the end it boiled down to people hate to self reflect or evaluate. They don’t enjoy taking accountability. That’s all hate is. Of course I don’t expect every to just be in love with me. But what I do realize about people who spend majority of their time criticizing me I’m giving them opportunity to let themselves off the hook. I am their distraction from their own internal issues. Instead of consistently fighting them.. I have sympathy for them and now I just don’t respond.

Now that I have a better understanding of people I don’t criticize their hatred towards me. All of the males who played me circle back later and apologized. It’s not people don’t love me it’s that some people have a hard time loving themselves. One problem….they see me love myself unconditionally and they envy that.

People who love themselves hate hating others. We hate not loving people. We hate drama, gossip and negativity. All we want to do is love. So many people do love me. Even if they didn’t I’d still be surrounded by love. I love myself.