Tag Archives: single fathers

Stop Raising Baby Mamas and Daddies! 3 Ways to Break the Cycle Now

Written By: Kei Latrice

Okay, you might be asking yourself, is it really possible to raise a child to become a baby mama or daddy? Like, are parents actually out here training their kids to be solo-dolo moms and dads, for God sakes? Or, better yet, I know a few of you are rolling your eyes, thinking, “here comes another self-righteous asshole looking down their nose on non-married people with kids!”– I get it. Parenthood is hard enough, especially when the task is taken on alone, or even as part of a co-parent situation; the last thing any single parent needs, then, is another conservative, “Yaaay, I dodged a bullet”, know it all, telling them how to raise, or in this case, not raise their kids.

So, I’m not going to do that– pass judgment, that is. Instead, I’m going to use those three fingers that always point back at someone, when one points out of course, to tell my own story in three parts. So here goes: The first thing I should note, is that I am married, although most people already know that. Number two–My husband and I have five children, which many of my readers already know as well. Number three, however, is what might be more of a shocker– and that is how I was not married when I conceived my first child. Feel free to clutch your pearls and gasp!

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So babe, how you feeling our new apartment?

See, what had happened was this, Des, (who was just my boyfriend at the time), and I, thought it would be a great idea for me to ditch my graduate school dormitory, and for him to move out of his slum lord apartment, so that the two of us could shack up. It just made sense. We could save on bills, enjoy movie nights and pizza in bed whenever we wanted to, and most importantly, have easy access to early morning sex– a duh! I mean, what twenty-something year old wouldn’t want that? Everything was perfect– even without furniture and in spite of our overpriced rent, until the day I regailed that extra pink line on my doomsday, I mean pregnancy stick.

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Oh hell no– it’s really two lines on here!

Of course I was shocked; the trepidation of not knowing what my life would look like with a child, replaced what should have been a feeling of joy. Des and I had talked about getting married, eventually, but nothing was set in stone. I’ll never forget the day we told my mother: in a restaurant, over pasta and salad, we showed her our plastic truth stick (gross, I know, but hey, we were twenty-ish and dumb) and my mom simply cried. Later, she admitted that her worst fears had come true: I was unmarried and pregnant and might have to raise a child alone.

Be sure to check out Soncerae’s latest PODCAST Baby Mama VS Baby Daddy… Can’t We Just Be Family? Episode 41 – The God Queen Live Podcast

But now, let’s talk about how crazy both of our reactions were, (my mother’s and mine), especially since there had been no Whodini stunt, nor was I the victim of an immaculate conception. I got pregnant the good old fashioned way because we weren’t using protection. It really shouldn’t have been a shock. More importantly, though, the title of baby mama was the very status that I had been groomed for from childhood, and I would have become that, had it not been for our (shotgun) wedding. Let me explain how:

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The Married Couple I knew. We hung out with them every Thursday at 8.

I Had Little to No Examples! Virtually every woman I knew growing up, raised their children without fathers in the home. That was my norm. Fathers came around, sometimes, and gave financial support, occasionally. They rarely lived with the women they had children with and they certainly weren’t married. The married couples I saw growing up were either on television, or, if I encountered them in real life, they didn’t look like me.

My Bar Wasn’t Set That High. In grade school, my aunt promised me $100 if remained childless until after my high school graduation. In my family, having a baby before marriage wasn’t what brought you shame, it was more so being a teenaged mom. At around 19, this same aunt gave me the conception green light. I’d not only graduated from high school, but I was also working, and (in her eyes) somewhat self-sufficient. This meant I’d met my family childbirth standards and could now get pregnant without being shunned. As for my mother and her opinion on the subject, well, let’s just say I had her example, instead of her words.

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Me making it to graduation baby free!

I Had No Actionable Plan. So this one was a bit trickier; as far as having children and being married, I knew I wanted both, but I never really considered the order in which I’d get them. If I had actually taken the time to think about it, I might have been just a little more hesitant about that whole shack up and anytime sex situation with Des. I also would have likely been prepared for, and thus excited about my first pregnancy, instead of just surprised and confused.

My mother, my aunt, and all the women in my family did the best they could to steer me in a positive direction, still they couldn’t prepare me for what they didn’t know. Now, I have the benefit of using the blueprint of their lives and combining it with mine, to help my sons and daughters make better choices. Here’s how:

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I Always Speak of Their (future) Husbands and Wives. Little girls love to fantasize; I know from personal experience, and now having two daughter of my own, I see it with them even more. When they speak on boyfriends, or love, or dating, however, I make make it a point to tie those things to their future husband. For example, if my daughter, who is ten, mentions dating, I’ll say something to this effect, “never date someone who wouldn’t make a good husband.” Then we’ll go into all the things that make a man husband material. Or, when my youngest daughter talks about being a mommy, I always address the topic in a plural sense. So, for example, I’ll say, “when you and your husband have a baby,” or, “you need to be married first,”. I do the same thing with my sons. “Never have sex with a woman you couldn’t see being your wife,” is something I say to them often. When my sons balk at doing hard tasks, I’ll remind them of the wife and children who’ll one day depend on them. The takeaway is this: This type of dialogue lets our children know what our family expectations are and helps them to develop a marital mindset.

I Put My Own Marriage on a Pedestal. Ask any one of my children who my favorite person is and even my youngest, who is five, will answer “Dad”. In fact, my kids often tease me when I whine about missing Des and say, “Sheesh, Dad hasn’t even been gone that long.”, but I can’t help it. Yes, I absolutely adore my children; Each one occupies a piece of my heart that makes up one whole. Nevertheless, as much as I love them, their Father is the one person I most want to spend time with, cuddle with, hang out with, and talk to, because he was there before them and will (fingers crossed) be there after they’ve gotten families of their own. The Takeaway is this: We’re instilling in our children the critical importance of putting your marriage first and that successful families have a natural and meaningful order.

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When you and hubby are each other’s favorite person!

I Encourage Them To Be Intentional. When it came to areas such as education and career, I knew exactly what I wanted to achieve and how to accomplish it. Regarding love and starting a family, however, I was way more willy-nilly and unprepared. That’s why I’m teaching my children to be methodical about both. For instance, I pose questions that make them think about how a family will fit into their long term goals. I advise them about the pitfalls of reckless sex and ways of avoiding them, and I give them examples of how their choices will effect them for generations. The Takeaway is this: We are instilling into our children the concept that planning for a family is as crucial, if not more so, than planning for an education or career.

Now, for the critics– the ones who’ll point out that there aren’t any guarantees; the ones who’ll swear that kids are going to do what they want regardless, I’d tell them all that they’re right. See, our children have these peculiar things in them called, minds of their own. Despite all of our teachings and best efforts, they will ultimately make their own decisions in life. Still, the optimist in me can’t help but try anyway. Sure, I could miss the mark as a parent, in getting them to not be a baby mama or daddy, but, I will absolutely miss it if I just do nothing. I’d say, I have a good 50/50 chance. Plus, I already have proof this goal is acheivable. I came from a clan full a baby mama’s, and now just look at me– I’m a stressed-out happily married mother of five nerve-wracking beautiful kids. That’s a hell-of-enough evidence for me!

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Babe, we did it! We actually pulled this thing off!!!

Tell us what you think? Are parent’s really out here raising kids up to be baby mamas and daddies? If so, tell us how and if not, tell us why? We want to hear from you!

Stop Raising Baby Mamas and Daddies! 3 Ways to Break the Cycle Now original post https://thetalkship.com/2019/05/16/stop-raising-baby-mamas-and-daddies/

Written By: Kei Latrice

Be sure to check out my latest PODCAST Baby Mama VS Baby Daddy… Can’t We Just Be Family? Episode 41 – The God Queen Live Podcast

Why I Opened Up A Trust Fund For My Son

One of the first things I did after I gave birth was open up a trust fund for my son. After, being homeless and pregnant, abandoned by his father and moving 2,000 miles away from Georgia to California. So I could have a better life, I promised myself I’d never live another day in poverty and neither will my children. My oldest Daughter Dominique, 19, has lived a life of privilege because both her dad and I were able to provide a good life for her. She also experienced life without the financial assistance of her dad and I. On the road to financial freedom I wanted to make sure that both of my children understand generational wealth and the lack thereof. As a single mother, society often pins the poverty ball and chain to our ankles. As if the absence of a man, father or husband deems us incompetent. Granted 100 years ago there were things women weren’t allowed to do. Like, vote, stand up against sexual harassment, get a credit card, serve on a jury, run a marathon, attend an Ivy League college, stay on the job during pregnancy, be taken serious in the military or on the police force, or get an abortion. Thanks to the feminists now we get to tie our own shoes and everything.

There are some disadvantages of being a single mother and one is a decreased income after divorce or break ups. What slips everyone’s mind is that the man leaving the marriage also takes a financial hit. If after a divorce a husband becomes a single father would people suddenly disrespect him how they do single mothers? No! They’d praise him for standing up and taking care of his children without their mother. Of course family income is great. There is a partnership in place there. If you are married the joint income is highly beneficial. If you’ve never been married and receive child support benefits or not you can still have financial stability. People forget to mention how empowering it is to do things on your own regardless of your gender.

YOU get to decide how to spend your money.

YOU make the financial plans.

YOU will also be able to help your children understand finances and teach them to manage money better.

Being a single parent will mean that you help your child be a team player and work together as a team, instead of making your child rely on you for every little thing. Your child will learn the importance of planning and handling his or her actions. When you want to do something for the house, such as get a new piece of furniture or even go grocery shopping, chances are you will always ask your child for their opinion. Not only will it make your child feel important, but it will also instill a sense of responsibility that will come from participating in team work and everyday decision-making process. – Debolina Raja

Of course we as single mothers need a support system. But the outdated stigma placed on us has begin to remove itself. People are starting to understand that a single parent home is just a different home not a broken one.

Children in single parent families spend more one-on-one time with their parent. This allows the two to establish a closer bond with one another.

Children from single parent homes are taught how to be responsible early on.

Independence develops early on, making the child come out ahead of others his or her age in that regard.

Two parents aren’t necessary for success. Friends and relatives of either gender can teach children. There are children who still end up being great human beings because they at least had 1 great parent. All it takes is a good loving disciplined environment for a child to turn out well rounded whether they are raised by a male or female, parent or guardian. It takes a village, I say. I need all of the positive collaborators I can stand. A child doesn’t need just his father or just his mother. A household doesn’t come crumbling to the ground simply because a man isn’t present in it. Children do step outside of their homes and run into all types of influences that can be detrimental or helpful to the process of their growth.

Fortunately, for me I am not on government assistance. I was encouraged to do so and some people even refuse to believe to this day that I’m not on it. Even though SECTION 8 is closed in San Francisco people automatically assumed I was on it once I moved into one of my new homes earlier this year. Instead of celebrating that I went from homelessness to now living in a beautiful home, they begin to discredit my efforts and improvements. Some assumed I’d stay homeless forever. Not realizing that I am a college educated, very determined, intelligent woman who also happens to be resourceful. I made a poor choice in trusting a man to lead me. Trusting him with my survival turned out to be detrimental to me and the son we conceived together.

Contrary to what’s being force fed to the masses these stereotypes hold no validity to me and the single mothers I associated with:

Single moms are the least likely women to get married or remarried.

Children in single-parent families always have deficits, do poorly in school and suffer emotionally and behaviorally.”

Children raised by single moms actually resent and hate their mothers”

Single mothers are unable to give their sons the upbringing that they need and once they have to face the world, they prove to be failures since they lacked a man living at home.

Youth raised by a single mom are at higher risk for substance abuse.

Children are at greater risk of physical abuse in single mother households than in single father households.

High Youth Crime Rates are a direct result of not having a father at home.

Single moms are lonely and have a hard time finding a new man.

A child is better off with wealth than with her own mother.

Children growing up without a father in the home are more than twice as likely to end up in jail.

Not only am I proof that all of those statements are untrue. I am not the only adult who was raised in a single parent home that turned out decent. Of course I’ve made mistakes just like the average person but this wasn’t because I was sporadically raised by a single mother. It’s because I was not taught certain things that most parents both mother and father teach their children. I learned from valuable lessons from the people in my family as well as some poor habits. My mom was somewhat negligent. Mainly because of her work schedule and tending to my step father and his shenanigans. Don’t get me started on that. After meeting my biological Father I’m glad she kept him away from me. He was a mess. He was dishonorably discharged from the military…..let that sit with you.

My mother was an accountant. She didn’t teach me much about accounting. She just handed me a check book with my name on it. I was confused. I’ve always had an interest in finance, economics, business, technology, psychology, sociology, spirituality and metaphysics. I knew one day that these interests would generate me multiple sources of income. I started my first job at 15 and my first business at 18. I am currently a business owner. I love what I do. There is still room for improvement.

Be sure to check out richsinglemomma.com to get tips on how to improve your finances.

This ride has been a wild one though. I’ve been evicted twice and homeless twice. Let me just say homeless and pregnant is much more severe that my college days of sleeping on my friend’s couch and eating top ramen, oriental flavor. This was a whole different level. Ending up in a domestic violence shelter and not knowing where my next meal would come from is terrifying. So now more than ever I think about what I’d do in the future in case something drastic happens. It’s all about simply making better choices. Like choosing a credit union instead of a traditional bank account, avoiding debt and not relying on a man to provide for me and my children. It makes no sense for women to be out here screaming “MISS INDEPENDENT” then the second they have a child they want to rely on a man for financial stability. Feminists have been out here fighting for us to do our own thing. Stop relying on these men for your survival. Co parenting and even marriage are a partnership. If you choose the wrong man you will still be living in poverty whether you are married to him or not.

Like I told YouTuber Paris Milan after her community post:

Oooh chile, y’all triggered on the last post. According to y’all, majority of single mothers became that way after a divorce, widowed, or if they had em out oow then they are NOT struggling financially. My question is, does a man’s income whom you have your child with, NOT make a difference? Is that a figment of my imagination?

I said: Majority of the single moms I know in Northern California are divorced and arent black. It isnt a man’s income that’s important. It’s his ability to be committed to the partnership. We can make money together. If his income matters SO DOES MINE. We are a team.

A friend of mine and I were discussing my interest in opening a Laundromat and buying into a Franchise. He told me that he and his wife opened a laundromat then bought a Chick-Fil-A. She has since passed away and he just closed on an apartment building. They were both making 6 figures a year and they have 2 children. He is a single father now. Had the shoe been on the other foot she would’ve done the same thing he did for their children. He said it was her that believed in him and saw in him what he didn’t see in himself. She helped him become successful before she passed away. Yes a blessed union between two people is admirable but at the same time if something happens to one parent the other needs to kick into gear.

My son’s father was not in the best place financially when my son was born. I knew he wasn’t financially stable when I met him. So my goal was to encourage him to improve. When I met him I was financially getting back on my feet from a hard hit. Then my pregnancy threw me for a loop and I was struggling myself, AGAIN. My son’s father was no help. While severely ill instead of him working harder to keep us afloat until I could get back in place he ran and left me to fend for myself. He encouraged me to move back in with my ex. Like that made sense. I was supposed to ask my ex to let me move in with him while I’m pregnant by another man? What type of Maury Povich, Love & Hip Hop bullshit was he on? It wasn’t until months later I realized that he asked me to move in with my ex because his ex was his crutch and he could go move in with her with ease. She played his momma on more than one occasion. I ended up in a roach motel doing crowd funding and asking for donations from people I knew on social media. It was embarrassing but I had to do it. Other people helped me moved to California. If it wasn’t for their kindness I wouldn’t be here. My son was financially taken care of the first year of his life. We had raised a lot of money. He had all of the clothes and toys he needed. I owe my friends, family, associates, business partners and supporters my life. Had they not been pulling for me and wanting me to get out of the mess I was in I don’t think I would’ve made it.

My 19 year old daughter, Dominique and I talk about generational wealth all of the time. We think about multiple ways to generate income that will last in our family for centuries. We want to give our kids and our kids, kids something to build off of. I’ve taught her the important of building and investing her money. She uses an app called Acorns to help her with her investments and uses CashApp for her bitcoins. I was so proud of her this morning when I dropped her off at the San Francisco International Airport. She was dressed in her business casual attire, ready to hop on a first class United Airlines flight. She was headed to Washington, DC to see her Father and his side of the family. The fact that my daughter has been on an airplane under the age of 21 3x the amount of times I took flight under that age is impressive. She is simply a better version of me. It’s extraordinary. Not only is she investing in herself I myself have invested in a life insurance policy and an irrevocable trust fund for my son. I can place cash, stock, real estate or other valuable assets in his trust. My goal is to put whatever property I purchase after buying into a franchise into my son’s trust. He will only be able to receive monthly payments from his trust AFTER he has completed 4 years of college. The stipulation is that he has to complete 4 years of college and receive a Bachelor’s Degree before he is 25 years of age. Or he can use the money if he has expenses due to an injury or disability. The child support payments that are currently being garnished from his Father’s pay are going into his trust fund account. The goal is to make this a lasting legacy for my grandchildren as well.

Living in San Francisco, California, I am in a completely different tax bracket than I was when I resided in Atlanta, Georgia. We are all millionaires here. It’s another standard of living. I wanted to challenge myself. I have and I’ve grown. Something as simple as learning what a net income is, or what EBITDA stands for is a good place to start for anyone on the path to financial freedom. Everything is a learning process. I’ve taken my experiences and used them as a way to motivate myself to not only generate more money but to manage it better. My legacy has always been important to me. Becoming an exceptional mother is a the top of that list. Part of what makes me a good mom is being able to provide for my children and teach them how to be self sufficient. My son is 16 months old now by the time he turns 18 he will be a multi-millionaire. I’ll make sure of it.

Sis, This Is Why Your “Baby Daddy” Is Avoiding You

The way that Black Men continue to justify them abandoning their children paralyzes our community entirely. The “Single Mother” is always the one that is blamed when these men walk away from their children only out of convenience for them. When my son’s father contacted me (from work) , during my 5th month of pregnancy, to tell me he wanted to get back with his ex and that he didn’t want our baby the public pressured me to still give this man endless opportunities to be inside of our son’s life. Forget the fact that this man publicly humiliated me and left me to die in a cheap nasty stinky roach infested hotel BROKE and SICK during a high risk pregnancy. Forget that us going to an extended stay hotel was his idea. It was his fault we hadn’t moved into an apartment yet. Those #facts amongst plenty more are evidence that this man’s character is questionable in general. But fuck that, Let’s just convince Soncerae that she needs to make sure this toxic man continues to have access to her and her son. As if abuse and negligence can’t be passed down to another generation. I’m sure he picked it up from somewhere.

Earlier today I was doing a livestream for single mothers. Attempting to explain to them why the fathers of their children were avoiding them. (CLICK PICTURE ABOVE) During this livestream a few people came into my LIVECHAT reminding me of the false narrative regarding my son’s father. It was a comment I saw on another video that also made me realize that the story behind why my son and his father haven’t met is the typical story men assign to EVERY situation. Just soo they can justify a man not physically being there for his child. I’m assuming it’s a part of the boy code to justify a man abandoning his own child. It’s just automatically the mother’s fault. The one that didn’t get an abortion. The one that didn’t put her child up for adoption. Yep, she’s the reason that man left and shouldn’t be held accountable. Here are the typical excuses people give men who are absentee fathers. These are the reasons people give me for why my son’s father decided to not be in our son’s life.

Excuse #1 – YOU PUT HIM ON CHILD SUPPORT

I’ve always hated the concept of child support. I thought it was cop out for men. It is not a substitution for being a father. IDK why men think tossing chump change to the mother of their child monthly is like some remarkable act of kindness and that we should be jumping for pure joy every time we see it. The average hard working everyday man is barely making any real man money to begin with. IDK why these men think Single Mothers are so pressed for $2. Most single mothers don’t even bother filing for child support to begin with.

My son’s father asked to be on child support. It was his idea for me to file. He brought it up during my pregnancy and insisted that he’d pay it. I only wanted DNA testing. That’s what made me file. He publicly humiliated me by telling people that I was trying to pin a baby on him that wasn’t his. I proved myself.

We spoke about getting DNA testing outside of court but we could not agree on the way to handle it. Filing for child support eliminated a lot of unnecessary drama. He didn’t want to deal with me. I didn’t want to deal with him. After he was on it he tried to get me to take him off it implying that if I didn’t do so he was going to make things more complicated for us. When actually it organized things. I didn’t take the threat of him purposely ruining my life, any further, serious. His pay is now garnished. His child support goes into my son’s trust fund “Happyness Seeds”.

Child support is not a substitution for FATHERHOOD. So to say me filing child support STOPPED him from being a father is nonsense. Men don’t want to be on it because it forces them to be responsible. They use a woman filing as way to justify why they behave immaturely. As if her behavior is the catalyst for why he’s choosing to distance himself from his own children. And none of you see how much sense that doesn’t make?

Excuse #2 – YOU TRAPPED HIM WITH PREGNANCY

So you mean to tell me that these grown ass men just trip over an extension cord and fall into this well designed coochie trap or twisted web of lies and deceit that somehow magically gets their sperm suctioned from their bodies while they frantically fight for their lives? Stop it ya’ll, seriously. No one with functioning brain activity is buying that brand of bullshit. Like women are walking around here trying to trap BROKE ass men. Most men are working class. Women consider having babies with you because they care for you. Not to trap you for the money you DO NOT have. This is still not reason enough to abandon a child. YOUR child.

I have a 19 year old daughter. I spent years after she was born trying to have another. I’ve had all kinds of miscarriages and unwanted medical abortions. The fact that I even ended up pregnant by this guy to begin with is an act of God. A damn unsolved mystery. Our son is the 9th wonder of the world. I’ve tried to purposely have a baby by better men with education and wealth and it didn’t happen for me. Men that actually wanted me to get pregnant. Why would I trap this guy?!? The man with no GED or decent income?!??!

Excuse #3 – HE’S MARRIED

He wasn’t married when he was banging his mistress now was he? Why be married now!??! For the record there wasn’t a damn thing about my son’s father that was married. His own faux wife wasn’t even married. When I met Priest, SaDonya was somewhere being some other man’s side chick. The Bitch was having a HOT GIRL SUMMER. She also had the balls to bring this involved man to her own apartment to meet Priest. Even encouraged Priest to have us all sit down together for dinner. What’s kind of sick and twisted “marriage” is that?! Neither one of those boneheads fooled me. They definitely threw ya’ll for a loop though. Yes, the gruesome twosome are officially and legally divorced NOW. When I was pregnant both of them, SEPARATED, tried to convince me that their arrangement based on convenient cohabitation was nothing more than a graveyard for a failed marriage. OH noooo we just friends they said….It was only during YouTube interviews that they pretended like they were this solid union and I was on this steadfast demolition project trying to take vengeance on their delicate soul tie. Priest was SaDonya’s 2nd failed marriage. When he made it seem like he left me to circle back to her ya’ll fell for that foolishness like their marriage wasn’t a landfill before I refreshed his life. What does this have to do with our son? I’ll tell you! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Father and Husband are 2 different roles regardless to who the kids or wife are or belong to! He should take responsibility for any and all children! Justice is his first born. He and SaDonya DO NOT have kids together. They were together 15 years NO KIDS! He was with me 6 months, we have a whole son! His bitch ass wasn’t married then and his bitch ass ain’t married now.

I was never Priest’s mistress. I never will be.

He was with plenty of women during their marriage. He was with other women YEARS before I came into the picture according to him. I didn’t find out until after we were in a relationship that he slept with plenty of women WITHOUT protection. Even prostitutes. So spare me with the THIS MAN IS MARRIED SO HE CAN’T TAKE CARE OF HIS KIDS BULLSHIT! There is more to marriage than a legal document obligating you to stick to someone. Your behavior must run parallel to your commitment. If you stand in a garage that doesn’t suddenly make you a Cadillac. Them two lied to me about them divorced papers being signed. Out of jealousy it was her trying to convince him our baby wasn’t his. It was her in my ear pretending she wanted to help he and I. Both of them about that drama.

Excuse #4 – IT WAS A ONE NIGHT STAND/FLING

Any woman who has had a one night stand or fling and ended up pregnant knows that the father is probably only interested in the next fling. A player rarely turns into a parent. Move on and make way for a better relationship and someone who can truly love you and your child. However, there are still men out there who are PLAYERS yet are STILL FATHERS. I know a couple of men like that in Atlanta. They have countless baby mommas but they take care of their kids though. So that is not a good excuse. Shawty Lo had a whole show about his baby mommas. Some of the mothers were bustdowns and some were relationships. He still took care of his kids.

My son’s father and I were not a one night stand. Our sex was terrible. We’ve made love maybe twice. All of the other times we had sex he either couldn’t get it up or was having an orgasm too fast. Our relationship was based on EVERYTHING healthy OUTSIDE of that. We spent more time out and about than indoors having sex. We held hands and talked more than we actually had sex. We did not have a fling. We were in a full blown relationship. We knew each other’s families and everything. This will never be a valid reason for him not to see our son.

Excuse #5 – YOU ARE KEEPING HIM AWAY FROM HIS SON

That man wants to be away. I’ve tried for two years to get this man to focus on his child instead of whatever disdain he had for me. He attempted one time to try to do the right thing. I’m done with trying to force some type of relationship on a man who doesn’t want to be there. Doing that will only teach my son to love someone that doesn’t love him. If I was deliberately keeping my son from his father it would be better that way. All his father will do is harm him. He didn’t care about our son in the womb. He didn’t show up for his birth. He didn’t even want to show up for our son’s first birthday party. I’m done trying.

Men fight for custody of their children and visitation all of the time. There would be NO WAY I could legally keep a man from a child he wants. My son’s father is not around our son because he doesn’t want to be. Not because I’m keeping him from him. But you damn straight I don’t want him around. It’s not about my feelings though. It’s about my son. His father has already proven that he doesn’t want to be in our child’s life and I have already made peace with that. I want my son to have a good father. I rather him have no father than a toxic one.

Excuse #6 – YOU ARE TOO ANGRY/YOUR FEELINGS ARE HURT

He’s lucky me telling my story publicly was all I did. He should be happy I didn’t set his ass on fire when I got my strength back. I outta send him to hell where his Luciferian ass belongs. But I have more sense than that. How is what he did to me ok in the eyes of anyone? After abandoning me in that terrible condition with child, to add insult to injury he publicly lied about me as if I was the complete opposite of who I truly was to him. Just so he could ruin my career, tarnish my image and stop my bag. What was I supposed to do? Send his ass a fruit basket? You have no idea the pain and turmoil that narcissist created. I’m tired of men doing things like this while getting a pat on the back from everyone else who has a penis. Meanwhile people are looking at me on some “shame on you” nonsense as if I was as cruel to him. All I did was SPEAK UP! Honestly. That’s nothing new! I had been speaking about him honestly on my channel when I was calling him my King who I was madly in love with. Why lie now that I’m finding out who he truly is? It’s ok to praise him publicly when he was pretending to be my knight in shining armor? But it’s not ok for me to be just as honest when the cat jumped out the bag and revealed that he was just a clown in tin foil??

Angry is an understatement. I was a number of emotions. After being vulnerable, submissive, docile and fragile with a man who only kicked me while I was down you damn right when my strength was gathered I wanted to come charging at him. I was red. My high risk pregnancy was terrible. I had no choice but to be on bedrest. I was SO SICK! It was so bad. My pregnancy was UGLY! I was so weak. I could barely eat or drink. I was nauseous, vomiting and bloated. And I was hungry at the same time. I had weird cravings. I hated how everything smelled. Everything tasted metallic. I was thirsty. I was cramping. I have a 35+ year old body. I was emotionally all over the place. My legs and waist ached terribly. My back and neck hurt. I had terrible heartburn. I kept burping. I kept having to pee. My feet and breast were swollen and sore. My breast tingled. I had migraines. I was forgetful. I was dizzy. I felt faint all of the time. I was HOT. I was sweating. I was drooling. But then sometimes my mouth would be wayyyyy to dry. My nose would bleed. I had shortness of breath. My nose was stopped up. I was exhausted. I had vivid nightmares. My boobs and stomach itched. My skin nails and hair were beautiful though. I had severely painful muscle spasms daily. Meanwhile his goofy ass was somewhere lying to the world claiming I cheated on him and our son wasn’t his. I was faithful. I gave my all to him. All he gave me was his ass to kiss. Of course I’m angry. How he treats my son makes me even more angry. But I’m working on that.

Most men run from drama and anger, especially if it is their fault. Rather than own up to it they will disappear, even if it means abandoning their child. In their mind they don’t see it as abandonment but as self-preservation. As long as I remain angry and or bitter he will avoid me and his responsibility. Just because he needs an excuse.

What does my anger have to do with him taking advantage of fathering a child that belongs to him? NOTHING.

It’s easy to avoid a woman you are not interested in dealing with. The magic about co parenting via the court is that you get to see your kids and not have to deal with the other parent. I was making it easy for him by begging him to be around. He squandered his wealtth. Now I don’t care if my son and his father never meet. I hope he hates me. …With a passion. …As much as I loved him…

Excuse #7 – HE’S EMBARRASSED

He should be. He did it to himself. He couldn’t care any less about my hurt or anger. What did he think was going to happen after he humiliated me? Lied to my family and the public pretending like he was in love and wanting to be married. He lied to my favorite people. All of my friends, my fans, my supporters! If me speaking the truth about him embarrasses him then good. He’s ashamed he has a baby he was unprepared for by a woman he played? He has a baby ON PURPOSE by a woman he didn’t even care about. That’s just stupid. But what does it have to do with taking care of your responsibility and being a father? NOTHING.

You embarrassed. Deal with it. Women have things to be embarrassed about too when the fathers of our children leave us for trivial reasons, they cheat or lie. You think we wanted to be a baby momma and not a wife? That’s embarrassing to a lot of women. We deal with it and move on. We are still moms regardless.

Excuse #8 – HE’S AFRAID

So was I! Terrified! I wasn’t ready. I had no money. No place to live. No family! I was scared but I hopped on a plane and moved 2,000 from GA to CA like a G. I started my life over. He couldn’t care any less about my hurt or anger or FEAR. Why should I be concerned about his? He is not in PAMPERS. I will save the compassion for our son. I put my big girl pants on and got to work! That’s how life works. Not everything goes how it’s planned but you fix it! You move forward! You don’t run from it. You face your fears. Us both being afraid and unprepared was the perfect opportunity to work as a team to get us both out of that situation. But was he focused on that? NO. He was worried about the scattered ass of Atlanta. He was more concerned about who could clap their ass on his lap. That is NOT an excuse to run. Period. Stare that fear in the face and tackle to the ground. I have more of a backbone than him apparently. I’m not going to be ashamed of that. He was bold enough to play with my body, my life…..even bold enough to waste his own time. I’m supposed to believe that this “fear of being a father” crap is real??

Men who are afraid of parenting, or anything need to learn one thing: HOW TO HAVE COURAGE. Courage isn’t about not being afraid. It’s about stepping out there in spite of that fear. I will never understand how a man can NOT be afraid to put his phallus in the mouth or vagina of a strange woman without protection and not be concerned about whether he gets AIDs or HIV. But turns into a complete wuss the second he believes his freedom is going to be taken away from him because he’s having a child Men have done much more dangerous things in this world daily than be a father. I’m tired of the excuses. Men father children everyday. Some even father children that aren’t their own. If you are walking around talking about you are afraid and instead of having courage YOU RAN….you are a coward. Period.

Excuse #9 – He didn’t want a baby. He asked you for an abortion.

Asking a woman to murder a child is a tall order. Expecting her to actually do it FOR YOU is even taller. You are asking a woman to put a innocent child BEFORE YOU. I’m glad my son’s father didn’t ask me to have an abortion. That was never going to happen anyway. If men don’t want children why don’t they use protection? Why do they sell women these dreams of white picket fences, dogs and nuclear families only to act brand new when the pregnancy test comes back positive? If these men don’t want babies they need to put their money where their mouth his. They need to stop thrusting their pelvises at the first “bad bitch” they see.

Other women may pacify men. Other women may enable men and justify their bullshit as a means to help them sleep better at night, but I am not the one. None of these reasons for not parenting a child you know is yours are valid.

BEING A GOOD FATHER IS A GOOD CHOICE! BEING A DEADBEAT IS A BITCH MOVE, HANDS DOWN!