Just recently I posted a podcast on my YouTube channel. It was called “What Should Be Said About Fathers Who Check Out” Inside of it I spoke about absent fathers who weren’t taught how to respect their legacy or lineage. What never seems to surprise me is the response that women who enable men have. When women share their stories of being misled, abused, hurt, maybe even assaulted or raped. The response is always… How could her behavior have been different? How could she have modified her actions and her thinking to change the outcome and prevent it. How well did she know this man? Wait….he was SEPARATED? Oh this is her fault….she’s a side chick. She’s a mistress. Oh wait she knew his estranged wife?! Maybe she tricked his wife? Are you all kidding me? When a person is mugged, we don’t tell them that they didn’t fight back correctly or hold onto their purse tightly enough. When they are telling their story of being robbed we typically do not call these people liars, persecute them for coming forward, tell them it’s their fault, it’s karma or accuse them of only wanting attention.
I have never presented myself as a victim. I never blame him for the choices I made. I made them. I always talk about what I have survived. I’ve taken accountability for the poor choices I made and I encourage women to not make those same poor choices in ALL OF MY COMMENTARY.
In the comment section of this specific podcast/YouTube Video Upload An enabler of men “Ms. Royal Blue” came into my comment section with this comment disregarding the entire point of the podcast:
You have to take personal accountability for the situation you put yourself in. YOU chose to mess with a man that was married still. YOU thought that is was going to work out. YOU need to stop acting like the victim. You made poor decisions all the way around. Who gets with a man that is not out of a marriage yet and expects success? A FOOL and by the looks of it one who thinks she wise. HE WAS A KARMIC RELATIONSHIP THAT WAS MEANT TO TEACH HOW TO RESPECT YOURSELF. It was test that you failed and it appears you still haven’t gotten the lesson. You have a lot to say about him but what about you take a look in the mirror. You are a reflection of what you attract.
Let’s break this comment down in pieces.
Keep in mind that, The podcast was about absent fathers not caring about their legacy. I have no control over Priest, (my son’s father) and his attitude towards his own life.
She said: You have to take personal accountability for the situation you put yourself in.
As if I didn’t speak on my personal responsibility inside of the entire situation in this podcast like I do in all of the others as well.
She said: YOU chose to mess with a man that was married still. YOU thought that is was going to work out. YOU need to stop acting like the victim.
No matter how many times I keep telling these birds that I’m a survivor the dustbunnies still don’t get it. I did NOT choose to be manipulated by a man. Priest is LEGALLY DIVORCED and was a couple of kilometers away from it when I met him. Maybe you should stop victim shaming someone who isn’t a victim. And also keep in mind the man I’m speaking of is NOT innocent. I didn’t ask to be put inside of this terrible situation. If I knew what I know now I would’ve held my standard to not dating anyone who has ever thought about marrying someone else and that including divorcees. I continue to tell women to NOT choose these type of men regardless to relationship status. His relationship status isn’t what made Priest a bad man for me. It was his character. Yet still a bird is going out her way to continue to throw this is my face. Trying to purposely humiliate another woman.
SHE SAID: You made poor decisions all the way around. Who gets with a man that is not out of a marriage yet and expects success?
Again, saying something to me that I have expressed on a number of occasions is productive in what way? Holier than thou the bird comes in callously with no regard for my feelings nor holding this man accountable at all like his behavior is my fault.
SHE CONTINUES: A FOOL and by the looks of it one who thinks she wise. HE WAS A KARMIC RELATIONSHIP THAT WAS MEANT TO TEACH HOW TO RESPECT YOURSELF. It was test that you failed and it appears you still haven’t gotten the lesson.
This very podcast she is commenting on just like every other video I post is about what I learn and how I want women and men to both have more respect for themselves so they can be in a better situation. This is what I said….she’s repeating after me like a parrot. However she’s believes she’s coming in my comment section with a new revelation. It appears to me that she didn’t come in my comment section meaning well or to display logic. The comment is EMOTIONAL. She came into it to be hurtful, extra and to put me down. She didn’t even bother listening to what I was saying or listening to other podcasts. She just came in guns blazing. That’s what most people do on social media. They talk too much and don’t listen. If I didn’t learn the lesson the podcast wouldn’t exist. The entire point of me continuing to talk about this is to teach what I’ve learned.
NOT ONE TIME HAS THIS BIRD MENTIONED THAT A FATHER ABANDONED HIS CHILD!!! SHE HAS DECIDED TO NOT ADDRESS THAT PROBLEM AT ALL. EVEN THOUGH THE MAIN TOPIC OF THIS PODCAST IS ABOUT THAT.
SHE SAID: You have a lot to say about him but what about you take a look in the mirror. You are a reflection of what you attract.
Ofcourse I have a lot to say about him because none of you are holding that turd accountable. I hold him accountable for abandoning his son. My son’s father was SEPARATED when I met him. NOT MARRIED, NOT WIDOWED, NOT DIVORCED. SEPARATED! Something that grown ups do. He is now DIVORCED. His relationship status does not effect how he should treat a child. This is what is idiotic about this entire comment. This bird is stuck on the fact that this man was in the process of moving on with his life. From one marriage to another. It didn’t work out. Fine, that’s what happens in a relationship sometimes. But to skip out on your kid is ALL HIM. That has nothing to do with me no matter how much this bird wishes it does.
Blame me for the demise of the relationship.
Blame me for dating him while he was in a transitional phase.
Hell, Blame me for trusting a manipulative narcissist….sure.
Blame me for my disparaging remarks about his dumb ass, that makes sense.
BUT STOP BLAMING ME FOR THIS MAN ABANDONING HIS CHILD!
There will never be any excuse or justification for Priest abandoning Justice PERIOD. You all want to sweep his indiscretions under the rug, feel free. You all want to over look Priest’s level of dysfunction, do it. But I will not join you in your celebration and enable him. Priest and I discussed having children and he claimed he wanted them. Justice came earlier than we planned. Justice is a gift from God. I wasn’t ready for it so I got ready. Don’t tell me I lack respect for myself when you don’t even have the decency to address something as savage as a man abandoning a child. Have this same nasty ass energy when you speak about him and stop making it seem like he’s innocent and I don’t take accountability. The entire purpose of all of my podcasts and livestreams are to teach women NOT to do what I did. If I wasn’t taking accountability I’d stop talking about it altogether. I’d never mention it. That’s what people do when they don’t want to be responsible for a poor decision. They run from it. Just like Priest ran.
You bitches need to learn something about me fast and in a hurry. I love myself and I love my son. Niggas like Priest get away with fuck shit because dust bunnies like this one think they are Iyanla Vanzant and want to preach to another woman about a topic that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. The podcast was about absent fathers not caring about their legacy. Not broken relationships and the karmic lessons we need to learn from them. Before you can get on my level you have to graduate from the school of logic. These irrational comments are what annoy me most about social media. People don’t comment to empower. They come to disempower and hurt people. We are women. There is no reason this dustbunny should have come into my comment section saying any of this. Defending a man who abandoned his child. Excusing him of all wrongdoing and attacking me and my authenticity.
For those females and males who continue to not be able to comprehend the basic messages in my commentary you need to excuse yourself. I do not have enough time or crayons to be able to draw this out for you. This is very simple and some people insist on complicating it. The podcast was about absent fathers not caring about their legacy. I have no control over this man and his attitude towards his own life.
The way my relationship went with my son’s father is unfortunate. I was manipulated by Priest, the man I love. As well as his mother, someone I tried to build a friendship with. SaDonya, his estranged wife who seemingly wanted to help both Priest & I move forward. I wasn’t this man’s side chick. I wasn’t this man’s mistress. I was kind to him, respected him, loved him and planned my future with him and it didn’t work out. That’s not my biggest issue. I got over that!
My issue is how Priest mistreats our son.
Just like Priest avoids topics that are relative to Justice so did this female in my comment section. A man is someone who accepts accountability for their actions and owns up to them, no matter what. This isn’t the easiest thing to do and accountability isn’t really being taught to men. It’s taught to women. That’s why it’s so easy for this bird to come into my comment section with this mess.
When men abandon children they are afraid. Address Priest’s fear.
When men abandon children they are selfish. Address Priest’s selfishness.
When men abandon children they weren’t taught to take accountability. Address Priest’s inability to take accountability.
When men abandon children they think they aren’t good enough. Address Priest’s lack of confidence.
When men abandon children they feel shame and discomfort. Address Priest’s keeping distance because of it.
When men abandon children they have abandonment issues themselves. Address Priest’s phobia of being left behind and how he begged me not to leave him yet left us.
When men abandon children usually they are untrustworthy and lack the ability to cooperate with the mother’s of their children. Address how both of us feel like the lack of trust will not allow us to cooperate with each other and seems not even worth the effort.
There are some divorced men that abandon their children. Their are also some men who aren’t emotionally tied to the women they have a child by YET they still take care of their children. The real problem is that once a man decides against raising his child no matter what the circumstances, he has traveled beyond the boundaries of what makes sense. He’s acting selfishly and has no idea the damage he will inflict upon his child by his absence. A man is no less a man for having fears, but what separates the men from the boys is that men ultimately face their fears head-on with courage, hope, and faith.
Why did she feel comfortable with placing the blame all on me? Suggesting I look in the mirror. When the entire point of me continuing to tell this story is so it will help other men and women not make the poor choice I made or that Priest made. Why do women like this misunderstand me? This blog wasn’t about ME it was about FATHERS WHO ABANDON THEIR CHILDREN. WHY DO WE KEEP OVERLOOKING THE TERRIBLE SHIT MEN DO!? Forget that he manipulated me? Forget that he left me to die in a hotel? Forget that he abandoned a child! Let’s chastise Soncerae for being hurt and making a poor choice.
In our society, men get away with a lot of things. They beat their wives, force their young daughters to get married, or check their hymen’s on some T.I. shit, touch and grope women on the streets, try to make women uncomfortable with their constant staring, they molest and rape children and women, and all we have to say at the end of the day is that men will be men. A woman cannot even take a step out of her house without being reminded of her sins from a decade ago and how she will end up in hell. Meanwhile I man can commit a heinous act against a woman an hour ago and no one acknowledges it. Why is masculinity classified as “anything a man who is slick enough can get away with.”???? What is that about?
I’m a fool for trusting this man right? We’ll you’re the bigger fool for not holding him accountable for toying with me and my child’s life. This isn’t about me being a victim. This is about what I survived!!!!! Yes it was hard but I did it! I got up out of that hotel and got my life together, without him. I was pregnant and severely ill and still did it. He could’ve did it as well. Why aren’t my improvements or accomplishments celebrated? Why is his lack of determination or motivation ignored? Why do we scapegoat women for a man’s poor behavior? Like I made this man do all of these terrible things! Don’t give me that I am what I attract bullcrap. ONE THING NONE OF US WILL BE ABLE TO DO REGARDLESS TO WHETHER OR NOT OUR CHAKRAS ARE ALIGNED IS CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE!
People keep defining this man’s role in child’s life dependent upon him being on child support or him being married, separated, divorced from another woman. They normalize him not contacting his child perceiving him as doing what’s right because our child together is supposedly the “illegitimate child”. Like he wasn’t his ex wife’s second husband, they don’t have children together and she has 3 kids from a previous marriage. His relationship status with me or her has nothing to do with what kind of father this man should be. Husband, fiance, boyfriend, father, uncle, brother are all different roles. You can be one without the other in situations like this one.
No matter what your perspective of reality is. No matter how many excuses you give this man. No matter how emotional you are or how much you hate me. I have no control over this man and his attitude towards his own life. Him abandoning our son is the worse thing a person can do to another. Nothing I’ve ever done will be worse than that. NOTHING.