Tag Archives: Single Mothers

Experiencing Online Harassment; Breaking Down The Haters

(Keep in mind that if you click any of the images inside of this blog they link to another blog entry or website. Also any underlined words are all linked to another blog entry.)What I don’t think I’ll ever understand is why some men think that it’s completely fine to harass women. Consistently speaking negatively about women. Manipulating women. Cheating on women. Gossiping about women. Abusing women. Disrespecting women. With so much ease they do this but can’t take what they dish out. If you notice my opinions as far as men go stay an isolated rant about my son’s father. He deserves every bit of negative commentary I speak about him. Yes I’ll keep speaking about it until I’m tired of doing so and not a second beforehand. It’s been 2 years since we broke up however we have a 17 month old son together that is a constant reminder of his Father and the betrayal associated with him. It’s some internet weirdos out there who actually think that because I talk about my son’s father and my real life experience with him that means it’s ok for them to harass me online. At first it took me a long time to not talk about it every day or break down crying everyday but with time I pretty much got over it. Now when I speak on my YouTube Channel, this blog or My Podcast “The God Queen Live” about my son’s father, Priest, it’s to warn women to never ever get comfortable with a separated man who is definitely headed for divorce. But most importantly don’t be so quick to trust men no matter how kind, honest, consistent, loving and attentive they are. You could be being love bombed by a narcissist. Give it time for his true colors to shine.I trusted a man. One who at the time had a seemingly estranged wife, SaDonya, who was always up in our business, playing little Facebook games. Hounding my social media profiles. What’s even more weird about her was she was oddly trying to convince me that it’s ok to move forward with her estranged husband. She was all for Priest and I being together. She gave me the go ahead and celebrated us starting a relationship while they were still going through divorce proceedings. She was head over heels for someone else she proclaimed. I spoke in specifics about her while including screenshots of her statements in this blog entry called “Cut The Bullshit” . I don’t know what possessed me to think I was safe just because Priest’s mom, brother and SaDonya told me I’d be ok. Why did I trust those people? Why didn’t it occur to me that these people could be lying to me? Of course Priest & SaDonya are officially divorced now but it happened much later than they told me it was.

I remember when Priest and I were breaking up, he believed a ton of lies people on the internet told him. He then started to accuse me of lying to him. See how comfortable he felt with listening to complete strangers about our relationship? I had never lied to him before they reached out to him so why now suddenly did he believe I’d lie to him? They didn’t even show him any type of proof my statements were lies but he just went along with it. Why was that ok to him? To simply listen to other people who were outside of our relationship? People who had never ever met us. I trusted him even though I had caught him in a few BIG lies and a shit load of small ones. I gave him a chance to prove to me that he could be an honest man and keep his promises. I was always honest with him and here he was accusing me of lying. Even if I did lie why would it be such a big issue to him after he lied so much? I deserved to be chastised because of some rumors he heard but I was supposed to simply forgive him for his indiscretion? Not only was he deceptive but he was loquacious. He told SaDonya all of our business. He’d go behind my back and talk to her about us. This woman was too involved in our relationship. She was involved with too many haters online who were known to spread hateful, false information about me.Let’s talk about my online haters in detail. I have plenty of course. It simply comes with the territory. We’ll just talk about the main ones who have caused problems in the lives of others while trying to hurt me. They kept missing the mark.Tommy Sotomayor, Minister Jap & Chris Law

I have several blog entries up on here about these stooges. I never seen men bitch so bad about women before in my life. These grown ass men behave like 3 gossip girls on a schoolyard. These men are all 3 men I rejected at some point and they still harbor some kind of pain about that. They depict to the world that I have somehow did something terrible to them. When really it isn’t about anything I’ve done to them. It’s the enjoyment they get out of degrading me. It gives them power that they don’t have in real life.Chris Law is the only one I actually had some type of interaction with. I was his side chick 10 years ago. Before he got married he and I would mess around with each other casually. We were friends who showed each other love. Yes, we’d grab dinner and play pool. We frequented bars and went to events together. He introduced me to the swinger’s lifestyle and took me to my first swingers party. It didn’t stop once he got married. It just slowed down. After his divorce from her he remarried and had another child. He showed up at my doorstep trying to restart our friendship even though he was remarried. He spoke about how he had been to counseling. He came to apologize for what he had done to me. I told him to leave the past in the past. However, he spent the next few years walking around Atlanta, Georgia with a bullhorn telling every MAN he could find that I was a hoe. It wasn’t until 2016 I got on my YouTube channel and warned women about the dangers of sleeping with married men. He caught wind and got upset. This is when he ran into Minister Jap. Both of them begin playing on my phone and doing all types of childish antics. Chris & Jap were texting me for 2 months pretending to be a woman who wanted to ask me questions about my experience with Chris. It wasn’t until Chris got frustrated because I wouldn’t speak specifics about my Order of the Eastern Star chapter. During one of those texts he admitted it was him and Jap pretending to be a woman.

Minister Jap was creating content on YouTube that was barely getting watched when I reached out and asked him to collab with me. We ended up doing one collaboration together. It can still be found on Facebook.

It was the first video we did that went viral. I was going to invest in this man’s career. I soon found out that it would not be wise to continue to interact with this man. He displayed a level of disdain for Black Single Mothers. It was unfortunate to me. Before this, he had expressed some type of romantic interest in me. It was mutual I was interested in him as well. But this disdain he had gave me pause. He made single mothers the butt of his jokes and it simply was not funny. It was insensitive and abusive. His statements were highly inappropriate and cruel. I reached out to him to tell him that I was uncomfortable with some of his material that he was posting on Facebook that was disrespectful towards women. He got belligerent and rude. He called me out my name. Once I ended the conversation I refused to answer any more of his phone calls. That’s when the stalking and harassing begin. He begin calling me 100 times a day. He’d leave disrespectful voicemails. He began threatening my life. He posted pictures of me nude he found from somewhere. He started calling me a tranny. He made fun of my sexuality and my gender. As well as my skin, hair and weight. He started reaching out to my ex partners, family members, co workers, business associates and anyone he could find that would say something negative about me. He even interviewed my ex Lloyd. Jap begin lying to people telling them I doxxed him and stalk him. He begin spreading vicious rumors about me online. Him and Chris linked up in my comment section of the very video I posted telling people to avoid being a mistress.

I found out Jap had admiration for Tommy Sotomayor from day one. Many years ago Tommy was reaching out to me on Facebook and his advances were being ignored. I was in a relationship so I couldn’t talk to other men. Tommy tried for a year to get my attention. It wasn’t until he asked me to do an interview on his YouTube channel that I responded to his messages. Once we set up a time and date I’m assuming he made an announcement on his channel. One of my fans reached out to me and told me that he was speaking negatively about me in his promotional video. So instead of jumping to conclusions I reached out to him about my concerns. He then proceeded to tell me that the negative things he said about me were the truth and that he could say what he wanted about me. I cancelled the interview with him and wished him the best. I tried to move on. He then created several more videos about me. After about the 4th or 5th video I responded. For years we begin to go back and forth on YouTube. He’d accused me of stalking him and he’d make up vicious lies and rumors. In 2013 his fanbase swarmed my comment section. He gave out my phone number on one of his videos. His fans harassed me over the phone for a week. I received thousands of hateful phone calls 24/7 by men who were harassing me about my gender and race. I received death threats and people encouraged me to commit suicide.

Once Tommy caught wind that Jap had some sort of issue with me he interviewed him for his channel. Then Chris followed also doing an interview with Tommy.After my pregnancy became public Jap reached out to me trying to convince me to break up with Priest. He called him “Dirty Dick Rodney”. When I refused, Jap reached out to Priest. Encouraging Priest to break up with me. After 2 or 3 years of bickering online about dumb shit, Priest ended up doing an interview with Tommy with SaDonya‘s dumb ass in tow. I’m sure it was Jap encouraging Priest to do it.What’s interesting about the people who chastise me the most they never take a look at themselves. Tommy Sotomayor is a deadbeat dad. He has several baby mommas. Yet he uses his platform to trash Black Women and single mothers. Like he doesn’t foster the negative relationships he has with the mothers of his children. My daughter’s father is not online complaining about our co-parenting experience at all. We have a very good comfortable loving friendship. He’d never participate in that foolishness. Priest has never met our son Justice so speaking to him about how he and I interact with each other probably wouldn’t be a good call. My son’s Godfather and I also have a very positive caring friendship and he is a really good Father to my son. But Tommy wasn’t trying to get the truth about my life he was trying to start drama. It’s a lot of men who are supportive of me and my son. Issues with men online do NOT effect my personal life. It was more men who gave me donations to help me move from Georgia to California.

 

Priest didn’t even graduate from high school. He doesn’t have a GED either. He is a blue collar worker who never attended college. He has low income if any at all. He doesn’t drive. Doesn’t have a car. Doesn’t have a home of his own. After 15 years of marriage to SaDonya he had nothing. No kids. No legacy. NOTHING. I tried to help him be a better man. We started Yahaura together. Which was the beginning of many other businesses we could’ve started together if he knew anything about loyalty and team work. Minister Jap is a drunk as well as a drug addict with a criminal record. He lives in the gutter of Chicago and only front’s like he has a life that other men should admire. However he’s just a loser with a failed rap career who harasses women to make himself feel better about his misfortune. I wanted to invest in his career that’s what made me reach out to him to begin with. I had enough money to spare and I wanted to spend it on elevating him. I wanted to help him be a better man. Out of frustration, jealousy and hatred he purposely ruined my relationship with Priest. Jap tries to make everyone believe he doesn’t continue to harass me because he doesn’t speak out about me publicly like he used to. But Jap continues to harass me behind the scenes.

Chris Law is a drunk as well. He’d drink so much he’d throw up. I don’t think I ever spent time with Chris when he wasn’t drinking. I know I’d have at least 1 drink while I was with him. Chris is on his 2nd or 3rd marriage so he was in no position to chastise me on the internet about my relationship with Priest. Chris was not man enough to openly say he made a mistake cheating on his wife. He just got online and pinned me as poisonous manipulative Jezebel with a porn star’s sex drive who made his life hell. When Chris was happy with me. All we did was laugh and have sex. No complications. I was genuinely Chris’ friend 10 YEARS AGO. I do NOT know him now but then I did not judge him and I never would have hurt him. Not ever. I listened to him tell me stories about how miserable he was in his marriage and how much he didn’t trust her. She was never around and I honestly believe that he was if anything a good friend to me. I respected the fact that he never lied to me about his relationship and he didn’t lie to me about his marriage. I was going through so much hurt and pain in my own life that being with him helped me through. Yes he turned on me. He betrayed me later on. He even he posted intimate pictures of us at a swingers party and lied telling people we made a sex tape. Even to this day I still hold no hatred in my heart for him even though he helped ruin my relationship and my family with Priest.

Tommy is a deadbeat dad with a criminal record who has admitted to being as such as well as admitted to being sexually attracted to underage girl. He has also has participated in molestation. He talks about how much he hates the Black Race especially Black Women but this is what the community calls a reliable source about all things Soncerae?

LaVonya “Bomb Cherry” Edwards & Sean “STL4U” TuckerBomb Cherry is one jealous broad. She is a complete stranger yet she is so invested in my life like we had some type of solid life experience with each other. We have never met and I have never done anything to this woman. However, Jap fueled her. If you haven’t noticed a pattern let me reassure you that Jap is the catalyst for a lot of drama I have experienced on YouTube. Any type of issue I’ve had all fingers point back at Jap. The only reason why Jap even interacts with Bomb Cherry is because she is willing to speak as negatively about me online as he does. If she didn’t he’d be calling her a hoe just like he continues to calls me that.Bomb Cherry used to come inside of my comment section and we’d talk. After a few months she became overbearing and ended up getting into an argument with someone inside of my comment section. This was the second time she had caused a problem. At first she got into it with ME on my own channel. That was the first red flag. After she got into it with someone else I simply blocked her and proceeded to move on with my life. Instead of her moving on she took to her YouTube channel and has been stalking and harassing me online ever since. It’s been 3 years.

Everyone can tell how much Bomb Cherry wishes she was me. I get emails from people telling me not to worry about her because she’s jealous. I’ve never seen a person talk so much and so bad about someone they hate like she does me. She is obsessed. She has lied and said I sent someone to her house to sexually assault her. She has made almost 100 videos about my vagina. She has interviewed SaDonya on her channel more than once. I don’t even know how SaDonya could even allow herself to be around this slut. Bomb Cherry is a webcam porn hoe who also makes money doing phone sex. She claims she is a married woman. The truth is her marriage is open and loveless. This crazy geriatric troll has not only reached out to Priest and SaDonya she has called my mom, swatted my mom’s house, tried to reach out to my oldest daughter. From fake email addresses and phone numbers she reached out to my cousin Shunna and my Aunt Julia who are only related to me through Priest. (Read this blog) I’m sure Priest or SaDonya handed over their information because I had never spoke in detail about either of them for anyone to know their last names or what they look like.

In Bomb Cherry’s many years of harassing me online she birthed another troll named STL4U who also harasses me as well. Only because Bomb Cherry told him to. Not because I did anything to him personally. He’s going around claiming I posted his private information. Like I initiated some type of issue with him. He forgot to mention how he continue to harass me and this compelled me to post his information on my blog so the authorities can keep up with him. He repeats anything Bomb Cherry says. She has him out in these “YouTube Streets” looking super stupid doing her bidding.I received an email the other day it said:Hello Soncerae my name is mike from canada. Not sure if you are aware that one of your youtube trolls stlfu has a criminal record
one of the felonies he has is for child abuse. check out the
attachments. I find it odd that he is discussing children, when he has a felony for child abuse.

So let’s reflect….Bomb Cherry is a webcam porn hoe who does phone sex operations and has also committed welfare fraud. She has a criminal record. SaDonya also has one. Now here is Sean Tucker who has both felonies and misdemeanors but somehow these people are trying to convince the world that SONCERAE is a huge problem?Now everyone for the most part knows my moderators names are Mr Live & Mark. Sometimes people harass them just because we get along. Mr Live contacted me the other day and to my surprise he asked me who LaVonya Edwards was. At first it caught me off guard. I was surprised he didn’t know who she was. But he was so used to me calling her Bomb Cherry he had no idea that LaVonya Edwards was her real name.

He goes into this long story about how Bomb Cherry some how found him on Facebook and begin trying to get them to connect romantically. This is supposedly a married woman. Yet she was out here sending nudes to my moderator. She was trying to encourage him to hang out with her. She even knew that he worked at Bank of America previously and claimed that she saw him there. This is stalking. She not only stalked me so hard that she found out the personal information of my moderators. She then begin to stalk my moderator. This chick is demented on so many levels.So Sean STL4U Tucker makes these crazy 3-8 hour livestreams about me that proves he is unemployed. No one with a work schedule has time to do all of that. Maybe listen to a livestream, yes! But do one NO! He did one recently called “WHO SWATTED SONCERAE” If you don’t know what swatting means. It means that some internet weirdo with no life or morals sends police to raid an innocent person’s house simply because they don’t like that person. I did a podcast recently talking about someone sent police, pest control, plumming, chinese food delivery guys and pizza delivery guys to my mom’s house thinking I lived there. I’m not as open as I used to be about my living situation but I have clearly said on more than one occasion that my mom and I DO NOT LIVE TOGETHER and that I changed my LEGAL NAME. So finding me is difficult. Sean tried to act like he didn’t know who was swatting my house. Bomb Cherry already called my mom’s phone and left a belligerent voicemail saying it was her who did it. I know Sean knows that. He’s her lap dog. Of course he knows it was her. It is also her who contacted Aunt Julia and Shunna as well as my daughter’s father trying to cause drama. It didn’t work. We still cool over here. My family loves me and they have my back. Just because you got Priest & SaDonya, the gruesome twosome, dumb and dumber to turn on me doesn’t mean you’ll be able to pull that bullshit on anyone else. Who else would participate in such adolescent behaviors?

  1. I would never interview anyone’s family members for my YouTube channel. (I interviewed Tommy’s Ex Avi AFTER he interviewed Chris Law and Jap for his channel.)
  2. I will never post anyone’s private information simply because I do not like them. If I’ve ever posted anyone’s private information it is on this blog and because they have been harassing me.
  3. I do not reach out to anyone’s family members offline.
  4. I would not try to pin people’s family members and friends against them by telling them lies and gossip.
  5. I have never sent anyone any threatening or blackmail emails. If anything I’ll openly say what my intentions for you are on my blog, youtube channel or podcast. Or I will simply contact you directly.
  6. I have never swatted or sent anyone to someone’s house simply because I don’t like them.
  7. I have never played on anyone’s phone pretending to be someone else.
  8. I have never trolled anyone’s social media profiles from a fake profile.

YET THESE ARE ALL THINGS THESE PEOPLE HAVE DONE TO ME. BUT SOMEHOW THEY DEPICT THEMSELVES AS MY VICTIM!?!?

Rudemp has literally stomped Sean. He has verbally stripped Sean’s manhood away. The truth is Sean is powerless in real life that’s why he allows a porn hoe to run him. She tells him what to do. Just like Jap tells Chris and Priest what to do. Bomb Cherry tells Sean & SaDonya what to do. These people are puppets. Rude is another YouTube Streets content creator who can hand someone their ass if need me. Rude treated Sean like the roadkill he is but Sean has not obsessively harassed him how he has done me. It proves that when a man addresses him he can’t handle it but he can definitely abuse and belittle a woman. Men who aren’t accepted on the playing field with other men end up being mentally manipulated by older women and abuse other women. I don’t even bother responding to Sean. He just makes videos and I ignore them. He is trivial. It’s not worth the little bit of attention I’m giving it right now.I’m bringing this to everyone’s attention so people can understand something. In no way have I harmed ANY of these people in real life. I never depict myself as a perfect person. I’ve simply fought back against them for humiliating me or harassing me. One thing these people don’t do is self evaluate. They don’t see what they did. Or they do see but they can’t handle that it’s genuinely their fault why things have gone the way they have with me. They truly do not see their part in contributing to or primarily causing their own problems in life. This is an unconscious barrier, so you shouldn’t try to “make them see” their part in the problem. That just increases their defensiveness and makes things worse. Keep in mind that emotions are contagious, and high-conflict emotions are highly contagious. So when you see people online acting overly emotional and sensitive when they are talking about me, I’m only being used as a tool. It’s not really me that’s the problem. They don’t know me personally. Everyone has flaws and things they need to get over. Nobody goes through life without making mistakes or doing something they’re ashamed of. That’s why people who criticize others have no basis for their arguments. When the criticism becomes constant and vicious, that person is probably not making a healthy assessment of your mistakes. It’s probably more like the defense mechanism known as “projection.” They see you as a mirror; they criticize the things in you that they don’t like about themselves. As far as men who harass women online like how Tommy, Jap, Chris and Sean have done to me I just view it as they have no power in real life when dealing with women. Women dominate them or women reject them. They can’t have their way with women. Cybersexism and Cybermisogny is a real thing. As men often rely on aggression to maintain their dominant social status the increase in hostility towards a woman by lower-status males is an attempt to disregard a female’s performance and suppress her disturbance on the hierarchy. These men are sad that I am doing better than they are. I am a woman of power. I control my life and my situations. I create my success. I own my flaws and I accept my past. I am true to who I am. Some people find that hard to do. I am just not that person. None of these people are perfect. They all have a checkered past. However, they make it seem like my past is worse than theirs. We all have things we did that we aren’t proud of.

Usually when someone doesn’t like a person they just leave them alone. Not harass them. I’m surprised I had to defend myself against strangers and at one point I was extremely kind to them. My heart goes out to these people and I have a level of patience with them that I never used to have. Even without me responding these people will continue to harass me. They actually believe they have a right to when they do not. I try to have compassion. As annoying as they have been and no matter how much I want them to leave me and my family alone, they think harassing me is funny and entertaining. I simply send them positive vibes and move on. They try to hide their grief, their pain and misfortune. If getting online brings them some type of relief I try to understand that. I’ve even tried to apply some of the advice they have tried to give me to my life. That may not be smart considering the sources. But remember we can learn lessons from all types of people who are in all walks of life. Respect each others journey. Take care of one another.

Stop Raising Baby Mamas and Daddies! 3 Ways to Break the Cycle Now

Written By: Kei Latrice

Okay, you might be asking yourself, is it really possible to raise a child to become a baby mama or daddy? Like, are parents actually out here training their kids to be solo-dolo moms and dads, for God sakes? Or, better yet, I know a few of you are rolling your eyes, thinking, “here comes another self-righteous asshole looking down their nose on non-married people with kids!”– I get it. Parenthood is hard enough, especially when the task is taken on alone, or even as part of a co-parent situation; the last thing any single parent needs, then, is another conservative, “Yaaay, I dodged a bullet”, know it all, telling them how to raise, or in this case, not raise their kids.

So, I’m not going to do that– pass judgment, that is. Instead, I’m going to use those three fingers that always point back at someone, when one points out of course, to tell my own story in three parts. So here goes: The first thing I should note, is that I am married, although most people already know that. Number two–My husband and I have five children, which many of my readers already know as well. Number three, however, is what might be more of a shocker– and that is how I was not married when I conceived my first child. Feel free to clutch your pearls and gasp!

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So babe, how you feeling our new apartment?

See, what had happened was this, Des, (who was just my boyfriend at the time), and I, thought it would be a great idea for me to ditch my graduate school dormitory, and for him to move out of his slum lord apartment, so that the two of us could shack up. It just made sense. We could save on bills, enjoy movie nights and pizza in bed whenever we wanted to, and most importantly, have easy access to early morning sex– a duh! I mean, what twenty-something year old wouldn’t want that? Everything was perfect– even without furniture and in spite of our overpriced rent, until the day I regailed that extra pink line on my doomsday, I mean pregnancy stick.

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Oh hell no– it’s really two lines on here!

Of course I was shocked; the trepidation of not knowing what my life would look like with a child, replaced what should have been a feeling of joy. Des and I had talked about getting married, eventually, but nothing was set in stone. I’ll never forget the day we told my mother: in a restaurant, over pasta and salad, we showed her our plastic truth stick (gross, I know, but hey, we were twenty-ish and dumb) and my mom simply cried. Later, she admitted that her worst fears had come true: I was unmarried and pregnant and might have to raise a child alone.

Be sure to check out Soncerae’s latest PODCAST Baby Mama VS Baby Daddy… Can’t We Just Be Family? Episode 41 – The God Queen Live Podcast

But now, let’s talk about how crazy both of our reactions were, (my mother’s and mine), especially since there had been no Whodini stunt, nor was I the victim of an immaculate conception. I got pregnant the good old fashioned way because we weren’t using protection. It really shouldn’t have been a shock. More importantly, though, the title of baby mama was the very status that I had been groomed for from childhood, and I would have become that, had it not been for our (shotgun) wedding. Let me explain how:

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The Married Couple I knew. We hung out with them every Thursday at 8.

I Had Little to No Examples! Virtually every woman I knew growing up, raised their children without fathers in the home. That was my norm. Fathers came around, sometimes, and gave financial support, occasionally. They rarely lived with the women they had children with and they certainly weren’t married. The married couples I saw growing up were either on television, or, if I encountered them in real life, they didn’t look like me.

My Bar Wasn’t Set That High. In grade school, my aunt promised me $100 if remained childless until after my high school graduation. In my family, having a baby before marriage wasn’t what brought you shame, it was more so being a teenaged mom. At around 19, this same aunt gave me the conception green light. I’d not only graduated from high school, but I was also working, and (in her eyes) somewhat self-sufficient. This meant I’d met my family childbirth standards and could now get pregnant without being shunned. As for my mother and her opinion on the subject, well, let’s just say I had her example, instead of her words.

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Me making it to graduation baby free!

I Had No Actionable Plan. So this one was a bit trickier; as far as having children and being married, I knew I wanted both, but I never really considered the order in which I’d get them. If I had actually taken the time to think about it, I might have been just a little more hesitant about that whole shack up and anytime sex situation with Des. I also would have likely been prepared for, and thus excited about my first pregnancy, instead of just surprised and confused.

My mother, my aunt, and all the women in my family did the best they could to steer me in a positive direction, still they couldn’t prepare me for what they didn’t know. Now, I have the benefit of using the blueprint of their lives and combining it with mine, to help my sons and daughters make better choices. Here’s how:

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I Always Speak of Their (future) Husbands and Wives. Little girls love to fantasize; I know from personal experience, and now having two daughter of my own, I see it with them even more. When they speak on boyfriends, or love, or dating, however, I make make it a point to tie those things to their future husband. For example, if my daughter, who is ten, mentions dating, I’ll say something to this effect, “never date someone who wouldn’t make a good husband.” Then we’ll go into all the things that make a man husband material. Or, when my youngest daughter talks about being a mommy, I always address the topic in a plural sense. So, for example, I’ll say, “when you and your husband have a baby,” or, “you need to be married first,”. I do the same thing with my sons. “Never have sex with a woman you couldn’t see being your wife,” is something I say to them often. When my sons balk at doing hard tasks, I’ll remind them of the wife and children who’ll one day depend on them. The takeaway is this: This type of dialogue lets our children know what our family expectations are and helps them to develop a marital mindset.

I Put My Own Marriage on a Pedestal. Ask any one of my children who my favorite person is and even my youngest, who is five, will answer “Dad”. In fact, my kids often tease me when I whine about missing Des and say, “Sheesh, Dad hasn’t even been gone that long.”, but I can’t help it. Yes, I absolutely adore my children; Each one occupies a piece of my heart that makes up one whole. Nevertheless, as much as I love them, their Father is the one person I most want to spend time with, cuddle with, hang out with, and talk to, because he was there before them and will (fingers crossed) be there after they’ve gotten families of their own. The Takeaway is this: We’re instilling in our children the critical importance of putting your marriage first and that successful families have a natural and meaningful order.

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When you and hubby are each other’s favorite person!

I Encourage Them To Be Intentional. When it came to areas such as education and career, I knew exactly what I wanted to achieve and how to accomplish it. Regarding love and starting a family, however, I was way more willy-nilly and unprepared. That’s why I’m teaching my children to be methodical about both. For instance, I pose questions that make them think about how a family will fit into their long term goals. I advise them about the pitfalls of reckless sex and ways of avoiding them, and I give them examples of how their choices will effect them for generations. The Takeaway is this: We are instilling into our children the concept that planning for a family is as crucial, if not more so, than planning for an education or career.

Now, for the critics– the ones who’ll point out that there aren’t any guarantees; the ones who’ll swear that kids are going to do what they want regardless, I’d tell them all that they’re right. See, our children have these peculiar things in them called, minds of their own. Despite all of our teachings and best efforts, they will ultimately make their own decisions in life. Still, the optimist in me can’t help but try anyway. Sure, I could miss the mark as a parent, in getting them to not be a baby mama or daddy, but, I will absolutely miss it if I just do nothing. I’d say, I have a good 50/50 chance. Plus, I already have proof this goal is acheivable. I came from a clan full a baby mama’s, and now just look at me– I’m a stressed-out happily married mother of five nerve-wracking beautiful kids. That’s a hell-of-enough evidence for me!

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Babe, we did it! We actually pulled this thing off!!!

Tell us what you think? Are parent’s really out here raising kids up to be baby mamas and daddies? If so, tell us how and if not, tell us why? We want to hear from you!

Stop Raising Baby Mamas and Daddies! 3 Ways to Break the Cycle Now original post https://thetalkship.com/2019/05/16/stop-raising-baby-mamas-and-daddies/

Written By: Kei Latrice

Be sure to check out my latest PODCAST Baby Mama VS Baby Daddy… Can’t We Just Be Family? Episode 41 – The God Queen Live Podcast

Single Moms: How To Open A Trust Fund For Your Children

In my last blog entitled “Why I Opened A Trust Fund For My Son” I wrote about how I opened a trust fund for my 16 month old, Justice. I wanted to elaborate on it and talk about how I managed to do so. Trust funds allow people to distribute their property and assets to beneficiaries without having to involve the courts in the probate process and without having to pay some estate taxes. You can set up a trust fund with the assistance of a trust and estates attorney, or you can draw up the documents yourself. This type of financial planning is for the middle class and wealthy. So the first step in opening a trust fund is simple.

  1. Be generating at least $40,500 and $122,000 a year. This not the average salary for an average American. Create different sources of income to be able to accumulate such.
  2. Understand what a trust fund is. There are numerous types of trust funds, but the most common are revocable and irrevocable trusts. These trusts are estate planning tools used to hold, gather or distribute money to people or organizations. An estate is all of the money and property owned by a particular person, especially at death. Inside of this fund you can put assets, money, stock, real estate, business etc.
  3. There are 3 parties associated with a trust fund.  A grantor – who sets up the trust.  A trustee – who manages the trust  and a beneficiary – the person who receives whatever is inside of the trust. Decide who do you want placed in these three positions.
  4. Next you need to decide whether to hire an estate planning attorney or you want to draw up the documents yourself. Doing it yourself requires that you understand the laws of your state. Laws have a heavy influence on how the trust sculpted.
  5. Once the trust is started you have to register it with the IRS. The trust fund entity will need to request its own taxpayer identification number (TIN). Just as a business needs an Employer Identification Number (EIN) and a person needs a Social Security Number (SSN). Remember that a trust fund stands alone. Just like a business or a human being.
  6. Transfer assets. Whether it’s stock shares, businesses, real estate or even cash you must change the ownership titles.  For example: For example, my son’s trust is called Happyness Seeds. Imagine I had 10,000 shares of Uber worth $700,000 that I wanted to put in trust for my son. I would set up the family trust and call it “Happyness Seeds Transportation Trust.” Then decide to name my son’s God Father Archangel Michael to be a trustee. I would have to re-register my stock certificates with the transfer agent, changing the ownership title listed in Uber’s corporate registration records from my name to: “Archangel Michael  as Trustee for Happyness Seeds Transportation Trust” , September 30th, 2019.
  7. Keep DETAILED records. An important part of having a trust is administering it in accordance with the trust’s guidelines. You must also keep accounting records. In case of a lawsuit the paperwork will be in place to clear up any discrepancies.

A trust gives you greater protection than a will against legal action from anyone who is unhappy with the distribution of assets and decides to challenge it.  They also offer flexibility in how assets are distributed. You can pay for education or donate to charities with a trust. A trust can provide a way to avoid or reduce estate taxes because assets and property placed into a trust are not subject to these taxes. Trusts can help you manage your affairs if you become unable to do so. Many people set up trusts to prepare for the possibility that they may become disabled or ill before their death, and thus unable to manage their assets properly. Trusts offer greater privacy than wills because trusts don’t go through probate, so there usually aren’t any public records of them. This means your assets and whom you leave them to are kept private.

Please be sure to subscribe to this blog as well as check out my YouTube Channel. For more information on how to be better with your finances as a single mother go to https://richsinglemomma.com

How To Get Revenge on Deadbeat Baby Daddies

Fathers come in all forms. There are some really good fathers out there. Then there are some out there who don’t even acknowledge that they have children. Handling “baby daddies” has become a severe issue in recent years. Being as though single parenting has become extremely popular. It’s typical for women to use children as a weapon to extract revenge against the ex during, and after, divorce proceedings or breakups.

Just because two people have sex and the woman has a child does not indicate that the man who contributed is a father in anything but the technical definition of the word. It just means that his penis works. – Rebel Circus

There is a misconception that the only time a man abandons a child is if he and the woman he conceived a child with were never married. When the truth is most of the single mothers I have come in close proximity with are divorced. A woman can marry a man and when he decides to leave she can still go through an emotional rollercoaster with him as if they never agreed to terms and conditions of matrimony. When some of these men decide to start a new family with another woman they leave their ex wives and children completely behind, as if they do not exist. Men have displayed this behavior for decades now. This isn’t a new age problem. Men have been digging wholes they weren’t prepared to jump in for years.

Bring up the fatherless epidemic in the United States, and the arguments are as diametric and unrelenting as bipartisan politics.

It is either:

  1. Men are irresponsible douchebags who abandon their children to mothers, who are left to raise the children with few resources, or

  2. Women are conniving, malicious, entitled nut-jobs who alienate fathers from their children while taking all said fathers’ money — all of which is supported by the family court system. – Emma Johnson

I talk about these issues inside of the community often on my podcast THE GODQUEEN LIVE . Take a listen when you get the chance.

Most single mothers would have chose better male role models for their children had they been able to predict the future. Most women want strong providers. A man not taking care of his children financially is only 1 sign that a man is a deadbeat. There are several other signs that a Father is a deadbeat. Please, let me explain.

  1. He breaks promises. He doesn’t know how to execute any plans or goals. It’s one thing to say you want to be a father. Or even be excited during a pregnancy but it’s another to actually wake up every morning day in and out investing time and energy into a tiny human being.
  2. He never holds himself accountable and blames why he doesn’t provide for his children on everyone else. Most of the people in his life enabled him so taking responsibility for any of his issues would be too complicated of a task.
  3. He acts carefree, like he doesn’t have children at all. This is a sign of immaturity. He hasn’t grown up. Progress is an important part of becoming an adult. If a man still has the same behavior he had 2 years ago and he hasn’t improved, then you can rest assured that this person is not someone you can depend on.
  4. He downplays your accomplishments as a mother. You may be out here handling things on your own. Your kids are well taken care of. Buying your dream car or home. Starting your own business or getting a college degree. Somehow he’ll make it seem like these things are so easy to do. Even though he hasn’t accomplished those things himself. You have managed to become successful without him and that’s a hard pill for a man to swallow.
  5. He didn’t make you a better person during the relationship. When you are in a good partnership the person you are tied to helps you grow. He challenges you to be the best version of yourself possible. Deadbeats make your life more complicated. You experience more drama and hardships.
  6. He never has a straight answer for anything nor can he make a solid decision. He is a master of psychological games and manipulation. He talks in circles so much it makes you want to give up on adult conversation altogether and just get silent.
  7. He surrounds himself with the wrong friends or crowd. Most of the people a deadbeat hangs around are enablers. There is no one around him to tell him he’s making poor decisions. If you have low life standards the people around you have low life standards as well.
  8. He doesn’t take care of his own issues. These kind of men lack any sense of personal responsibility. He overlooks his own problems and expects everyone else to solve them. Keeping a steady job, a car or paying a mortgage seems to much of a responsibility for him.
  9. He procrastinates. This is why he has not accomplished much. Putting things off until the last minute or giving up on things that may be challenging is a display of laziness. It’s a character trait that most men who are deadbeats have. They always believe that they have time to waste.
  10. He’s petty. Yes, extremely. He thinks it’s cute. He was coddled most of his life. Don’t let you be the one to put your foot down. He’ll try to convince the world that you are the devil incarnate. He has contributed nothing worth mentioning to society let alone his relationship with his children but he still wants the world to believe he is God’s gift to you.

Now that we have established what a deadbeat dad is we have to focus on how to deal with one. Learning how to deal with the curse of a deadbeat dad is seemingly as difficult as cracking the Davinci Code. I’m going to share with you the advice most people would give you as far as how to deal with these deadbeats. Then I’m going to tell you how I deal with my sperm donor.

They say: Stop putting up with his incompetence. If you have enough patience to deal with the unintelligent you can baby step him through it. I personally don’t have time for that shit. Especially when I am dealing with a grown ass man. He is not a toddler or a puppy. I have a child to raise. I can’t be my ex’s mom too. That was his mother’s job.

They say: Offer him visitation rights for the right price. To me that attempt will be unsuccessful. Most deadbeats don’t want to see their kids anyway. They aren’t going to want to willingly pay to see them. Some deadbeats pay child support so they won’t look like a complete disgrace.

To me it’s a cop out or some type of pay off. Some type of QUID PRO QUO unsaid arrangement where a deadbeat obviously isn’t going to be around his children mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically but he’ll cough up chump change because it’s the least he can do. It is not about what you can or can’t do for yourself and your baby or what you do and don’t need. A portion of his earnings are owed to your child. Child support is the business side of separate parenting and should be addressed in a business manner. It’s nothing personal.

I didn’t want to put my son’s father on child support. He asked for it. I would have preferred him just being there for his son. Being able to see him when he wanted. Loving him. Taking pictures when he wanted. Going on vacation with him. I can’t live without my son’s hugs. It’s unfortunate that his father can’t experience that. They’ve never even met. Filing for child support got me that DNA test I wanted. I wanted to prove to everyone that he was lying about not being our son’s father. He knows he is his Father. He knew when I was pregnant. The DNA test was unnecessary on one side of the coin but a requirement on the other. As much as I hate the concept of child support, I filed. Not wanting to be an active participant in your child’s life does not alleviate the financial responsibility of having children. For either parent. I don’t need his money nor do I want it. That money isn’t mine it’s my son’s. I’m not going to get in the way of that.

For more resources on how to become financially stable as a single mom go to https://richsinglemomma.com

Sometimes I think he makes our situation as complicated as possible because he wanted me to be the woman who still wanted a romantic relationship with him. But he turned me off during my pregnancy once he begin acting like he didn’t want to be a father to our child. It was unattractive. I don’t want someone that has blatantly said that they don’t want me for starters. I also think men who are non existent in their child’s life or are abusive to them do not deserve to breathe the same air I do. So imagine my surprise when the father of my child turned out to be that man. I had no problem letting him go. He wanted to leave. I wanted him to. My issue was never because of him wanting to leave me. My issue was that he waited until I was 5 months pregnant to decide he didn’t want to be a father. The issue is he abandoned US, leaving US to die in a roach motel while I was severely ill and in a high risk pregnancy. During tough times or challenges you don’t run like a bitch. You suit up and display the strength of a warrior.

They say: Ask him what he wants.

I did that…..good luck with getting a straight answer out of him.

A lot of men think that their “baby mommas” are women who wish they can still be with the fathers of their children. I was not interested. So the more I showed a lack of interest the more he tries to convince the world that I am not over him. When the truth is I never showed any sign that I still wanted to be in the relationship. Once he told me he wanted to get back with his ex, I was disgusted. I wasn’t about to play tug a war with another chick over d–k. I don’t have the patience for all of that. Now, It is very possible for him to love our child and not care a thing about me. I get it. Some women don’t. It may hurt to hear that for some but, it’s true. So far he hasn’t shown that that’s the case. He’s actually using our son as a pawn. He’s taking his frustrations out on our son by not being there for him because of his disdain for me. He doesn’t have to care about me but he will respect me. As the mother of his child and a human being. Or I simply won’t allow him to be around.

Some men can be manipulative—especially men who know it is in their best interest to keep custodial and child support payment arrangements outside of the courts by making a deal with you. So, what do they do? Say whatever they need to say to keep you satisfied—not happy but not angry enough to file papers either. If you want him to be your man, he’ll pose as a makeshift boyfriend. Don’t let your desperation to “fix” the situation or “make it right” turn you into a sucker for the okie-doke. – Nicole Williams

He tried to use my emotions against me. He actually called me trying to convince me to take him off child support claiming he wanted to be a good Father. Like suddenly the first week of January 2019 on some new year’s resolution tip he turned over a new leaf. He was just unemployed at the time and didn’t want to pay child support. Even to this day he is pissed off that his pay is being garnished.

I don’t talk bad to my son about his father. Kids grow up and see on their own who the problem is or was. I don’t dare make excuses for his ass either. My son will know that I do NOT play and I was not for the drama and lies when it came to co-parenting. I don’t want my son to resent me. So I won’t be the one to share with him that his father is a deadbeat. I’ll let my son decide with time how he feels and what he thinks about his father. I’m not even going to waste my energy painting a negative picture of him. I’ve shamed his father publicly. Mainly because he publicly humiliated me. So I had no choice but to clap back. I stand my ground with all 10 toes. It was part of me holding him accountable for his foolishness and I don’t regret it. Regardless to how much backlash I received from his enablers. They may not tell him where he did wrong but he gonna get in line messing around with me. He’s gonna be a grown man in my presence or he can keep his distance. I won’t settle for less.

So how do you deal with a deadbeat dad? Sorry honey but….ya don’t. Do without the drama. Let him be some other woman’s problem. I knew how he behaved once I was in my 6 month of pregnancy that he was going to be a deadbeat. He changed drastically. The man that was once excited I was pregnant had now become an ass. He knew it was all or nothing to me. I wasn’t going to allow a one foot in one foot out operation. He knew I wanted us to be a family. A complete one. We were on our way down the aisle. The plans were to be married then have children. God laughed at that plan and gave me a miracle baby that I thought was going to only be conceived once I found the right fertility clinic.

I’ve learned that you can’t change the way a person feels or what a person thinks about their children. When a person is severely damaged themselves they can’t even see the damage they cause in the lives of others. I’ve been fair. All I’ve asked for was his presence. Not for me to be placed on a pedestal. I do not feel a sense of entitlement. Apparently, I didn’t mean much to him before I gave birth or considering dumping me for his ex wouldn’t have been an option. (FYI he didn’t truly dump me for her. He was just using that as an excuse to end the relationship. They never did get back together. They claim to still be good friends though.) He chose her over his child. He has her respect as a man not mine. He’ll never get friendship out of me. I’ll only respect him if he chooses to be a better father to our son. How any woman can respect him abandoning a child is beyond me. I don’t want much from him at all. However, I do demand a level of respect for being the mother of his child. Since he doesn’t have an ounce of human decency to provide that, I rather not deal with him at all. It’s a boundary I set. I will not allow a man to disrespect me in front of my children. Period. I will not do that to him so I will not tolerate that from him.

Continue to be a supportive and loving mom to your child. One great parent is better than having two parents with one of the two being emotionally unattached to the child.

Minimize contact.

If it’s not about our son I really don’t have shit to say.

Establish boundaries. Do not entertain foolishness.

I deserve respect. He can’t give it then he will not be allowed to be around.

Do not feel sorry for your children.

Children deserve someone in their life who wants to be there. No sense in feeling sorry for your children because some deadbeat doesn’t want to be there. Does it make any sense to value a deadbeat? If he was father of the year then I could see you feeling sorry for your kids about his absence. I’m happy that my son has a healthy environment.

Be non emotional and logical.

As much as I can’t stand my son’s father I do NOT allow that to determine how I co-parent with him. I respect him as a Father. Since he has not played his position I have no respect for him at all. Husband and boyfriend is a different role than Father. Just because he was a terrible boyfriend to me doesn’t automatically make him a bad Father.

Teach emotional intelligence, healthy communication and positivity in your home.

That way toxicity and negativity will not be tolerated or introduced to your children by anyone in your household.

Do not argue with him.

I pretty much refuse to argue with my son’s father. He’ll get hung up on. I’ll excuse myself before I speak to him aggressively. I entertained 1 conversation with him since the birth of his son where we both lost control. Never again. I don’t have time for that. Arguments include emotions. Emotions that are not even worth addressing. Simply because they have nothing to do with our child. Since I’m logical I find it unnecessary to address emotional things or to fling insults. I’m not about to sacrifice years of happiness battling with an ex, trying to convince him to make contact with his own kid. That conflict can damage my child if he ever saw us do that in front of him.

On my YouTube Channel I promote that #SINGLEMOMLIFE It’s about empowering women to live positive healthy lives even though they are single. I am still a great mom even though my son’s father abandoned our son. My son will still grow up well rounded. I do not want to seek revenge on the father of my child. He doesn’t have that much power over me. I refuse to allow him to continue to rent space in my mind.

People who seek revenge instead of forgiving or letting go, tend to feel worse in the long run. Do you really want to waste your precious time on someone that doesn’t deserve it? Think of all the fun things you could be doing instead. Whether you believe in it or not, karma makes a much better friend than foe – make sure to keep on the right side of it. IF youseek revenge on the person who hurt you and they then take revenge on your revenge.. the cycle continues. Make sure you don’t get caught in a loop, it will only cause you further pain and hurt. It’s not worth it. MOVE ON. A better man will come and help you forget all about him. Stepfathers and good husbands are REAL. Don’t let the deadbeats fool you.