I will never understand how an intellectual man who is financially stable, living in a beautiful home, a motorcycle rider, a traveler, a man who can afford to drive a Lamborghini, a Maserati or even lease one would spend almost everyday for almost 3 years hiding behind a fake profile making fun of me. Telling people that I was stupid. Lying to people about me. Making fun of my astigmatism. Dangling his money in my face trying to pay me to do what he wants me to and prove myself to him. I made 1 mistake during an IT Tutorial and from then on he tried to make people believe that I was a bad person. Wait….he was making fun of me before that. It took a lot out of me to try it. All of the basic stuff I learned I wanted to spread to whoever wanted to listen. I was speaking my dreams into existence. All he did was try to kill my self esteem and make me believe I wasn’t smart enough to succeed. I was terrified. I googled an aid to help me through the tutorial. Because I used an article as an aid to assist me so I wouldn’t teach people wrong information he told people I plagiarized and skip over words I can’t pronounce.
When I was in my early 20s boys like him made fun of me because I was the only girl in my class interested in Computer Engineering. I was always the only female there. I quit because they would make fun of me so bad. Not because I literally wasn’t smart enough. But because of the stigma that hangs over all women. That we will never be enough to accomplish too much of anything. All because I was a female and Computer Engineering was classified as something only men could do. I changed colleges and instead went to college for Business. I went to a technical college and took a few computer classes later in life. I have my CompTIA Network+ & A+ Certifications. But that’s nothing compared to what I could’ve done if I wouldn’t have let males like this get to me. When I found out that this was the man behind the degrading videos that were posted about me it hurt my feelings. I couldn’t understand how a man who was smarter than me would make fun of me instead of using his intellect to help me do better. Instead of telling everyone that I was lying about being a Computer Engineer. Why didn’t he understand that it was something I was working towards and why didn’t he just reach out to help me? Immaturity? I don’t understand why men have to be so cruel to women. Especially me. Why not share knowledge or share wealth? Why does it have to be hatred and hurt that you men spread? I reached out to him years ago when I found out is true identity and asked him why didn’t he just help me if he thought I wasn’t smart enough. He didn’t respond. I spent time trying to take up for myself against him and a few others on YouTube. Eventually it just got to be just too much. Just a bunch of foolishness. For what though? Entertainment? Likes? Views? Was it worth all of that? The internet doesn’t effect my life in a personal way usually. Because I use it as a professional place. Once I became pregnant with my son. I showed a level of vulnerability that most women would have been afraid to. The backlash from that made me feel like I was the only girl in my Computer and Information Sciences class ALL OVER AGAIN. So many men swarmed my channel with insults. They took so much delight in the fact that someone I loved left me pregnant and to die inside of a hotel room. Even…This man tried to convinced everyone that I was lying about my pregnancy. And when I moved to California after asking for donations, this man made videos saying that I was only moving there to get financial benefits from the Government. That I was only getting pregnant so I could get money from a man. He was so disrespectful.
I showed my mother this picture of him today. She said he was handsome. I told her I will never be able to understand how a man who seemingly has everything going for himself would waste his time speaking so derogatory about me.
Just off of this picture alone women would be interested in this man. Once they picked up on his financial backing, educational history or work history, they’d be even more interested. Speaking of work history he looked up mine. Found me on LinkedIn. A profile that I barely updated that did not include anything major in regards to what I knew about Software Engineering. He then pieced it a part to try to make it seem like I could never be a Computer Engineer. Why would he do such a thing? Then he put even more energy into trying to hurt me by saying I stole money from charities and that I commit tax fraud. Why would any man sit up and make up all of these stories about a woman he never met, let alone a man as successful and attractive as this man? That’s all I kept saying to myself over and over as I’d see him continue to post videos about me on his channels. It didn’t make sense in my mind. And for him to have done it for so long I was surprised that I could even hold his attention that long. It just seemed beneath him to do such a thing. I just couldn’t believe it. Most of the time responding to him wasn’t even something I wanted to do. I just tried to ignore him. I ended up pressing charges against him and I didn’t give the police his legal name when I could have. I gave them his alias Stupidity Exodus.
No one understood me. He didn’t at all. He assumed. I felt so sad for him. But to feel sorry for him only would display weakness. And my weaknesses his what he fed off of. I started to realize that this has got to be some type of deep rooted thing I’ll never understand.
He posted a video one day recently that was titled “Soncerae Made Me Lose My Job” and just like that the same day it was deleted. I don’t know where he works. But I’m sure if him losing his job had any relation to me it was because he spent more time on YouTube making fun of me than he did actually doing his job. I hope that did not happen to him.
Contrary to what people say about me, I don’t wish bad on anyone. With the exception of Sonya & Priest. That’s going to take me a while to stop feeling. For real. Seriously, I definitely don’t wish bad on anyone I haven’t met even if they tried to ruin my life by using YouTube or any other social media platform. I’m just not built that way.
Sometimes I wish that people could see me. The real me. Not who they assume I am. Or who they wish I was. But ME. But not everyone has the privilege. Because I’m not for everyone. Not everyone is going to be equipped with what is necessary to be able to see me for me.
One thing that this man has taught me is that no matter how much money you have, no matter how far away you travel, no matter how much fun you have none of that can bring happiness. Happiness is an inside job. Happy people do not harass anyone. Happy people do not make fun of anyone. His life isn’t as fulfilling as he makes it seems. How can a man who seemingly has it all also have cruel intentions pointed directly at me?
I saw a comment he made recently on another content creator’s video that included a statement that said “You are a predator like Soncerae” I was like how could this man who harassed and stalked me for almost three years say that I’m a predator? As if I came after him. Or harmed him. He’s even mad at people who have defended me against people who have also caused me harm. Why does this man hate me so much when I have done nothing to him? Others have asked him that and even the response he gives has nothing to do with what I’ve done to him directly or to anyone else directly. It’s like he’s trying to find a reason to justify it. Any excuse he can give.
Wealth and happiness are not positively correlated. Could it be isolation that makes him so cruel? I will never understand this. I will never understand why people simply hate because they can. Especially not people who “have a life.”
Because of this man and plenty of others I will never trust anyone with my life. Men like this one make it easy for me not to date…. Make it easy for me not to work with men or encourage men. My son is 4 months old at the time I wrote this blog. I wish my son will grow up to be nothing like the men that have effected my life negatively.
Instead of this man being Carlyle, a positive role model for young men and women he chooses to use his time on YouTube as Stupidity Exodus, a troll who makes fun of me. I can’t imagine what people are going through that would make them want to make choices like this. My life is so hard and even through all of the pain and sadness I’ve felt majority of my life I’d never do the cruel things this man has done to me.
Please don’t use the internet to bring people down. You never know who you hurt. You never know who sees you. You never know how powerful your presence is in regards to someone else’s life.
He finally admitted on another person’s comment section that he is Stupidity Exodus however he’s tried to convince me several times that Carlyle is not his real identity. Most of the videos he created about have been removed by YouTube or he’s set them as private. But the damage is already done.
I’ve known his true identity for over two years now and I wish him nothing but the best in real life. To me he is a failure and I hope he soon improves.